Title: Sacrifice
Author: lepolemicist
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure/Tragedy
Status: WIP
Fandom: Fate/Stay Night
Pairings: Shirou/Saber
Summary: The corrupted Grail gives Shirou the chance to do it all over – and save everyone. But the darkness is omnipresent and even the benefit of hindsight is not infallible. There is no salvation without sacrifice.

Link: FFN

Essentially about a time-travelling Shirou. This Shirou does not suffer from mental retardation like normal (Fate) Shirou - the reasons will be explained in-story. Further, the story is about how Shirou struggles with his ideals - unlike in Fate, Shirou is pushed to kill, lie and otherwise sacrifice his spiritual/emotional well-being for the sake of saving others.

tldr: Shirou experiences what Kiritsugu and Archer experienced as they attempted to pursue their ideals in the brutality of the real world.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post this - I'm the author - please try not to sodomize/banhammer me.

 

I didn't read it yet but you should have written much more than one chapter before posting it for review.

If you want, go to misc work by authors and post it if you want criticism.

 

This has enough good stuff in it that WbA could really help improve things. But the beginning is a trek to work through. There isn't a hook, and the opening paragraph's deliberate confusion goes way too far.

 

Updated.

Second chapter has people killing each other - rather than just talking - so it'll probably be more interesting

Apologies for the confusing opening - that's from the Visual Novel itself, and I do think its strangeness - in context - does its job in conveying the Grail's madness-inducing corruption.

 

Shirou's more ruthless characterisation is interesting. Pleasing, even. What's not is being asked to rate this story so soon. This is the Library subforum. It's for readers. Giving us one or two chapters and asking us to rate it is not on. It's like rating a movie after seeing the first 5 minutes.

It isn't against the rules, but it is generally considered to be in poor taste. As others have said, if you want feedback, then post this in the Work by Authors subforum.

fake edit: Hmm, you already have. Carry on then.

Consider allowing this to fall into the Recycling Bin, and once you have half a dozen or so chapters out, bump the thread and ask people to re-rate it then in light of the new content.

Bumping it now for every chapter update would be a little annoying. People who're reading your fic will have it on their alerts anyway.

 

I liked it, not enough for a true judgement yet. But I am definitely intrigued. I certainly hope you continue this.

So far? 3.5, rounded up to 4/5 for purposes of voting.

 

It's a decent take on a typical fanfiction concept.

Writing is...alright. Characters are decent. I like the way Shirou isn't just trying to follow events as they occured and make minor changes - he's changing it up straight away.

It's more of a guilty pleasure at this stage though (largely due to the awesomeness of FSN, and lack of readable fics in the genre).

3/5.