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WIP The Golden Stag by Kerjack - T

Discussion in 'Other Fandoms Review Board' started by Halt, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

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    Title: The Golden Stag
    Author: Kerjack
    Rating: T
    Pairing: Appears to be Margaery/Damon
    Fandom: Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire
    Summary: His siblings looked nothing like his father, what with their golden hair and emerald eyes. Why, looking at Myrcella was like looking at a mirror of his mother. Not that Damon had any right to talk. When HE looked in a mirror, he saw his uncle Jaime.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12481467/1/The-Golden-Stag

    The story focuses around an OC younger twin of Joffrey who looks up to and tries to emulate Robert.

    This story is actually crazy good.

    Despite being basically a canon rehash so far (with albeit few minor changes), the strength of this story as a character piece (of an OC, no less!) has made it a compelling read. Few stories are willing to not baby their characters and give them actual flaws (even more for OCs), and even fewer make those flaws glaring (in this case, whoring).

    As a result, Damon feels incredibly life like. He invokes sympathy, but isn't too perfect as to be inhuman. He's competent, as seen by his results on the field. And he has agency (to a limited degree), although hopefully this changes and he becomes more of an actor in his own right rather than a reactor.

    This may actually be the best Game of Thrones story I've read so far, and easily fits in the top 5 in the fandom at the very least.

    The only real downside so far has already been mentioned of course - it sticks to canon a bit too closely, although in fairness to you we are seeing some changes already. It's likely we'll see more now that he's king (and what a great character arc that would be for Damon, if it is the case).
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2018
  2. raobuntu

    raobuntu First Year

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    Been following this one for a while. Kerjack also has a solid Targaeryan OC that's a few hundred thousand words long.

    Everything Halt mentioned above in regards to Damon's characterization is spot on. I particularly liked how Kerjack characterized the complex relationships between Damon and his family. Also, the fact that he didn't make him a trueborn Baratheon and left him the product of an incestuous coupling was a nice touch.

    5/5 for me
     
  3. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    So is it like, exactly as in the book only the Lannisters are winning even more (having more nonphyrric victories)? I guess later stuff could be interesting where there is an actual king instead of a child but until then it's just another character inserted in?
     
  4. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    It's more the Lannisters can see they're losing some, and the OC is more willing to sue for peace which leads to a slightly different way for the story to progress.
     
  5. CareOtters

    CareOtters Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    This was enjoyable, well-written, and had a protagonist who was both sympathetic and human. And yet it never gripped me. It was interesting getting an inside look at Lannister life through the lens of a more sane character, but it didn't really feel to ever be doing anything novel. For all its good qualities, this fic is mired in the blandness which seems to come with GoT fics these days. I can't put my finger on what specifically it's lacking, but this seems like a well executed exercise in mediocrity. There's a promise of future gold, but it was honestly a bit of a chore for at least the first half of what's written here.

    4/5
     
  6. invinoveri

    invinoveri Third Year

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    3/5 There were no highs or lows in the story just a bland progress that was somewhat entertaining.
     
  7. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Yeah, pretty much what invinoveri said. it was kinda interesting/entertaining, I guess. There was no eyerolling stupid moment but neither was there a "oh shit, this is awesome" moment. No memorable scenes, no great characters. I mean, I guess I kinda liked the whore he favors. The OC himself is rather decent and the plot development is neat but yeah, a bit bland.

    I liked that he actually liked his family and wasn't a perfect political mastermind, that his strengths and weaknesses felt human enough.

    Gonna keep my eye on it. 3.5/5
     
  8. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Last line of the new chapter is quite good. Really feels like he's got Tywin's voice down.

    There's no standout moment but there's lots of little moments that are building towards making a nice fic.
     
  9. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    It's been a bit bumpy to me, but I like the solid, complex characterization of the main character. Feels more true to the world of ASOIAF. I think the latest chapter (the Tywin one) was a standout in fact, dealing with Tyrion's trial in ultimately what felt very true to character. I've become more invested as a result of it.

    Call it 3.5/5 for now
     
  10. Dagro

    Dagro Second Year

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    Nah, I can't get warm with the MC&OC's at all. They feel bland and the 'social angst' is neither done well, believable or entertaining. It has a lot going for it, the alternate son to Joffrey, different takes on the Lannister family etc. But it really shines with squandered oppurtinity and 'this could have been much better'.

    The character is the most prodigal swordsman ever, all the ladies love him, but he just never knows what to say. 'His tongue is tied' and not really able to communicate etc. overdone and never outgrown to the max, but if it really comes to it, he will just put it out and 'never knew where that came from'. This just could have been much better if it didn't have this boring approach.

    In the end, this 'handycap' just feels like a counterbalance the author put on his main character to give him all the other mary sue shinys.

    There is so much shit that could have been explored here, all the insecurity and danger of the second son who doesn't really live up, but otherwise is still the better option. His hopes and dreams, crushed at the last minute. The intrigue! not even in court but in the family, the whole realm, later on in the war, always a consideration for all partys etc.

    Hell even for him, 'would it maybe be better for everyone if I step up? would my own family maybe support me?'... after the first victorys in the field that made Joffrey jealous: 'wouldn't my brother maybe kill me at somepoint anyway?'


    But hey, Damon is socially inept and dumb, so it's totally logic he wouldn't ever consider that or even have to fight with the moral dilemma that it's always an option in the back of his head.

    2/5 from me

    Edit: I forgot to add my dissatisfaction with the Robb/Damon conflict. I really hoped this would be done well (it had a good set up) but in the end was really flat. Robb especially felt OC but I guess this is the authors universe and in that instance he can claim characters behave how their different 'AU' has shaped them. Another big story point that could have been that much better.
     
  11. Paradise

    Paradise Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Right so this fic, I've been reading since like the 5th or 6th chapter. Its good shit, its evidently a re-write of the authors first fic. Ala the MC is the younger brother to the heir to the king, working as the leader of his brothers army.

    The bad part about this fic is the MC, is like mildly autistic. He is shit with people which is just super annoying, and makes no sense. He still behaves and acts like a Lannister and a teenager. By picking up a whore and telling her to love him.

    The plot is interesting and seeing him crowned king was cool, but the writing itself isn't all that interesting. It gets bland and things just kind of blur together despite very different scenes.

    Overall a 4/5, its pretty good for ASOIAF fics, its unique and has a good premise.