1. Hey Guest, welcome back to DLP

    As you can see, we've changed our look. We've migrated from vBulletin to the Xenforo forum system. There may be issues or missing functionality, if you find anything or have feedback, please check out the new Xenforo Migration Feedback forum.

    Our dark ("Dark Lord Potter") theme is under heavy development. We also have a light ("Light Lord Potter") theme for those happier with a light background and darker text.

    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Please be courteous to staff and post NEW threads for NEW Issues, instead of posting them in threads that are not related to said issue.

Moonshine Glories by hoshi-tachi - SG1 - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by MrINBN, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    735
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Title: Moonshine Glories
    Author: hoshi-tachi
    Rating: T
    Genre: Crossover
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Pairing: None so far.
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Now that the Dark Lord has returned, the Order of the Phoenix must call in outside help to train their boy savior. Enter one officer used to dealing with the weird, Colonel Jack O'Neill...
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2962389/1/

    It's a fairly short fic (at this moment) where Kinsey has shut down the SGC and Jack is back in retirement. Alastor Moody goes to General Blake (an OC) and requests the best Black Ops man in the business to train Harry Potter. Enter Jack O'Neill.
     
  2. Amadan

    Amadan Second Year

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Location:
    England
    It's ok but not the best around.
    2.5/5
     
  3. MrINBN

    MrINBN Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    735
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Did you even read the fic in its entirety? If not, why are you bothering to post a "review"? And I ask "in its entirety" because it's rather short at the moment. I'm sorry if this comes off as a little harsh, but I'm under a bit of stress at the moment.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2006
  4. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2005
    Messages:
    624
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Let me see if I have this right, in order to defeat Voldemort Harry is getting training from... a muggle?


    Yeah, this really sucks, sorry. 1/5
     
  5. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2005
    Messages:
    236
    Just finished reading .... well it certainly is interesting , he can train harry in warfare , hand to hand tanctics and show him some dirty tricks , I like it . It's just.. hmmm
    Your Grammar is good and the sentences are also ok , the only problem i see in this Fic are the Personalities , Jak O'neill is much more .. lets say cockier ( sorry if i wrote the word wrong ) He's much more blunt and straightforward . As for Harry , well this is a after GOF fic so he's a little retard , not as badly as in HBP but it looks like he's a little goody good griffindork.
     
  6. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2005
    Messages:
    236
    sorry for the grammar , I'm falling asleep on my keybord right now ..
     
  7. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    833
    Location:
    The Mouth of Ports
    High Score:
    9,373
    Don't double post Anarual.

    Seems like a good fic, caught my attention a while back and I liked it then. Keep updating and I'll keep reading.
     
  8. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,162
    Location:
    Southern California
    This author is better than most at characterization, flow, and writing a story distinguishable from other fics. However, I find the plot lacking and has glaring plotholes.

    3/5 at best.
     
  9. The Dark Lord Squash

    The Dark Lord Squash Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    440
    Location:
    Cardbord Box inside your closet
    Its ok. So far there have been 7 chapters and really nothing has happened. The author writes a good Jack, but as I said nothing has really happened and the update rate is no spectacular. The biggest thing was Jack finding out that magic is real. The one thing that scares me is that the Author has written past stories that have contained SLASH, so I a little afraid that this could go down that dark road with no return. With no real action taking place it really is not that special. This could all change is several chapters but with relatively small chapter sizes and long updates I would not hold my breath.

    3/5
     
  10. Kung_lou

    Kung_lou Sixth Year

    Joined:
    May 19, 2006
    Messages:
    180
    I like it, it flowed well and the only thing I found annoying were the short chapter lengths but then we are all guilty of that so I can hardly complain.

    Nothing substantive has happed so far

    A few issues/comments that I had

    Jack is taking it rather well - far better than I imagined concidering his reluctance to join the SGC after his initial retirement, the bad political blood of the closure of the SGC (considering how important he felt it was and his loyalty to the program) and the involvement of a kid in a shooting war, he still has not gotten over the death of his son.

    With his contacts in the military and around the world that he implies throughout SG1 - I can see this going turning out well. A good and non cleched HP/SG1 idea.

    The location of Teal'c is also and issue. NID wanted to disect him, if the SGC program was shut down where is he. Jack would nver abandon a member of his team and engage in another project unless this was resolved.

    The Statute of secracy is the foundation of wizarding culture and has been for hundreds of years - something not easily broken and if found out the punishment is severe. As it stands this seems to easy, the issue side stepped and needs to be addressed.

    I have some doubt that if Jack was considered expert enough to train harry in Military doctrine, then he would have been left in the dark for so long. They would want to debreif him, even in the vaguest terms, before even getting Harry.

    3/5 Could go either way depending on future direction
     
  11. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    273
    Location:
    Highlands
    Pretty good but not great and i agree with above that jack seems to take it very very well, even if he has seen some amazing things because of the stargate. 3/5
     
  12. Crazy1

    Crazy1 Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    399
    Location:
    England
    I like this fic, but it's not great. I don't really remember it and that's definitely not good. I'll rate when there's a few more chapters.
     
Loading...