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Abandoned Peace and Quiet by Virusgod - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Mindless, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

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    Title: Peace and Quiet
    Author: Virusgod
    Rating: M (R)
    Pairing: None as of yet.
    Recommended Category: Dark Arts
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 9,949
    Updated: November 19, 2007
    Published: July 10, 2007
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary:Too long has a corrupt Ministry ruled. Too long have the Death Eaters killed without fear. But now, three people decide enough is enough. That they must fight fire with fire. And they won't be alone.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3649162/1/Peace_and_Quiet

    This is a fun little two-chapter piece written by a DLP member. It's well-written, had some funny moments, and nipped several horrible cliches in the bud. It really has everything wanted for a DLP Library story.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 23, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2012
  2. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    “What did you conjure?”

    Hermione smiled.

    “Water,” she said, pausing for a moment to let that sink in. “In his lungs.”

    “So...you drowned him.”

    Hermione nodded. “He flopped around for a bit. I think he broke a lamp. Sorry.”

    That wins. It was too short, and most of the humor just didn't hit me that hard, but it's still worth a read. It could get much better, as well.

    4/5 for now, though.
     
  3. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

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    ^ Besides that, it seems like the stencil for every DLP fic made by every just-turned HP fan... ever.

    I dunno, maybe I'm just to tired for this shit, but it just seems overly standard to me.
     
  4. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Was OK but didn't hold my attention for long.

    Little remorse from Harry and Co. makes it seem unrealistic.

    Seems too rushed at the pace that everything is occuring.

    Same 'ministry is the problem so Harry sets out to fix' which eventually leads to him being grey borderline dark.

    It's mediocre although good to kill a few minutes.

    3.5/5

    Author might make it a bit more interesting if we see any orignal ideas later on but what has been shown doesn't really do it.
     
  5. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    I liked it, but I agree that it was way too standard.

    The second chapter was pretty funny, I think I'll wait for 2 more chapters to decide my rating, thought I don't think it'll be lower than 3/5.
     
  6. Virusgod

    Virusgod First Year

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    I'm trying to decide if I want to reply to that, but I'm really not sure. I will say though, that I am personally of the opinion that the whole light/grey/dark idea is clichéd and done to death. All sides think they are the good side, the right side. All sides think anyone else is wrong, evil, the enemy.

    Magic doesn't care.
     
  7. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    I'll admit to being surprised at how... I guess 'resigned to being ruthless' Hermione was. But that was a bit different. And I agree, so far this fic doesn't stand out much but there's definitely promise. Kind of how so many independent!Harry fics start with Harry escaping the Order's purview, hitting his vault(s), alley, trunk, secret new home... This fic seems to start from HBP pretty standardly with Death Eaters attacking Privet Drive, Harry and his sidekicks fighting back. And that's about all we've got so far.

    We'll have to see where these goofy sounding all-seeing all-powerful observers go. No idea if they are 'all-seeing, all-powerful', that's just how they come off so far with their Old Magic (capital letters make for a curious proper name), he names his Quest, and his Captains, etc...

    Too soon to judge, but I'm intrigued and looking forward to more.
     
  8. rj_stone2

    rj_stone2 Seventh Year

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    The idea that "the Ministry is evil and stupid for holding people without trials" is presented in the same chapter as the idea that "we need to stop messing around and start executing our enemies", with no discussion of the tension between the two.

    It's like the new version of the "there is no light and dark, only grey, and Dumbledore is EVIL because he can't see that" line of thought.
     
  9. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Ron and Hermione in a fic = fail.

    1/5 for me
     
  10. yojorocks

    yojorocks Seventh Year

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    Too much of a gen post HBP indy Harry fic for my tastes, not to mention the sheer incompetence of everyone but Harry, Hermione, and Ron... and that isn't even broaching the subject of the out of character dialogue and actions of the Trio. Amusing read, but don't get your hopes up; The only plus to it is the semi-original use of spells- Conjuring water in someone's lungs? Cool. 3/5
     
  11. xcel

    xcel Looked into the void

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    It's boring and its barely six thousand words so far. In my opinion only LONG LENGTH fics should go into the library.

    1/5 for all that fourth year spells are lethal too shit.
     
  12. Rain

    Rain Pirate Navigator of the 7 Seas

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    /blinks in surprise

    Well, at least by posting it people have a chance to find a story they might enjoy? I'd rather follow a story for months, and have something to read, than have nothing at all to hold my attention. Finding even an on the boarder "alright" story is rather difficult to do.

    Anyway, I liked it. It didn't stand out as brilliant, or even too original, but it was a decent read. However, the characters could be developed a little more. 3.5/5 for now, but might change as the story develops.
     
  13. parselmaster

    parselmaster Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    I agree, the characters need some development. As is, they've gone out of character remarkably quickly, just like several cliche Dark!Harry stories out there, but I liked the fact that this addresses several cliches in a semi-mocking manner.
    They recieved underage ministry warnings when they were of age. That is something that tends to irk me a bit, but the head was a nice touch. But on another hand, the survey of the Dursley's house was a bit, off...
    Some of the humor needs some work but a few peices were entertaining.

    Virus, it needs a bit of improvement but overall it wasn't bad.
     
  14. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Please dont waste our time with idiotic posts like this. At least add something valuable outside of your biased, and moronic, opinion. Ron and Hermione are main characters, so unless its a complete AU, they are gonna be around.

    In conclusion: STFU or go suck a dick.
     
  15. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

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    Were you dropped on your head as a baby?
     
  16. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I liked it really. The action scene was fun and if you are going to go AU and make them ruthless killers than I hate having to read chapters of angst and transition before they become that way. I liked the fact that they just decided things needed to be done and stuck with it when the time came.

    I liked the fact that you added Ron and Hermione in rather than doing the old best friends switcharoo. It always annoys me when people change out Harry's best friends for two new people because they want someone more ruthless or more powerful to match the new more powerful, more ruthless Harry. If you randomly make Harry a cold killer why can't Hermione and Ron change as well? Is there any reason to bring in uber!Bella or uber!Tonks when you already have two fleshed out characters to use?

    My only real issue is the random 'Order of Mysteriousness' people outside who watch over them and say corny lines. It would be oh so much more fun if Harry, Ron, and Hermione just went off alone and kicked some ass. Not really realistic but neither is the rest of the fic.

    I do worry, if you continue to write this after the poor reviews you got from the other members, how you will do in scenes that aren't just action. I like your action scenes. You seem to have a flare for them. But I haven't seen anything besides action yet.

    I liked the little 'Tonks shows off the house to her superiors' scene. It amused me.

    Others might not like it but I'm a fan. 4.5/5 for me, mate.
     
  17. Virusgod

    Virusgod First Year

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    Harry's the only one who got the warnings, not the other two. They've both been of age for a while (hence the apparating). As it wasn't yet midnight when Harry was casting, it was still underage.

    And yes, I know the three are acting ooc. There's a reason for that. It will be hinted towards in the next chapter, but explained in the one after. (basically, someone did a minor bit of mind-woogling with their heads)

    As for the Dursley's layout, ya I wasn't exactly sure the setup, so winged it from the movies. Course...the movies are different each year, so...meh.

    As for the action stuff, ya, thats what I write best, battles;, large and small scale, but I'm good with dialogue as well. The bits between the action are the hardest for me, so sometimes they feel rushed, but...I dunno. I enjoy writing, especially action scenes, and since I can't have a fic of just straight fightfightfight, and I want to write cause I enjoy it, gotta have some non-fights for y'know...plot, character development, unexciting stuff like that.

    As for continuing to write despite getting poor reviews? Meh. People are entitled to their opinions. Some of them may be right. Some of them may be useless wastes of what didn't run down their mother's leg. I write for myself. I post it...half out of boredom, and half because some people DO like it. Some people will, some people won't. The people who won't can stop reading, I'm not gonna lose sleep over it.

    ...kay, I'm gonna stop editing this damn post and go back to writing now lol.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2007
  18. xcel

    xcel Looked into the void

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    Increase word count to about 20 thousand at the minimum virusgod. Then mods put in library maybe? Because it is a good enough fic so far.
     
  19. Virusgod

    Virusgod First Year

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    Oh I've enough planned to hit 100k at the very minimum. Its just a matter of time. I tend to write in spurts, in the periods of time between edit jobs and writing/animating a business project.
     
  20. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Was there some reason you posted twice in the one thread? Posting different opinion each time? Really man, stop listening to the voices, or only bother with one of them when you come online.

    First time around, you say its boring and rate it 1/5.

    Second time around you say it is a good enough fic so far. Thats more than 1/5 man.

    My own opinion is that the fic is shaping up nicely. It requires more content before it becomes an excellent thing to just sit down and read, but as it is I've added it to my Story Alert list.

    4/5