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WIP No good deed... by LD 1449 - Worm

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Oz, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Title: No good deed...
    Author: LD 1449
    Rating: M
    Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence
    Status: In-Progress
    Fandom: Worm
    Pairings: None
    Summary: Things take a turn for the worse when Taylor saves Shadow Stalker from Empire thugs.
    Link: SpaceBattles

    I really enjoy the characterisation of the Wards and Protectorate. The mood is a bit dark/mellow at times, but I think it's pretty well done and appropriate.

    5/5
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2016
  2. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Well. this has Wards and Taylor interaction, so, huge red flags there but so far, the story hasn't been terrible with that and the situation is kinda interesting but still, don't see this going anywhere.

    3.5/5
     
  3. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    So far it seems like Taylor won't end up in the Wards, but wants to stay independent instead, so her interacting with the Wards wasn't much of a red flag.

    What is more concerning is the ridiculous number of Interludes that the author has started writing, 7 of the last 10 updates were from another POV than Taylor's.
    It makes the narrative feel disjointed.

    I would probably have rated it 4/5 earlier on, but would have to lower it to 3/5 at this point, it's not that the interludes are badly written, it just seems like the author is letting himself get sidetracked catering to his readers rather than keeping up the momentum of the main story, most of the interludes are somewhat interesting, but not really important compared to how much space they fill.

    The story would probably be better if the author was forbidden from writing interludes, he clearly can't restrain himself.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2016
  4. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

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    I think it's more telling to say that out of 25 snippits, 11 are interludes. Almost half the story is interludes.

    I was never a big fan of the ones in the source material; it really brought the story to a hammered jarring standstill with little to gain from what was revealed except as background material, which wasn't really needed for my enjoyment. There were a few that helped the story along, but in my opinion screwed with the pacing more than the alternate POV/Origin Scenes helped. A lot of the info could have been included without resorting to a technique that rips the reader away from what's currently going on, basically; not all, but a lot.

    So, it's my opinion that interludes should be used very sparingly, and that's it's killing this story for me.

    I really liked the idea and the execution (no pun intended :D ) in the beginning, but it's become something else as the story moves on.

    A very high 4/5 in the beginning, and dropped to 3/5 now.
     
  5. Dark Belra

    Dark Belra Minister of Magic

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    Interludes need to just go from Worm fanfiction. I don't care about 90% of the cast and oftentimes the interludes go to characters I have literally not thought of in relation to the story. Looking at the characters that have been given interludes in this story Gallant (don't care), PHO (Just stop with the PHO interludes), Purity (Don't care), Emma (Kinda care but mostly don't), Battery (still not caring), Colin (Nope), Sophia (Actually do care due to the story), Lung (Nope), Mouse Protector (why?), Coil and Kaiser (ugh).

    It's so weird that people in this fandom have an obsession with given people nobody cares about so much time. While reading this, I didn't ever get the interest to see Battery's side of the story, it didn't even cross my mind and when I read it, I still don't want to see her side of the story.
     
  6. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    The first few chapters were interesting, but I completely lost interest once Taylor actually started being a cape. 2.5/5

    I loved the interludes from canon Worm. They were about exploring the universe, foreshadowing events way in the future and building a cast of well developed characters such that when Taylor did interact with them, you had a deeper layer of understanding for them. It created such a rich cast of characters, rather than just the Undersiders. Some of my favourite chapters were actually interludes.

    But the problem is, most fanfiction authors use interludes purely for the purpose of character reactions. Something big happens to Taylor, then we get to see everyone either feeling guilty, compassionate, angry, awed or scared in response to her. Where canon interludes was trying to show us everything else in the world, fanfiction interludes are about making the whole world revolve around the protagonist.
     
  7. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    They're an indulgence, they let you write about what's already happened rather than expand further. Like many such things, they're good in small doses. The opening to this story was very solid though, and I did enjoy it. I think it would be better served by either entirely focusing on Taylor or committing to the interludes and showing the continuing world that way.
     
  8. Feoffic

    Feoffic Alchemist DLP Supporter

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    Apparently there was a vote between random interludes that explained stuff not happening to Taylor, and a mini-time-skip with Taylor reacting to that stuff. Guess which one SB voted for?
     
  9. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    As of now, I have two big problems with this story. One is, as already mentioned, the way too many interludes, for exactly the same reason Jarik mentioned. The second is the OC that solely exists to lecture and boss Taylor around without having done anything to earn that right.

    It's always difficult to have an OC supplant a main character like that, but to have a side character exist solely in that function without any real build-up as this coach, for little reason, that's just annoying and grating. He just came in and started lecturing.

    Rating has dropped to 2.5-3/5
     
  10. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, the interludes have bored me to tears. Currently think the story's now more deserving of something between a 3 and a 4.
     
  11. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    I really liked the beginning and the parts with Assault. I usually hate anything to do with the Armsmaster but in this I actually liked him. Lately, though, the story just feels like an angst fest.

    I truly hope after the last update that Taylor doesn't get shackled with Wards...but that's where it seems to be going. Anyway, the new power is awesome, and I do want to read more.
     
  12. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    It's picked up a bit now imo. Taylor taking on Kaiser was pretty cool, but yeah, still pretty angsty. Back to a 4 from me.
     
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