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WIP Myrmidon by Ser Serendipity (Naruto / HunterxHunter)

Discussion in 'Other Fandoms Review Board' started by Tutorial Boss, Dec 6, 2019.

  1. Tutorial Boss

    Tutorial Boss Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Title: Myrmidon
    Author: Ser Serendipity
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Naruto / HunterxHunter
    Pairings: No focus on pairings.
    Summary: With Naruto's encouragement and a solemn promise he'll take care of the children while she's gone, Hinata agrees to take a kind of vacation with her old team. Team 8 sets course for NGL, happy to be on a mission together once more, even if it is something as mundane as investigating insects. They have no idea what is waiting for them in the world beyond their own. Naruto/HxH
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12604822/1/Myrmidon


    I wasn't going to make this, both because I generally have pretty shit taste in fanfiction and because I was 99% certain someone would make this library post eventually, but didn't end up happening. But it's honestly a tragedy that it isn't given more attention from DLP - it's an absolutely excellent fic.


    Written by the same author who wrote Not Sick, Myrmidon is a story bridging the post-Shippuden Naruto 'verse with possibly the greatest arc of Hunter x Hunter. When I first read this, I hadn't watched HxH, and I will warn you that this will spoil parts of a really good show. That being said, prior knowledge of the setting was not at all required to enjoy the fic.


    From a pure story standpoint, it starts rather slowly. Hinata is feeling restless as a housewife, and ends up going on an adventure/mission with her old teammates. The settings are not fused, but rather portrayed as a seperate dimension Sasuke scouted, then linked with a macguffin-machine that can transport individuals through at the cost of being disabled for a period equivalent to the amount of chakra sent over.


    To begin, if you don't like Hinata, you probably won't like this fic. She is the centre of the plot in many ways for a good portion of the story. That being said, Hinata is very well characterized as a logical extension of her canon self. She enters the world as a restless housewife looking to find a distraction from her life, but one still very much in love with Naruto. It's a solid starting point that begins to shift throughout the story, where she's reminded of how grim the world can be; how grim her world used to be. In fact, the characterization in general in this series is some of the best I've seen - it very much reminds us how this is the setting of Naruto. Naruto himself constantly looms over everyone's characterization, showing us how important he is for the post-Shippuden world and as a foil for the characters, while not actually being present himself.


    I don't want to go into the details and spoil too much, but it's a story that gets better and better as the characters experience more of the ants and the humans of HxH.


    There is one thing I’d like to address, however. A few people seem to have gotten a misconception after reading some things on the SB thread without context referring to Hinata being raped. This was not physical in nature, and referred to a mental violation experienced Hinata at a point through the fic. Specifically, it is referring to a scene where
    Hinata linked up with Mereum as he attempted to learn how to use Chakra, and ended up using Ninshu. Their minds connected and Mereum attempted to take Hinata’s techniques and experiences.

    While you can call it rape in some ways, it’s not sexual at all and doesn’t detract from the quality of the story. It’s a traumatic and dark event, but it shouldn’t stop anyone from enjoying the fic, although it is a sign of how it gets somewhat dark closer to the mid-point.


    Anyway, it's an excellent fic that you should definitely check out if you have the time. I'd rate it a solid 4/5 for most of the beginning arc, with the later portions being a firm 5/5.
     
  2. Imperial

    Imperial Second Year

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    Myrmidon is a story I wanted to like more than I did.

    Ser Serendipity is one of the best in Naruto fanfiction world to have ever done it. He knows exactly what kind of story he wants to tell and wastes no words in getting from Point A to Point Z. He puts all kinds of neat displays in this story with how to connect the Naruto and HxH settings and what that means for both. He can write action scenes like few others. He's got it all.

    So what's pulling this story down?

    The HxH half of the crossover

    I dislike crossovers in general, and choosing to hitch his wagon to such mediocre source material isn't doing Ser S any favors.

    I like seeing the two casts bounce off of each other, with the Hunters trying to suss out the secrets of chakra while Team 8 tries to understand Nen. I love seeing the butterfly effect of how seemingly minor changes balloon into new possibilities.

    But I hate seeing the Chimera Ant Arc done again. It smacks a bit too much of those Naruto stories that redo Wave, the Chuunin Exams, and the Sand-Sound invasion with only a few token changes. I feel my eyes glazing over when I read this story, which is kind of amazing when Ser S has such a way with words. I don't like the Ants as a concept. I don't want to see more of them. Sure, Ser S does some great things with the King and the royal guards from time to time, but it's like panning for gold in a river of shit.


    Too little payoff for what I have to sift through to get to there

    I know it's blasphemy in the Internet geek circles to rag on HxH as much as I do, especially the beloved Chimera Ant Arc, but I've always hated it. I can't wash the taste of that arc out of my mouth even with a spoonful of Ser S-flavored prose. It's an oddly specific, very personal sort of complaint that a lot of other readers won't have, but I am what I am and I likes what I likes.

    Best I can do is a very subjective 3/5.
     
  3. thattin

    thattin Second Year

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2013
    Messages:
    57
    I really enjoyed this. It's not perfect and is probably a fair bit longer than it needed to be but it's had me hooked for the entirety of it. I do think the ending (which should be in the next chapter or two) will make or break the fic though.

    4.5/5 rounded up for now, could drop depending on how it ends.
     
  4. Nicovi

    Nicovi Third Year

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    It is well written and the characterizations are generally spot on and the merging of world are done in a realistic fashion.

    The issues I have with the story is hard to explain without spoilers and I am lazy:

    The early parts of the story are very interesting. The readers as well as the characters slowly get an understanding of the differences between the shinobi and the Hunters. There is the interaction/clash of beliefs, abilites etc. between characters from one series and the other, proper crossover stuff. Both sides try to limit what information they give up while gathering info on their current ally and potential enemy, while cooperating in trying to deal with the Chimera Ants, who actually seems like threat to both sides.

    And then the author breaks the immersion by having the shinobi casually mention how Naruto would solve the actual conflict with the ants in minutes. Its an inherent problem with late stage canon Naruto, mixing ninjas with living gods.

    There are some circumstances presented why Naruto can't just swoop in and save the day (the portal), but they feel rather artificial and contrived. Konoha apparently just assumed there were some neat bugs to be collected with minor issues, that they sent a team to another world they didn't really know much about, with no possible way for way to send backup for a could of weeks should anything to wrong.

    This however only somewhat broke immersion for the first 29 chapters. Then Sasuke saunters into the dimensions and whatever tension existed went away.
    The evolving conflict that Hinata and the rest of the cast have been involved in for the bulk of the story, well daddy Naruto took care of that for you.

    I can't see how it could improve at this point (chapter 34).
    There is some tension with how the Hunters consider the ninja to be an even bigger threat than the Chimera ants, but with the Poor Man's Rose casually explained, that isn't really any issue anymore.
    Even if everyone decide to go deal with the trees over at the Dark Contintent, Hinata and the main cast would be over their head there.

    Even with the main issue I ranted about in the spoiler-tag I still enjoyed reading the story. My thoughts on the last couple of chapters are somewhat mixed, for the same reason.

    In short: Good story, with the one big flaw bringing it down a notch. Solid 4/5.
     
  5. Nicovi

    Nicovi Third Year

    Joined:
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    My original review was written after chapter 34 were uploaded back in february. Here are some thoughts on the finished thing:
    The story fizzled out.

    The author clearly didn't know where he wanted to take the story.
    Netero and Meruem got to do some soul searching after exposure to the trauma that is Naruto.
    The Dark Continent plot threads, albeit shortly discussed, were left hanging.
    The epilogue straight up tells you that the story is over, and very briefly mention some things that the various characters would do in the future.

    The soul-searching were interesting for sure, but it felt disconnected from the earlier plot. Like the story changed genre.
    Weak 4/5. Still better than most Naruto stories.
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Got some questions...

    Are Gon, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika in this to any real extent? Reading this thread they’re barely mentioned in favor of other Hunters.

    I love HxH. The early arcs with the exam and learning about Nen etc. are right up my alley. But the reason I love the series most is the interplay between the four friends and later the adventures of Gon and Killua.

    I hated the Ant arc. I’ve got no real desire to see that shit show done again BUT good HxH fiction is hard to find and I love the idea of the two worlds combining.

    Then again, Wave is my favorite arc in the Naruto series too. I wish we’d gotten more normal missions as the team grew, just like in HxH I wish we’d gotten more of the four friends working together.

    So do Gon and Killua have major roles in this story?
     
  7. soczab

    soczab Seventh Year

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    They are in it. I wouldnt say major roles but large secondary maybe? Especially in the latter half of the story. They didn't feature much in the first half as I recall. But it really focuses on the naruto characters and the chairman of the hunters (im blanking on his name havent seen hunter hunter) and a few of his peers more. And the ants. But killua and his family and gon and his father do play roles, especially as the story moves on.

    I had mixed feelings on the story. I thought a lot of the naruto characters were done relatively well... ironically except hinata (not cause I dislike hinata but she didn't FEEL like hinata). But naruto and sasuke and the other ninjas were the strengths of the fic.

    I think what the fic does well is the sort of culture shock of the ninjas coming into the world. The best parts for me were the interactions between the ninjas and the hunter hunter folks and the miscommunications or insights.

    The actual PLOT of the story was a bit meh
     
  8. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    So, I read this. Gonna give it a 4/5. My biggest issue with it is that Hinata's characterization suffered without enough explanation near the end, and with her as the main character it annoyed more than it should have.

    She's mentally assaulted/tortured/mindfucked by the King around 2/3 of the way through, and this leads to a series of changes in Hinata's characterization that turn her into a discount Avenger!Sasuke, except more outwardly emotional about it. The idea isn't bad in concept - I actually think it's a cool idea to have her be changed in a fashion that makes her at odds with both herself and her comrades - but I feel the author bungled it by trying to make it 'feel' more natural than it was when there were various elements in play that made it unnatural (her lunar chakra, the ninshu with the King, and so on). What would have helped a lot for me was to have Hinata realize more fully that something was going on with her... and it's hard to explain, because she did realize it, and her team did, but somehow it felt like it was handled poorly.

    And that just exacerbated the misogyny that's always been inherent to Naruto. Hinata goes from a strong character to wailing...
    "Why are you doing this?!" Hinata shot to her feet. "Why don't you care what he did to me?! To you! To this country, and the Hunters?! What's wrong with you?!"

    If that type of thing was going to work the entirety of her characterization changes, her shift into wanting revenge above all else, all of that? Needed to be handled better so that this shift in Hinata didn't feel so stupid/whiny/childish. The same goes for how she overcomes it - too easily - the whole thing is just handled too... something, and what would have been engaging becomes something breaking suspension of disbelief.

    Characters were decent in general, though I did feel that some of them weren't as consistent as they could. None of them felt unlike themselves (including both HxH and Naruto characters). Netero was an interesting take on that character and a refreshing characterization in general, Morel and Knov felt about right, Gon and Killua were close enough. Hinata, Shino, and Kiba were okay, though Kiba and Shino felt more 'bland' than they should have been. Naruto got to utilize Talk-no-Jutsu.

    The plot is fairly basic, and is more or less that of the canon Ant arc with a handful of changes based on the butterfly effect leading up to a different ending. But unlike Wave or PS/SS I haven't read a hundred variations on the Ant arc that all run together so I didn't mind the bits that were similar.

    I think the author had their ending (different from canon yet still fitting) planned out from the start. It wasn't a perfect ending but it was competently done, in terms of character arcs and the plot itself, and that's a rare thing in fanfiction.

    Well worthy of a 4/5 at least.
     
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