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Complete The Birth of Evil by DisobedienceWriter - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palver, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    Title: The Birth of Evil
    Author: DisobedienceWriter
    Rating: T
    Genre: General
    DLP Category: General/Independent/Dark Arts?
    Pairing: None
    Words: 25,965
    Published: March 15, 2008
    Status: Complete

    Summary:Tom Riddle was able to use magic long before he received a wand. In this AU, Harry has the same grasp on his magic...and a hatred for Muggles... Watch the birth of evil. Smart!Dark!Evil!Harry, All 7 Years
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4133028/1/The_Birth_of_Evil

    Personally I think this is the best of DW works. 25k words. Harry is some ultimate blend between a Dark Lord and Manipulative Dumbledore. I really enjoyed reading it.



    Checked by Minion, Nov. 24, 2012
    I kept the prefix "Complete" instead of "Oneshot" - at 25k words it already is a small novel.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2012
  2. Iztiak

    Iztiak Heir

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    This was an excellent read. It wasn't terribly long, which is a bonus seeing as how it made it possible for the author to actually finish the story.

    I would sort of disagree with the summary though, it didn't seem to be a hated of muggles, more like a hated of incompetence. He never went after muggles specifically ias far as I can recall.

    His manipulativeness was portrayed excellently, killing off all political obstructions without anyone noticing.
    The ending has to be my favorite part, since the author seemed to slow down and spend more time with that part. Most authors focus on the 7 years at Hogwarts, so that was a rather welcome change too.
    I admit, the story does seem to be a bit rushed at times, but that was probably unavoidable.
    7 years in 25k words?

    Overall, very good. 4.5/5.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2008
  3. Humbolt

    Humbolt Seventh Year

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    This is definaitly my favorite story be DisobedienceWriter. 4.5/5 only because Harry seemed too competent, and his plans always worked. Other than that excellent, one of his better works.
     
  4. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    QFT

    This is the best manipulative!Harry I've read so far.

    We've got young Harry being able to cast wandless magic since the age of 6. Fortunately it is not the main point of the plot, but a mean to show his power. Nothing more. Could have been avoided in the end (but it was convenient to explain and shortcut some situations, especially deaths).

    We can see how a fledgling turns into the most ruthless and successful dark lord in the history. In the end Harry is neither defeated nor discovered, he still keeps his power (I enjoyed how Harry created his own network of political power).

    5/5 for me.
     
  5. EsperJones

    EsperJones Death Eater

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    I liked it, as it was a change from what the author usually writes. I'm glad that it was an actual completed work, and while there's a few things off with it, the story itself is a good one.

    The one thing that kind of annoys me is that it reads like a summary of a story - never actually going into detail. A different author would probably write this as a 200k+ word story - and thus never finish it.

    5/5 for me, although it has a few areas where it could have been fixed.
     
  6. hchan1

    hchan1 Sixth Year

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    Decent one-shot I suppose, but with how prolific this author is I'd much prefer if he'd just buckle down and write an epic I can truly get into. The parts that I found interesting (Harry's political group, his dueling career) were barely mentioned, which is a given when you're trying to squeeze this much plot into a small amount of words.

    The author has original ideas, but they're weighed down by the need to repeat the same 'HARRY SINGLE-HANDEDLY FIXES CORRUPT WIZARDING WORLD' motif he has to waste every story of his fleshing out.

    3/5
     
  7. Vengashii

    Vengashii Unspeakable

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    I am up to the point where Harry is making his way through the traps of the Philosopher's Stone, and so far the story is looking extremely shitty.

    I hope it gets better from here on out, but I don't have high hopes.
     
  8. belladonna16

    belladonna16 Second Year

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    That was an enthralling one-shot from a favorite short-story writer of mine. Seeing Harry as the dark lord - the kind of dark lord Voldemort should have been if he weren't so incompetent.

    5/5. Excellent work and excellent finish as well.
     
  9. Vengashii

    Vengashii Unspeakable

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    1/5

    This story isn't much of a story. It's more like reading a 25,000 word summary of a story. Harry is either stupidly powerful, with more deus ex machinas in it than canon, or everyone in the "fic" is fucking retarded by Rowling standards at least.

    If this is the "best" of DisobedienceWriter's works, then I wouldn't touch the rest of his with the Chinese army.
     
  10. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    The suckiness is a byproduct of its short nature. Like someone already commented on, it's either this or a long story doomed to abandonment.

    It's like all of DisobedienceWriter's stories. There's nothing really wrong with a very abridged story, but when I read his stuff, it doesn't seem like he's sacrificed quantity for quality, but both.
     
  11. ForsakenOne

    ForsakenOne Groundskeeper

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    Agreed, almost no details at all, no dialogue, very rushed also cliched. Gave up after the 2nd chapter. 1/5.
     
  12. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I thought it was pretty well written. 5/5 from me. I liked it.
     
  13. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    It's pretty good, I think, although it smacks of many typical DW cliches in many respects. Oddly enough, he avoids some of them, but it was a reasonably enjoyable read. Not the best the author's done, but far from the worst.

    3.5/5
    -J
     
  14. Helius

    Helius Third Year

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    It's one of the best manipulative!Harry stories I've seen.

    The cliches present pretty much take a back seat. Harry's use of wandless magic and animagus form is more of a manifestation of his power than anything else.

    The writing is almost like reading snippets of Harry's rise to a dark lord. The briefness and lack of description is almost a good thing; It left me wanting more and leaves much to your imagination.

    It's certain to never be finished if the author had to tried to write their own epic spanning the seven books. IMO, I'd rather read a completed fic than an abandoned one.

    4/5 only because it could have been a slightly longer summary of Harry's rise to power. Perhaps around 50-75k words.
     
  15. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Read this earlier, and as everybody else said: One of the best manipulative!Harry Stories I've read.

    Takes a decent view of a Harry I think we'd all have rather seen in canon.

    3/5 for me, but as usual I'm a harsh critic.
     
  16. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    It was a summary, not a real story - which seems to be DW's M. O.
    It's like he has a bunch of creative ideas, puts them in outline form, but decides to forgo a chaptered story and change his outline to regulars sentences instead. 2/5
     
  17. Testament

    Testament Seventh Year

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    I enjoyed this quite alot, to reiterate what others have said before it's one of the best manipulative Harry stories I've ever read. Still, the summarized writing style did let it down somewhat. It could have been expanded in areas and would have made a great ~60k word story.

    4/5 from me.
     
  18. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

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    It was good in a "killed some time" kinda way. Nothing super on either side of the scale though.

    A solid 3.5/5 here for a decent, quick, and mostly painless read.
     
  19. Alexeyy

    Alexeyy Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    I read only the first screen, and that was enough. I don't think Disobedience improved at all since he started writing. Now he loses his ability to express himself, and forgets how to count:

    unclear​

    non sequitur​

    Say it with me: "Two-hun-dred-and-twelve"​

    To be fair, this unclear style is uncharacteristic for him, so it must be an anomaly comparing to the rest of the treatise.

    Why am I so sure he didn't improve then? I came to the conclusion since he started talking; literally, the very first speech shows that Disobedience still did not get in touch with the real world. Who starts a victory speech with such bullshit? I hear a boy of fifteen speaking politics, not a Dark Lord extraordinaire. The only place for this speech is at the "Rant" thread on a forum. (As indeed for his every story. Take "A Bad Week at the Wizengamot", "Harry Potter and the Irish Choice", "Time to Fix the Mistakes", or "Common Sense" for example.)

    In realistic outcome, the Harry I heard, should have been eaten alive by political vultures, made a perfect marionette the second he stepped on British soil even. The narrative shouldn't have arrived at this absurd speech at all, end of the story.

    DisobedienceWriter is young, by my guess no more that twenty-one, an idealist and absolutist, sees the world through rose-tinted glasses, and hence his stories are totally devoid of action, conflict, or realism. He's either Jesus Christ, or a hopeless romantic. Allow me to place a good-natured smile for him here: :) , and a sincere hope he'd either wake soon, or not wake at all.

    Rating is, of course, withheld.

    P.S.: I read the reviews on ff.net -- a bunch of idolising comments minus one good critique -- and I'm glad I did not finish reading this story. Where is DLP with its punching stick?
     
  20. Reyhkt

    Reyhkt Groundskeeper

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    I didn't like it. There was no conflict at all as Harry has god-like powers. There really wasn't a point to the story, except to show how Harry succeeds at everything with little to no trouble.

    The idea while good, needed much more conflict, and the story was more of a summary than anything.
    2/5 for me.
     
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