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Complete Scorpion's Disciple by nobody102 - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Chaoticblues, Jun 28, 2009.

  1. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    Title: Scorpion's Disciple
    Author: Nobody102
    Rating: T
    Fandom: Naruto
    Chapters: 15
    Words: 149,909
    Updated: October 17, 2011
    Published: June 25, 2009
    Status: Technically Complete, but the last chapter is a summary of how the story was intended to continue and end.

    Summary: AU. Orochimaru’s resignation from Akatsuki is more intense than in canon, resulting in a meeting between young Naruto and Sasori… Slow buildup.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5166693/1/Scorpions_Disciple


    Alrighty, I wasn't really expecting much when I started reading this. Most fics involving Sasori teaching Naruto leads to some weird thing where Naruto becomes unbeatable in 2 chapters and starts killing jounins for human puppet experiments.

    It was a pleasant surprise to find that it was actually pretty good. It's only 4 chapters in so far but the chapters are about 10k words each and seem to have a nice update rate, though I suspect the author had already written the chapters. Still, while it could be argued that Sasori meeting Naruto doesn't make a lot of sense, after that it's actually quite a nice read. Naruto doesn't become super at all, at least not yet. So I'll give it a tentative 4/5 based on what I've read so far. Certainly above average as far as Sasori mentor fics go.


    Checked: June 11, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2012
  2. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    I originally put this up for review at ADD...and kinda regret having done so. It started off fine enough (though the logic of Sasori giving his name to a loudmouth like Naruto baffles me, as though he couldn't stupidly mention 'Sasori' during a chat with Sandaime or whoever). People might not know his face and might have heard of him being dead, but you can be damned well sure that the Hokage knows that name.

    Regardless of that, the story is heading downhill in a hurry. It IS very much on the track to Super Naruto, or have you not noticed the signs? He's getting training from like four different people. Also, ugh at Shino and Hinata as his two main friends.

    Finally...the first two words of chapter four being 'Mitarashi Anko' made me drop a star off the rating in and of itself. Words cannot describe how much I have come to hate her in fanfiction. Seriously, it's at the point where I simply will not read any story that has Anko in any sort of important role.

    And yes, this does include my own.
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  3. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    Yeah I know what you mean. I'm just trying to be very very very very optimistic that a super naruto won't be made. It's a slim hope but I'll wait maybe 2 or 3 more chapters before I change my rating to 1 star lol. Though to be fair I don't think all Anko stuff is bad. Geor-Sama pulled it off well I think.
     
  4. Ceebee

    Ceebee High Inquisitor

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    Yes, I gotta agree that it does seem like it's going down the path to SuperNaruto. But other than this, there isn't really that much plot, and has had practically a 30k+ training arc (that will probably continue onward). All we know is that Sasori is on a quest of vengeance against Orochimaru for wreaking his puppet collection when he defected from Akatsuki.

    There is no plot other than that. Sure, he went to Konoha and has taken Naruto under his wing (for what? A loyal, powerful pawn he that will help him kill Orochimaru? No way, his and Narutos relationship doesn't work that way), but thats it. Aside from Naruto personality transplant, which is just a carriage for SuperNaruto.

    I too, like LT2000 don't really like Hinata/Shino/Anko inclusions. Canon pretty much has them as really ancillary characters that (some) authors want to throw into their story, thats fine and this author even gave a decent reason for Naruto going out to Shino, but the inclusion of Anko & especially Hinata are really random imo.

    I can't help but wince, but Shino + Hinata friendship screams to me as Team 8-Kiba+Naruto foreshadowing, which I generally dislike, but I attribute that to a hatred of Hinata more than anything, and an ambivalence to Shino.

    Something needs to happen; because the story is alright, I mean I'm giving it 3/5 because despite what I think are some flaws, it's written pretty well (aside from what looks to be like a couple words a chapter that are from, i.e. ands when an is needed and some minor things like that). But something does need to happen, otherwise I'll completely stop reading this story.

    I guess the author could scale up all the other ninja to deSuperNaruto the story, and SuperShino too, considering it's really stressed that Shino owns his face in, really easily infact, which is probably what he's doing by having SuperShino in the first place...

    Still, I feel like this is a 3/5, but it's gotta hurry the fuck up, or I think I'll fall asleep reading it.
     
  5. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    I don't know, I like the slow pace this is going. This means it can get better in the long run because the author does not rush it.
     
  6. asa

    asa First Year

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    Title is "Scorpion's Disciple", so I expected the trainers to stop at Sasori with Kabuto as an assistant. Not sure where Anko fits in unless this was "Nasties' Disciple".

    Otherwise the story is written well enough. It's the kind of cliche-filled story I might read as a guilty pleasure from time to time. The slow buildup adds half a point in my book. Not all super!Naruto stories even bothered with that.

    Won't rate until there are more chapters.
     
  7. Krogan

    Krogan Alien in a Hat ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I was a little iffy at first but I felt it was passable because I really enjoy fics with a well done Sasori but he just kinda spiralled past chapter two. Then theres the Hinata and Anko thing, I despise Hinata, women authors decide all the shy is covering up a Kage level super ninja and use her as a self insert disguise while guys decide shes hiding some perverted kink slut and it turns into one long string of lemons, I used to not mind her so much but Im pretty much at the point where I hit the x if I see her and Naruto become friends. Anko on the other hand I really enjoy when done well i.e. Geor-Samas Shinobi Wars, thats what Anko teaching in a fic needs to be and what this falls short of.

    Long story short, good idea, good writing but it feels like after chapter two he just had explosive idea diharrea all over and put in every little thing he had ever wanted in.
     
  8. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    Well I'm just waiting for it to get to the point where Naruto becomes super powered and gets a lot of people who want to teach him for no real reason. Until then though I think its still decent XD. The thing I like though is that Sasori is, as someone else previously mentioned, well written compared to other fics involving him which usually goes something like: Sasori picks up a stray Naruto who just ran away from the village or was beaten up by "those ignorant villagers". Then he teaches Naruto everything in one or two chapters. Sasori dies in some random fight and then Naruto is left to be uber on his own, figuring out ways to defeath Itachi at the age of 11 or something like that.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2009
  9. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

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    It's a decent story, but I'll have to see how the author pulls off the events of canon Naruto. I'll hold off on rating until I see how well he is able to execute what seems to be a decent idea. That said, I do like Sasori's characterization in this and it is a fairly novel way of getting him into Konoha.
     
  10. Heleor

    Heleor EsperJones DLP Supporter

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    Hmm. Not sure whether he listened to our criticisms or not, but Anko was forbidden from teaching him. He did in fact get Gai as a teacher, but only for a week as punishment from the Hokage.

    The spar with Sasori was interesting, but Sasori didn't seem to be very angry that Naruto destroyed 7 puppets. The chakra-string explosive kunai were actually a pretty clever idea, in my opinion.

    Supposedly next chapter is getting into the graduation exam, so we'll see how he handles canon material.
     
  11. GiantMonkeyMan

    GiantMonkeyMan High Inquisitor

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    Not really, since you can detonate explosive-notes regardless with a simple handseal. Not really any need for the chakra-strings to be involved in anyway.

    And the inclusion of Gai? Bollucks. He's got a team he should be teaching already. The whole point of jounin-senseis is so that they focus on the teams that they have been assigned and train them into fully functioning shinobi. Why give him extra work? If anyone should be ordered by the Hokage to teach Naruto it should be Ebisu. You know, the special jounin who focuses on tutoring.

    The fic's alright, but the author just feels the unfounded need to include every bit of fanwank he can. At least he does it logically (for the most part) and in an interesting manner.
     
  12. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Like I said over on ADD, the words Maito Gai and training should never be used in the same sentence else you can be sure the story has inescapably fallen into the pit of failed super!Naruto fics and training arcs.

    Still, the political aspects are getting sorta interesting, and Naruto's prank actually made me laugh when I read it. The Sandaime is turning into an interesting character and Shino's dilemma is one of the more original ones I've seen in regards to the Aburame.

    All in all I'm gonna give it a tentative 4/5, because despite the training he's getting from pretty much everyone, the supporting cast and their plot arcs are making it interesting... Plus it's beginning to feel very much like a guilty pleasure fic for me. I'm enjoying it as a light read and it has a somewhat logical plot that is tying in pretty well with the minor ones surrounding it.
     
  13. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    Damn dudes, chapter 5 really took a dive imo. I get the feeling that the author may have seen this thread and just completely dropped Anko out of the blue, only to replace her with Gai. I dunno I think I'll wash my hands of this fic now. It feels like it's going to get worse and I don't want to waste my time reading something that is guaranteed to suck. The author could have tried and pull something good with the Anko thing, but since he threw that out the window on a whim it seems, gg.
     
  14. vinais

    vinais Second Year

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    Definitely a guilty pleasure fic for me. Just get the feeling that we are in for some twist in the exams. Also interested in seeing whether Anko and Sasori cross paths, especially if the Orochimaru connection is exploited. 4.5/5 for the writing and unusual take on Shino and Sasori
     
  15. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

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    You guys do realize that he is only training with Gai for a week and it is actually more of a punishment than anything else.
     
  16. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    Ah I was wondering when this story will be added. Its a pretty good story with a few grammar mistakes and cliches. 4/5 for now
     
  17. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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    I was hesitant at first, but found that it really was interesting. I especially liked that Sasori wasn't an instant sensei, but that it slowly grew. And I especially enjoy Sasori's training method, what with his being direct and seemingly uncaring of his pupil.

    The progression that Naruto has shown was done rather well.

    All in all, a good fic and definitely a guilty pleasure.
     
  18. Mercenary

    Mercenary Snake Eater

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    Pretty much what I would say. Its better than those other supa Naruto fics.
     
  19. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    This. I liked this a good bit. Just finished reading whats been posted thus far. This is the first Naruto fic I've read ain a bit that was decent and didn't feature a shit ton of useless angst and other shit. Although, in some points in this it pushes it.

    I don't understand everytime he has to tell someone about being the container that its at all terrible. Not only that, everyone is either always shocked or they knew it all along, and that it makes sense for him to be a mental midget.

    Overall A 3 rating with a potential to go up to four after I see how the rest of the story goes.
     
  20. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

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    I enjoyed it as a casual read. There's nothing truly original, and there are some foibles and cliches, but it's certainly one of the better Puppeteer!Naruto fics out there. I've always liked the idea of ninja puppetry, but authors keep making it gay or stupid. This fic doesn't break the fourth wall, but it's not bad.

    It's getting a 3.75/5 from me atm, but it also has the potential to be an enormous failure, so I'll be watchful.