1. EXTENSION til the 10th - Holiday Flash Writing Competition
    Topic? Bah, just make sure your SETTING is HOGWARTS!
    CLICK HERE for more info! Now, damnit!
    750 - 1500 word count & Stories due January 10th
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    Shit Post Sunday

    Dismiss Notice

Oneshot Take Away the Pain by TMBlue - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Joe's Nemesis, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 ~ Prestige ~

    Jan 29, 2012
    High Score:
    Title: Take Away the Pain
    Author: TmBlue
    Rating: T
    Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
    Status: Oneshot/Complete
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Ron/Hermione
    Summary: Terrified after Hermione's torture, Ron seeks comfort of his brother Bill at Shell Cottage. Inspired by Catching Smoke's art, "Take Away the Pain."
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11495804/1/Take-Away-the-Pain

    The beginning few lines feels a bit stilted as the author gets into the flow, but it quickly took off and pulled me into immersion. What I really liked was the fact no cliches at all jumped out at me. The author's slightly AU take on what happens when a more-battered-than-canon Hermione is brought to Shell Cottage by Ron builds from canon relationships and does not depend on fanon or cliches to supply additional background.

    The interactions feel real, the dialogue—after the first few lines—do as well. Bill and Fleur are background characters, but written well for their places in the fic. What really stood out to me, however, is the way the writing emotes. Some might call it angsty, but I think the emotion necessarily fits the scene the writer's created. Moreover, I think this scene does more for making Hermione/Ron believable than most of canon.

    So, problems. The technical writing isn't anything to brag about, and it could (should) be polished a bit. I caught at least one spelling error, and a fic as short as this should probably be free of them. Also, as I said, the first few lines are pretty stilted until the author finds the flow.

    Without giving it much thought, I'd label it a 3.5 to 4. Seeing as 3 is now part of the library, I thought it deserved a fair shot.

    Considered yourself warned, however. If you don't like emotive fics, you won't like this one.

    EDIT: thought I'd include the review I left.

    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
  2. Jesonomi

    Jesonomi Squib

    Oct 25, 2015
    High Score:
    I felt like I was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle when reading this. The characterization was a bit strange, Ron and Hermione were just very... emotional and intimate. Of course, that's fine, but the author never quite seemed to mention any deviation of that sort, speaking only of the increased severity of Hermione's condition. As you've already mentioned, the initial dialogue was a little odd, but then smoothes out. If I get over my awkwardness with how Ron and Hermione act, it's rather enjoyable as a sentimental bit. 3.5/5
  3. Username

    Username Muggle

    Oct 22, 2015
    High Score:
    I feel it's overly melodramatic and is, at the beginning, rather stilted, as you mentioned. It's not particularly emotive, in my opinion, and has a few grammar and spelling issues which shouldn't be in such a short story. Ron's characterization just seems off to me, although Hermione's does seem to be alright. I'm mostly picking out the bad bits here, but it's just not my thing. The writer also has my second most hated issue in their writing; fear of "said". 2.5/5, rounded down.
  4. Armani

    Armani Second Year

    Sep 13, 2015
    Not Here
    In my opinion this story starts off really rough, but in the end as @E.C. Scrubb said, it took off and took you in. Though the characterization for Ron does not really work, everything else is really fine. 3.5-4.5/5