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Abandoned Shades of Grey and Darker than Black by CrazedChakra101 - M (Harry/Susan)

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Pyromaniac, Jul 30, 2008.

  1. Pyromaniac

    Pyromaniac Third Year

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    Location:
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    Title: Shades of Grey and Darker than Black
    Author: CrazedChakra101
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Romance (According to author)
    Pairing: Harry/Susan
    Chapters: 11
    Words: 48,916
    Updated: June 21, 2009
    Published: April 22, 2008
    Status: Work in Progress

    Summary: Does salvation truly lie in the heart of the broken? A tale of the savior, and the one who saved him from the rest of the world. Harry Potter/Susan Bones. Chapter 9 is up!
    Link: FFN

    Well, aside from one of the shittiest summaries in all of fanfiction, it's a decent fic. Harry discovers his "specialness" before Hogwarts, and uses it to humiliate Dudley's gang--this increases after he finds a wand in an oddities shop near Number 4. He meets Susan in Diagon Alley when Hagrid takes him there, and is not concerned with what other people think of him (but also doesn't want himself announced to the world). The Sorting Hat has a modicum of actual intelligence and a less-cliched outlook on its job.

    He gets sorted into Slytherin and doesn't give a shit about it, Daphne's a decent minor character--cold as ice, observant, and clever with words.

    Harry has a connection of sorts with Miss Norris, which is kind of disturbing, and seems to have fair skills with wandless magic, particularly with coldness--he summons snow and icicles, and freezes a lot of water over some stairs.

    The grammar and spelling are good, and the plot, if somewhat unoriginal, is at least done well thus far. Overall, it could go either way.

    4/5


    Checked by Minion, January 14, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2013
  2. LogrusMage

    LogrusMage Supreme Mugwump

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    This does not bode well... I'll keep reading and edit with a review. But the prologue is horrendous.

    On chapter 4: Harry is acting like an informed adult, not an ignorant eleven year old so far... but it isn't horrible so I'll keep reading...


    Ice Princess is FAIL. I'm sorry but she's fucking eleven. Do people confuse being eleven with being twenty five now? Gah.

    Can't go on. Too much shit.

    2.5/5 rounded down.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2008
  3. Illution

    Illution Seventh Year

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    People don't read a story because of bad summaries for a reason. If authors can't even write an good summary then that reflects on their writing level. This story is definitely not even up par to DLP recycle bin standards. Some stories are alright to read with mediocre writing but with a great plot, but this was neither. The plot is extremely generic with nothing special. The characters have little realism. 1/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2008
  4. hchan1

    hchan1 Sixth Year

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    The summary was actually pretty decent, I thought, but the story's mediocre, and the plot is uninspired at best. 2/5
     
  5. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    I could sense the author going for a universally-pitied Harry, which is often worse than a pussified one.
     
  6. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I...enjoyed it. But that could because I think Susan Bones is the most underused character in the series. If it was any other character I would give it a 1/5 due to the poor pacing of a story that will most likely never be complete and sketchy writing.

    Susan Bones gives this a 2/5!
     
  7. lucifer

    lucifer Fourth Year

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    I managed to force my self to chapter 7 and it really isn't good.

    Also how can you calmly enthuse? what does that look like..pretty retarded I would think.
     
  8. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

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    I'm afraid I couldn't get past the second chapter, why do people continiously feel the need to have more than one person go to see Harry at the Dursley's, I personally believe that Dumbledore would go and see him just to see how he acted.
     
  9. Novera

    Novera Seventh Year

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    Gah. Read the first two chapters. Terrible.

    First of all, there was no change in Harry's situation to bring on the magic. Without a point of deviation between cannon and fanfic the story feels only half thought out. Speaking of which...

    The whole 'learns to use magic' line never turns out well, and always end up with Harry becoming a major player, scheming with the best of them.

    The shop was just put there for the purpose of getting Harry a wand. To make matters worse, the wand had a Roc feather for a core. No where in cannon is a Roc mentioned. Authors should stick with the cores listed, but if they must have a unique wand for their uber character they should use a part from an existing animal.

    After scanning the third chapter, I noticed that the characterization of McGonagall was really off.

    2/5
     
  10. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    2.1 stars. I was able to read through chapter 9, and Harry's friendship(?) with Miss Norris was a pleasant surprise if only because I don't recall seeing that done before. Otherwise, meh.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2008
  11. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

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    Yeah, the shop seemed to be based of Loralee1's shops which seem to come into quite a few of her stories, although most people don't take her stories to heard, just short and light hearted.
     
  12. maidros

    maidros Fourth Year

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    Nothing to recommend about the story. It has a ton of recycled stuff, and nothing particularly original. What is more, I am not sure it will ever be completed.

    Score: 2.5/5
     
  13. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    This was the review I gave on ff.net:

    I liked this. I'm always a sucker for an intellectual Harry, and this fits the bill just fine, not to mention being quite well written.
    There are a few things that got me, though. First, I think this Harry was much more suitable for Ravenclaw, but got sent to Slytherin because it has more 'street cred' in fandom. I may be wrong, and either way, the damage is done now, and it certainly isn't going to stop me from reading the story.
    Another thing was how artificial the dialogue between the Slytherin children was. No one talks that way--the few Death Eater dialogue scenes we've seen showed that, while a bit formal, they didn't resort to the Chaucerian archaisms you had them spouting. And those were the adults, so I find little reason to think the children would be like that. I may be coming out a bit harsh here, but it's just a fandom trend that annoys me, because we're having eleven year olds talk like they are at some Renaissance fair.
    Like I said, I hope I'm not coming out too harsh, because I did enjoy your story, how blase this Harry is about things and his contemplative attitude, not to mention his relationship with Susan. Keep it up, despite my reserves, this could become a classic. 4 1/2 stars.
     
  14. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Well, it's been updated just today, and the first book seems finished -- and the Quirrel/mirror sequence is entirely awesome.


    I really like the story. The relationship Susan-Harry-Daphne is great, as was the chapter form Daphne's POV. Yes, they act and are too mature. Yes, the language is too formal, bordering on archaic at times. But I love that kind of style and the atmosphere it evokes while reading. Perhaps the fact that this writing is like the antithesis of your average shitty Indy!Harry fic by someone who thinks they can write plays an additional role here, too.

    If one were to compare this story, it's a bit like Fayr Warning's Child of Mercy. If I remember right, tone and style were somewhat similar.


    Half the criticism in this thread is ridiculous. I mean, getting stuck on single words, the fact that two people visit him instead of one or that there's a new kind of wand core? Really?

    And that's just missing the point of this AU entirely;

    -- it's an AU where Harry is the difference, since he is nothing like Canon!Harry. So obviously, he'd react differently to the same circumstances. I rather like this take on Harry too; quiet, contemplative, studious and driven, and yes, too mature -- but then, either you complain about that or about the fact that an actual eleven-year-old Harry is just uninteresting (Canon!Harry in PS wasn't eleven either, by the way), so what's it going to be?

    I take a too-mature Harry over eleven-year-old Harry pulling stupid pranks anytime.

    PS plot was actually used in a way that makes sense for once, and I'm interested in seeing how they use the CS plot -- that, and in reading more about this Harry. That is what makes the story worth reading for me.

    4.5/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  15. Kthr

    Kthr Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    I agree with Sesc, sometimes you hung up too much on the little things.

    I am neutral to the "he is too mature" or "His vocabulary is not that of a 11 year old" stances. Really, we've seem so many fics in this forum that a few crappy things wont bother me anymore.

    Still, I'm do think the plot and the friendships were a bit forced. And the ice tricks were cool, but using it to kill a full grow wizard was stupid. While JK way of killing Quirrel was idiotic I think thats a reasonable way that a 1st year would prevail over his teacher. No matter how useless Quirrel is, Harry would've never defeated him without the protection.(cannon wise at least)

    And well, Its always nice to see a fic where Harry is not bitching around and crying cuz everyone thinks he's evil.
    3.5/5
     
  16. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

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    Meh.

    I remember trying to read this a while ago, but couldn't get into it. I tried to read it again just now; still didn't work. All the flaws have been said before, so I won't repeat them, but they hold quite true in my eyes. It gets a 2/5, mediocre at best.

    Not worth the bump, in my opinion.
     
  17. Peacemaker

    Peacemaker Second Year

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    I truly am intrigued. The obvious criticism of too much maturity aside, I find few flaws which would actually put me off the story. While the writing indeed is quite archaic (as Sesc called it), it does not bother me: The tone of the story along with the writing style creates a reading experience which is bordering on unique, at least in fanfiction.

    The interaction between the characters is excellent, Harry saving Mrs. Norris just one of several interesting new takes on known canon situations - with the primary change sparking these deviations being nothing more and nothing less than Harry's personality.

    Well, I'll just quit paraphrasing Sesc's review for now. He more or less covered all the relevant points. The only thing I would like to point out is that while it reminded me of a story by Fayr Warning as well, it was Reign of Power. There are few genuinely captivating stories and that is the one that set the benchmark for me (a long time ago).

    All in all, 4.5/5 going on 5/5 if the author is able to keep everything up in the second year.
     
  18. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Ugh.

    This story would get a good rating from me if only Harry's characterization wasn't so fucked. Everything else is good, but Harry is a pretentious asshat.

    Forget maturity. No mature person speaks like that in real life. I know that its very hard for authors to write intriguing and realistic dialogue, but the author is definitely trying way too hard too make Harry (and Daphne) sound intelligent.

    3/5.
     
  19. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    It has a few original ideas, but it's painful to read. I'm waiting to see if it improves.

    EDIT: my reviews of FFN and the author's reply.

    for chapter 2:
    for chapter 8:
    for chapter 10:
    Reply:
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2009
  20. Innomine

    Innomine Order Member Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I personally highly enjoyed the fic as a guilty pleasure. I had no issue with the "young master" shit, so yeah.

    Either way, this story gets a 5/5 from me, merely on a guilty pleasure basis. I do love reading mature characters, especially in this type of interaction, I enjoyed the dynamic between Harry and Daphne as well.
     
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