Title: O' Amar' Aderth-Alag!

Author: Charles Garrett Abbott
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Adventure
Status: WIP
Library Category: Other Fandoms
Fandom: Lord Of The Rings
Pairings: N/A
Summary: Should a man still take up arms to protect the beauty of the world, even when in doing so he may risk its damnation?

If one has faith in the plans of Eru, then the answer is obvious.
Link: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/o-amar-aderth-alag-lotr-hobbit-tolkien-si.915174/

Okay yes yes it is a SI story but it is taken seriously and none of that more childish prose that you see on other SI stories is present. Infact prose of this story is very Tolkien to the point it impressed me. From the looks of it story will be about advantures of a wandering knight like Arturian stories and 2 adventures he had already shows a lot of promise. In the last chapter MC met Gandalf so we can say this is LOTR story and at 7 chapter it is long enough to judge and I think it holds up.

Main character is reborn as a Numenor, descended from the kings bloodline. He very faithful as it says in the summary and looks to world around him to see what he should do or where he should go and it is very Galahad like especially his already present loyality to Aragorn that he knows is going to become king.

Worth a read if you are looking for LOTR story to read.

 

You posted this in the wrong board. It should be in Other Fandoms Review Board.

 

Wrong forum or not that was VERY good. It reminds me a little of steelbadgers work i think, and i know no higher praise.

About the only down on it, is that it has the *potential* to be one of the best. ITs not there yet. Its still in the very very early stages and we will need to see where it goes. If it maintains the early potential/quality it will be amazing. But ive seen enough fics get lost in their story that this possible too.

But you are fully correct on the 'feel'. And the author clearly knows the world.

The only other 'down' side is im not sure why this is an SI exactly. But its early enough that might change.

But im definitely watching this one closely. I probably will refrain from rating till a bit more is written. But if I had to pull the trigger now an easy 4 stars so far. But again the story is still in its infancy.

 

Just read this and damn it's good. The prose is not quite perfect but it does give the feeling of Tolkien's works. I don't know if it's canon but having

Spoiler: Spoiler

Maglor live on Tol Morwen

was a really nice touch in my opinion.

I'm really curious where he will take this. The SI doesn't really seem very powerful right now in the grand scheme of things but he's still young. Definitively watched though.

Thanks for the suggestion!

4.5 stars round up to 5/5 for me although I'll revisit that in the future once more of the story is out.

 

I did report my own post so hopefully one of the mods will move this to proper Board.

 

I found this moderately enjoyable.

I'm not as impressed by the prose as many others seem to be, however. I feel that the narrative tone is very affected, transparently an attempted imitation rather than an authentic voice. The narrative equivalent of Sophie Turner's American accent in X-Men - it falls sufficiently short of the real deal that it's jarring, and probably it would have been better for the author to use a narrative voice they could deliver more authentically.

I also find that the narrative style is used as an excuse to escape from difficult writing, such as the conversation between the SI and Gandalf, where almost all the most important parts of the conversation - such as the revelation that the line of Feanor endures, a revelation which would shake Middle Earth to its core - are essentially skipped over without us getting to see the actual character reactions in real time. So the story fails to deliver on its biggest promises, by chickening out of actually showing those moments.

The pacing is also an issue. Now, this may potentially resolve itself as the story continues and the opening section exists within a wider context, but as matters stand it feels like we've just spent a lot of time on a side plot/"tutorial" section.

Another problem I have is the healing gem in the locket, which the author has made absurdly overpowered. Starlight bringing spiritual healing, self-reflection, etc. I can get behind. Like the silmarils but lesser. But the gem giving physical healing feels over the top, especially where it works on entire armies at once. And now because it's been made so practically useful, there's no choice but to deploy it at every opportunity because it would be unreasonable not to, which really cheapens its effect over time.

Another worldbuilding problem comes from the numbers. We are presented with an essentially tribal conflict between the unmapped peoples of Minhiraith. In principle, I support this type of worldbuilding - I've always felt Middle Earth as presented is too underpopulated and I appreciate worldbuilding which shows that there's a lot of "off screen" everyday people going about everyday lives of tending field and conducting trade.

However, I think this goes too far - the "tribal" armies being deployed number in the thousands - I think the big battle was 5,000 vs 7,000? That's not far off Battle of Helm's Deep numbers - far too large for a regional conflict between tribal leaders representing unsophisticated, hunter-gatherer societies. Not only are the demographics a problem, but the logistics are an issue too - armies of that size require very sophisticated supply lines which this tribal civilisation just doesn't have the capability to create (and are explicitly noted as not existing, with these massive armies supposedly "living off the land" - which in history has meant looting local farmers, not picking berries from bushes).

Finally, the core conceit of the story as an SI acts as a weight dragging the story down. Firstly because SI is basically never good, being that it breaks the 4th wall and reminds the reader that they are reading something set in a fictional world - SI is an inherently immersion-breaking mechanism. But even among those who are fine with SIs, this presentation of the trope is a problem, because the fact that the SI is an SI has absolutely zero bearing on the story. The character's "real world" knowledge has no affect on his behaviour, which is constantly a matter of "I'll let Eru guide me" - a philosophy that could equally have been achieved within the universe, given that the MC is a Numenorean descending from the Faithful. So not only is the SI immersion-breaking, it's also pointlessly immersion-breaking. It feels like the only reason the character is an SI is to conform to the shitty writing norms of Spacebattles.

Overall, 3/5

 

That is valid criticsm and hopefully it will not repeat in the future. Author did better at his meeting with Saruman as we see more of their interaction. I am hoping that trend will continue but perhaps I should tell this to Author. He might not have noticed the effect.

Author did say he was planning slightly episodic format for a while s MC travels and we see this after battle and his hunt for the vampire/blood wight which was a bit like Beawulf story. Honesly I like the idea of it so I haven't felt this is a problem.

It is blink and miss but is not total healing rather it makes it so that people that would survive have easier time but if they can't survive it just eases their passing. I feel this is important sidenote and will probably be revelant in the future. And does sound more spiritual that way.

We know Dunlanding exist in canon and not all of the 7k soldiers were tribals, some of them were the fisherfolk as they were calling themselves. And yes it did feel like numbers were a bit much but I think if you consider it being every able bodied man of the place (Bordermarch I think) it makes sense. It is pretty large area.

I think you are mostly right but there is an effect of SI on the story, first it gave initiative to MC, second he did tell Maglor everything from the future to where he comes from and he was interested in it enough to consider it a great gift so he did create the jewel as a recompense which he would not do otherwise. And I don't consider it being SI overly intrusive.