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Abandoned The Chimera: More Snake than Lion by apocalypso - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Zero, Mar 13, 2006.

?

How do you rate this fic?

  1. Outstanding

    42.1%
  2. Exceeds Expectations

    46.1%
  3. Acceptable

    8.4%
  4. Poor

    2.2%
  5. Dreadful

    1.1%
  1. Zero

    Zero Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Location:
    Sailing the bermuda triangle...
    Title: The Chimera: More Snake than Lion
    Author: Apocalypso
    Category: Action/Adventure/Romance
    Rating: M
    Pairing: Harry/Cho, Harry/Tonks
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 89,232
    Updated: May 27, 2007
    Published: February 26, 2006

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2820770/1/
    Summary: AU: It does not pay to underestimate Harry Potter. Illusions are shattered as a young Lord rises to power and casts off those that deter him. Independant!Political!Powerful!Dark!Harry, HarryChoTonks.

    New Independant!Harry Story, very good and over 20K.

    For those who want the uncut version.

    NC-17 Link: http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=10356



    Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2013
  2. That_Boy

    That_Boy DLP Elite DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    354
    Location:
    Wellingon, New Zealand
    I thought this story was already up here but I can't find it. I think the author is a member. I've been following it and it looks good.
    EDIT: He's already a member under the username Yarrgh!
     
  3. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,921
    So, somebody finally posted it...

    I was on a verge of posting this several days ago and inviting the author here, when I saw that he was already a member. So I kinda expected him to publish his own work...

    My FFN review from that time:

    I find most of the stories with Harry hiding his true abilities for 5 years slightly unrealistic; Why would he then let himself be outdueled by Wormtail and allow Voldemort' rebirth? Or get caught by the fake Moody and loose the Maraurder's map in GOF? There are just too many inconsistencies with that, least of which being Harry's inner thoughts from the canon.

    But aside from that, the start is rather good. I like how you don't go into rants and pointless bashing of Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore, Harry's love interests and his general attitude.

    I'm eager to see more of this.


    Just for the record keeping :)
     
  4. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

    Joined:
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    Melikes the fanfic at the moment, though I am concerned about its potential to devolve into something incredibly shitty if the author is not careful with his writing. But my :stained sense isn't tingling, so that is a good sign.

    Also, I would like to remind Yarrrgh! that if your writing smut, either write good smut, or no smut at all. The lemon scene in the first chapter completely ruined the continuity of said chapter, and doesn't seem 100% necessary for the plot.
     
  5. daterza

    daterza First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2005
    Messages:
    39
    Location:
    South Africa
    it`s a good story so far. The has a good writing style.
    the story has the potential to slip both ways(good or bad), waiting for a few more chapters.
     
  6. Nymph

    Nymph Second Year

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2005
    Messages:
    72
    Its a good start. I agree with Goivanni, the lemon part wasn't necessary in the 1st chapter. I'll need a few more chapters to see if I like this story or not.
     
  7. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,683
    I liked the smut, though admittedly that's probably only because it had Cho. Besides, it's optional...whoever doesn't like the sex can read the FFN version, those who do want it can go to Ficwad. Seems simple enough to me.
     
  8. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

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    I don't object to smut in stories... It just interrupted the flow of the story in this case with a fairly awkward transition between paragraphs.
     
  9. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

    Joined:
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    Location:
    The land down under
    If smut doesn't hold up the story or make an awkward transition in to chapters like Gio pointed out i dont have anything against it. Well i read this fic and i think i got to concur with IP's review, so many fool hardy moments that have really added up to Harry being a complete fuck wit in conon that i dont see how fics with hidden to the eye power effectively work. Though it's so refreshing to read something that isn't slash or even worse...H/Red slut that it gives me my jollies.
     
  10. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    Location:
    United States
    okay story, just okay though, needs to pick it up to be a good story..
     
  11. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    Pick it up how? It's only been three chapters, it's still building up. Can't expect action and stuff to always happen within the first five chapters of a story.

    I like it. The smut doesnt bother me but it could have flowed a little better than it did. That's okay though. I await more...
     
  12. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    i dont know what i meant forget the whole post..
     
  13. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

    Joined:
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    Why thank you.

    About the smut...true, it wasn't necessary. On the other hand, i thought it would be the best way to cement the relationship between the two of them. In any case, it wasn't extremely graphic, nor was it lengthy. Half of the cut part was a slightly more in-depth history of their relationship.

    That's why i posted the smut on a different site. FFNet is simpy to read the story, with minimal fluff involved.

    The whole point of the story is that Harry's been up to something behind everyone's back. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that there will be no smut in the next few chapters. I don't want to jump into the whole "wow, Tonks, i love you!" bullshit.

    Err...first few chapters will seem sorta fluffy at times, i guess, but wait for it.

    I was off on Spring Break this past week, so no update for another week, i'm afraid.
     
  14. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    USA
    dude can harry hatch a new basalisk to just feed the dumpster to it then yes the badalisk like a doggy
     
  15. DGD

    DGD Headmaster

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    Lord Necros, Please use proper punctuation and a spell-checker before posting.
     
  16. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

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    Wow. I have to confess i don't have an idea as to what that means. I got the first part, but what does 'yes the badalisk like a doggy' mean?

    IP82: Your review pointed out the major flaw, of course. If Harry has been learning the whole time, why is he such a fuckwit in canon?

    My explanation:

    1) This will never be a Super Harry story. I don't intend for him to suddenly jump up and kick ass. Therefore, going by the fact that he was about as skilled as a 7th year during his 4th year, i'd think that his general level of skill is admissable.

    2) With the Wormtail/Dark Lord bit, it seems as though everyone forgets something rather important.
    Trelawney made a prophecy. A prophecy that states wuite definitely that Wormtail would escape and resurrect Voldemort. It also says that Voldemort will rise to be greater and more terifying than ever before.
    No matter what, if one goes by the idea that prohecies are infallible, Wortail was gonna get away. Harry couldn't do anything about it.

    And another thing: a lot of stories feature Voldemort being less powerful than he was in the first war. Huh? The prophecy states that he would be greater and more terrifying than ever before. Even JK forgets. If Dumbledore could duel Voldemort to a standstill before, it shouldn't be allowed to happen anymore.

    Now, in his 3rd year, he obviously wouldn't have learnt enough in that one year since he had been studying hard to actually make a big difference.
    At the graveyard, people forget that he had been running through the maze, and had gotten mauled. He was in no position to start fighting as well as an Auror while injured. THen, you forget that the reason that Cedric died was that Harry was on the ground, his head being split apart because Voldemort was literally two feet away from him. He couldn't think at all because of the pain, which is why Cedric died, and he got restrianed so easily.

    Now, with the DA: i explained that Harry only taught the DA because he felt sorry for them because of the situation with Umbridge. I stated that he would easily pass HIS OWLs, but he knew that the others wouldn't. So, he taught them the basic curses that they ought to know. The patronus was just an add on. Teaching them extremely powerful curses would eventually get back to Dumbeldore, and he would suspect Harry and watch him too closely.

    I also explained that he wanted to go on the 'rescue' mission on his own, because of the higher chance of success it would afford him, but since the others came, he couldn't exactly start throwing dark curses around.

    Remember, he has an agenda. If Dumbeldore suddenly finds out that he knows way more than he's letting on, it would ruin his plans. Underestimation is what he has been relying on for the past three years, and there was no way he would suddenly reveal his hand just one month before things will finally go his way.

    Right. There's my explanation.

    If any of you guys would like to help by pointing out problems or plot holes that i miss, feel free, and i will certainly act on your advice.
     
  17. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

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    Update coming in 3-4 days. I'm sending it to Zero tomorrow.
     
  18. Lord Necros

    Lord Necros Slug Club Member

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    cross breed the badalisk with a lizard or have it as a familar
     
  19. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

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    Location:
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    Nah.

    I really didn't want to get into pets, but i decided to after an idea.

    I hate Hedwig. I'm sure you will realize this after reading Fury of the Hellspawn, where i have Harry kill Hedwig.

    I decided to give Harry an Iguana. A non-magical pet, no frills or anything, just an Iguana with a sarcastic sense of humor.

    Whatcha think?

    BTW: It's Basilisk, not badalisk
     
  20. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

    Joined:
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    Extra points if Harry names it Jhub Jhub.
     
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