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WIP Sealkeeper: He Who Binds by Syynistyre - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Other Fandoms Review Board' started by ZachAttack2018, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    Title: Sealkeeper: He Who Binds
    Author: Syynistyre (now Eyazharid on ff.net)
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category:
    Fandom: Naruto
    Pairings: None officially
    Summary: His sister may have been given the Kyuubi, but armed with Namikaze Minato's greatest sealing masterpiece, Uzumaki Naruto will carve his way through the shinobi world- one body at a time.
    My rating: 4/5

    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11651066/1/Sealkeeper-He-Who-Binds

    Where to begin? To start, I'd like to point out that I could have very well missed this fic being posted elsewhere, but a forum search revealed nothing, so here I am. It is very popular on ff.net, and while that's not saying much, If nobody has posted anything on this site I would be very surprised.

    This story, as far as I can tell, is completely AU apart from the Kyuubi attack, and some major canon plot points, such as the sand/sound invasion. Even that is done differently, however. The Naruto in this fic is in a world where Kushina and an OC sister survived that night, and they grow up relatively normal. All I can say without spoiling the plot is that if you can get past the first (say, 10) chapters, then you will probably love this fic. Naruto develops a mindset similar to that of Danzo, of all people, and it's done while keeping the multitude of characters this fic balanced extremely well. It has distinct, different POVs, a level of world building that I find is only matched by the highest quality of Naruto fanfiction, and a set of interesting characters/events. Romantically, Naruto has several different prospects that serve as a flavorful spice to a story that notably does not make relationships the focus, only an added element on the overarching storyline. The story's political aspect is admirable without developing into any cliches that other Naruto and/or HP contain.

    To criticize, I find that the first actual chapter past the prologue contains one major cliche that is probably the worst in the story. It features the infamous
    "Kushina abandons naruto"
    schtick, but even that is done in a different way than most. Additionally, sometimes the story can be somewhat slow. Not scrawling, per se, but still slow.

    At the moment, this story is approximately 560,000 words and contains 83 chapters, updated weekly. Another positive point for this story is that it has been consistently updated for a while, so there is little fear of sudden withdrawal.
    The only reason I did not post this in the library review is that I genuinely believe someone has already posted this before.

    If you can get past the first few chapters and into the meat of the story, this is exceptional.

    Additionally, this story features Naruto "equipped" from birth, though he does not realize it until later, with what is entitled "Namikaze Minato's Greatest Sealing Masterpiece, the SealKeeper." From what I can tell, it is a type of seal that can be modified to suit any purpose.

    This story contains some really strange stuff as well, such as:
    A temporary female Orochimaru, a Mikoto that survives the massacre but leaves Konoha anyways, and an Itachi that unknowingly pervs on his mother

    Even by my DLP-tuned high standards, this story is a 4/5.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  2. Limetrix

    Limetrix Squib

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    2/5. What was the entire beginning? Plus no repercussions for killing a member of another Clan. I stopped reading at chapter 10.
     
  3. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    There are repercussions, pretty much right after it happened. I tried to point out in my post about that. If you read through chapter 15 or 20 and still don't like it, I'd recommend dropping it. The entire next stage and the rest of the story all stem from Naruto's reaction to their retaliation.

    In my opinion, this is too good of a story, especially with the current state of Naruto fanfiction, to pass up without reading through a portion of it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  4. Sey

    Sey Seyberbully DLP Supporter

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    This is really bad.

    The author has a weak grasp of the English language, most evident in his wordy sentences. For instance: "The excitement in the air rang more clearly than the academy bell ever could have as countless students raced out from their first day, eager to tell parents and siblings about what they had and would learn under the tutelage of experienced Chūnin instructors."

    Such a sentence drags on and on, boringly.

    More so, the writing's style is the epitome of cliché. Evidenced by a paragraph in the first chapter which reads: "Like acid it spread, a ravenous beast that devoured everything it encountered as it coursed through his veins. He was aware of screaming- his own, most likely- but he felt an odd detachment from the sound that failed to invoke any recognition within his heart. No, there was no time for such trivial things when he was busy feeling his innards liquefy and weakened bones shatter under the unexpected strain of melted muscle. The smell of burning flesh assaulted his nose as his skin shriveled away and the taste of his own blood filled his mouth."

    Everything underlined can be considered a cliché. But even worse is just how hard paragraphs like this try. It's so evident that the author truly wants it to seem epic, but such a style is hard to pull off without sufficient skill, and most of the time, it fails.

    This, combined with a lack of knowledge of grammar conventions make the technical aspects of the writing bad.

    As far as the ideas expressed in the story, it's unremarkably juvenile. Lines such as "Hell, with his absolute lack of Uzumaki Luck, he wouldn't be surprised if she felt his very existence was mocking her, taking from her everything she held precious in her life" represent ideas so overdone and childish its hard to take seriously. This becomes a larger issue with the narrative trying to go for a more mature tone.

    And what mature story couldn't feature prostitution! That's how you know that character is serious and there are mature themes. Take a look! "'The red light district, I'm not surprised.' Despite the early time of day, the red light district was roaring with activity as the more seedy citizens conducted less than savory business. Seedy citizens like the one he was following and – considering what he was and was going to be doing- he probably fit into that category now too. Fucking fantastic." How mature!

    Just to drive it home, look how the author describes women: "Her figure was average, with B-cup breasts and a narrow waist that widened only slightly at her hips. Light skin was fairly clean, or would have been had she not fallen on the muddy ground. She wasn't anything special, but she was certainly good looking enough to distract a man from his worldly woes when in her company." Hell, Donald Trump talks about women in a better manner.

    That's not all though, what would a strong Naruto story be without a healthy dose of pedophilia be:
    This is complete hot fucking garbage. If I was a mod, I'd ban you.


    1/5.
     
  5. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    Is there some kind of invisibility field on the words in my first post that cover when I said: "get past the first 10-15 chapters"? People don't seem to see that for some reason. Yes, this fic struggles in the beginning. I said it, the author says it in his AN. It only really hits its stride in chapters 15-20 and beyond.
     
  6. Sey

    Sey Seyberbully DLP Supporter

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    The first chapter is so pathetically bad. This dude will need 10 years to get his stuff readable.
     
  7. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    Well, he did take a few years off from writing it, I believe. Anyways, if anybody gets past chapter 20 and still doesn't like it, then, by all means, flame. The first chapter sucks, but basing the entire work off the first part makes it really easy to miss a potentially good fic. "Pathetically bad"? I've seen a lot worse from fics that got better reviews overall.

    I must say, you make Taure look like the kindest, most gentle reviewer on this site.
     
  8. BTT

    BTT Headmaster

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    I'm vaguely receptive to requests to read one or two chapters before it "starts to get good" but 10-15, let alone 20 chapters is asking way too much.
     
  9. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    That's fair. I think the first few chapters only are really bad to those with the highest standards. This is a large enough fic with enough work behind the later parts of the world building and character development that I personally think it's worth it, but it is certainly not for everyone.
    For those who are worried about the more mature aspects of the story, there are no lemons so far, and Naruto does not actually engage in any such behavior until
    Chapter 75, which is about 500,000 words into the story
     
  10. Zansa

    Zansa Third Year

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    I read the first couple chapters, skimmed the next handful, jumped ahead to chapter 26, and the very first sentence showcases the same problems that Sey highlights.

    I copied from the first sentence to some arbitrary end point, and I was going to only highlight the weakest verbiage, but then I realized that's all of it. It does not get better as the chapter goes on or changes scene and POV.

    This description of Hanabi and Neji's interaction was almost comical in how over the top it was. I can tell this is especially awful because I genuinely like scenes and characters like this, they're my greatest weakness in fiction and I'm starved for them, but even I only think this is almost not terrible.

    So I skipped ahead to the latest chapter. Again, Just copying from the start to some arbitrary end point.

    I know what the author is going for with his style of writing. I love writing that oozes with character voice, I love it when narrative and character is so intermingled that you can't tell one from another. That style of writing is very hard to do, some of the best writers in the world struggle with it. It's something you have to specialize in, and there are some authors right here on DLP that do that style of writing really, really well. Unfortunately, Eyazahrid is not even an "okay" writer on a fundamental level, let alone specializing in such a hard-to-write style. His word choice is weak, sentence construction is monotonous and lengthy, and description is shallow and unevocative when not outright useless.

    To top that off, his characters are so shallow and uninteresting that even if his prose could make Tolkien weep, his writing would still not be engaging. Characters just don't feel real. At all. I don't know when and where in the timeline we are at chapter 83, but no part of this interaction between Naruto and Sakura seems genuine to me. They're both ninja. Presumably by this point they've both done ninja things, but Sakura's a shaking damsel in distress barely able to do her job that she's presumably trained years for.

    Maybe it's unfair for me to take a scene so heavily out of context, but even back near the beginning of the story - just take Sey's quoted example with the prostitute - characters don't feel like they're who we are supposed to believe they are. That prostitute did not feel in any way, shape, or form like a prostitute to me. She felt more like a seasoned ninja playing a bit gag. Maybe she was a seasoned ninja fucking with Naruto for some asinine reason, but then we have to consider that she's trash at her job because, again, she did not act at all like I expect a prostitute to act. Not even a little bit.

    And then there comes a point where we actually have to question the author's intelligence and/or world building. Naruto gave that prostitute ¥100,000 that he apparently just had as pocket change. That is over 900 USD. I have nothing more to say about that.

    Honestly I would rate this a 2 because despite it all, it's readable. But the more I think about the ¥100,000 the more mad I become, so I'm giving it a 1/5 because I honestly don't think the author put half a second of thought into that scene and I'm personally offended he put less effort into writing it than I spent reading it.
     
  11. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I haven't read this and as such probably shouldn't be posting but I saw the thread title and was legit convinced this was a crack fic about a Naruto who worked at OceanWorld.
     
  12. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Because I don't want to see people just play off one another's posts about how much they can shit on this story, lets get a few more reviews on this and then I'll put it where it needs to go.

    Your entire review was made null by garbage like this. Have some class you mouth breathing fucking hyena. Its one thing to not like a story and shit on it in a creative way, but don't put pressure on a new member that's just wanting to share content with us they might find enjoyable.

    It makes it harder for everyone to find their place here when all you got is monkey's flinging poo at them and their personal choices.

    Don't troll bait. I expect better from you.

    @Zansa thanks for doing what Sey couldn't.
     
  13. ZachAttack2018

    ZachAttack2018 Squib

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    I’d read that. It would at least be something new. (Unless a story with Naruto working at OceanWorld already exists, in which case someone please link me.)
    I’m not familiar with Japanese currency, so when I read this through I’m guessing I missed that or dismissed it. That said, I don’t have much experience reading characters who are written well enough to fill your vice. This is probably my greatest chance, sad as it may seem. Overall, however, I posted this with so high a review because I had just finished reading the whole thing, and just sat there in “contemplation mode” for a bit. I don’t tend to critically read fics too closely the first time through. I understand all the negative reviews, and while I can see the points being made IMO this work was better that quite a few in the Naruto library page. To each their own, I guess.