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WIP Path of the King by Neoalfa - M - F/Stay Night

Discussion in 'Fate/Stay Night' started by Probellum, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

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    Title: Path of the King
    Author: Neoalfa
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Romance
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Fate/stay Night
    Pairings: Shirou/Multi (Caster seems to be the main focus though)
    Summary: "With swords that aren't yours, with skills that aren't yours, for dreams that aren't yours. Your entire existence is a lie!" - "Then I'll show you that even fake dreams can become reality." A different choice, a different path, a different FATE.
    Link: Link

    Hrmm. A bit hard to describe...

    Alright, so it basically has Kiritsugu revealing his status as a mage earlier and actually training Shirou correctly, at least a bit. He also tells Shirou about the Grail War, and the destruction it had caused. Another major difference is that Kiritsugu's final words are different and makes Shirou promise to not forget to save himself, whilst trying to save others. From there, it spirals into Shirou still trying to be a Hero...but instead of lying around doing nothing for a few years, he actually takes it upon himself to work hard and become the vigilante known as Archer.

    In terms of quality, the beginning probably needs some work, but it isn't to bad, probably about average in terms of storytelling and grammar. However, you can see that it gets progressively better as it goes. there's also some cheesiness in the first few chapter's as well, but mostly due to the fact Shirou is trying to be what amounts to a Comic Book Superhero.

    I'll also say English his second language, and he's self-taught. Really, his grammar is actually fairly decent in spite of that, though I admit I might have missed somethings. Punctuation and such isn't my forte, spelling is.

    There are also a couple appearances of two character's from Persona 4, Dojima Ryuutaro and his assistant who's name I can't remember.

    Anyway, on a whole, I'd give it a 4/5.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2013
  2. NuitTombee

    NuitTombee Supreme Mugwump

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    I'll give it a 5/5.

    Mainly because it's kept my attention for the entire time I've been reading it. Which is a great thing because many story I just sorta...drift away from even if they did start good.
     
  3. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    My favorite fic in the fandom, better than FFD as it isn't deus ex machina dreams making Shirou competent. 5/5
     
  4. tragicmat1

    tragicmat1 Death Eater

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    Agree basically with above posters. I give it a 4.5/5 rounded to 5/5 in later chapters. The material feels fresh, and keeps me interested every chapter. The pacing of the story is slightly slower in the beginning but it picks up as soon as the world building is done.
     
  5. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    5/5. My comment on it from the In Flight thread:
    Points for the story:

    • Features Caster in a prominent role. She doesn't get nearly enough attention for her potential. It's always Saber this, Rin that, Sakura Sakura Sakura. Now, I don't have a problem with the normal girls, but it's nice to see Caster in this context.
    • Overall, and in combat in particular, there's a nice balance of show and tell. For the most part, F/SN stories seem to be a bit wordy. Not this one, though.
    • The buildup is fantastic. Really. Every chapter feels like a boiler building up pressure and waiting to explode. And the explosions are always violent and chaotic in the best ways.
    • Characterizations are well done. Shirou still wants to be a hero and Caster is still a backstabbing bitch, but they're fleshed out in refreshing ways. Even less important characters, like Dojima and Guilford, got real personalities without becoming caricatures.
    Points against the story:

    • Really my only issue right now. Shirou keeps just stumbling upon Noble Phantasms. Not literally, but he keeps just walking into situations where he finds some historic weapon to add to his collection. So far, it's the story's only deus ex machina and it's not too grating, but it is a thing.
    Get it in the library. It's far enough along to be properly reviewed for its merits and whatnot, and it's definitely one of the best of the fandom.
     
  6. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    First time I tried this I dropped it once I saw Shirou running around as Archer. But I'd suggest everyone continue past that. The Archer plot actually builds up to some pretty cool stuff and smoothly transitions into the beginning stages of the Holy Grail War.

    As LuckyLee said, it has a From Fake Dreams vibe to it, but actually being good. And by that I mean it doesn't just jump straight into the war, nor focus on nothing but the war. There's a lot of side plots that seem to be running concurrently (eg, Waver Velvet's involvement, Dojima the detective, etc).

    I also like the way that unlike most fics like this (where Shirou gets stronger at a young age), he isn't currently training his magic with Rin. She's close to him sure, but not enough that her role in the future is very clear.

    As a general rule, I'm not a fan of the characters summon different heroes for the hell of it. Most of the time this is used, it feels forced and pointless. But the way Shirou ends up with Caster as a servant is incredibly original, and done so seamlessly it doesn't feel like that at all.


    The things I'm not really a fan of is, as mentioned above, the fact Shirou calls himself Archer. He knows about the Grail War and what "Archer" would refer to - it doesn't seem in his character to call himself a Servant even in jest. I also felt the criminal swordsman being called Sasaki Kojirou felt kind of silly. Didn't like the fact Kuzuki is training Shirou either - though if Kuzuki doesn't become a Master it could still work out (replacing him with a dangerous and experienced magus could work well).

    Overall 4/5 at the moment with potential to go up if it continues along this vein. Really looking forward to updates on this. Definitely on par with the other FSN fics we've got in the library at the moment.


    EDIT: Thought I'd also mentioned the Dojima subplot a bit more. I really like it when fics do something like that - and not many do. In a world of the abnormal, involve people who aren't really a part of it and see their take (another example would be Ayako's role in World Without). Dojima's role is done really well - from his initial suspicions to what looks like complete involvement. The trick now will be to maintain that role, without really giving him any real capability. Looks like Taiga may get involved as well.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2013
  7. Tasoli

    Tasoli Headmaster

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    ^ Shirou doesn't call himself Archer, It is what other people calls him.

    this story is one of the best of the fandom I like how Author doesn't goes to extremes without build up. Every action has a reaction on this story which what makes a story in my opinion.

    5/5
     
  8. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Though I should give a proper review now that I have some free time.

    Just another point in this fic is Shirou doesn't have his dick sucked as much as in FFD. I like the way Caster is being used and the little moments involving Sakura are well done. Rin interactions are decent too with them not becoming friends instantaneously. But yeah the author having Shirou happen to face noble phantasms is a bother, but tolerable.
     
  9. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

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    Though I think in one of the latest chapter's AN's, the author explained that the original weapons and mysteries aren't Noble Phantasms, just really powerful Mystic Codes. A Noble Phantasm in his story are the things wielded by servants and empowered by their legends, as that apparently makes more sense to him. Things like Fragarach are the exceptions, as they embody concepts, or something.

    I admit, I don't know as much about Nasuverse physics as some of the other people on this site.
     
  10. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Arguing Nasuverse canon is a losing battle ><
     
  11. Mercenary

    Mercenary Snake Eater

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    Pretty much. Since a lot of it isnt exactly word of god since its left really vague which is why getting into debates about powers and shit starts to degenerate into "FUCK YOU!" "NO. FUCK. YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"


    In any case, Path the of King is a good FSN fic. In the beginning it doesnt seem to have a lot to do with the Grail War. And then Caster shows up.

    Hilarity ensues.

    Seriously though recent chapter has pretty much derailed canon further.

    You could even say its on a different track.


    Also this is to be a harem fic but right its a solid Shirou/Caster. XD
     
  12. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    I am so scared to read this story since I know the author is a massive fan of fan wanking Shirou, and I ask before I attempt to read, how much of that is here?
     
  13. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    It's present, but not overwhelming. Shirou is The Batman-lite of Fuyuki City. As already mentioned in this thread, he has a propensity for coming across the physical incarnations of noble phantasms. He's managed to befriend Caster by being himself. This Shirou is in every way a little better than canon Shirou at the same time period, both in personal character and ability. The author has also laid the groundwork for Shirou to have other future advantages, such as Kiritsugu making him aware of Ilya's existence, as well as telling him some very incomplete tales of the 4th Grail War. Also, he's going to end up in a harem. Classic fan wank warning there.

    So, things are going a little too well for Shirou, but it's spread out over the story and isn't enough to be truly grating. A slightly improved Shirou can be a lot of fun to read.

    Does that answer your question, Smile?
     
  14. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Yeah the fan wanking to Shirou in this story is waaaaay less than FFD.
     
  15. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

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    New chapter out. Seemed like one of those necessary filler chapters, more than anything else. Though that scene at the end hints pretty heavily at some Tsukihime action. May, or may not be a good thing.
     
  16. tragicmat1

    tragicmat1 Death Eater

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    Pretty boring chapter tbh. The author could've easily just merged the two longwinded explanations into one scene and focused on other stuff. But, I do hope that he plans to do something with the two characters he focused this chapter on, lest it be worthless filler.
     
  17. NuitTombee

    NuitTombee Supreme Mugwump

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  18. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

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    Hrmm...I can't tell if Shirou having Waver's memories is a good thing or not, simply because I don't know if Neoalfa will do the same thing as Third Fang, and basically give Shirou access to the Noble Phantasms Waver saw.

    Otherwise, things are heating up, Rin's summoned her Servant (Who clearly isn't EMIYA, any ideas who it is? I can only think of Medusa or Semiramis being the only female servants with gold eyes. Of course, it could be an 'original,' servant) and now Shriou's heading for Misaki.
     
  19. Fenraellis

    Fenraellis Minister of Magic

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    *cough* It's Shirou's eyes that are gold... *cough*Not a big stretch to figure out which green-eyed individual Shirou would know instinctively, if not actually.
     
  20. Owimbowé

    Owimbowé Third Year

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    It's good ol' Saber, Shirou is the one with the golden eyes. Hopefully, the talk with Rin should be entertaining in the next chapter.
    edit: ninja'd