1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

The Attempt

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Averis, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    This is my first time actually posting on this forum, despite the fact that I've been skimming through the boards for a while now. First off, before I get to the purpose of this thread, I'd just like to say: This Forum kicks major ass. Doesn't it just soothe you to know that someone out there is more sadistic and twisted than you could ever hope to be? Or, if you ARE that twisted person, that you have multiple kindred spirits?

    Now... the actual reason I've decided to come out of the shadows is because I have, in my opinion, a very interesting Fanfic idea. So, it would be great if I could get a few people to bounce ideas off of OR contribute to the cause with their own ideas.

    Basically, the premise is this: Albus Dumbledore enlists the help of his old friend and confidante Nicholas Flamel in order to better safeguard the Dursley Residence back before Harry's Hogwarts days. Nicholas agrees to check out the wards and see what he can do. When he arrives to inspect the wards, he finds a heavily bruised and battered young Harry Potter in front yard digging, presumably, his own grave in the Dursley's garden.

    On further inspection he finds etc problems with the boy and moves in to talk to him, despite Dumbledore's wishes. The boy is near silent and abnormally polite, yet extremely wary of his approach, flinching almost every time he is spoken to. Any questions about the Dursley's he evades, but Nicholas, fine up-standing citizen of the magical community that he is, forcibly reads Harry's mind and sees even more twisted behavior by the Dursleys.

    Oh, but here's where the shit get's interesting. Nicholas Flamel once had a son with Perenelle, who, after a night out in London, was heavily beaten by a group of muggles, breaking his wand and eventually murdering him. He was a dark haired boy, with glasses, skinny, pale skinned...

    And Nick fuckin' flips out. He enters the home of the Dursley's amongst screams, and murders everyone of them with a series of magical bursts that would make Dumbledore look like a fan girl. Protecting Harry from the backlash, he then apparates out of there to his home, Harry with him, and...

    You guessed it... years pass and Harry has evaded Hogwarts until his majority.




    Now, would anyone be interested in being a Beta for this story? I haven't started, but there will be alot of description, a Harry Potter with quick wit and some gahdamn common sense, and of course, a Manipulative Dumblefuck. I'm still thinking of keeping him in Gryffindor, but his relationships with the Golden Trio are going to be vastly different; He's not going to bend-over backwards to make friends, and he's sure as hell not concerned with what house you're in.

    If you're interested, hit me back, and if enough of you want to see it, I'll get started right away.

    Holla!
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2007
  2. haroon_angel

    haroon_angel Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    125
    Location:
    karachi,pakistan
    hmmmmmm interesting idea
     
  3. Amadan

    Amadan Second Year

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Location:
    England
    It could be interesting, I just hope one of the authors on this site takes it up in thier spare time.
     
  4. Jeff

    Jeff Third Year

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2006
    Messages:
    95
    To me it seems as if its just another cliche, abused Harry fic. But instead of Snape or a random 'crazy ohmigawd powerful' dude its someone we've actually had mentioned in the story.

    Abused Harry almost never turns out to be good in a fic, it normally ends up making him emo or a pussy. And I hope you give some backround insight to why Albus is manipulative, or that too would just become another cliche.

    The idea would need some major work to be turned into a good fic, but it can be done.

    Haroon, you're a fucking jackass. Nice contribution to the topic dipshit.
     
  5. Krull

    Krull Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2006
    Messages:
    270
    Actually, I don't find your idea interesting at all as it employes an idiotic amount of cliches ranging from abused Harry, even tough there isn't even a mention of physical abuse in any of the books, to Gryffindor!Harry, even if he is sly, cunning cynical, etc.

    Also, by your use if the term "Manipulative Dumblefuck" I can already see that you intend to do nothing but portray Dumbledore as an old buffoon which automatically makes it, for me at least, an impossible read.

    I couldn't agree more
     
  6. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Yeah, I agree that this basically amounts to 'abused Harry rescued & mentored by a cool shadowy figure'.

    Maybe you can enrich this plot by extending on the subplot of Flammel's dead son. Say, after 500+ years the old man is on verge of insanity. Seeing his long lost son 'alive' again pushes him over.

    So after rescuing Harry, Flammel starts Oblivating him from all his memories of the abuse, intent to heal his mind (excuse to himself). But his budding insanity takes over and he starts deleting more and more, eventually erasing everything that has to do with Harry Potter. At the same time, he starts calling teaching Harry all the traits and perks his dead son liked, basically recreating his dead son from scratch.

    So when Harry finally reaches the outside world (maybe rescued by Dumbledore or something) he has no idea who he is and thinks he's Flamel's son.

    Meh, honestly this is too much psychology for my taste... just a stray plot bunny I brought out here and shot it down...
     
  7. Avitus

    Avitus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    375
    Location:
    Canada
    I agree that this idea is more than a little overdone... and would need to be VERY well thought through and executed to stand up to any criticisms on this site...

    And just a note to you Jeff... I may not be a mod, but I think this has gone just a little under the radar...so here is a quote from the forum rules
    That means that although Haroon didn't provide much to this thread...you need to shut the fuck up.
     
  8. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    Y'all are going to in depth with the amount of abused Harry and manipulative Dumbledore... maybe that was partially my fault, but I'm trying to tread lightly around cliches here...

    For instance, there would be a reason that Dumbledore is such a dick face... Back story between Flamel and Dumbledore where Dumbledore takes a lot of credit from the alchemy work they did when Dumbledore was the upstart apprentice. Also, maybe Flamel's son was Dumbledore's charge during his death and seeing that Harry is going through the same thing is the final straw. Like I said, I'm still working on the plot because it just hit me TODAY.

    Of course, I wouldn't portray Dumbledore as "Oh, Harry, you need to live where I tell you because I care for you". At the same time, he wouldn't be a complete asshole either... He's just a man who has been in control for a while... and knowing that Harry could be the one chance that they have at beating Voldemort, he doesn't really care whether the boy has a good childhood or not.

    Harry would not automatically hate him or follow him blindly, he would just have his eyes open to the fact that Dumbledore is a man with good intentions, even if he uses his power to fuck people over for the greater good.

    The relationship I could see Flamel and Harry having is somewhat like the Zabini and Harry relationship in Apprentice Potter by Draco 664. He teaches him to wake up and smell the roses... except Flamel would be more of a father figure to Harry because by the time story actually gets rolling he will have lived with the man most of his life.

    The abused Harry in the beginning would not really play a factor, because Flamel will cure that with time. He'll be 8 or 9 when he leaves the Dursleys, and 17 when we next see him. The only real reason for the abuse in the beginning is to show how Flamel ends up caring for Harry in the first place. It has to make some sense, even if it's a bit far fetched that a 600 year old wizard god would suddenly become his father figure. At least it's better than Merlin magically appearing.

    This story would be a look at Harry if he knew what he was, and accepted it, even learning to embrace it a little bit. Flamel is a light wizard, but he certainly understands Wizard Politics and Society after 600 years of living in it, so he would obviously teach Harry how to manuever himself. Harry's not going to jump into Hogwarts and recruit his own personal group of Death Eater's, but he'll know how to escape authority.

    When Snape attacks him on the first day, he'll smile at him and turn away. But he'll strike when the man least expects it and when he can't get in trouble for it.

    Anyways, any more comments/questions/contributions will be appreciated, and I'll get back to them pretty soon.
     
  9. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Yeah, this sounds better after adding a few more details.

    Abuse backstory as means to bringing Flamel out from retirement is OK. And tension between the two mages is a nice touch too.

    The only question is why would you send 17 year old Harry to Hogwarts in the first place? What do they have that Flamel can't teach him?

    Maybe introduce the Philosopher's stone, by sending it to Hogwarts like in book 1. The reason? Say, they need it to recharge the wards, now that Voldemort is back (DE spy stole a vial of Harry's blood from Dumbledore's storage). Harry can go there under guise of a student taking his NEWTs, while in fact looking for the spy and keeping an eye on the stone until the recharging is completed.
     
  10. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    I like that. I was still trying to work at a feasible reason for him to be there, but the Stone/Ward deal sounds good. With the war going on in the background, Hogwarts has had a few break-ins... not to mention the Chamber of Secrets in which Ginny Weasley was possessed, going on to kill Justin Finch-Fletchley and Dennis Creevey before Dumbledore and Fawkes rescued her.

    I know a lot of people on this site hate Ginny, but if I could do something to make her a worthwhile character - for example, she fuckin' killed 2 children at the age of eleven and has had to live with it for years. I think if she was surrounded by the type of publicity Harry normally gets - you know, the bad kind - plus strange looks at the family reunions, she would turn into a half decent character instead of the fan girl turned fiery red warrior woman that SIYE produces. Yes, I have been there. Yes, I did survive.

    Not saying that Harry's gonna fall madly in love or anything - fuck that. Harry has mad shit going on with having to protect his "father's" source of life, worrying about the prophecy (which Flamel knows from Dumbledore) and dealing with the populace that doesn't want him at Hogwarts to start with. But I also wanna see him actually fuck a couple of girls, like a normal seventeen year old. Not Male Veela style, but maybe using his power and good looks to actual get him some poon for a change. God knows I would.

    I could see Harry as someone who prefers to keep his ears open and his mouth closed, but will approach someone when he needs something.

    I'm at least glad that you don't think it's a suck-fest anymore.

    And please don't flame me too much about Ginny Weasley. Cringe.

    Oh yeah, and I'd like to see Harry use Head Girl Hermione right in front of Head Boy Ron's eyes, and then cast her aside. That would make for some hilarity, eh? Not to mention good conflict.

    The thoughts just keep expanding as I type...
     
  11. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,052
    Location:
    Purdue University, Indiana
    Or instead, avoid the whole Hogwarts thing completely. Make Harry an Auror trainee, and in the wartime, you can easily claim that Ron, Hermione, etc are all becoming Auror trainees, and some of the teachers are the Auror trainers.

    You can say that Snape was found out, but escaped from Voldemort, and is now training Aurors. Hogwarts is a cliche now, don't use it. With the Auror training academy, you're free to make up your own secret location, your own buildings with their quirky little things like moving staircases, etc, and you have the freedom to do whatever you want without being cliche. That is, as long as you avoid using Azkaban as the facility, 'cause Azkaban is cliche, too.

    The last paragraph of IP's post (#9) is interesting, but ridiculous, IMO. With the Dumbledore you're portraying, having a secret vial of Harry's blood is ridiculous, and it encroaches on the Asshole!Manip!Dumbles that you're trying to avoid.

    Avitus: Don't pull rules up in stupid situations. It's plainly obvious that Haroon_Angel's post, like almost every other one he's made, is worthless and simply takes up space. If you've really got to tout rules about, go into General Discussion, find the '33%' thread, and start pointing fingers.
     
  12. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    I think I could pull that off, thanks for that. Maybe the war has gotten so bad that Hogwarts is closed down as far as a school goes, but the Order still meets there?

    I think the Order should be boosted in enrollment, with enough people to convincingly battle Voldemort. Maybe Harry, after years of disregarding Hogwarts all together, knowing that he's now ready to at least fight back - with a decade learning under the most knowledgable wizard ever, to be sure he can put up a damn good fight - he enters the resistance.

    Another idea (funny how I'm asking y'all if I can use my own ideas) is that during a battle between Dark and Light, Harry saves some of them and then decides to help them out... sounds sort of cliche, though.

    Yeah, I'ma put that on simmer and come back.
     
  13. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Why is that ridiculous? On the contrary,I find it more then logical, even with goody!Dumbledore.

    I mean, here we have a baby that had just survived the Killing Curse, for Christs sake! If I were a wizard interested in prosperities of blood like Dumbledore (dragon blood research, remember?), I'd sure as hell take a sample from the miracle baby.

    EDIT

    Nah, that wouldn't work. For a plot such as this, you need to keep Harry isolated from the world. There's no way he'd stay at home while the wizarding world crumbles around him - there'd be no logical explanation to keep him out of fight.

    Also, the idea of everyone going to Auror academy is, frankly, stretched a bit thin. Why would Harry give up exclusive training with 600+ demigod, so he could become just one more grunt in the program (and then work for an asshole such as Fudge).

    As for Hogwarts being cliche... well, 90% of HP setting is wrapped around Hogwarts. You'd need to be an EXTREMELY imaginative writer and then invest a lot of planning and forethought to create an environment even remotely close to the school.

    I'm not sure you'd want to go this deep with your first fic. Better gain some writing experience in the shallow waters of an already known setting and then try experimenting with some more exotic ideas.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2007
  14. Avitus

    Avitus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    375
    Location:
    Canada

    Yea... I don't really care about the 33% thread. It seems to me that someone needs to start pulling up the rules around here... though less about the rules themselves and more about losing the whole ANARCHY RULES!!11!! shit that newer members seem to love so much...
     
  15. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,052
    Location:
    Purdue University, Indiana
    Sure, that logic is applicable, but I just don't see him taking a human's blood for testing. He's manipulative, sure, but he isn't insane. There's a difference between dragons and humans.

    In any case, he doesn't need to take a sample from the 'miracle baby'. He's the only one who knows the prophecy, he knows exactly why Harry survived the Killing curse. He survived it because he had to, that was how he was marked. That doesn't mean that his blood is funky. What will the boy's blood prove? That he's human? [/sarcasm]

    I can see where you're coming from, and it's a good idea. But I just don't think it's something a slightly manipulative Dumbledore would do. Now your Dumbledore, he'd definitely do it, then publish his results in Anarchia. The Dumbledore that Averis has outlined (marginally at best, Averis, can you give us a little more on him?) seems less aggressive than that.

    Hmm...that does seem cliche, to be honest. It's like pretty much every other 'Harry is raised by someone else, then saves an Order member from DEs'. I'd say avoid that. Have Harry join the Aurors as a trainee or something...maybe against Flamel's wishes. From there, he gets inducted into the Order by Dumbledore/whatever, and that's your inlet to the Order.

    I agree with you, for sure, but it's not our place. And honestly, in some situations, it's deserved and required to stop members from filling up the site with even more bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, Jeff did DLP a service rather than a disservice.
     
  16. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    Don't see how taking some blood is such a monstrous act. If 1,5 year old babies are old enough to get vaccines, why should taking some blood hurt them so much? Dumbledore could even do it legally, by ordering Poppy to test Harry's blood type.

    *shrugs* I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.
     
  17. weaponx9

    weaponx9 Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    6
    You could use something along those lines but how about harry at the age of 15 or so starts going out against flamels wishes and causing some small amount of trouble for the death eaters and there allies and in one of these raids he's doing, some order members pop in to raid the place as well and from there everything goes FUBAR

    just a thought
     
  18. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    To outline Dumbledore's story (as it appears in my mind) so far:

    Dumbledore killed Grindelwald as a middle aged wizard at his peak. It would be interesting to learn how he did it (with a candlestick in the parlor, maybe?) but it's not exactly imperative to Canon or to this story. The important part would be his relationship with Nicholas Flamel and taking guidance from him.

    So during Grindelwald's reign, Flamel is on the front lines losing friends and relatives, and Dumbledore brings it all to and end. Flamel is already acquainted with him, but now he promises to work with the ambitious and courageous young man so that he can (pardon the doves and butterflies) make the world a better place.

    As the years go by they work together on Dragon's blood, Alchemy and many other things that Dumbledore uses to become not only the champion of the light, but also the most powerful and revered wizard in the world. During this time, he also learns blood magic and is THE AUTHORITY on it.

    Now, this idea just came to me for why Flamel and Dumbledore would have beef:

    Flamel, the only man with Philosopher's Stone, and his family, have been the victim of far too many threats recently, expecially with the fall of Grindelwald and the rising of wanna-be-Dark-Lord's who have been attempting to steal the Philosopher's stone. So, he enlists the help of Dumbledore to cast blood magic that will protect both his wife and his son, who was ADOPTED after his real father ____ ____, a friend of Nicholas', died to Grindelwald (it just hit me that the man is 600 years old. To be sure even Wizard Viagra doesn't cover age like that). Dumbledore assures him that he can handle it, casting a spell that covers Perenelle and Nicholas. But when the family is attacked, it doesn't cover the son, who isn't Nicholas' ACTUAL son. Distraught, he rages at Dumbledore, but Dumbledore is so appalled at what he's done, that over time, Nicholas' eventually forgives the man (that's not to say that he forgets what he's done).

    Flash whatever amount of years forward and when he sees that Harry Potter is under the same EXACT kind of magic, and that Petunia is not his true mother, now you can see why he is so angry. Harry looks so much like Nicholas' son that he immediately feels drawn to him, and when he sees the damage that the boy has been through, it reminds him of his son's dead carcass, bloody and battered. Insert inordinate amount of rage and poof, no more Number 4 Privet Drive.

    He takes Harry away, leaves Dumbledore a very enlightening message, and despite the fact that Harry is in safe hands - despite the fact that Harry is being taught enough to beat Voldemort if he ever rises again - despite the fact that he is under a loving and caring roof away from the bad guys - he still will not fuck off.

    Now, I wonder outloud to myself, should Dumbledore attempt to smear Flamel's name or is it going to come out obviously enough when they find Flamel's magical signature and Dursley blood stains all over the plush white carpet? Either way, Dumbledore wants his golden boy back and he's pulling out all the stops to get him back.

    So Familia Flamel heads to... Mexico. Nah, I don't know about that, but they are hiding under Fidelius with the best wards that money can buy. Not to mention the man can do alchemy with gold so... needless to say, they are well protected.

    As he grows up, Dumbledore still hasn't found him, so he gives up... but after the Chamber of Secrets opens, a Death Eater masquerades as a teacher for a year (not counting Snape) and the first battle of the war has been held on the Hogwarts front porch (killing some fifteen children), Dumbledore is quite desperate. Sending a plea for help to Flamel, he begs him to come to the school to help protect it, both with the power the Philisopher's Stone holds and his dashing good looks.

    Flamel ain't playin' dat shit, so he sends his dashing young apprentice instead, as much as to get some experience as to get the boy some friendship/poontang pie.

    Dumbledore is like omigah thrilled that his golden boy is finally coming home, but what he gets is a bit different than he planned. Not exactly antagonistic to the man, but not easily manipulated - Harry picks apart every sentence Dumbledore speaks, and etc etc isn't taking his shit. He's polite, plays it cool and knows exactly what to say to work the knickers off of the ladies. Hells yeah, who knew Hufflepuff wore lace.

    Is that elaborate enough? Get back to me and I'll try to develop the rest of the storyline.

    Thanks for all the comments guys, it's nice to get quick and concise comments back.
     
  19. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,052
    Location:
    Purdue University, Indiana
    That sounds great, and the post was hilarious. Rep++

    My only problem is this:

    You're gonna have to spend a lot of time writing Dumbledore's dialogue. Remember, it has to be something you can pick apart and assimilate easily, but it can't come across as being theatrical/redundant/useless posturing.

    Dumbledore cannot look like an idiot, period. If you have Harry being intelligent enough to read between the lines, make sure that when he does so, it's an extremely insightful thing that he decrypts. Not something like:

    "Ah, Harry. So good to see you, child. Tell me, will you obey me unconditionally and fuck off to the Dursleys' for the whole summer and not complain when they beat you?" :p
     
  20. Avitus

    Avitus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    Messages:
    375
    Location:
    Canada
    Keep in mind that Dumbledore is NOT a young man (well he is compared to Flamel...but that's beside the point), and defeated Grindlewald in 1945... at the age of 90. Although we know middle age for Wizards is somewhere around 70-80 years, alot can already be accomplished in 90 years... remember Dumbledore was doing incredible things at 15 (OWLs). So you would have to push the Dumbledore/Flamel relationship back to around the turn of the century.

    In addition, I like the fact that you aren't focusing on an "evil" Dumbledore, and merely one who will do whatever is necessary for the greater good. But try to keep in mind that however long Harry has been trained by Flamel, Dumbledore still has at least a century and a half of experience behind his plans.

    It seems to me that something needs to be done... if it's deserved and required because a member isn't contributing to the site let a mod know... What Jeff did here was a gross disservice to the site, because (as I see it) when other new members see a post like that from a similarly recent member to the board, and with no response, it projects an image that it's OK to say stupid shit like that. It just perpetuates itself when nobody says anything about it.
     
Loading...