I'm currently working on a novel and would like some general help and discussion about some of the issues I have come across. I'm putting my story "Heir of Regulus" on hold for a bit to work on this (in the HP WBA section). Before I post any outlines or questions, I'd just like to know if there was anyone around here willing to help me out.

The story is a low fantasy novel about 12 warring kingdoms based on a fictional history of the zodiac. If anyone is willing to help just say so. Thanks

 

Thanks cheddar, that's probably a better idea. I think I will go ahead and post an outline and summary along with a few questions in the morning.

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The outline below is the back story to the novel being written. The actual novel starts much later during our own time period in year 2000, while the story below is told in bits and pieces throughout the novel (or series if that comes to fruition).

Short summary: A prince during the warring states period defies his father's wishes of an arranged marriage, one that would unify china and end bloodshed - or for at least some time. He is in love with a peasant girl and has a vision that convinces him that he was meant to marry this girl. 12 children are born in consecutive years - all brothers. They demonstrate a tendancy to manipulate a certain element on a small scale. Later, they become war heroes by helping to fight off an invading army. Their popularity scares the political elite in China, so they are banished under false pretenses. They begin their own houses (kingdoms). The fifth brother - born in the dragon year - is later betrayed after the rat and monkey trick his brothers into believing he was responsible for their parents death. Dragon brother allows himself to be killed, sacrificing himself instead of killing his brothers but devises a plan and prophesizes that his heir will be born when the world most needs him....a couple thousand years later, when the story begins. Read below to further understand.




Months:

Tiger (Feb 04-18) (Feb 19-Mar 05)
Rabbit (Mar 06- Mar 20) (Mar 21- Apr 04)
Dragon (April 05- Apr 19) (April 20- May 4)
Snake (May 5- May 20) (May 21-June 5)
Horse (Jun 06- Jun 20) (Jun 21-Jul 06)
Sheep (Jul 07- Jul 22) (Jul 23- Aug 06)
Monkey (Aug 07-Aug 22) (Aug 23- Sept 07)
Rooster (Sep 08-Sep 22) (Sep 23- Oct 07)
Dog (Oct 08- Oct 22) (Oct 23- Nov 06)
Pig (Nov 07- Nov 21) (Nov 22- Dec 06)
Rat (Dec 07- Dec 21) (Dec 22- Jan 05)
Ox (Jan 06- Jan 19) (Jan 20- Feb 3)

Every rotation, is a dragon year.

Time:
Hours = 2 hours (12 in a day, 2 hours for each animal same set up as the Chinese Zodiac)

144 years Revolution
12 years Rotation
12 months Cycle

Twine

12 hours Loop

First Era-

1. Prince falls in love with peasant and betrays his marriage obligations, fracturing the northern alliance and halting construction of the great wall.
​a. Originally a prince from (X) royal Chinese family was supposed to marry a princess from (Y) royal family. This marriage was to insure an alliance that would have politically united China and prevented the waring states period.
​b. Warring States period occurred after the Spring and Autumn Period, massive period of the decentralization of power, Qin invade from the northwest forcing the Zhou to relocate their capital to the east in what would be called Louyang. Local strongmen held most of the power, Zhou dynasty were kings in name only.
​c. During the warring states period there were seven waring states; we are going to want to unite at least two of these major waring states during this time period. Qin (west) [lower Wei River valley], Chu (on the southern frontier around the middle Yangzi River, Qi (to the east in Shandong), Yan ( in the northeast near Beijing) then Han Wei Zhao.
​d. Perfect time period for the story because regional warlords annexed smaller states to consolidate power. Rulers of the state shifted their name from dukes (declaring vassals of the Chinese sovereign but latter became kings challenging their power. Iron age working also began. Use of mass infantry in this period made warfare very bloody.
​e. Great political tension exists through the period giving ample and sufficient justification to the actions of political elites acting against the 12 brothers even if they protected China from outside invasion. Aristocracy became less important as the use of chariots became less wide spread and most battles were fought by massed infantry. Nobles were members of a literate class rather than a warrior class.
​f. 550 BC four major powers Qin (west), Jin (west-center), Qi (east) and Chu (south). The Jin dynasty is experiencing major turmoil because of internal division. As a result other dynasties are expanding (circa 450 BC), the king of the Zhou dynasty wants to consolidate his power and arranges for his son to be married to the someone in the Wei family of the Jin dynasty.
​g. The King convinces his son that he needs to get married to the daughter of the powerful Wei warlord in order to mitigate the fractured political circumstances that precipitate violence and turmoil in China. The marriage is arranged two years in advance and the wedding is set to be the coronation of the alliance as well as the wedding itself. During the year of preparations and negotiations the Prince falls in love with a servant girl (farmer's daughter, peasant, handmaiden of the princess ect.) He is unsure what do do because honor and duty tell him that he should marry the princess but he feels some important connection to the SG which he believes is more than love; he believes it is destiny.
​h. A couple of months before the wedding is supposed to commence the prince is still unsure what to do and takes a pilgrimage to Mt. Kilash to determine what he should do about the princess and the SG.

2.On mount Kilash, the prince prays for 12 days straights and receives no answer. On the twelve day a white crane appears before the sun as it rises and drops a stone tablet on the ground lined with the zodiac symbols. On the back there is a prophecy sketched in strange letters that the princes does not know how to read, he remarks to himself that he has never seen anything like this before.
​A. He spends the morning searching for the bird that dropped the stone tablet but is unable to find it. He walks down a little while from the summit to rest after his 12 days of meditation and prayer believing that some how his prayers have been answered. While he is napping he dreams of the same white crane that he saw that morning and the image of the white crane slowly fades away so that he can see an image of the peasant girl that he is in love with. In his dream she smiles, the twelve zodiac symbols rotate around her an a map of China appears behind her. The symbols sweep across the map uniting the nation. He wakes up and knows that he must marry the SG.
​B. He travels back from mount Kilash knowing that his actions will have immediately grave consequences for his father and the alliance that his is forming. He knows in his heart that there is something special about the SG that requires him to marry her and for her to have his children. He considers whether or not he should run away and elope with her or whether he should explain the situation to his father. He considers going through with the wedding simply to save the namesake of his father's family and prevent his family from being dishonored but realizes that an affair with a girl that his wife suspects he loves would we worse. Further, the thought of his children being regarded as bastards rubbed him the wrong way.
​C. He arrives back at his fathers castle a few days before the wedding. He resolves to tell his father the truth and is banished from the kingdom. He takes with him the SG and a few hundred servants and guards and leaves a few days before the wedding was supposed to take place. The warlord is enraged that the prince left and threatens war with the Zhou dynasty if he is not properly compensated. The King of the Zhou dynasty offers his second son to replaces his first as an heir. The warlord will only consider the marriage if the first son (the prince) loses his title and all rights of inheritance. The father agrees and the second wedding commences.
​D. The prince and his caravan travel hundreds of miles before setting up a small village and encampment far away from either the Zhou kingdom or the reach of the warlord. He marries the SG and they begin a family, the Prince vows that one day he will return to the Zhou dynasty to reclaim his rights as a king.
​E. During the wedding, disaster strikes. Storms rage the palace for days trapping all the guest inside. Many are injured and a few die. The King's younger son (prince 2) becomes deadly ill with pneumonia. He dies before his marriage can be finalized. The warlord of Wei is upset with the Zhou dynasty but rather than going to war simply forgoes the possibility of a military alliance. Years latter the Zhou dynasty will recognize the decedents of the Wei warlord as a rightful King.

3. The twelve brothers are born one after another. The first brother is named (_____) after his father and shows a strong attraction to water. Further, on the day of his birth his parents spot a surprisingly charmingly rat lurched outside their window.
​a. Nearly a year after this first brother is born, a second child is born. They name him (_____). He is born while his parents were bathing. A large OX appeared in the water and soon after SG began to give birth. After the second child was born the parents could swear that when the children were together, the brothers could manipulate water without touching it.
​b. After 1 begins to walk, the parents conceive a third child. The night of his conception a powerful tiger roared outside the encampment under a full moon. He was born 9 months latter in the woods with the help of two handmaidens. SG had been walking in the woods to get fresh air.
​c. After 1 begins to talk, the parents conceive of a fourth child. He is born at home in the garden under a great tree. After he is born dozens of rabbits that had been living in the garden no longer destroy the plants but some how seem to even be tending to them. The parents have begun to notice that their children are special. 1 shows continual tendencies to manipulate and manage small amounts of water, at this stage is is an amusing power but shows no clear benefit. The fourth child does not speak till he is nearly 4 years old.
​d. 1 is nearly 4 years old and talks and walks with great interest in the world around him. This time he understands that his mother is pregnant with another child an exhibits some tendencies for jealousy. He starts clamoring for attention; he even loses his temper and causes a small pond to flood one of his mothers gardens to gain her attention. His powers are clearly growing. 2 is showing some tendencies to manipulate water but seems to be much more patient and calm than his older brother. It also seems that plants grow better and trees stronger when 3 spends time in the garden. The fifth child is named after the mother SG (can be her father or family name or whatever). When the parents are expecting the fifth child to be born they are off in the mountains with only a small consortium of guards and servants. They have traveled to this mountains on the behest of SG because she was having dreams of calamity befalling her baby if it were born else where.
​e. SG, the prince and a small consortium of servants and guards have been in the mountains for a few weeks when they hear that that a regimen of soldiers dispatched by the Prince's father King of Zhou is a few days march away from their compound. A few servants have fled with the rest of the children to the mountains to avoid the soldiers when they show up soon. The prince considers rallying the hundred or so guards that he has and ridding off the meet the army before it reaches their palace. Instead he takes 20 men and returns to the palace, he sends the rest of his guards off to the mountains with his wife and children. He waits for his fathers soldiers to appear. They never do. The next day he sends out a single scout, the scout returns to report to the prince that all of his fathers soldiers have been burned to ashes on the battle field. They are all dead. That after noon, a he dispatches a rider to his wife to inform her that it is safe to return for now. He realizes that soon he will probably have to relocate his family. The rider returns to inform him that the night before while he was expecting the enemy army to arrive, his son had been born and a white crane had appeared and roosted in a tree shading his mother and her handmaidens.
​f. The prince realizing that he must move his family backs up and travels for nearly a month until they reach another consortium of caves. Here they establish a temporary community until something more suitable can be build. The prince and a hundred of his servants began building a semi hidden castle/palace into the side of the mountain. His wife again becomes pregnant.
​g. A few weeks after their new palaces was constructed, the 6 was born. During his birth a near by mountain spewed fire an ash into the air but only for a few minutes, it was almost as if it was a signal gun being shot off. To SG horror that night when she went to check on the baby, it was rolled up with a large snaked. Frightened SG pulled her knife out and stabbed at the snaked. It scurried away and she realized that no harm had been done to the child. After this night the parents made sure all the doors on their children's doors were firmly secured.
​h. The prince has purchased a few dozen horses and dozens of other farm animals to make the palace more self sufficient. The gold reserves that he took with him when fleeing his father's Zhou dynasty are dwindling. He realizes he must do something soon or risk losing the protection of all of his guards and the needed labor from all of his servants. He hopes that he can sell the horse to traders after breeding them. His 7th child is on the way and the 1 and 2 children show clear abilities to control water. The powers of 1 is starting to scare some of the servant girls and they are having trouble providing him with a teacher to watch over him. The father takes a harsh stance with his young son explaining the dream and vision that he had long ago about how his children would unite china and end the blood wars and strife that plagued the nation. He tells his son that if he want to be a great leader, he will have to be less selfish and work with others. He tells his son that power alone is insufficient to be a great leader....yet he is unsure if he young son really understands what he is saying....he walks off having lost some of the hope he once had in the prophecy.
​i. The 7th child is born next to a fire in the stables because none of the midwifes could be found. All of the midwives had been attending to the other children in the home when SG began to start giving birth, because the midwives were so far way a servant brought her to the stables where the woman in charge of birthing the horses helped her before a midwife could be brought to finish the birth. That night a horse kids over some lanterns into a pile of feed, but the fire burns out without harming any of the food. The servants are mystified. Some are scared but some are reverent of the Prince and SG.
​j. By the time the 8th child is born some of the servants are starting to become superstitious about the children of this family. 1 and 2 have demonstrated the ability to manipulate water with great proficiency. 3 and 4 haven't shown the ability to manipulate any of the elements but their presence clearly entices plants, flowers and crops to grow much larger and more rabidly than they would under normal circumstances. The other children are too young to present any serious powers and manipulations of the elements. When the 8th child is born his parents find a small herd of Rams living next to their compound. They are no clear that there is something special about their children and that this special nature is connected to the animals.

BREAK IN STRUCTURE


1. Mongol armies invade and a reign of terror ensues over the next few years, the prince prays atop of Mt. Kilash for help, the prophecy and zodiac calender is delivered by lightning along side a white crane (discussion)
2. The twelve brothers come into existence through consecutive birth, they grow up to help fight off the mongol invaders and form a natural chain of command (discussion)
3. Near the end of the war the twelve brothers become folk heroes and the ruling elite feel threatened by this.... they spread lies and slander the brothers and eventually banish them (brothers take wives from the war.....discussion)
4. The brothers form houses...akin to the natural chain of command they formed throughout the war and establish society and class structure through purity of blood (discussion)
5. The dragon master refuses to accept their banishment and wishes to show his brothers that the people do not fear them. He returns to the city and makes a grand appearance but frightens the people.... the rat and monkey had already warned the ruling elite of his return (with ill intentions) and soldiers were already present to confront the dragon master. Panic ensues and either the prince (now king) or his wife dies, or both during the commotion due to the dragon (the actual dragon)
6. The rat and the monkey use their parents death to turn their brothers against the dragon for his reckless and naive behavior, and for his refusal to alter his political stance towards the people, which puts them in danger (discussion)
7. The dragon’s brothers declare war on him and his house, they kill off his family line and take the prized dragon blood in their lockets, the only ‘live’ dragon blood left once the dragons were killed off. ......(why is dormant dragon blood not used for birth before the rat and monkey had control of it?)
8. During the war he finally fled to England... or he knew England was on the rise and brought an offspring or he married to another wife to ensure his bloodline in Europe, He was known as Merlin in his later days in England until he was finally found.....(discussion) His descendants still live in England to this day
9. Nine brothers live under the rule the rat and the monkey.

 

Not only do you have a huge wall of text, but the bits I read were tropes, more or less. The birthing in a stable thing reminded me of some of those "Christian" types.

 

Will do. Sorry was in a bit of a hurry. Ill edit and repost tonight. New sc I have for my phone btw