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WIP Second Chance by Newbie1104 - T - HP/Fate/StayNight

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by D. P. Throat, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. D. P. Throat

    D. P. Throat Disappeared

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    Title: Second Chance
    Author: Newbie1104
    Rating: T (Teen)
    Genre: Adventure/Fantasy.
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternatives.
    Pairings: None so far.
    Summary: Shirou Emiya managed to destroy a Fake Holy Grail at the cost of losing his life. However, as it was dissolving, he carelessly speak out loud his last wish, which was then granted by the remnant of an imperfect Grail. As a result, Shirou was pulled into another world, and ultimately, given a second chance to fulfill his wish. AU.
    Link:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11122524/1/Second-Chance

    Pretty interesting take on a Fate-HP crossover. Basically, as Shirou Emiya dies in one world (we're never told which route he's from), Harry Potter dies in another. Due to Shirou accidentally blurting out his wish upon his death, he's brought to the empty corpse of Harry Potter. To be honest, the premise, while interesting, could've been done a little better. Certain characters, like Dumbledore, just don't sound right; despite the fact that the author is fairly good at capturing character behavior, he's not great at conveying a believable voice for certain characters.

    One of the major positives of the story is that Shirou acts like what you'd expect from a Fate-Route Shirou. I don't want to say too much, because that would spoil it, but the author has an excellent sense for fleshing out characters and forcing them to adapt to his style of writing. Ron, for example, differs quite a bit from Year 3/4 Ron, but as you read on, you start to forget the difference because this version of Ron is simply more appropriate for this fic.

    Lastly, this fic does suffer from some of the standard issues that plague fanfiction. Issues like an OP protag, like comically bashed characters and an unbelievable series of events, but, since Chapter 10, there has been a remarkable improvement. Overall, I'd give it a 3.5/5, with 2.5/5 for the first four chapters, 3/5 for chapters 4-9 and 4.25/5 for chapters 9 onwards.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2016
  2. Pure Infinity

    Pure Infinity High Inquisitor

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    I'm only a little ways into it, but I'm already getting annoyed at this interpretation of Shirou. His interactions with Dumbledore make me want to punch him in the face. I don't see Shirou in canon being this quick to judge, and I certainly don't see him disrespecting an old man he hardly knows, and who has been nothing but helpful since he woke up in a strange new world.

    The worst part (so far), is that his interactions are inconsistent. In his first meeting with Malfoy, he seems more curious as to Malfoy's reasoning, and remains polite. Whereas with Dumbledore he immediately assumed Dumbledore is bad, and begins acting like a complete twat.

    In canon, Shirou is pretty polite most of the time - just look at his interactions with Shinji. He typically only starts acting impolite when flustered, or when he or someone else is in danger.

    I'm only a fourth of the way through, so I can't speak for the rest of the fic, but these things are worrying. I'll keep reading, however.
     
  3. najex

    najex First Year

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    I agree that this definitely isn't canon Shirou, but considering that this is at the end of his life you could (and I do) argue that his personality should be closer to Archer then Shirou.
    This Shirou seems to have already given up on the dream/ideal of 'saving everybody' and seems to have embraced the goal of 'saving the many even if it means turning your back on the few'. Especialy with how he reacts to Fleur. Thats someting that I can never see canon Shirou do but it is someting that Archer might do.

    As for being harsh on Dumbledore. Dumbledore is a adult and responsible for a lot of people. It makes sence that Shirou is harsher with him then with Malfoy.

    3/5 cuz I love Fate Stay Night and this isn't bad.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
  4. Harshmate

    Harshmate First Year

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    It felt as if the author posted it as soon as he wrote it, without even reading it, forget editing. There are actual spelling and grammar mistakes. How is that even possible in the age of squiggly red and green lines? Though this gets somewhat better as the chapters go by.
    The dialogue is just so boring and one dimensional. I can never tell which character is speaking which lines.

    Not to mention the characters themselves are boring and cliche. In a 100,000 words I can count on one hand the number of times there has been some semblance of character development. Apart from those moments, none of the characters are ever anything more than weak imitations of canon and fanon.
    This brings me to the plot. The story started just at the end of Third Year. And after a 100,000 words we haven't even had the First Task. The plot is semi-original. At least, there aren't any Grail Wars to be fought.

    The story tries to be calculating but it is not. It tries to add subplots and layers but it just isn't smart. All the tough decisions and manipulations are childish at best.

    And if the story was fast-paced these problems wouldn't be as massive as they are. I mean, there are some interesting things going on. But it is just so slow.
    It tries to have character interactions, magic systems shenanigans, world building, original plot, in addition to the actual HP plot that there isn't enough time given to any one aspect.

    The action isn't anything to write home about either. There have been just 3-4 battles as of yet, none of them made me care about what was happening.

    I'd give it 2.5/5. Maybe once its complete I can skim through it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
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