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Complete The Change Storms: Induction by eaglejarl - M - Original Fiction

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by T3t, Dec 18, 2015.

  1. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Jan 21, 2011
    Los Angeles
    High Score:
    Title: The Change Storms: Induction
    Author: eaglejarl/David Storrs
    Rating: M (none provided, but seems appropriate given violence/gore)
    Genre: Superhero/Action
    Status: Complete
    Fandom: Original Fiction
    Pairings: None
    Link: Dropbox Full | Dropbox Chapter by Chapter

    From the man who brought us The Two Year Emperor comes a very good Worm-like action story. It's pretty short-novel length, coming in at just over 93000 words. While being a marked improvement over his previous work, there are a few flaws: given the short length of the story, it's a little too action focused, and some more character development wouldn't have gone amiss. The antagonist is smart, competent, and sympathetic enough to make me question my own loyalties, but feels a little cliche.

    Still, for what it is, it's very well executed. 4.5/5. If you're planning on reading it later, I'd recommend downloading it, as he'll be pulling it down after he's got it edited to put it on Amazon for sale. Technically there are two short stories that precede this that are also on Amazon, but I haven't read them and this stood alone just fine.
  2. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

    May 27, 2010
    My biggest gripe with the story is the protagonists lack of agency. There was only ever one real choice that she could make in the story and everything else that happened was because there was a gun to her head. She's competent enough, but only in the relative sense. It struck me more that everyone around her didn't think about using their powers properly than that she was smarter than your average joe.

    Overall, the writing was pretty weak and it really shows that this is an unpolished version right now. Also, the author likes his thesaurus too much. It was a bit grating to read some sections just because of the word choices used.

    I give it a 2.5, rounding down to 2 right now.
  3. fontisian

    fontisian Slug Club Member

    Aug 14, 2011
    At the risk of pissing people off, I'll post a review.

    The high-points are the author's uses of the insanely specific powers.The team has some great interactions, the story itself is well plotted and contained, and the wider world building was interesting enough to keep me reading. I think the focus on action was actually a plus, because it was well done and drew focus away from the weaknesses.

    The character interaction feel artificial, likely because they reflect the author's limited experiences. The main character is supposed to be a former therapist, but is hopelessly naive. Likewise, the antagonist, who has the potential to be an amazing sympathetic villain, lacks gravitas in his speeches and spends time furthering his cause by /posting on forums/. Because there's nothing like a well articulated forum post to change minds on a major issue.

    3.5, rounded down for the cringe worthy scene with Jon Stewart towards the end. It's a good time-waster.