I've been planning out a story for about a year now. When I say planning it out, I mean seriously planning it out. So, what type of story is it an what is it about? It's an AU (AU in that Darth Revan is female instead of Male) Star Wars story. A very detailed one. Allow me to give an synopsis of what I have planned. (If you don't know what a term I use means, check Wookiepedia as it may have the answer to what I'm talking about.)

The story begins with a simple enough change that has far reach affects. One Hutt deal gone bad has put Gardulla the Hutt in bad standing with two of the five of the most powerful Hutt Clan leaders, the kajidics themselves. Gardulla the Hutt has lost a lot of money, but no one beyond the two kajidics knew of that. The kajidics through this series of events have conspired to meet without anyone knowing of this, and have gone to great lengths to hide the meeting where all five of them have agreed to meet in person. No one is the wiser until one man by the name of Rhakkar learns of this through sheer dumb luck.

Rhakkar approaches Gardulla the Hutts rival on Tatooine, A Hutt by the name of Jabba, and lays forth a plan to off the five kajidics, one of whom is the leader of Jabba's clan, in such a way that would make it look like the kajidics were all offed by one particular Hutt who has lost a lot of money recently and was looking to make him/her/itself a kajidic as well as open up some business ventures that were formerly tightly controlled by the kajidics. A Hutt by the name of Gardulla.

In this discussion, Rhakkar says something along the lines of "I'm the only one who knows the who's, whens, and where's of this plan. In order to get it done though, I'm going to need men and materials. The materials are easy enough to obtain, and grunts are a dime a dozen, but the specific skills needed are not so easy to find. And good help is expensive."

A small quote from what I have written regarding what is said in response.

Through a series of barscenes and conversation, Rhakkar learns of Anakin Skywalker through a very inebriated Toydarian named Watto, and shortly thereafter, forces Watto to sell him Anakin.

The events that take place occur in the time of a couple months and across a few different worlds. Rhakkar essentially frees Anakin, but that freedom does not come without cost. Anakin is then put in charge of fixing, maintaining, and installing the equipment needed for Rhakkars plan (for both the mission and the base of operations Rhakkar has set up). During this time, Anakin has come into possession of a strange black pyramid (Sith holocron) that he cannot figure out through a clueless market vendor. As this is going on, Rhakkar has been setting things up for his scheme, a scheme he knows carries with many risks and dangers. Should the plan go awry of fail, he knows that he would need to fake his death to ensure that every bounty hunter in the galaxy is not after his head. And he knows that he cannot half-ass it should the shit hit’s the fan.

Should the plan Fail, Rhakkar knows that he would have to kill every person aboard his base and leave his mangled charred unrecognizable ‘corpse’ behind. As Anakin is installing the systems though, he keeps getting flashes and senses of danger about him. As he begins looking over what Rhakkar is having him set up, horror dawns on Anakin as he realizes exactly what Rhakkar is having him set up. Getting a sudden flash of inspiration, and realizing that Rhakkar does not suspect Anakin of such deviousness, Anakin make it so that he has control over the devices throughout the base, and that anyone trying to use them would only activate the systems in the area of access and no where else.

As Rhakkars plan goes forward, unexpected events happen causing it to fail horribly, and in doing so make Rhakkar the obvious culprit. As he prepares to go through and fake his Death, and in doing so killing everyone else at the base Rhakkar set up, Rhakkar realizes that he is locked out of the bases systems entirely. They activate in the Area Rhakkar is at, killing him. The extra thugs Rhakkar hired are now pissed that they aren’t going to get paid, and one of them realizes that Anakin is the only one who truly works on the systems aboard the base, and they try to get ‘answers’ from Anakin. This in turn goes bad, and Anakin activates the systems across the base except for the area he’s at.

Anakin is now the only survivor of this plan, almost broke, and with nothing but corpses around him. The black pyramid then starts to work and congratulates Anakin on his fine work. After some talking, Anakin uses the communications aboard the base, and contacts Jabba telling him that he has the dead body of Rhakkar, and is looking to collect on the bounty.

Anakin Skywalker now is free, has a ship to call his own (Rhakkar‘s), but has no real money on him. Nowhere near enough to free his mother, let alone take care of himself.


Meanwhile about four thousand years earlier, a series of events lead to the Sith under Darth Malak figuring out how to create a ‘mini’ star forge that does not rely exclusively on the force to work. The Crime Lord G0TO learns of this, and concludes that the only thing that can be done to keep the galaxy from ending off even worse is to bring back Darth Revan. G0TO, having access to Top Secret Republic documents knows exactly what happened to Revan, and after formulating a plan, contacts a Jedi who can force Revan to reclaim her memories and convinces her to do so. Revan is approached by a member of The Exchange, and told to go to Manaan to meet with an informant who has critical information for Revan.

Revan agrees, and the crew of the Ebon Hawk go to Manaan. Revan meets up with the informant The Exchange said would be there, but is surprised when she encounters someone who claims to be a Jedi. The Jedi says that she is “sorry for having to do this”, tells Revan that Malak’s forces have figured out how to make ‘mini-forges’, and then hands Revan a device. The Device literally rips away the memory blocks placed on her by the Jedi Council, and learns that she was Darth Revan. Having almost no clue about this, she breaks down and cries. The Jedi pats her on the shoulder as she’s sobbing, and walks away.

A couple hours later, an obviously distraught Revan returns to the Ebon Hawk saying nothing and asking if they can just leave already. The crew acquiesces, and the ship leaves Manaan. She then goes and talks to Jolee Bindo. Events then do not happen as they should in the game.

(Most of this information is not revealed until Anakin and Revan are traveling together through flashbacks and Revan giving Anakin lessons and answers about things.)

Queue to about a year later (this is in the first chapter as it explains how and ‘why’ Revan got to where Anakin Skywalker is), Darth Revan is leaving the Star Forge when Bastila comes running after her screaming bloody murder. Revan and Bastila fight, and even though Bastila is the far better fighter of the two, Revan outwits her. Qeue lots of “Why are you going this!?”, a cool battle scene, and some melodramatic talk, and we learn that Revan has ‘betrayed’ the Sith empire she herself forged and retook. The protections of the Star Forge are offfline, the station is venting its atmosphere, and a Republic fleet just dropped into the system. All a ruse, as Revan needs lots of debris in the area so that it looks like the Reublic destroyed the Star Forge. We later learn that all the info on the mini-forges is somehow gone entirely, all the personnel involved in making it are dead, and all the facilities for the mini-forges gone. Bastila is knocked out by Revan and Revan’s ship (currently unnamed) leaves the Star Forge with battle all around them. Revan prepares an escape pod for Bastila, leaves her a message explaining things, and launches Bastila on her merry way to Lehon where the Ebon Hawk is. As she watches the Star Forges newly (and secretly) installed Hyperspace Engines activate, she activates the engines on her own ship before the trap she laid in the system activates and destroys all the Republic (and Sith) ships there.

Right as she pulls the lever though, her ship gets shot right as the engine engages, and her Inertial Dampeners get damaged. Now, the way I have Hyperspace work in SW is that you need to get as close to light speed as possible before engaging the Hyperspace engines (to conserve on fuel for the initial jump mainly). However, as you approach the speed of light, time slows down relative to the ship. I have SW ships get around this issue through the use of their Inertial Dampeners to prevent time distortion.

With her Inertial Dampeners shot to hell as she just entered Hyperspace, time distorted. T3-M4 being tied to the ship at the time this occurred, allowed it to happen, because if he tried to shut down the Hyperspace engines right then and there, the stress would have torn the ship apart. Revan’s ship is then thrown wildly out of Hyperspace damaged and almost beyond repair about two to three years before Anakin is sold.


Queue to one year after Anakin is sold. Due to Anakin no longer being on Tatooine, Padme is left with no way off of Tatooine. As the Events of The Phantom Menace still take place, the Trade Federation is looking for Queen Amidala to force her to sign the documents essentially handing Naboo (at least economically) over to the Trade Federation. Darth Sidious sends his apprentice, Darth Maul after her.

Darth Maul finds her and her entourage looking around for any help they can find on the planet Tatooine. As Padme Amidala, Qui-gon Jin, and Obi-wan Kenobi never meet a nine year old Anakin Skywalker who takes them in, they end up searching around for a place to stay, spending what little credits they have on room during the sand storm.

Shortly thereafter, Darth Maul finds them, and ends up kidnapping Padme when she’s only accompanied by Obi-wan. Darth Maul disable Obi-wan, but knowing that he can’t afford to mess around with some pathetic Jedi (as much as he would like to however), flees with Padme and escapes with her in tow.

The Trade Federation demands she sign the documents. She refuses. The Trade Federation has a thousand civilians fathered and then shot in front of the Palace Gates. They ask her to sign again. She hesitates, and the Trade Federation seeing her hesitation drags out her family. She signs the documents. Padme Amidala Naberri is then blamed for the events that befell Naboo (even though it was all orchastrated by Palpatine so that he would have a reason to get into position as head of state of the Reupublic).

Padme leaves office in disgrace, and in her guilt and heartache, tries to bury her grief in first alcohol, and then later on drugs. She collects quite a debt from her habit, and ends up taking out loans from shady characters to pay off her previous debts, as well as to keep getting the drugs she is addicted to. Eventually, she OD's, and is forced to try to get her life back together by her family.

Padme joins some off-world charity organization (unnamed at this point), because in her mind, the further she is away from Naboo, the better. The people she took loans out from though eventually come to collect, and her family pays them off, though Padme does not know this has occurred.


Queue to a couple years later.

Revan and Anakin are both out among the stars trying to make the money needed to survive (and for Anakin to get enough to free his mother (Watto is a greedy bastard no doubt)). Revan's life that she knew has been gone for millenia, and she is doing her best to rebuild her life (though whether she is succeeding or not is up to interpretation).

Following a hint from the force, Anakin takes a job that leads to him encountering Revan. Anakin is still a young teenager who has had a Sith Holocron for a couple years to get hints, tips, training, and advice from (I'm unsure when they're going to meet though, so I don't know how old I'm going to make them when they do meet). Anakin and Revan don't meet on good terms. As they end up confrontational to each other, Anakin takes the initiative tries to kick her ass, and gets flattened by Revan in the process. Revan takes pity on him, but wants answers more than anything else at this point (especially with no public Sith being around, so she's going to want to know who trained him). After a lot of character interaction, Revan essentially adopts Anakin, and hires him to help her (becoming his master as well in the process). As they progress in their interactions and jobs, they find a lot of inconsistencies in things. Starmaps saying that there are systems missing when Revan's earlier starmaps say they're there (Kamino) , hints that the Sith aren't as gone as they pretend to be, things along these lines.

As this progresses, Revan is teaching Anakin all she knows about the force and different strategies, as well as how best to use them. I plan this part of the story on mainly being character interactions and showing hints at what‘s being planned by both Revan and Anakin in regards to what information they‘ve figured out (Kamino is going to the key to where and when Revan figures out exactly what‘s going on in regards to the Sith that she knows is out there).

Eventually Anakin and Revan end at Nar Shadda (Anakin is at least sixteen by this point). I have a few humorous scenes planned for that destination. On Nar Shadda, Anakin meets a girl, Anakin finds out the girl is a slave, Anakin uses the Force to get ownership of her and frees her. She’s quite apprehensive, as she now has no way to support herself. Anakin realizes just what he did, and how badly his lack of though has fucked him here, and offers her a job. Girl is a Twi'lik btw (I have a name for her, I just can‘t find the text file I have it on).

Anakin and the Twi'lik get very horizontal during their time together before the Twi'lik ends up taking a very high paying job. Anakin encourages her to do what she thinks is best, and watches her leave. Anakin then meets Padme, and trouble ensues.

Now, there is something I need to explain here so that what happens in future planning makes sense. Padme is slightly force sensitive. Nowhere near enough to even be considered for a Jedi, but still, slightly force sensitive. When all the shit happened to her and her homeworld, she did her best mentally to escape from it all. To cut herself off from the world. As she was slightly force sensitive, and as she was trying to cut herself off from the world, she ended up cutting herself off from the force. Not totally (yet), but it is very hard to get a force feel from her. As Anakin and Padme bond later on, he ends up creating a slight force bond with her. Due to that, she can now totally cut herself off from the force. She can't use it, but she can make it so that others cannot feel her.

Now that that is out of the way.

Anakin meets Padme at a bar. She is piss drunk, and is too out of it to realize that she’s being watched by two ‘thugs’ elsewhere in the bar. Anakin is doing his best to ignore this, but the Force keeps whispering to him that he needs to pay attention to the very drunk, very hot and inebriated woman who is hard to feel in the force. So, Anakin does just that. As she leave the bar, Anakin watches as the two thugs follow her and then gulps down the last of his Skooma, leave some money, and follows.

Anakin then watches as the two thugs pull blasters out on Padme, demanding the money plus 20% interest that she owes a loan shark on Naboo. Anakin picks up that these thugs had already collected the entire amount she owed from her family, but they’re trying to milk her for as much as she’s worth. As the drama unfolds, Anakin decides to step in as the hero coming to the rescue of the damsel in distress (Hey, hero‘s get rewards, don‘t they? Especially if there is damsel involved).

After some character interaction, Anakin offers her a job as he’s the co-pilot of his and Revan’s discreet little shipping crew. He tells her upfront what to expect, and she agrees. After a while and some more character interaction (at least six months as a minimum), Anakin, Padme, and Revan have bonded a bit, and Padme is told some of what is going on in regards to Anakin and Revan. Eventually, all three take a job that puts them on Corelia. Anakin wishes to check out Centerpoint station, Padme wishes to see the sights, and Revan wishes to get some gossip and info for any good jobs.

After some drama (unsure what kind atm), chaos ensues near Revan, and she's forced to use the Force (the dark side). A Jedi nearby feels this, and tries to find out what is going on (as he‘s never felt the Darkside as being *Cold before, and who is responsible. Anakin returns from Centerpoint Station, but gets a mental image of Revan dying. Anakin panics and chases after where he thinks Revan is, and ends up watching as the Jedi ends up killing her in a confrontation. A couple hours later, Anakin goes into the Corelian Jedi Temple for that particular Jedi's blood, and ends up wiping out the whole enclave (well, almost all of it). Anakin and Padme get the hell out of dodge, queue Arc Two.

*(I’ll explain this about the Force in the Second Arc for the story)

I’ll post the second arc sometime in the next day.

 

I like the plot, and I don't think it's ever been explored before. I saw another fic about Revan/Bastila meeting Anakin/Padme, but despite bringing the four together, the author followed canon from that point.

One suggestion I have about this:

The Star Wars universe is rich in planets, types of craft, races, droids, you name it. Sadly most games/fics/etc only deal with the same old planets we have all seen in the movies. I think 90% of the Star Wars fics have Tatooine, Corellia and other famous places dominating the story. It gets bonus points from me for including Nar Shadaa, but I would like to see some of the less explored planets incorporated.

Otherwise, great job, it looks as if you put quite some thought into it.

 

Thank you. I thought to myself what would happen if Anakin was sold before TPM, and I too have always disliked how the vast majority of SW fanfic writers stick exclusively to canon and nothing else, even when they’ve created changes that should have major impacts upon the plot. This story idea was in response to that, and Arc Two is where the Canon Plotline of SW gets fucked anally with a chainsaw.



Alright, on to what I have for Arc Two.

Anakin comes across his master being ‘cut down’ on Corelia, and gets her back to the ship as quickly as possible. He tries to save her, but she dies. Before that, they talk. Revan tell him she’s proud of him, blah blah blah. Anakin in his grief and anger goes after the Jedi who killed his master, and in doing so, ends up stirring the other Jedi in the Temple into action, and ending with Anakin killing them while wearing his masters mask.

After his little slaughter of the Corelian enclave, Anakin realizes just what a mess he’s put himself into and flees. Anakin and Padme are now gone from the scene. Now, this is where a lot of the stuff that happened in Arc One start to come together.

It’s three years before Palpatine’s plans come into fruition and an orchestrated war between the Republic and the Trade Federation comes into being. Palpatine is seen throughout the galaxy as a hero as much of a philanthropist in trying to help the oppressed peoples of Naboo. The Trade Federation has used Naboo as an example of what happens ‘when you mess with the Trade Federation’.

Revan and Anakin a year or two before he wiped out the Jedi enclave they learned of Kamino, and due to an earlier conversation they had, pieced together what was going on. As such, Revan and Anakin know of the Sith’s plans before they happened. A quote from an unfinished and unnamed chapter in Arc One.

Now, in the First Chapter, we see Revan ‘hiding’ the Star Forge but making it look like it and the ‘mini-forges’ were destroyed. The truth is that Revan denied them to both the Republic and the Sith but kept them around and hidden in case they were ever truly needed. As such, Revan left the location to the Star Forge to Anakin before her death.

In the three years before Palpatine has the Clone Wars set to begin, Anakin and Padme have access to the Star Forge, and more importantly, the Mini-Forges. However, soon after (a couple months) after the Corelian incident, Anakin goes to see his mother, and find that she (and a few other slaved from Tatooine) has been sold (or kidnapped) to an evil and ruthless Slaver named Krayn. Anakin realizing that Watto sold Shmi to such a man to save his own ass takes Watto’s head in return.

Anakin and Padme know they have to do something to save Shmi (and the others as a nice unintended consequence), so Anakin plans on having himself be captured and taken to where Krayn is keeping most of his slaves. Unknown to Anakin, a Jedi by the name of Siri Tachi has ‘joined’ this band of slavers to take them down. As Anakin gets the first chance to kill Krayn, he does so, brutally and effectively while wiping out half of the other slavers in the room at the same time.

The Dark Side is so thick, so suffocating, and so Cold that Siri is literally frozen on the spot. Anakin takes complete control of this motley band, and has them release their slaves, or face his wrath. So fearful of Anakin are they, that they agree immediately and without reservation. As Siri is beginning to shake off the effects of the Dark Side, Anakin turns to her, disables her (taking her weapon in the process), and while Siri is waiting for this darksiders death blow, he does something totally unexpected. He draws upon the light side so completely that even she is stunned by this turn of events, starts to heal her a bit, and then ‘talks’ with her as he leads her from the now empty room (ignoring the strewn bodies of course).

Anakin’s mother comes rushing in crying and embraces him while running her hands through his hair and looking him over to see if he’s alright. Siri is now beyond confused, and slightly in shock, so when Padme comes in behind Shmi (with Siri even further confused by how she can’t feel Padme in the force whatsoever), and with Anakin offering Siri a ride with them (which Padme raises an eyebrow at), Siri numbly accepts. (Make no mistake, Anakin would have killed her if he had to, he just wanted to see if he could get away without having to leave more bodies in his wake.)

Queue character interaction, some mental angst and confusion on Siri’s part, and more character interaction (with some hesitation on Siri’s part), and Siri now joins the crew (if only for Siri to figure out what the hell is going on for herself). Anakin asks that she honor the pivacy and anonymity of his crew, and being both totally honest, as well as playing upon her honor, Siri agrees (to which Siri is going to wondering how he can be totally honest with her and yet 'play' her so well).

Queue to some time later, and Siri has essentially becomes part of the crew.

As Siri is let on to what’s going on, and how the Order really is fucked, even if they outlay what’s going on to the Jedi Order, Siri reluctantly agrees with Anakin’s plans. As Siri talks about how there is no backup plan though, Anakin suggests that she take some of the younglings from the Temple to ensure that the Jedi Order (or at least some form of it) doesn’t die out. After Anakin, Padme, and Siri come up with a plan, they act to implement it. But before that, they need a place to fall back to. They need ‘official’ backing.

Padme and Anakin then make their way to where the Star Forge is. While some of the station has fallen into slight disrepair, Anakin sets out to make some use of it before he scraps the place. He transfers the data on the Star Forges computers to a few different backup systems, and has the Star Forge begin making some ‘Mini-Forges’ that will be dedicated solely to making other ‘Mini-Forges’ (and a gathering and processing plant for Hypermatter so that they won‘t have to worry about fuel for a while).

As this is going on, Padme and Siri make their way to the Hapes Cluster to begin ‘aggressive negotiations’ with the Queen Mother, making her an offer “She can’t refuse.” Giving what the Queen Mother sees as very lucrative deal for a few minor concessions, such as an unused star system or two and protection for that system for a while the Queen Mother gets an insane amount of Plasma and ship material from this ‘Sith Lord’ and her ‘Vassal’. (This is important as it foreshadows things to come, and the Hapes Consortium will come to regret the deal they made).

As this is set up, Padme and Siri return from their trip to find Anakin ready to begin the second part of the plan they have set up. Anakin gives the responsibility for setting things up in the Naboo system to Siri as Anakin and Padme make a trip to the Corelian Sector and then the Trade Federation Homeworld.

At Corelia, Anakin, Siri, and Padme ‘steal’ Centerpoint Station and take it a system just outside the Hapes Cluster. At that system, The Hapes Consortium has sent some of their ships to help remove the personnel still aboard Centerpoint Station and to prevent any ships from leaving it (where they‘re moved to, I have no clue at this moment). After this point, Siri takes the equipment needed for her role, and goes to the Naboo system to set it up.

Now, I need to explain something a bit here.

As Padme is totally disconnected from the Force, she leaves absolutely NO force signature whatsoever. Perfect for what’s coming up. Now, Revan, and Anakin, have been teaching Padme how to fight and kick ass, as well as use a light saber. As she can’t use the Force, she is taught how to use what’s she’s learning in use against other Force Users. Think along the lines of the Vong for the why in why Revan and Anakin would decide that Padme’s gift is of use to them in that way.

For an honest chance to free her world from the boot of the Trade Federation, Padme readily agrees to Revan and Anakin’s plan. With Revan’s death, they have to change some things a bit, but they still go forward with the general gist of what they decided to do. As such, Anakin brings along the 'special' devices that he was having the Star Forge produce.

Bombs. Very powerful bombs. About a thousand of them.

How you ask? Well, he had the Star Forge make a freighter ‘just’ big enough for hauling them around. As Anakin and Padme land upon the world of ‘Cato Neimoidia’, they disembark from their freighter and scout out the docking bays to find a suitable get away ship after they get the message from Siri that everything is done at her end.

After they find an appropriate ship for use, Anakin and Padme sneak into the business office or personal house of Nute Gunray. Anakin hides in the shadows unseen while Padme walks directly in the open through the places security (though wearing a mask and cloak to hide her identity). While she’s walking in the open and allowing video monitors and recordings to catch her doing so, she moves her arms and hands about in silly manners. Well, it would be silly if things didn’t happen directly after she did so.

While Padme is pretending to be force sensitive, Anakin is in the background using his force powers to do things. Things which make this masked cloaked woman seem like some uber force sensitive (which is the entire point of why Padme is in the open like that). As this is going on, Nute Gunrey is shitting himself in fear of this force sensitive woman who seems to be after his head. As Padme comes directly in front of Nute Gunrey, we are then treated to some diabolic conversation, which ends with Padme saying “I’m going to make you pay for what you’ve done Nute Gunrey as Anakin begins to force choke Nute Gunrey while Padme is making the hand motions that makes it look like she’s responsible.

Queue a timed distraction off in the distance, and Padme pretends to lose focus and stop choking Nute and then makes her escape. As Anakin and Padme then steal their new ship and make their getaway, the freighter carrying the bombs then explodes, taking out a LARGE portion of the area it’s in, as well as totally eradicating the personal vaults that the various Neimoidians have placed throughout the city that Anakin and Padme docked their ship at.

Their actions cause hundreds of millions of deaths, destruction on a colossal scale, and monetary damage in the hundreds of trillions of credits. As such, when the Neimoidians, and Nute Gunrey find the clues which state that Naboo is directly responsible for this ‘attack’, they will wish to make an ‘example’ out of Naboo for the galaxy to see.

And they are going to want to make it a symbol that defiance and aggression against either Neimoidia, or The Trade Federation. As such, they’ll wish to gather hundreds if not thousands of ships for their ‘example’. As Padme and Anakin now have a bit of time in place, they go directly to the planet of Naboo.

As Siri has set up the equipment in the Naboo system, Anakin and Padme, both cloaked and masked, walk right into the Palace of Theed (it helps that Amidala used to live there after all), Once again, Padme walks in the open, while Anakin hides in the shadows. Padme walks right into where the Queen is having a meeting with all the confidence of a 'Sith Lord'. As Anakin is the only force sensitive there, he’s covering for the fact that Padme has no ability with the force whatsoever, making it appear to the Queen of Naboo that some masked stranger just walked into the room, knocked everyone on their asses with the force, and then demanded that everyone but the queen to get the hell out. As this unknown woman didn’t automatically kill her (if that is what she wished to do she would have done it the queen figure), the queen agrees to hear why this woman felt the need to come in as she did.

Padme, aka Darth Meritus, ‘shows’ and tells the Queen that she has made Naboo look responsible for an grievous attack on the world of Cato Neimoidia, and that The Trade Federation is going to ‘respond in force’ in less than a day. The Queen of Naboo digests this news as the colour is drained from her face.

Asking “why” she has done this, this 'dark lord’ gives the Queen an offer she can’t refuse. Refuge for the planet of Naboo. The queen asks if she somehow developed the ability to move planets then, and she responds with a frank, “Yes.”

Queue to a day later as a thousand Trade Federation ships appear above where the planet Naboo is, only to find a barren lifeless rock of about equal size where Naboo is supposed to be. As the ships appeared insystem, a series of scanners and relays turn on, and send a signal to where Centerpoint Station is. As the Trade Federation is trying to figure out what is going on, Centerpoint Station uses it's tractors to repel the world away from the direction of Centerpoint Station. As this happens, the world that Anakin and Padme put there is then violently thrown smack dab into the fleet in orbit, squashing them in the same way that a bug is squashed on the windshield of a car.

Anakin Skywalker has just played the first game of galactic pool using random planets as the que balls.

Naboo has then been put someplace safe, the Trade Federation has been financially as well as militarily neutered, Palpatines plans of using the Trade Federation and their 'brutality' against the peoples of Naboo to make himself even more of a hero to Naboo and the Galaxy are fucked (to say nothing of his plans of using the Trade Federation to start a galactic civil war), and they Jedi now have to figure out what happened to the now missing planet of Naboo, who stole Centerpoint Station, and who bombed Cato Neimoidia (and whether or not any of these events are connected).

The only clues the Jedi will have are recordings of some Uber Force Sensitive woman who frankly does not exist. A figment created solely for having the Jedi running wild goose chases.

Now, Siri's addition to Anakin/Revan/Padme's plan comes into being.

Naboo has been given full control of the Mini-Forges with the directive to use them to make Naboo an economic power. The Mini-Forges aloow Naboo to create an unlimited amount of ships as well as giving Naboo an insane amount of Excess Plasma to either use directly as a fuel source, or to sell (which is funny, as the Blockade of Naboo that happened in The Phantom Menace happened because of Naboo trying to get around the Trade Federations Taxation of Naboo's Plasma stores). As such, Anakin has one of the Mini-Forges dedicated to making ships capable of cloaking (as well as the cloaking devices themselves).

Within a day or two, Anakin, Padme, and Siri decide to make a stop at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. With the Jedi out scouring the Galaxy for clues, they would never expect the people they're looking for to walk directly into the Jedi Temple. Siri and Padme go off towards the Youngling Nursery while Anakin goes to the top of the Temple and prepares one of the biggest distractions the Jedi have felt in a couple centuries.

Anakin sits at the top of the Temple and Meditates, pulling on the Lightside of the Force so much that damn near half of the galaxy feels it, pulling an insane amount of Jedi within the temple up towards the roof to see for themselves what is going on. As this is going on, Padme and Siri end up making off with a small group of younglings in tow.

As a large group of Jedi gather on the roof, Anakin gets a small message (think beeper set on vibrate) telling him that Padme and Siri are done and coming up to get him. As Anakin lifts up his hooded head, the Jedi see the mask he's wearing, and one of them realizes that the being who just pulled on the light side of the force so much so that most of the galaxy felt it yells "Hey, he's the Butcher of Corelia!"

As most of the Jedi on the roof reach for their lightsabers in case of trouble, Anakin moves aside part of his cloak revealing what's underneath it. A bomb.

"Do I have your attention now?

Good. This thermonuclear bomb has a lot of sensors on it. If I get too hot, I go boom! I get too cold, I go boom! Too much pain, boom! Too much pleasure, boom! Heart goes too fast, boom! If the bomb senses anything shutting off on it, boom!

Boom! Boom! BOOM!"

(Paying tribute to one of the craziest fucks in all of scifi, John Crichton.)

As the Jedi stay still, Anakin jumps backwards and grabs onto something invisible as it flies off into the skyline traffic of Coruscant. The Jedi don't know what to make of that encounter, and as they reenter the temple, about an hour later one of the Jedi in charge of the younglings bursts into the council chambers and says that some of the younglings are missing.

Queue Arc Three.

*I'll post my explanation on the force in my next posting in this thread.

 

Very nice outline for a story here. Makes me wish you were writing the real thing.

There is a very good story written for the "Knights of the Old Republic" game (which I've played and really liked, by the way), and its written by Kalistar, and it should be in our database already. He had written a very good story on Darth Revan and Darth Malak. One question though...why make Revan female? And why kill Revan? Makes me confused. I'm going to assume that its where Anakin goes dark. Anyway...lovely story.

 

That story started out well, but got a lot worse in later chapters, once the HP crossover started.

 

Yes, I quite agree with you, actually. It started to go down, but I still enjoyed it. I liked the writing style...except that the paragraphs were a bit long.

 

I think the story started going down when the authors changed. No matter how good an author is, you can't continue a fic, and make it fit with what the author did in the last one. You would have to pull a George Lucas moment and put Hayden Christiansen as a Force Ghost.

For example I got the impression that Revan/Bastila were going to get involved, but the second author distanced it from that point of view. A small inconsistency, but the first that comes to mind.

 

I'm not much in Star Wars (though I am interested in that remake those independent developers are making out of KOTOR), but here is my sole annoyance from a purely literary standpoint.

Don't cheapen the story with teenage fangirl moments.

 

Heh, no worries of this story being ruined by 'teenage fangirl moments'.

Here's an example of my writing. A chapter scene I did for a friends story.

 

I've read through your first three arcs over the last day. Obviously this is a very lengthy tale.

I can't read much into the structure of the story (esp. first arc) because I can't tell just how you're going to integrate all of the stories therein. Anakin's enslavery to Rhakkar, Revan coming to the future, and Revan mentoring Anakin. Eg. Are you going to detail both characters pre-joinup stories in parallel until they meet up; start at the joinup and reveal their backstories; or, write the chapters in the same order as you've written the plot here (Anakin+Rhakkar, Revan->Future, Joinup), etc.

I'm assuming that because of the immense length of this fic that each arc will almost be it's own self-contained story, not unlike the Star Wars movies. This would certainly ease the reader's digestion of the material. If this is the case, then Revan's death in the first arc seems to come quite suddenly and unexpectedly. Where is the increasing tension and conflict (rising action) culminating in Revan's death and Anakin's turning point?

Hopefully Anakin's life will be at it's relative happiest (reaching new levels of understanding, acceptance and perhaps love) with Revan before killing her and casting him so dramatically downwards into darkness. [EDIT] Consider delaying the Anakin/Padme story for maximum effect, like so: Anakin doesn't run into Padme until he's at his happiest just pre-Revan's death. Perhaps some new development in his life/relationship with Revan/character inspires him to play the hero in the Padme and Extortionists scene as you planned it. Anakin and Padme part ways (whether he leaves as a mysterious stranger in the night, or after a wild night of sex doesn't matter), leaving Anakin feeling even better about himself and his situation. Revan dies. Anakin falls. He has no emotional attachments to anyone else to soften the blow, support him, or help keep him above the darkness (His mother is still enslaved, the twi'lek has dumped him, and Padme is just some random girl). This would make Anakin's hard, fast and furious fall into the Dark Side even more substantiated. Anakin runs into Padme as he's getting the hell out of Corelia, recognises his need for a co-pilot who isn't a planted enemy from any faction he and Revan pissed off, and hires her on the spot providing she can leave immediately. Perhaps Padme is in a rush to get off planet as well. Err, this would somewhat change the Padme/Anakin dynamic, at least to begin with. It also has the benefit of making the Padme/Anakin relationship fresh for the next arc. I think the first arc may be better off focussing on the Anakin/Revan relationship and Anakin's character development.[/EDIT]

I don't understand Siri's motivations for joining up and remaining with the obviously Sith-leaning Force user and Padme. I especially don't understand her motivations for working directly against the Jedi Council later on instead of perhaps trying to convince them (or a few trusted Jedi) about the truth. [EDIT]Maybe I'll find it believeable as I read it in the fic, but as it stands in the outline I don't get why she didn't make other choices. And the evidence that Padme and Anakin bring to her attention to convince her of the Sith coup had better be pretty damning.[/EDIT] Perhaps she could have Force visions (or whatever they're called) giving her guidance? Or upon discovering Padme's identity be assigned by the Jedi Council to secretly watch over her? I'm not pushing you in any direction, I just want the reader to have some clarity regarding her motivations. By the time that she's kidnapping Jedi babes from Coruscant does she still consider herself to be a Jedi; Does she consider herself loyal to the Council?

I don't know how they work in canon, but your use of Space Forge's and mini-Forge's smacks of both munchkinism and deus ex machina. You need to throw more penalties or obstacles to check their use and abuse. Perhaps equipment failures, spies, espionage, sabotage, pirates, communication problems, software malfunction, etc. A psychotic, embedded AI (which Anakin must negotiate with/persuade to do anything) in charge of operating them would be funny. The forge's just seem to be over-powered and too useful to the young protagonists.

Oh, and don't call them mini-Forge's. Just don't. It's far too cutesy. Cup cake is less cutesy.

Regarding the homages to Farscape: Don't let them be noticeable to an ignorant reader. Using 'frell' as a substitute for a curse word in a written medium is jarring and ass-backwards. Fake curse words are used to allow television programs to be shown in 'general viewing' time slots on mainstream stations - there's no overwhelming reason to use them in fics published online. Fake curse words disrupt the readers immersion in your fictional 'verse.

I hope the actions and dialogue of the "Boom! Boom! BOOM!" scene is a natural progression of Anakin's character up to this point and not just homage for homage's sake. Is it going to be OOC? You can pay homage to a show without copying a scene that closely. Or, perhaps show Anakin developing a fake Chriton-like persona just for encounters where some semi-insane, theatricy is required (if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit) - especially escaping sticky situations involving multiple parties. And you're right, John Chriton is one awesomely, crazy, mutha fucka.

I don't think I've identified any definite major problems in your fic, only a few things that might become problems if you haven't already dealt with them. Your snippet from the Gods of the Galaxy fic indicates strong writing skills, so I've probably been hand wringing over nothing a few times in this post.

I wish you all the best in writing this awesome fic!

Yak.

Anyone looking for Gods of the Galaxy can find it here: http://forum.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=116720

 

I like it all the way up until Revan dies.

It's a cop out. If you're going to make Anakin evil (I haven't read all three arcs yet... it's a lot to take in), then killing Revan is the wrong way to do it. It just BEGS you to write emo!Anakin. Emo!Anakin + smecksy Padme alone on some ship = shit. Its just them comforting each other and Anakin killing things.

Also, Anakin's decision to save Padme is weak and contrived.

What is Revan in this story? Is she like Jolee Bindo? A "gray" Jedi? One who does not want to fall into the role of "good" or "evil"? Is she the epitome of the "redeemed" Jedi?

You need to determine Revan's character and then from there, from the way she teaches Anakin, you can more realistically create Anakin's actions. Will he disobey his master and interfere with a matter that is none of his business? Will he fight to save her? Will he let her lose everything? It sounds like he's just thinking with his dick. A jedi, even one who is not completely instructed in the ways of the Jedi, will at least consider his actions with a serious countenance and not under the influence of hormones...

If Anakin is going to be "evil" then you need to give him a reason to be evil. Have the Jedi council learn of Revan. Have them capture her and put her on trial, or something. Imprisoned or executed. There needs to be a long-standing conflict between "good" and Anakin. There can't just be some Jedi walking up, killing Revan, and causing Anakin to casually slaughter a bunch of, mostly innocent, Jedi. Unless Revan preaches revenge and hatred to him, Anakin shouldn't stain her memory like that.

And about this hyperdrive deus-ex, you mention the droid (whatever its called) still being on the ship. Does this mean HK-47 will be in this story? Please say yes. If you added his commentary with a good Revan characterization along with good Revan-Anakin-Padme interaction, I could see this being an incredible story.

 

It is disappointing that between Padme being dethroned and joining up with Anakin's ship, she spends the intervening years off her face on drugs and alcohol. After years as a sovereign, a drug abuser, and a space-travelling charity worker, I'd expect her to be a little more world weary and hardened to societies realities than to be whiling her time away at a bar whilst debt collectors are stalking her.

Perhaps Padme is well aware of her situation and is just faking being so pissed (are there drugs or additives she can drop into her drink to neutralise the alcohol?). It'd be awesome if she was leading them into a Han-shoots-first ambush. Maybe she hires Anakin as backup, or he's following her out of the bar and intervenes when her attempt at a double cross goes wrong. That way she'd be less of a 'damsel in distress' needing her big, strong, manly knight to rescue her. Woman whooping ass. Hell yeah.

I can't help but notice that Padme doesn't seem to be much more than Anakin's puppet, his tool for opposing Palpatine, and the hero's romantic interest. Maybe she needs to step up to the plate and kill some fools. Female empowerment, man.

As for "Emo!Anakin + smecksy Padme". No, no and hell no! to either of them. I hope your plan doesn't involve that. Anakin should be bad-ass, not sad-ass.

Is this cheating, or actually feasible, for an un-maimed Anakin in Star Wars 'verse? I'm not knowledgeable in Star Wars canon, but this seems a bit more than just pushing the jedi's and sith's socially accepted boundaries on force alignments.

I've said it before, but I have to say it again, you've got a very large story here. Can you cut a lot of the backstories out of the narrative? The Anakin+Rhakkar backstory seems interesting, but it is lengthy, and the real story doesn't begin until afterwards when Revan appears. Can it sustain the reader's interest until then? It would be a pity to see your readership fall off before they even get to the main plot of the story. Is it better off being detailed in a prequel?

I haven't played any of the Star Wars games, so the Revan/Bastila backstory means nothing to me and doesn't seem to add anything to the plot, except perhaps those damned x-Forge's. G0TO's name is amusing though.

And Padme's backstory doesn't need to be directly told to the reader either. Perhaps a part of the story (esp. Padme's/Naboo's fall from grace) can be related through the news, or gossip, etc. Padme's addiction problems can be shown through her character, through her interaction with the extortionist thugs, or <insert method here>.

By all means, use the backstories to flesh out the finer details of the characters, the universe, and the plot, but there may not be any need to directly relay every detail of these stories to the reader through the narrative.

It is possible that I'm over-reacting, but I find the sheer amount of writing that your project will entail to be very intimidating. Thus my cut the fat, get to the story, suggestions.

[Edit] If Anakin still needs guidance in the dark side of the force, then perhaps you can introduce Palpatine or his apprentice into the mix as an additional adversary/mentor. They could communicate through the force (didn't Vader and the Emperor do so in the movies?), various intermediaries, or directly interact.

What is Anakin's motive for opposing a Sith take over of the galaxy anyway? If Anakin wants to rule the galaxy himself (again: why?) then as a self-proclaimed Sith, wouldn't it be more economical for him to win his place as Palpatine's apprentice (kill Darth Maul) and then kill the Master at an opportune time? You'd need a way to rule this completely out of the picture. And if he's doing it for a piece of tail, then he needs a bullet in the head.

Why is he kidnapping Jedi babies? Is it for 'the light'? Is it to raise them all as Sith, breaking the "two Sith only" rule? That'd be neat... and a lot of work for a young Daddy Skywalker. Who's caring for all of these babies 24/7 in the meantime and how are they financing it?[/edit]

Yak.

btw. I'm still looking forward to Arc 4.

 

The only thing about the plot that annoys me is Anakin and Revan's force alliegance. The way you describe it sounds more gray than anything else, and the Dark Side takes a toll on the user's personality and body.

In Canon, Revan wasn't completely evil, nor was he (Yes, in canon is a he) good. He just wanted to save the galaxy, without caring about the means to do so. In this fic you seem to have written her in a similar way, and it kind of pisses me off making both of them darksiders 'because I say so'. Love and companionship are things that can't happen in the Dark side of the force, and if they happen, the allignement changes. Therefore, there are a lot of things making no sense if they are sith.

IMO, a phylosophy similar to Jolee Bindo's or Kreia's would be better fitted for the story. Not good, not evil.

 

While I'm, by no means, an expert, or even well-versed on Star Wars lore, KOTOR states that the dark side uses the force like a slave. They grow in power and passion and chain it to their will. The Jedi see the force as a naturally occuring thing to work miracles with; they submit to the force and restrain themselves.

I don't think, that outside of KOTOR, the dark and light side of the force can be used so liberally by the same Jedi at the same time. Going instantly from torturing someone to healing someone.

Anakin himself, I don't think, has the passion to use the dark side that well yet, anyway. Revan would also be very wary of teaching Anakin to harness the dark side, knowing how a young Jedi could easily get lost in its appeal. This is especially true if Revan was betrayed by Bastilla.

I have a general question, also. Why is it that in KOTOR, the Jedi preach eternal forgiveness and amnesty, while the Jedi in the films have no qualms with killing their opponents? Would Revan really be killed by some passing Jedi just because he used the dark side of the force? I don't buy it.

 

Heh. Thanks. I need detailed responses so I can work out the fine details. Technically, I haven't posted the third arc yet yak, but I am planning on having each arc being presented in a similar manner to the movies (each arc focusing on one or two main things within the plot that affect the rest of the story later onwards).

Let me explain some of the things I had planned and the reasoning behind them so you can give me more detailed response. First off, Revan.

Originally, this idea didn't have Revan at all within it. The idea started off with "Anakin gets sold before TPM." After the initial story idea, I thought to myself, "What would happen, and what can I make happen?"

I thought about having him (Anakin) learning things about the Force from other sources early on, but unless Palpatine was involved early, the Jedi would eventually encounter Anakin, and Anakin being a punk kid would get his ass kicked by the Jedi. After taking a much closer look at the Jedi to get a more accurate feel for who and what they are, I came to the conclusion that the Jedi, holding to their 'faith' so tightly, would just view Anakin initially as 'another darksider', confrontation would ensue, and in most outcomes, Anakin would be killed.

As I didn't want Anakin involved with Palpatine, and as I didn't want him getting killed, I needed a way for Anakin to get a very decent teacher who would not hold to the religious Dogma that the Jedi Order does. After going through a list of different characters and what pros and cons I could get out of using them, I decided that Revan was the best choice due to two things. One, she was considered a master of both the light and dark sides of the force, and Two, she was a tactical genius who had a huge bonus of having the Star Forge to produce the equipment she would need.

Now, there have been other Force Groups out in SW that have been able to use the Force (Light and Dark) without adhering to the philosophy of either the Jedi or the Sith. The Sith branched off from the Jedi, and the Jedi took what facts they had about the force and then added a bunch of religious undertones to it. Some of those other groups within the SW universe could in fact use the Dark Side of the force without it 'rotting them' as it does the Sith (The Sorcerers of Tuland(sp?) I think are one of them). When I encountered descriptions of the Dark Side of the force also being 'hot' and 'cold', I then was able to create a mental image of what the Force is like that both adheres to what is shown and to what I want.


For me, the mental imagery I get of The Force is like one big planet covered in ocean with a giant island in the middle. The ocean would be the Dark Side of the force. Its currents are fast and swift with many eddies and riptides that will pull you out if you're not careful. The Light Side of the force is that big island smack dab in the middle, but you can't 'see' much unless you start climbing the islands hills and mountains (and the higher you go, the more you can see). However, the islands hills and mountains have sharp abrupt cliffs overlooking the ocean, and those who don't watch their step can fall off of the hills they're on into the currents of the ocean (dark side) beneath.

However, as the light side has its heights, the dark side has its depths. Most people when they end up within the currents of that ocean try to swim with or against it, giving them a "hot" feel within the force. However, if they were to allow themselves to 'sink', they end up at the ocean floor, and their feel within the dark side of the force then becomes 'cold'. Darth Banes order mastered the ability the current Jedi are seeking. The ability to detach themselves from their emotions and still remain immersed within the force.

However, both the light side and the dark side are bound to emotions. As the Jedi kept trying to distance themselves from the Sith, the also tried to distance themselves from the emotions that the Light Side feeds upon as well. The Jedi stopped being Jedi millennia ago and became Anti-Sith. Granted, when you "immerse" yourself in the Force as both the Jedi and Sith like to do, then the forces actually does have physical affects upon the body, but not all the orders out there that use the Force "Immerse" themselves in it.

This mental imagery of the nature of the force is important, as it explain how Revan starts to teach Anakin. Granted, there is going to be some initial hesitation and fear on Anakin's part, but Revan is going to try to give him as best an understanding of the force as she knows. I don't plan on this being a one sided deal either.

Now, this is part of the reason for WHY I feel Siri would be motivated to go with Anakin. Make no mistake, the Jedi taught within their order as a religion would. According to what Siri knows and has been taught of the force, Anakin violates EVERYTHING the Jedi 'know' to be true, especially in terms of the Dark Side.

And a small part of Siri is going to be thinking to herself, if the Jedi were wrong about that, what else are they wrong about? When you look at it from the perspective that Siri is questioning her 'entire faith' in a sense, you get a pretty solid case for why Siri would stick around initially (at least I think so).



Now, onto the part about Revan's death, the Star Forge, and the Mini-Forges.

Revan's character strengths lie in that she is a genius tactician, she has a lot of experience within the force and life in general, and she can create Machiavellian type plots at the drop of a hat when she needs to.

In other words, she's too good, and since this story started out about Anakin, I decided she would play a key role in both her time with Anakin, and with her Death, as few people are going to expect me to off such a well liked character like that. Hence, I decided I needed to kill her, and have her death fuck things up big time.

All the plots in Arc Two that go right are hers. Granted, Anakin (and to a lesser extent Padme) did add some things to it, but the overall idea was Revan’s. So, I plan on having Revan’s schemes go right, while in Arc Three, Anakin's scheme's don't pan out as well as he expects them to.

Now, Revan brought with her the Star Forge (which I had to create a sub-plot in itself to explain why), but the Star Forge itself was too powerful for what I wanted in this story. So, when I was creating the sub-plot to explain why Revan hid the damn thing, I thought "Why not have the Sith under Malak figure out how to create a far less powerful version of the Star Forge that doesn't rely on the force, but can be made in large numbers given enough time?"

If you can suggest a better name for me, I would appreciate it.


As for HK-47, no Star Wars story could be complete without him. Expect him to be a good part of this story (not until Revan and Anakin meet though).


As for your comments Chime??, the Jedi Order of Revan's time was an entirely different Jedi Order than the one within Anakin's time. Revan isn't teaching Anakin how to better use the Dark Side, she's trying to teach him how not to lose himself to the Dark Side so completely like so many others do. Anakin had a Sith Holocron for a good three-four years before he met Revan, so he would already be viewed as a dark sider by most. If you want me to post a more detailed explanation on who the Jedi have become and their reasoning for the things they do within Anakin's time, I could do that for you if you want it.

So, thoughts?

 

Ok, it's been a long while since last I posted in this thread. I've put this idea off as I've dealt with work and health issues. As I had some free time, I fgured I'd go back over this, put up what I have, and look around for thought and opinions on how to improve it.

My biggest problem though is figuring out how to present my ideas to people. I think like a jigsaw puzzle. One thought on its own means little, but put it together with ten others and you start to see a detailed picture form.

After talking with Lightning_Count, Entilza, and a few others, I decided to try to make a numbered list of events. Everyone I show it to is wondering why in the fuck I'm not writing this, but the truth is, I'm very lazy, and I'm still dissatisfied with a few things regarding it. The biggest problem for me is still explaining things, so I can get better responses.

For example, I had to create a reason for why Revan would join the Sith and then betray them. I had to find a reason for why for Watto would sell Anakin (which in this story, Watto didn't really have a choice in the matter). I had to find a reason for why Anakin and Padme would meet, and not try to kill each other or the like (which given that Anakin wasn't there, would have also changed events. I just tacked both things unto each other tighter).

Lots of small details like that were explained for my thought processes behind why I was doing what I was doing. The problem is dumb fucks end up lost and confused.-_- So, instead of trying to explain the reasoning behind things beforehand, I'm going to show the (basic) plotted scenes of the arcs themselves, and people can ask any questions off of that instead.




Arc #1 out of three.

1. Revan betrays the Sith after taking back the Mantle of Dark Lord, hides the Star Forge, and as she's laying a major trap for both the Republic and Sith, shits starts blowing up and her ship gets hit by a stray turbolaser bolt right as it's entering Hyperspace, resulting in her ship's *anti-time dialation systems being shot to hell, ending up with Revan 3,998 years in the future (or about two to three years before Anakin is sold).

*(The way I have Hyperspace work in SW is that you need to get as close to light speed as possible before engaging the Hyperspace engines (to conserve on fuel for the initial jump mainly). However, as you approach the speed of light, time slows down relative to the ship. I have SW ships get around this issue through the use of their Inertial Dampeners to prevent time distortion.)

2. Anakin gets sold to a mercenary by the name of Rhakkar for a 'make or break' deal Rhakkar made with Jabba a year before the events of "The Phantom Menace". Jabba tells him "Succeed and I will make you rich. Fail, and you shall beg for death."

3. As Anakin and his new owner Rhakkar are travelling around picking up parts, supplies, and hired help, Anakin has come into possession of a strange black pyramid (Sith holocron) that he cannot figure out through a clueless market vendor. As this is going on, Rhakkar has been setting things up for his scheme, a scheme he knows carries with it many risks and dangers. Should the plan go awry or fail, he knows that he would need to fake his death to ensure that every bounty hunter in the galaxy is not after his head. And he knows that he cannot half-ass it should the shit hit the fan.

4.As Anakin is installing the systems throughout the base (over the course of a month or so), he keeps getting flashes and senses of danger about him. As he begins looking over what Rhakkar is having him set up, horror dawns on Anakin as he realizes exactly what Rhakkar is having him set up. Getting a sudden flash of inspiration, and realizing that Rhakkar does not suspect him of such deviousness, Anakin makes it so that he has control over the devices throughout the base, and that anyone trying to use them would only activate the systems in the area of access and no where else.

5. As Rhakkar's plan goes forward, unexpected events happen causing it to fail horribly, and in doing so make Rhakkar the obvious culprit. As he prepares to go through and fake his Death, and in doing so killing everyone else at the base Rhakkar has set up, he realizes that he is locked out of the bases systems entirely. The bases systems then activate in the Area Rhakkar is at, killing him. The extra thugs Rhakkar hired are now pissed that they aren’t going to get paid, and one of them realizes that Anakin is the only one who truly works on the systems aboard the base, and they try to get ‘answers’ from Anakin. This in turn goes bad in a violent way, and Anakin activates the systems across the base except for the area he’s at.

Anakin is now the only survivor of this failed plan; almost broke, and with nothing but corpses around him. The black pyramid (Sith Holocron) then starts to work and congratulates Anakin on his fine work. After some talking with the Holocron and to himself, Anakin uses the communications aboard the base and contacts Jabba the Hutt, telling him that he has the dead body of Rhakkar, and is looking to collect on the bounty.

6. Anakin is no longer on Tatooine, Padme's ship ends up stranded, and with no one to help them out. As Padme and her crew go about looking for aid or help, she gets abducted by Darth Maul. Darth Maul then dumps her with the Trade Federation. The Trade Federation demand she sign the documents they have, and she refuses. Trade Federation drags out a thousand civilians to the Palace Gates, and kills them in front of a shell shocked and horrified Queen Amidala. They then drag out her family, point guns at their heads, and then politely ask her to sign.

She does so. Naboo ends up under the brutal heel of the Trade Federation, the people end up blaming her for what has happened, and Palpatine uses this series of events to gain the position of Supreme Chancellor.

7.Padme leaves office in disgrace, and in her guilt and heartache, tries to bury her grief in first alcohol, and then later on drugs. She collects quite a debt from her habit, and ends up taking out loans from shady characters to pay off her previous debts, as well as to keep getting the drugs she is addicted to. Eventually, she OD's, and is forced to try to get her life back together by her family.

Padme joins some off-world charity organization (unnamed at this point), because in her mind, the further she is away from Naboo, the better. The people she took loans out from though eventually come to collect, and her family pays them off, though Padme does not know this has occurred.

8. A few years later, Anakin is free, has access to Rhakkar's ship, and during a job, encounters a female smartass (who just so happens to be Revan). Anakin tries to kick her ass, and gets flattened by Revan in the process. Revan takes pity on him, but wants answers more than anything (especially with no public Sith being around, so she's going to want to know who trained him). After a lot of character interaction, Revan essentially, though slightly reluctantly, adopts Anakin, and hires him to help her (becoming his master as well in the process). As they progress, the find a lot of inconsistencies in things. Starmaps saying that there are systems missing when Revan's earlier starmaps say they're there, hints that the Sith aren't as gone as they pretend to be, things like that. Anakin is a young teenager at this point btw.

9. Revan and Anakin end up learning of the 'Clones' long before the Jedi, and have an 'extra' command installed 'just in case'. (lol for what I plan on using that for later)

10. Eventually Anakin and Revan end up at Nar Shadda. Humorous scene I have planned for that. Anakin meets girl, Anakin finds out girl is a slave, Anakin uses the Force to get ownership of her and frees her. Slave is aprehensive, as she now has no way to support herself. Anakin realises just what he did, and offers her a job. Girl is a Twi'lik. Anakin and Twi'lik get very horizontal before the Twi'lik ends up taking a very high paying job. Anakin smiles sadly as he watches her leave.

11. Anakin then meets Padme shortly after, and trouble ensues. Padme after much character interaction becomes part of the crew. Anakin, Padme, and Revan take a job that puts them on Corelia. Anakin wishes to check out Centerpoint station, Padme wishs to see the sights, and Revan wishes to get some gossip and info for any good jobs.

12. Things go bad on Corelia. Need to work on the backstory a bit, but Revan is as much dark as she is light, and one of her earlier confrontations when she appeared in the future comes back to bite her in the ass as a jedi trained to hunt down Dark Siders ends up striking Revan down.

13. Anakin is returning from his sight seeing, but gets a mental image/vision of Revan dying. Anakin rushes after Revan, but ends up watcheing as the Jedi pair ends up killing her. A couple hours later, Anakin goes into the Corelian Jedi Temple wearing his masters Sith Mask and two lightsabesr, looking for that surviving Jedi's blood, and ends up wiping out the majority of the jedi enclave in the process. Anakin and Padme get the hell out of dodge right afterwards.

END ARC #1




Arc #2

1. The Corelian Jedi Temple is filled with Corpses, the Jedi are now out looking for "The Butcherer of Corelia", Padme's people are still in bondage, Anakin is a half-trained Sun Tzu styled Dark Lord of the Sith, Padme is almost impossible to feel in the force, and Palpatine is still planning on plunging the galaxy into war. Anakin know the universe has given him a 'make or break' moment, and he decides to put that into action.

2. Padme and Anakin start talking over what they can do. Anakin offers to help Padme free her people, but he'll need her help. Padme agrees. The first thing that needs to happen though is they need to start getting their priorities and supplies ready. Anakin and Padme go to reclaim the Star Forge and star to set up production of the Star Forge knockoffs (that don't require the force to work, and are still in need a good name).

3. As they're waiting for the production of the SF knockoffs to finish, Anakin and Padme start looking around for a place for Refuge later on, settling on a temporary agreement with the Hapes Cluster. (wiki link)

4. A bit of time passes as the Star Forge is building the Knockoff Star Forges, and Anakin spends a lot of time pushing Padme to her breaking point. Padme is slightly force sensitive (slight canon fact that fanon keeps trumping, but it serves a purpose here). Nowhere even close enough to even be considered for a Jedi, but still, slightly force sensitive. When all the shit happened to her and her homeworld, she did her best mentally to escape from it all. To cut herself off from the world. As she was slightly force sensitive, and as she was trying to cut herself off from the world, she ended up cutting herself off from the force. Not totally (yet), but it is very hard to get a force feel from her. As Anakin and Padme bond, he ends up creating a slight force bond with her. Due to that, she can now totally cut herself off from the force. She can't use it, but she can make it so that others cannot feel her.
(Think along the lines of the Vong)

She and Anakin are going to use this to make it seem like Padme is some uber force user, when she's not. Misdirection of an extreme kind. Anakin has at his disposal a way to help her people (the miniature Star Forges). Due to all that happened, a lot of the beliefs she held before are now gone. So, where Padme Amidala couldn't help her world, 'Darth Meritus' can.


5. Anakin and Padme steal the Centerpoint Station. Lots of people die, though the majority do survive, even if stranded on a undeveloped world somewhere. All that is known is that two 'powerful' force users did it, and one matches the description of "The Butcherer of Corelia." (I need to work on this part more to make the taking of it as realistic as possible)

6. Padme and Anakin go to the homeworld of the Trade Federation in a very large cargo ship filled with extremely powerful explosives. Padme and Anakin leave the ship undetected, and walk into the 'home offices' of The Trade Federation. Anakin is going to be hiding in the background unseen, and 'Darth Meritus' is going to walk in the open with a mask and lightsaber, kill and destroy a lot of people and property within the building, and make it look like she wiped them out with her 'forces powers' (which is all misdirection, as the force tricks are being done solely by Anakin) before she detonates the bombs on the ship which end up causing global damage and destruction as they make their getaway on a cloaked ship.

7. So now, the Galaxy in general and the Jedi are going to be searching after Darth Meritus (a person who doesn't truly exist) alongside the very wanted and dangerous "Butcherer of Corelia". 'Darth Meritus' is going to leave clues that says that Naboo is partly, if not directly responsible for what has happened on the Trade Federation homeworld. When the Trade Federation learns of this, they'll be demanding blood, with both the senate and the Jedi unable to stop them. Padme and Anakin go to Naboo in their Sith persona's telling the Naboo Queen, "If you don't do as we say, Naboo will be destroyed by the Trade Federation". The Queen will then ask what can they do, as they (Naboo) have been broken. Meritus then mentions they can move the worlds themselves if need be. The Queen reluctantly agrees (not that she has much of a choice), and Padme/Anakin set a trap for the Trade Federation.

Palpatine orders Darth Maul to seek out these Darkside force users and either coopt them to Palpatine's command, or kill them.

8. Naboo is moved via the Centerpoint Station. The Trade Federation amasses almost every battleship they have, and send it to Naboo (timing it so that it looks like one large unstoppable force has appeared all at once as they wish to 'make an example' out of Naboo that the galaxy will not soon forget). The crews of the Trade Federation ships wonder what in the force is going on as Naboo is missing, and large (small planetoid) lifeless ball of rock seems to have taken its place. The large lifeless ball of rock unfortunately (for the Trade Federation) has a series of overpowered gravity well generators on and within it, preventing the Trade Federation ships from escaping the Naboo system.

The ships crews watch in disbelief and horror for a scant few seconds as that large lifeless ball of rock then suddenly accelerates towards their ships and squashes them all like bugs on a windshield. Darth Vader and Darth Meritus' trap is a success. The Trade Federation homeworld has been ruined, its economy and economic power destroyed, and almost every battleship it owns laid to waste.

Palpatine is now pissed.

9. As Padme and Anakin go back to deal with the situation involving Naboo, Anakin gets a vision of his mother being in major trouble along with a large group of other people. Padme tells him to go deal with that while she handles her people.

10. Anakin arrives on Tatooine, looking for answers to the question of 'what in the force' is going on. Anakin encounters Watto, and the encounter goes bad. Anakin, using excessive force, finds out that a large number of slaves were kidnapped by an alien slaver known as "Krayn" during one of his slave raids. Watto tries something stupid, and Anakin takes off Watto's head.

11. Anakin finds a group of these slavers, plants a suggestion in their minds, and then starts a fight in such a way that they can 'knock him out' and bring him back to the base as an extra slave. After he finds himself in a cell, he calmly uses the force and walks through the facility like he owns it, killing everything that gets in his way with a cold dispassion (he is a Sith Lord after all).

12. Siri Tachi, a former Jedi Knight, offered to go undercover to stop the notorious slaver, Krayn. Unfortunately, she also got to witness a Darksider calmly walk through everything and everyone that got in his way, calmly killing Krayn. Siri Tachi sits there in numb disbelief as this darksider calmly tears through everything around her stupid enough to point their weapon at him, and as she expects this darksider to try to turn and kill her, she pulls out her lightsaber and demands he stop 'or else'. She expects a battle or taunts. Instead, he turns, smiles, starts to channel the light side, and walks away whistling a merry tune.

She prepares to make a move when Anakin asks her if she's going to cut down an unarmed man. When she claims him to be a darksider and inherently dangerous, he smiles and asks "Really? Am I so tainted by the darkside as to be 'inherently' dangerous enough to be cut down while unarmed? Why don't you tell me, do you sense the taint of the darkside in me?"

Queue numb disbelief as Siri cannot find a trace of the darkside within him as she remembers the freezing(?) feeling of the Darkside just moments earlier as he slaughted the slavers without a hint of hesitation or remorse. Anakin then states that she can make herself useful by helping get the cells open, and the slaves out. As everything about the situation Siri has encountered regarding what this unknown young man has done regarding the force, that fact that it is 'utterly impossible' by what the Jedi know to be true (and the Jedi do have a LOT of things right, it's just that they have them right for the wrong reasons), and as she senses open honesty and amusement, she follows him watching as he walks around the facility freeing the slaves.

After he helps get these people to the attention of proper authorities, he then offers her a ride. Siri's jaw drops at the sheer insanity and gall of this young man.

She accepts though. She needs to know just what it is that she has encountered. Unfortunately, Anakin has just fucked her over, and she doesn't yet realize the full scope of just how badly she is screwed as of yet. (I need to expand on this section a bit)

13. Darth Maul is on the prowl. Padme is wondering wtf Anakin is doing. Siri knows that she is in over her head as she is let in on what's really going on. A couple of 'Lightside' and 'Force Dead' Sith Lords, an undercover Jedi Knight who 'supposedly' went rouge and ended up joining the two most wanted 'darkside' criminals in the galaxy, a Supreme Chancellor who will have her killed on sight before she would ever get the chance to tell the order what is really going on, a Jedi order that is now thinking that their undercover agent has been either been compromised or turned on them (for real), and now a series of missing planets. And that's not counting in the other factors, such as the fact that these two Sith Lords want her to go around to do 'good deeds'. She know they're using her, but they're not asking her to do anything she wouldn't have done anyways, which just serves to confuse her even further.

14. Confrontation with Darth Maul occurs. Padme shoots him in the back of the head in the corner of a seedy bar, as no force sensitive can feel her. Darth Maul never knew what killed him. 'Darth Meritus' gains an even darker reputation by being able to take out trained force sensitives with such apparent ease 'in public'.

Palpatine promises himself that they'll pay for interfering with his long term plans like this.

15. Siri is being turned, but not in the way anyone would recognize. Anakin is using Siri's own goodness and lightsided nature against her deeply held beliefs. "To fall is such a quiet thing," as Darth Traya would say. Siri agrees to help Anakin and Padme in their quest, and joins them willingly. As she's been questioning her 'faith' since her initial encounter with Anakin, she feels lost as a good portion of her beliefs are shattered. A light sided character has joined a small group of darksiders, and not once does (or will) Siri have to use the darkside.

16. Padme, and Siri go before the Naboo and Hapan Queen to draw up a new deal, a new agreement. Hapes gets a series of new construction contracts in return for allowing Naboo permanent, yet independant statuse within the Hapes Cluster, as well as lucrative trade agreements in exchange for inital protection of the new Naboo territories and shipping lanes.

17. The Naboo senator (which isn't Palpatine btw. Thought I should restate that) gets word from his planet (which has disappeared right before an insanely large fleet of Trade Federation warships were mysteriously destroyed, creating a galaxy wide media frenzy). He is told in no uncertain terms to relay this message to the senate and the galaxy in general.

"Naboo is safe. That said, Naboo has declared its independence from the Galactic Republic. Thank you. Goodbye."

18. Siri convinces Anakin and Padme that they're going to need to sneak into the Jedi temple for a specific task. Anakin went there once before with Revan (while Palpatine whispered how they'd destroy the Jedi to Maul as a child from outside of the building, Revan and Anakin walked right on in with no one the wiser), but Padme has not. Anakin offers to be the distraction while Siri and Padme get the job done.

19. Anakin goes to the top of the Temple, and starts channeling so much of the lightside of the force that it acts much like a beacon. The jedi, from the Grand Masters down to the Padawans start to congregate towards this beacon. After Anakin has drawn a large enough crowd, he lifts up his hooded head, revealing his Masters sith mask. "The Butcherer of Corelia" has come to visit the Jedi Temple. Anakin then slowly moves his robes apart, revealing that he has a very powerful nuclear device attached to his torso.

20. The Jedi all tense in anxiety and worry as they realize that they're in a very bad situation. After much dialogue during this mexican standoff, it comes down to this. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Darth Vader."

"Why are you here?"

"Why, I'm here to distract you."

And then he calmly walks off the edge of the building, grabbing hold of a cloaked ship. The Jedi watch in trepidation as they realize that something is very wrong, and if he was the distraction, what was the goal behind it. To their horror, they soon find out.

21. Off in the distance, Anakin, Padme, and Siri fly off with a number of force sensitive younglings in the cloaked ship.

END ARC #2




Arc #3

WAR!

 

Although you said it needs work, what is your current plan on how Centerpoint Station gets stolen? Also, what effect would its disappearance have on the Corellia system, correct me if I am wrong but isn't Centerpoint vital to the Corellia System's stability?

 

Yes, Center Point is a major target, a major service station, and the biggest 'superweapon' that's been lying around. In fact, this is a Carmen Sandiego level of theft here.

Which is how I'm a bit stumped on how I'm going to go about stealing it. Obviously Anakin isn't hurting for resources at this point with which to accomplish this, the problem is in both the timing of the act and the act itself. Not many people could steal the Death Star, though the fact that Center Point isn't treated in the same manner as the Death Star would be is going to help matters to a degree.

However, the best I can come up with so far, at least until I get some more info on Center Point (how it's command center is set up, what its powersource is, etc.), is that my (very) basic plan is Anakin kills all the people in the command center while some droids are hacking into the stations computer and security systems and shutting things down. A few minutes later, Hyperspace engines attach to the Station, the station itself vents as much of its atmosphere as possible (killing millions, if not billions of those onboard), and the engines activate, moving it somewhere else.

After a short jump or two, Center Point Station is then used to move a couple large bodies of objects within the Hyperspace lanes that lead to them, and everyone goes "WTF!" when they can't go through the long established hyperspace routes, giving Anakin the time needed to round up those still alive on the station and getting rid of them (however I go about that). As that gives Anakin a lot more time, the various machines can go about attaching permanent Hyperspace Engines instead of the short term attaching units Anakin used to steal the station with.


Actually, I think more people are going to be pissed at that point in the story due to me killing off Han Solo rather than the fact that Anakin just pulled a stunt Carmen Sandiego would be proud of. As for why I'm killing Han, well, I want to do it so I can use this line.

The effects would be bad for the whole Galaxy, as the station not only served as a MAJOR trading hub in Corellia (at least from what I remember), it also served as a tool used for moving planets and stars around long long ago. Suffice it to say, even though Anakin is not really going to prove himself to be a 'military genius' (at best he's rather mediocre), he is going to cause trouble for everyone unseen on any scale used previously. Suffice it to say, you don't need guns or bombs to fuck the whole galaxy over.

 

Pure unadulterated win.

I'm guessing that the hyperspace engines will be made by the Star Forge/mini-Forge's? If not, what exactly will they be creating? Also, when Anakin takes the Station will he use the people on it as hostages until he can get the hyperspace engines into position or will he kill them immediately? How will the Corellian 'military' react? What about the immense criminal underground that exists in Star Wars, will they have anything to do in this story? What about Jabba and the other Hutts?

 

Thank you. I glad you appreciate it at the very least.

Yes. I finally got a hold of someone with the SW books, and as the station is unarmed (beyond the tractors beams of DEATH that no one really knows about), getting them unto it shouldn't be that hard at all to do. The problem for Anakin seems to be that the Station is a major tourist spot.

The Star Forge and the Star Forge knock-offs will be used for ship construction (ranging from private transport vessels to military heavy cruisers), groud vehicles, creating production facilities for energy mediums ranging from Hypermatter for powering ships to Tibanna Gas for Blasters, creating living and housing units, defense platforms, droids, and a lot of weapons and miscellaneous civilian items. Basically, all the things needed to make a civilization work and run. Granted, food production isn't being addressed here, but as creative as some of the people in this fic are going to be, I don't want to give them all the answers of what else they can be doing with it.

After getting some direct quotes from the various books regarding Centerpoint, it looks like I'll have to have Anakin kill a good part of the Command Center personnel, take control of one or two communications officers mind, have them declare the Station off-limits due to an emergency, and the Hyper the station out less than a minute or so later. After that, he'll have to have droids or whatnot go through the station and round up the various people living in the Hollowpoint (Hollowtown), and dealing with them then.

Honestly, I think having them be used as hostages is a good idea, they'll just have to be moved well away from where Centerpoint is going in the process. Maybe put them on a large transport and having a droid pretending to be the 'Butcher of Corellia' negotiate for their release or something. Sned the Corellian military one way while they go another. Any ideas for what the droid should demand?

Yes. In fact, I feel I should have a good third of the Third Arc be about Anakin and The Hutts. More specifically, Anakin as he tries to wipe out the Hutts and claim what they have (and not really succeeding as he thought he would, though he does wipe out the homeworlds of the Hutts and their Major client races). There have been some other ideas floating around in my head regarding that as well. Everything from Anakin having to deal with a baby-eating Hutt to events in the background showing Black Sun succeeding where Anakin has failed.

I don't want to focus too much on that (especially the Black Sun part if I do decide to use it), I just thought it would be a useful way for Anakin to free a shitload of enslaved peoples and promising them a new future by 'joining' him. Then him putting together his 'perfect' little home solar system with billions (if not trillions) of people (meatshields) working and living there on things from the Star Forge knock-offs, the shipyards, to Centerpoint Station itself.

Then Anakin fucks over the entire galaxy by disrupting ALL of the Hyperspace lanes and randomly 'stealing' planets and holding them 'hostage' (The Sith Who Stole Alderaan), resulting in everyone not in alliance with him who have the power with no other choice BUT to declare war (the greatest threat the galaxy will ever face isn't death or destruction, but one single man shutting down the Galactic commerce). I feel Anakin should try at some point to negotiate the 'release' of the known Hyperspace lanes, as well as the creation of new ones, but I'm undecided about that (or more precisely the timing of it) as of yet.

And... that's all I got so far. I don't know where I want to take it from there. Obviously Anakin has fucked himself over by focusing so much on gathering all that power but not on gathering the allies needed to secure and stabilize it, but I really don't know what to do after that point. Obviously the Republic is in a very bad spot as they don't have their pre-plotted Hyperspace routes anymore, but Anakin lacks the sheer mind boggling numbers the rest of the Galaxy has and the allies needed to secure their flanks and whatnot.

Padme I feel would be the one gathering all of the allies, but they won't have all that they need when things go hot. So, thoughts and opinions?