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Abandoned Sistat Inter Bitu pe Marvos by Cervus - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Taure, Jul 25, 2006.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Title: Sistat Inter Bitu pe Marvos
    Author: Cervus
    Rating: M
    DLP-Category: Independant (I think)
    Genre: Adventure/Drama
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 34,693
    Updated: February 3, 2007
    Published: July 25, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Pairings: No idea

    Summary: The storm clouds loom ever closer. The war is steadily rising to its full height. A shattered soul must be hunted and destroyed. A hero must learn his trade to ensure victory. The line is drawn in the sand and soon battle will commence; violent and bloody, death shall reign supreme. A prophecy dictates an end; the final battle will come. Power and knowledge are forces to be reckoned with... and yet one without the other is useless. Our hero must go on a journey to master both. This is the story of the Wizarding World's War on Terror. Follow the footsteps of Harry Potter as he follows his path to its destined end. Will the Wizarding World be plunged into an age of terrible darkness, or can Harry prevail in ensuring victory for the light? Learn, along with him, the meaning of the fateful words unknown to any living person of this age. Those words - Sistat Inter Bitu pe Marvos - could change the world as it is known.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3065273/1/

    Read it! After all the hype it's finally here. Not much else to say. Only one chapter so far, but it's top quality.



    Checked by Minion, March 24, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2013
  2. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    Bravo for the first chapter its excellent. I like the idea. It can be the best post HBP fic if its kept at this level of pure grandness. THANK GOD the friends are getting left.

    I give it 9.5 outta 10. 9.5 cause no one is perfect.


    But it is a little soon to make judgements. So I shall wait some time.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2006
  3. CGB

    CGB Auror

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    I think it's a good start. Since it's only one chapter it's a bit early to judge, but it seems to be promising
     
  4. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    It's off to a great start so far, but it's way too short to be making judgements already. The best part, IMO, is the summary, though. It immediately hooked me.
     
  5. KANE

    KANE Groundskeeper

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    I definitely think it's a good fic, with a lot of potential. At the minute i'm hoping that Ron and Hermione won't be doing much with harry in the story, and i thought it was a good idea of the author to not make them get into a random fight just in order to get them out of the story, but there was an actual understandable reason.

    For now i'll give it a 5 out of 5, but it could change if the future chapters aren't as good.

    Is the story going to be entered in the horcrux challenge?
     
  6. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    You do know that once you rate a thread, you can't change your mind?
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2006
  7. KANE

    KANE Groundskeeper

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    I know, but i can change my own mind, even if i can't vote again. Besides, i doubt it will go downhill so i have nothing to worry about anyway.
     
  8. Cervus

    Cervus Raptured to Hell

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    Thanks, though part of the credit there must be given to both Taure and Rain who helped me get everything right.

    Ron and Hermione will be in the fic but not in some overly important role. I prefer to watch the trio slowly drift apart than to end their friendship in one huge bust up.

    The answer to that is no. Only for the reason that in its completed state the story will be well over the allotted word count for the challenge. I am working on something separate for the contest, though, it's just a matter of getting it completed before the deadline passes.

    Thanks to everyone else who's expressed an opinion, they're all greatly welcomed.
     
  9. madeyemoody

    madeyemoody High Inquisitor

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    Great start, Love it but you had one really stupid reviewer


    what a dipshit
     
  10. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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    This is a wonderful start and I'll tell you why.

    There's no unecessary, childish character-bashing ("zOMG i sooo h8 ron lllolll", par exemple). Almost all the characters have been written accurately. I say almost because Dumbledore would always want Harry to go with Ron and Hermione (but not being a big fan of the trio, so I can't fault you there - and it's clearly necessary to the plot). The dialogue is great, apart from a fewlapses of expression (for example Harry saying "wee" - that's a northern thing, bish! :p) And is your Beta/Word processor American because there were a couple of things like 'color' instead of 'colour' (usually I wouldn't point this out but you're from Manchester!)

    I hope this doesn't become training-heavy. By that I mean every single day is mapped out with intricate detail in an entirely RossWrock way and nothing else happens for 100,000 words. I hope something actually happens while he's training to do with the plot - but I'm sure it will. I have faith in you (I hope that puts enough pressure on :p).

    Great start. I look forward to the next chapter. Update when you feel like it.

    (BTW you spelt Dumbledore wrong in the summary.)

    Oh and I added this to Order of Stories so expect a relatively high influx of hits if your summary is enticing enough :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2006
  11. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

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    I thought it was alright. Harry 'vowing to defeat Voldemort/Kill Snape/Avenge his parents at any cost', letting Hermione scold him, letter from Dumbledore from beyond the died, etc were parts/plot ideas I really didn't think much of, I'll save judgement for later though.
     
  12. Cervus

    Cervus Raptured to Hell

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    The chapters been bounced around a few different applications. Plus my beta reader is, indeed, an American. I don't think there's anything too bad in there but I'll go through it tomorrow and take out all the American spelling that worked it's way in there.

    The chapter was first written in Microsoft Works and then shifted over to OpenOffice so I could use the track and replace function. OpenOffice is always an arse about changing the spellcheck language for me, no matter how many darn times I do it.

    It won't be training heavy for the reason that detailed, overly descriptive, wordy recollections of Harry's every day schedule bore the living shit right out of me quit frankly.

    I'm also making an effort to cut down on my own over description. One of my main problems with the stuff I written before is that it was overly descriptive and wordy. I want to cut that out.

    In the same vein I've attempted to rid the story of most of the filler. The majority of the things that happen either have to do with the main plot or a side plot. For there is indeed a plot.

    LOL. Didn't even notice that, I'll blame... erm... Taure, just for the simple fact that I can:). I've changed it now. Thanks for pointing it out.

    That's cool. The highest number of reviews I've got for a single chapter of RoaW is nineteen, in the few hours that this story has been up I've already received fifteenth.
     
  13. Litha Riddle

    Litha Riddle Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I was ok with the vow thing, but I agree with TheIllusiveOne that Herman should've been bitch slapped.

    If he didn't take crap from the Dursley's, he shouldn't have taken the same from Herman.

    Also I didn't like how he showed them the letter, he should've told them it was private. Unless it's part of your plot to let them know valuable information.

    The writing was superbly done and I liked the style.
    I look forward to reading more and seeing where you go with it.

    Litha
     
  14. Dark Lord Rostam

    Dark Lord Rostam Button La Famiglia Midknight

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    You have to remember that this is Post-HBP. He's obviously going to share with his friends, and he's not going to hurt his friend.
     
  15. Feoffic

    Feoffic Alchemist DLP Supporter

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    I only have one word for this.

    Nice.
     
  16. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    Well done Cervy. Bravo!
     
  17. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    Well Done, just simply well done.
     
  18. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    Cervus...there is nothing to say other then I will keep reading this fic, as long as you keep posting it. Well Done.
     
  19. Niffler Lord

    Niffler Lord Headmaster

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    This fic sucks!! J/k

    Great chapter. You seemed to have captured the essense of the characters beautifully. I hope you aren't done with the Dursley thought. I would like to hear a bit more on the 'problems' they might have in the future.

    Anyway 5/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2006
  20. Raggerd

    Raggerd First Year DLP Supporter

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    Promising start, will this be a part of the summer challenge?