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Complete Teleology by Gomez36000 - M

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Philly Homer, Jun 11, 2021.

  1. Philly Homer

    Philly Homer What you call elephant cum I call mouthwash

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    587
    Location:
    Look at the name, it should be obvious.
    Title: Teleology
    Author: Gomez3600
    Rating: M
    Genre: Drama/Romance
    Status: Complete
    Library Category:
    Pairings: Harry P./Daphne G., Ron W./Tracey D.
    Summary: The bloody war has ended at Harry's sixth-year. Though hailed a hero, he's ready for one last year at Hogwarts. One year of a normal life before becoming an Auror. While there, a simple agreement manages to challenge his identity as a hero, while still providing the normalcy he craves. Haphne AU. Post-War 7th year.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13631582/1/Teleology

    I have been on a bit of a Haphne kick lately so I have had to sift through some…not so great fanfic. Not all of it has been bad because there have been a couple of stories I have finished. Amongst the latter, Teleology was one of the stories which stood out to me.

    It’s a relatively shorter story so the pacing is well done and despite
    Voldemort already having been offed
    the plot is notable. The author starts planting seeds early from the very first scene, waters them in the middle and those seeds grow in the final act. The culmination of the plot was a very clever way of dealing with the
    Blood Malediction Curse
    and something I haven’t come across too much except a Dark Arts fic or two.

    I enjoyed the interactions between the various characters. Even though, the story takes place mostly at Hogwarts, thankfully this doesn’t revolve around characters attending classes or anything of that nature. Honestly, it’s a bit silly to sit for NEWTS after
    offing Voldemort]
    but to make the story work, it had to be set there. Most of the characters in the story were pretty well written even though one can make the argument they were a tad bit OOC specifically Ron
    dating a Slytherin like Tracey Davis

    I particularly liked Daphne’s characterization in Teleology, she retains some of the popular fanon tropes but they are handled well or at least I thought they were. This is a woman driven by a singular goal and her actions throughout the fic reflect particularly as the layers around her are peeled back in the 2nd half of the story.

    I loved the character of Harry Potter in this too especially towards the end of the story. The final 4 or 5 chapters of Teleology really puts a shine on his Gryffindor characteristics despite his actions being anything but noble.
    The switch in gears for Harry when it comes to protecting someone he loves as opposed to his GF’s sister was really amazing. I have always thought Harry is a wizard of action and as soon as he is backed into a corner because of Daphne’s actions, he goes from laid back/helping Daphne with research to offing Dark Arts dealers (that particular scene gave me goosebumps) and creating a horcrux to battle a Blood Malediction curse.
    Harry’s Gryffindorish traits can be terrifying depending on which side you are on and this is one fic where that does a good job of showing that.

    I would give Teleology a 4 or 4.5. Considering the dearth of quality of Haphne fics, I think it belongs in the library. Honestly, I was a bit surprised that the only mention of Teleology was in a WBA thread on DLP.
     
  2. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Second Year ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    Wrexham, Wales
    High Score:
    2000
    Sat through and read the whole thing this afternoon.

    It's alright, I guess. The author introduces Daphne as a new character, has Harry start caring about her, and that's the only real point of conflict. Canon's off the rails, but all treated as a noodle incident, and a lot of stuff is sort of just put in the background.

    It makes this feel like an excised story from a longer piece, as there's a decent amount of focus on things that are pretty irrelevant to the plot. This is actually a good thing, as it lets the author expand on the changes from canon, but it also makes the pacing and flow feel a bit janky.

    Also, the ending comes out of nowhere. It seems a bit excessive, especially for a short-term relationship, and there's not really any in-text explanation (unless I glossed over it), other than "Harry's a hormonal teenager".

    By no means is this bad, but it's almost certainly one I'm going to have forgotten about within a week or two. 3.5, rounding down to 3/5
     
  3. sombrero

    sombrero First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    Messages:
    28
    I enjoyed this. It was short and sweet. The writing was excellent, the dialogue was believable and engaging, the characters had character. It didn't meander and ramble about dozens of characters and subplots, instead it focused on Harry, Daphne, and what they were doing.

    But that romance was arguably a bit mishandled. It wasn't very clear when and how Harry fell for Daphne, and vice-versa. It seemed almost like it happened off-screen. The fic unfolds over the course of an entire year I think, and it really felt like about two weeks. It could have used a bit more slice-of-life scenes to show us their feelings evolving.

    Ultimately, I think it's just the author's "style", to leave a lot of things unsaid and to the reader's imagination. The same can be said about the rest of the plot, and particularly the ending. Maybe I'm giving them too much credit, but at the end of the day, I was happy enough with what I got.

    I'm going 4/5
     
  4. Mr. Mixed Bag

    Mr. Mixed Bag Third Year

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2021
    Messages:
    92
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    This wasn't bad. Certain choices on the author's part confuse me a bit, and it does have some flaws, but all in all not bad.

    The early sections, specifically between the first chapter's end and when the plot begins heating up, have quite a bit of clunky dialogue. Not the sort to completely break immersion, but present nonetheless. It's limited enough that it wouldn't be an issue in an action fic, but if you're going for almost pure slice of life then your dialogue needs to land, because that's how you're going to keep a reader engaged.

    Even after finishing the story, I'm not certain why Professor Martin has any presence. She kicks off Harry's return to teaching, but it seems there would've been other ways to do that, and she was so bland I could barely pay attention while she was in scene. Not to mention, she crops up for cameos every few chapters without really adding anything of note.

    While I'm on the topic, I think the author's use of AU was pretty unnecessary. They make so many changes to get the set up they want but only half fill in the details of their new history for the characters, and the proceed to ignore the majority of the changes. It was distracting, and not in a good way.

    I agree with Sombrero about the romance, as well. It's sweet and all, but how Harry and Daphne reach the level of attachment they do isn't really developed all that well. It is more or less schoolyard love, which can develop quickly, but the scenes seem to jump from just acquaintances to an utterly devoted couple before you hardly realize what's happening.

    Again, though, the fic isn't bad. Harry and Daphne have a good dynamic. The prose is solid, if bland at times and borderline verbose. A few of the scenes really stick with you, like Daphne and Harry's first date. I really enjoyed Harry's actions toward the latter half. I'll have to disagree with Thaumologist on this point as I thought the ending's extremity was good characterization rather than poor story telling. When Harry has a chance to save someone important to him he'll do a lot to make it happen and I like this as an example of that. Plus, even when you haven't been together long, especially if you're young, you'll do a lot for someone you love.

    Now the hard part, and even as I type this I'm not sure which way I'll go. My score is a 3.5, but for rating purposes I have to round up or down...

    I'm going to go 3, I think. It was enjoyable and fairly original, but I don't think it was quite good enough to slip into the library.