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WIP Remember Two Things by FrostyTheDopeMan - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Skeletaure, Jul 6, 2024.

  1. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Title: Remember Two Things
    Author: FrostyTheDopeMan
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Romance
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category:
    Pairings: Harry P./Astoria G.
    Summary: Reeling from his ordeal in the graveyard, Harry Potter is left anxious and isolated with the Dursleys. A mysterious letter and some uninvited guests cause him to rethink his plans to stay at Privet Drive for the summer. Join Harry as he takes on corrupt governments, finds love, inspires his friends, and learns magic at the side of his greatest mentor, Albus Dumbledore. 5th year.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14357588/1/Remember-Two-Things

    Alternative telling of OotP with a stronger Harry, a more proactive mentor Dumbledore, and a relationship with Astoria Greengrass.

    Canon tone, good quality writing. The point of divergence of Astoria writing to Harry out of the blue is somewhat contrived, but everything that follows works well. No bashing, no caricatures, villains aren't dumb.

    Harry's magical growth is satisfying and feels natural.

    The romantic aspect of the relationship with Astoria is slow burn but cute and the chemistry works.

    The story is close enough to canon OotP to deliver satisfying variations of familiar events, but different enough that you don't get bored.

    Author says the fic is complete, will be posted 2 chapters a week up to a total length of 370k words. The update rate so far bears this out.

    Best fic I have read in years. Not a guilty pleasure - genuinely good.

    5/5
     
  2. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    Is it on ao3 at all?
     
  3. GlebsNewfoundland

    GlebsNewfoundland Squib

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    Yes
     
  4. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

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    I agree with the random letter to Harry, at the beginning, is a little awkward in terms of a start. It seems as if the author just wanted to hook them up and this was the most expedient way to go about a romantic relationship. I've definitely seen and personally written worse though. After it gets past the second chapter, everything seems to even out and the plot can move forward without said awkwardness.

    Everything else is spot on. It's an enjoyable enough story. 4/5 due to far too many copy/paste text from book to this story. I think the author is talented enough to come up with their own spin in dialog, etc., but for some reason doesn't.
     
  5. Baradine

    Baradine Seventh Year

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    It seems like the author only has prior experience adapting someone else's fanfiction work into something less cringy (I read it, and if they succeeded my god I don't wanna know what the hell was up with the previous iteration, because it's still cringe). Likely they don't have much experience creating original work yet.
     
  6. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy The Cursed Child DLP Supporter

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    I like that the fic framed dark magic as a negative feedback loop, not as something truly inherently corrupting or addicting or whatever. You need negative emotions to use the magic, and it's ever so effective, so you use it more and since it doesn't work as well if you're not angry, you're angrier more.

    It seems to be a fic where dark magic can be a hammer and if thats all you've got, everything is a nail.

    Much like how I think the dark side of the force works.

    Force choking this guy helps to save others. Yay it worked! Choking that guy helps that guy live. Worked! Choking that other guy helps me live. Worked! Choking them helps me and saves that other guy. Worked!

    All of them can choke if it helps me and saves someone. All of them can choke if it helps me

    All of them can choke.

    Wait, who was I saving?
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2024
  7. James

    James Unspeakable

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    Definitely the best story of 2024. 5/5
     
  8. Drachna

    Drachna Professor

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    I wasn't a fan of the writing style so I dropped it early, after about two chapters. I'm sure that it might get a lot better, but I wasn't hooked. Compared to similar AUs in the library, I think this would rank pretty low. I'd give it a 3/5 maybe.
     
  9. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Chapter 24 was an excellent update and surely going to upset the cart.

    I’ve seen Umbridge murdered in a lot of fics but all of them were edgelord IndyHarry. This is the first time I have seen Umbridge murdered with a Harry whose personality is still largely his canon self. It carries so much more weight. There are definitely going to be consequences - at the least, Dumbledore is surely going to find out.
     
  10. Quick Ben

    Quick Ben In ur docs, stealin ur werds.

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    I wonder why Harry isn't bothered at all that Daphne just used all three unforgivable curses. Is his seemingly blasé attitude around this part of the corruption caused by casting Dark Magic?

    I still don't quite get the point of divergence for this Harry in terms of his morality. Cold, hard murder isn't something I thought he would be relatively ok with
     
  11. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Another update. Good action and a fun measure of how far Harry has come.

    However, I do feel some disappointment that the author resorted to the fanon trope of the random Death Eater attack on Diagon Alley. It has never made sense to just randomly attack the alley for no strategic purpose and makes even less sense here where Voldemort is still trying to keep a low profile. Hopefully there will be some explanation to follow that these Death Eaters got drunk and went rogue or something to that effect.

    Greengrass party coming up. It would be a great scene if Harry were to gate crash the party. But it would be difficult to justify if he did. Let’s see what happens.
     
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