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WIP Mortuus Magica by wiwuno

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Wiwuno, Jul 25, 2011.

  1. Wiwuno

    Wiwuno Guest

    Title: Mortuus_Magica
    Author:wiwuno
    Rating: M
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    DLP Category: Indipendent Harry
    Pairing: Harry/OC Harry/Hermione
    Status:WIP
    Summary:Mortuus Magica an aincent tome lost to history filled with power long since forgotten. Falling into the hands of a broken young child it will allow him to reshape the world in was no one saw coming. HP/HG/OC GrayHarry.
     
  2. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    728
    Location:
    University of Nottingham
    The Dursley abuse at the start quickly ruined this for me. Also-

    :facepalm
     
  3. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,858
    Location:
    TN
    ...Tense problems, capitalization problems, punctuation problems... it's just bad, all around.

    In no shape, form, or fashion is this good enough for the Library. I wouldn't even almost recommend it. 1/5... you get a point for having multiple chapters.

    I've been noticing a lot of sucky authors registering and then posting their stories... don't do it.
     
  4. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,467
    Location:
    The Eighth Circle of Hell
    :facepalm

    Autofail: If the author can't convey these things properly, he/she is an idiot.

    Grammar: Beyond awful. It's not just a homonym here or there, or even a missed comma. It's everywhere and makes it a chore to read. Posting, "I don't have a beta," is not an excuse; it's laziness.

    Content: I just don't have the words.

    That says it all right there.

    The Library thread is a place to recommend a story that is bordering on the edge of awesome, or at the very least, good. What you're looking for is the Work By Author thread so this can be taken apart piece by piece.

    Lurk moar.
     
  5. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,355
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    West Coast
    I just looked at the latest chapter and Harry appears to be a soul reaper. That's special.

    Syntax Error/5.
     
  6. Dark Raku

    Dark Raku Second Year

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2010
    Messages:
    71
    Well, I got to Chapter 2 before I groaned and closed the tab. Leaving aside the obvious mistakes, how it is presented feels bland and un-interesting. It goes through everything much too quickly and fails to capture in vivid enough detail for my tastes anything that is going on and what is actually taking place is terribly overdone. This story doesn't breathe new life into the genre and doesn't get to what may be considered "high points" of these types of stories in any way that is particularly memorable. Add to that the partial crossover nature and the fact that it will employ the same things every other "Indy Harry" story does and, based on the first two chapters, not do those well by any means and I believe we can all agree that this story is not worthy of a place in The Library.

    1/5
     
  7. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    3,601
    Location:
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    Lock and Ban.
     
  8. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Just more ammunition for the argument of requiring a minimum number of posts before being able to post a fic in For Review.
     
  9. Dark Raku

    Dark Raku Second Year

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2010
    Messages:
    71
    Why isn't such a rule in use?
     
  10. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    i love girl's generation tbh
    High Score:
    1803
    I want you to post this in WbA, where you'll get more concrit, and less flames.

    Edit: Never mind. I read more of it. It's everything I didn't want my fic to become. It's like a bad car crash. You can't look away.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2011
  11. Cyclops

    Cyclops Unspeakable

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    Are we being trolled? I've noticed a lot of shitty posts recently, both posting new fics and discussing fics in the WBA (HP&TBWL for example).

    The thing is, I can't tell if we are being trolled or if this is just an influx of genuine stupidity.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2011
  12. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    i love girl's generation tbh
    High Score:
    1803
    ...

    /10char
     
  13. Cyclops

    Cyclops Unspeakable

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    Lets just pretend that never happened, shall we? :facepalm
     
  14. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    13,152
    I blame Santi.




    No, really.

    On topic: the best advice I can give you, OP, is to go away and read a lot of non-fanfic literature to improve your grasp of English generally. When you've got a decent grasp of the language, then start writing fics.
     
  15. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Where idiots are not legally permitted to vote
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    Ouch. Second paragraph and it only goes downhill from there. Fail/5
     
  16. Kthr

    Kthr Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2008
    Messages:
    713
    Location:
    São Paulo, Brazil
    Is that even possible, piercing bones with forks? Or given enough skill one person could do that(though even then the bones would likely shatter)
     
  17. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    728
    Location:
    University of Nottingham
    I think the fork passed between bones, rather than right through them. Not that it even begins to absolve this story of its 'pure fail' status.
     
  18. Plothole

    Plothole Fifth Year

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    Honestly I don't even know why people bothered to read it. The summary itself has spelling mistakes. Insta fail.
     
  19. JenosIdanian

    JenosIdanian Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    With HP and the Hipshit Sparklepuff...
    Context clues kept me from even opening this apparent bag of horse shit. If the recc'er wrote the summary him(her)self then I truly wonder if they can comprehend what they're reading. If it was copied and pasted then the author is just turr'ble.

    Moving on/5
     
  20. Infidel

    Infidel Auror

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    Feb 26, 2011
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    Too many spelling mistakes, inhuman abuse, clichés and shitty spells.

    Really????

    Please bin it.

    Bore/5