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WIP The Dark in Peace by TheEndless7 - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Sesc, Mar 25, 2012.

  1. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Title: The Dark in Peace
    Author: TheEndless7
    Rating: M
    Genre: Mystery/Crime
    DLP Category: General
    Pairing: Harry/Daphne, supposedly
    Chapters: 12
    Words: 68,900
    Updated: June 22, 2013
    Published: January 11, 2012

    Status: WIP

    Summary:
    Four years after the war Auror Harry Potter and his partner investigate a series of murders involving their former classmates that threaten to divide the Wizarding World once again.


    This really, really surprised me. The author is the same who wrote Letters which did nothing for me in the first chapter, and apparently jumped the shark in the second (we had it in the Almost Recced thread), but I couldn't tell from this story. It's good. Very solid. The writing isn't spectacular (sometimes a little jerky with the sentences) but gets the point across, without feeling too bland, the plot is fine, the characters, especially the duo Harry/Hannah (good chemistry, and Harry is refreshingly relaxed), work well, and what I like most are the small things popping up in the daily Auror work.

    Evidence gets levitated. Wands are identified by Ollivander. The squib officer who functions as connection between Aurors and police. Those are things that aren't big or flashy, but really are the most important part of an Auror story, because they make the world feel believable and immersive. You see that the author put some thought into that, and that's always something I appreciate.

    The biggest fear I had was that the author said he hadn't planned it out -- there's really no way you can write a mystery without a plan, I notice myself how heavily I rely on my notes and stuff to keep track of everything -- but hopefully, if I understood the second chapter's AN right, that's no longer an issue.


    TL;DR: If you're looking for an Auror!Harry, definitely gives this a try. Not Myth-scale, but a really solid foundation, with lots of nice little things by the wayside. 4/5.


    Checked by Minion, August 20, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2013
  2. Fatality

    Fatality Unspeakable

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    I've just read the first chapter and I was honestly pretty impressed - much better than Letters. Like you said, it's very solid and a good read. I'll continue reading the next two chapters but definitely 4/5 stuff at the moment at least.

    Additionally, if I remember correctly this author had a pretty frequent update rate which is always nice.
     
  3. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    It's definitely interesting but my problem here is Harry himself. He feels emotionally stinted somehow.
     
  4. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

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    I'm honestly impressed. This held my interest surprisingly well, particularly in view of the fact that I have enjoyed very, very few post-Hogwarts fics. It does have sound writing, believable characters, and a reasonably compelling mystery up to this point.

    I'd say it's a good 4/5 fic right now, something we see all too rarely, but I'm going to reserve judgement for a couple more chapters at least..
     
  5. Infidel

    Infidel Auror

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    I agree with Sesc. The detail is excellent.Titbits like the line below really make this story a good read.

    By TheEndless7

    I'm giving it a 4.5/5 for now.
     
  6. Krieger

    Krieger Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    There are. A lot of. Short sentences. In this story.

    But a good read none the less, cheers for the rec.
     
  7. Othalan

    Othalan Order Member DLP Supporter

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    I liked it. Solid writing and great chemistry between Harry and Hannah. It isn't often that I see a fic where three chapters only covers basically half a day, and I still feel like a lot happened when I finish reading it. Great use of detail and character interaction without getting bogged down in the minutiae of their day.

    I'll definitely be watching this one for updates.
     
  8. Zerg_Lurker

    Zerg_Lurker Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Great find. It's wonderfully immersive and easy to read. There are plenty of sentence fragments strewn about and a few spelling errors but nothing exceptionally cringe-worthy.

    One thing that struck me as odd was how casually Harry handed over his wand to Hannah to look at. On the other hand, the conversation about wands and back-ups meshes obliquely yet with canon and reads like a slice of life.

    Good character interaction and I'm looking forward to see how the plot unfolds.

    4/5
     
  9. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    One thing I liked about the fic was Harry's back up wand, just threw out in conversation it was yew and phoenix feather and he found it after the war... nothing suspicious at all there.

    4/5.
     
  10. evilchaos

    evilchaos Squib

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    I liked the first two chapters a good deal, and will certainly continue reading when I have the chance. It seems to do a really good job at characterization, and doesn't front-load information like a lot of post-Hogwarts stories do. The mixture of present and past events being presented has been excellent.

    I especially liked the tangent about the child rapist and how that led into the beginning of what looks to be a Harry/Daphne romance. The tangent was used to characterize Harry and Hannah, immerse the reader further in the fiction of magical crime-fighting, and also lead into a romantic sub-plot. It was well planned to serve many purposes and very well executed.

    At the same time, I'm not sure this is the right time to rec this story. The success or failure of a mystery is all about how the plotlines and clues come together in the finale. While it isn't necessarily essential to wait until a mystery is completed to rate it, it is difficult to rate without at least getting a good way into the plot and seeing how the different threads are beginning to come together. Right now I would rate it a 5/5 and a definite addition to the library, but it could easily fall much lower than that if the author fails to make the romance a significant addition to the story or ends the story poorly. With only three chapters, I would much prefer to wait and see where the story goes than decide whether or not to put it into the library now.
     
  11. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Well, then do that? No one forces you to rate it. And even if you do, you can always change the vote later on. I don't quite see the problem, tbh. A story can always be ruined in a single chapter -- but that's why this isn't a static thing. As long as there is enough of the story to form an opinion (as is the case here) you can put it into the Review section.

    Also: I should hope the romance becomes no significant addition to the story. Nothing has more potential to tank the story than that.
     
  12. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Right now it's a very good start, somewhere between 4 and 5 stars. I don't think there's enough written yet to give a proper rating yet, so I'll wait until another few chapters are up.
     
  13. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    This story started pretty good. The idea is sound and I really want to know who killed Pansy and sent the letter to Dawlish. The thought that someone might be pulling a reverse-Death Eater and killing Purebloods is something that I've thought about writing in the past.

    The writing style is solid and works well with this type of story.

    Unfortunately, some other things are really ruining it for me. Harry, for one, seems unsually sour. The way he acted with Luna was just odd. As for Luna, it didn't even seem like her. I'm a fan of authors trying to give her a personality aside from the overused loony-toon gig, but all she did was blush and act really timid. However, I did like the idea of her working at Ollivander's.

    Also, Harry seems like he is Hannah Abbott's sidekick. She seems to do most of the work. Anyone else noticed that? All he does is stand around and state the obvious. The author has also made a point of pointing out how good she is, and how Harry isn't at certain things.

    Honestly, the characterizations are killing me.
     
  14. Die Me Dichotomy

    Die Me Dichotomy Squib

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    The idea here is decent, both on an a overall level and on a scene by scene basis (I liked the idea of Squibs integrated into the police to smoothe things ove for Auror investigations) as the author takes us through an investigation that looks like it will only get messier and darker.

    The problem, however, is the dialogue and characterzation. I'm not seeing the spark of life in any character so far, and the dialogue keeps striking me as somewhat off, or jerked, especially the scenes with Luna and the Parkinsons. I can't think of a mystery without well made characters (likeable, antagonising or inbetween) working out very well. The story of what's going on might be a gripping tale of mystery, but without the characters and the interaction to sell it it has all the chances of turning out meh.

    Oh, and I really did not like the flow of that pedo case flashback, right down to the way they caught him.

    3/5, for now. Hoping to see a beta and some smoother writing in the future.
     
  15. Blank402

    Blank402 Second Year

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    I'm all for Auror!Harry stories, but I just can't get through this one. The writing isn't bad, it's just kind of bland and not very compelling.
     
  16. Darth Kali

    Darth Kali Third Year

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    Pretty enjoyable. Believable characterizations. A few minor spelling and editing errors, but one of the better things from FFN recently.

    Points for originality.

    EDIT: Apparently it's in the library already. Still 3.5-4/5. Depending on where the story goes.
     
  17. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    It's been updated: Very nice, and one personal pet-peeve.


    Harry reading the paper was nice (and I'm sure that is the first time I ever wrote that sentence :lol:). But I do, it has the interwoven story about Ginny. A few brushes, and the author's got Ginny characterised; while adding depth and history to Harry's character. In the same way, Hannah's musings on Oxford; it shows how they met, shows his strengths and hers, offers a glimpse into their relationship, and is all around good character building.

    I really do like Harry, Hannah and Daphne in this story. It's a little like a brighter, sunnier counterpart of what I imagined. If I hadn't wanted to write in a dark version of the HP world, this is probably what it would look like. Harry's history, his position in the world (loved the bit with getting invitations to speak on conventions) and the world itself make sense and have my full approval.


    The part with Daphne was great, and I liked their interaction. What nailed it for me was this:

    (At this point I want to express my disbelief again that an author who can write like this produces Letters >_>)


    The pet-peeve is everyone living in Muggle-Appartments and doing things the Muggle way. Now, you can make a case for Harry, probably, even though I don't like it -- I just prefer magic in everything, lol. But why must Daphne live in a Muggle apartment as well? Even from a out-of-story standpoint: Wouldn't it be far more interesting to write one muggle apartment (Harry) and one magical apartment (Daphne)? There's so much you can do with that. And on top of that, the trap in which you're likely to fall with muggle stuff is there:

    Which is a complete non-issue, because she is a witch. If it's cold, make it warm. If it's warm, make it cold. You can. You have magic. That mistake doesn't happen when you write her living in a magical apartment from the start, because you're unlikely to forget you have magic then.


    That mini-rant aside, it was very enjoyable. Rating stays the same, but the tendency is pointing upwards.
     
  18. Infidel

    Infidel Auror

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    Makes me wonder if wizards and witches have designated side-along apparators or if drunken -apparating is illegal.
     
  19. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    It just doesn't feel like a story playing in the magical world. The people all act like people in the mundane world with the same social conventions and interactions.
     
  20. Elsworth

    Elsworth Fifth Year

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    The characters are VERY OOC. Pansy goes to muggle night clubs, Harry is a stalwart leader in the face of battle, Hannah is an Auror... That said, the writing is well done, the character development is masterfully put together, and the reactions to events are realistic and well worded. Which is why this is in the library.

    4/5
     
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