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Abandoned Shell by Lesili - PG13

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by The Sinner, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. The Sinner

    The Sinner Looked into the void

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Somewhere between the heretic and Un'aria
    Title: Shell
    Author: Lesili
    Rating: PG-13
    Genre: Drama, AU
    Pairing: N/A
    Chapters: 4 (ff.net)
    Words: 21,972 (ff.net)
    Updated: June 12, 2007
    Published: June 1, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Harry arrives home late from a practice of a shady nature, only to walk in on a group of Quidditch fanatics--his father's birthday party guests.
    Link: http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/liseli/shells01.html
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2969548/1/Shells

    I just read this the other day. Its off to a good start. Post-everything. Massively AU. Harry is training to become a Death Eater, or so it can be assumed from only the first chapter, and Snape is his Death Eater trainer. Recommended reading.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 26, 2012
    I added the fanfiction.net link with three more chapters.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2012
  2. KANE

    KANE Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    314
    Definitely a good start for an original fic. I'm not really a fan of any evil, death eater harry stories but as far as they go, this one is pretty good. I didn't notice many spelling or grammer mistakes at all, and the general writing style is pretty good.

    As far as the plot goes, it's obviously a bit hard to tell with only the prologue up so far, but the small details mentioned that seem to be leading to something bigger seems to be a plus. It seems harry's quite advanced in wizarding terms and doesn't waste his time with the weasel or herman.

    The only real negative that i can see at this point is the apparent future harry/ginny. I'm not too worried about it, however, as the only indication so far is the author's not and she has said that it will be very brief and have no fluff at all, so that's a definite plus.

    As far as death eater-harry stories go, this one would get a 5/5 at this stage IMO, but because i'm not a big fan of dark harry, i'm only going to give it 4/5 overall.

    Definitely recommended for fans of dark harry or otherwise.




    EDIT: Lisely joined and didn't make an intro thread, so i decided i would use this post to say "Welcome to DLP!"
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2006
  3. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    Location:
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    Definitely recommended. I'll reserve my judgement until something resembling a plot pops up, but for now I'm going to say that its worth a read, because Harry is pretty cool. He's completely taking advantage of his "Golden Boy" label, because even his parents believe that he can do no wrong. He's completely bored with the people who were his friends in canon, viewing them as just, and I quote, "another pre-match meet-and-greet."

    Besides the unusally perceptive Remus Lupin, which seems to crop up anytime that Harry does anything remotely suspicious, this story is 100% original, from what I can see. Again, its definitely worth a read, but I'm not going to rate it until stuff starts happening.
     
  4. dark.itachi

    dark.itachi First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2006
    Messages:
    40
    I liked it alot, it was original and had some kinda cool stuff. But until there is more i don't know...

    One thing I noted in horror after reading the chapter was this "Okay, I didn't want to mention it earlier so as not to scare anyone off, but there will be a slight amout of Harry/Ginny."

    I hope it there too much fluff or crappy h/g romance, instead of the awesome death eater action.
     
  5. Brooklynight

    Brooklynight Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New York
    Enjoyable and highly original, I'm usually not a big fan of DE Harry but I'll wait for a few more chapters before passing judgement on this fic.
     
  6. Liseli

    Liseli Guest

    Just joined this place after the Sinner told me about posting my fic here. To quote Bill&Ted, this place is "most excellent." I mean seriously, you'll actually tell me the fic's, ahem, *crud* before I start reading it? Very nice.

    I'm very flattered by what you guys have had to say about the fic so far. Really, thanks.

    Anyway, turns out my beta is alive and kicking, so chapter 2 is already on her desktop.
    And about the Harry/Ginny, I don't do the "romancekissyfluffpurr" thing. Actually, I don't do romance at all. I skip it completely in reading and writing, because 99.9 times out of 100, it's bad by default. You know, the kind of pulp novels you buy at the check-out counter.

    Okay, I'm rambling. I'll lay their relationship out for you, because, like I said, I love this place already. It's like this: Harry hasn't been out with friends or anything of the sort since he began doing morphine (or whatever you might call his drug of choice; I'm basing it on morphine) in his 4th/5th year, and Lily excels in nagging. So, for this red carpet event I mentioned, he decides to pacify his mother. Ginny is the least annoying of his "choices." Rita Skeeter and the like go into a tizzy and suddenly they're the cover item of every gossip rag. Harry gets a bit too pre-occupied to worry about it in the coming chapters, so he goes with it. And that's really about it. I mean, it sounds like alot, but most of that stuff happens in the next chapter, then it begins to trickle away.

    And no fluff.

    About the prophecy: all will be revealed in chapter three.

    About Lupin's perceptiveness: I'll watch it, though I don't know if he'll have too much to say from now on.

    If you read all that, well, kudos to you; it's more than I probably would have done.

    -Eli

    Edit: I put spaces between the paragraphs. Please do this in the future. It's much easier to read.

    -Dark Syaoran
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2006
  7. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

    Joined:
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    Ummm... yeah, anyway. This has nothing to do with the story but... please use the enter key for paragraphs. It looks extremely messy as it is.
     
  8. Promios

    Promios Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
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    120
    Location:
    Sweden
    Fantastic, i really love it.

    BUT :)P), I have a feeling that this will become a piece of shit, or more fantastic. Its just a bad feeling...
     
  9. Nullify

    Nullify Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
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    Location:
    Hong Kong
    It's hard to judge by only the first chapter, but for now it's a great fic and has a lot of potential. Well-written and original, definitely recommended.
     
  10. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    Excellent thus far, I look forward to being able to make a better judgement with more content though. Good work.
     
  11. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    I liked your Dumbledore you made him crazy, but not completely off the wall. I find that
    Dumbledore is one of the hardest characters to write and in my opinion you nailed his characterization.

    Your Harry is also quite refreshing. It is good to see him using his fame for something besides whining. I reserve my overall opinion of Harry until I see more of him however.

    The one thing I didn’t like was Lupin. You made him the typical ostracized Marauder that is to perceptive for his own good.

    I like the way you wrote the Potter family especially the way James acts. I reserve my opinion for Lily until we see more of her.

    Overall good chapter you laid down some good characterizations and built tension for the coming chapters.

    Keep up the good work!
     
  12. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    mpt really big on the evil/DE harry! stories, but this is intriguing and interesting none the less..
     
  13. razz

    razz Seventh Year

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    Jan 22, 2006
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    Location:
    Melbourne
    I love Death-Eater-Harry's!!

    The only thing that irked me a little was the whole "Harry James" thing. Like, WTF? That first chapter is great, though. Very original, very nicely written.

    Very recommended.
     
  14. Dark Lord Rostam

    Dark Lord Rostam Button La Famiglia Midknight

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    Very lovely. It's quite good, and I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
     
  15. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    Location:
    Your closet. Please clean it, I can't move.
    This is the first Death eater Harry fic that I have even remotely liked. I hope it continues at this rate, and I also hope that Harry eventually gets some sort of real power in the organization. Keep it up!
     
  16. razz

    razz Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
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    224
    Location:
    Melbourne
    This hasn't been updated on fictionalley, but the author does have an account on ff.net, with unbetaed chapters, if anyone's interested :D


    Click.
     
  17. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Not badly written, but what kept annoying me was that Harry James crap. Sure his middle name is James, so's mine, but people don't go around calling me Colin James. I don't know about america, but in Britain, unless the first two name is hyphenated, like in Anna-Louise, then the person only ever goes by there first name. The middle name is there for formal certificates and the tax office.
     
  18. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    Meh...middle names are useless. But, if there's a plot-important reason for it, then I'm totally fine with it. I'm more anxious for another chapter to this than anything, atm. This story has some serious potential...
     
  19. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    What possible plot reason could there be for using his middle name as well as his first name.
     
  20. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

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    Isn't it obvious?

    He isn't living his dream, he has not been doing what he wanted. Everything is what his father wanted or wished he did at Harry's age. James is living vicariously through his son. Not only that but nobody sees Harry as an individual but as James's son or an extension of James. Hence Harry James.

    But, Harry like in canon wants to be just Harry and to be just Harry he has to be not James, and the easiest way to show a dynamic difference between the two of them is to be a Deatheater.

    So the possible plot reason for using the middle name is to have a constant reminder of why Harry is doing what he is doing, and to easily point out what the character who said it sees or thinks Harry as.
     
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