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WIP The Iron Teeth - A Goblin's Tale by Scott Straughan - [Original Fiction]

Discussion in 'Original Fiction' started by CareOtters, May 11, 2018.

  1. CareOtters

    CareOtters Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,448
    Title: The Iron Teeth - A Goblin's Tale
    Author: Scott Straughan
    Rating: T
    Genre: Fantasy
    Status: WIP - on book four, with 3-4k updates twice a week
    Fandom: Original Fiction
    Summary:
    These are the Iron Teeth. This is the north proper, the very knife edge of civilization. Here among the stark mountains and endless forests there are undiscovered treasures, amongst countless unmarked graves. Here, monsters stalk the night and outlaws gather. It is the land of the desperate and the foolish. A land of singular wonders and crushing horror.

    Here dwells Myagnoir the Doom of Coroulis, the Great Drake, the City Killer, the Greatest Enemy of Man. His coming sealed the North’s decline that the wars of the south begun, and shattered all hopes of safety from those wars’ depredations. Amongst the icy ruins of the once great Coroulis he rules unchallenged.

    Here the Forest People wait and plot their revenge on the kingdoms of men. Those that drove them from their ancestral homes, but whose once unmatched power now wanes. Amongst all this simple people struggle to survive and carve out new lives for themselves far from the greed and wrath of kings.

    Now arrives a newcomer, a captive, a slave, a goblin, a spark onto tinder. The North shall burn, and only time will tell what rises from the ashes.

    Link: http://www.ironteethserial.com/dark-fantasy-story/online-story/the-road-north-1-1/

    I came across this because an edited and pimped out version was available on Kindle Unlimited, then moved over to read the rest on the author's web serial. I'm a whore for stories from the perspective of "the bad guys" and this really hits the mark. The characters are clearly not good people, but it's sincere in a way that attempts to do 'villains' rarely is.

    A goblin is captured to work as a minion for a hunter who is part of a band of outlaws roaming the desolate north and generally up to no good. He's a snivelling little shit in some ways to begin with, but as he grows bigger, stronger, and sneakier, that quickly turns into sly cunning and gleeful malice.

    There are some fun scenes as he traipses around the woods learning how to scare humans, and then once he's all grown up things go into shadowy assassinations between criminal gangs in a city.

    The writing is a bit repetitive, but otherwise alright. For the novelty as much as anything else, I'd rate this quite highly.

    5/5
     
  2. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    1,568
    Location:
    Chester, England
    I agree.

    It's nice to see a story from a villain's point of view where they don't try to justify it, they don't try and dress it up, but they also don't go on drug-fueled murderorgies. They're just criminals because it's easier than being lawful.

    The story starts quite well, and continues setting things up in a timely manner. However, it feels like a lot of the characters talk too much - new information is delivered in conversations between two characters who both already know it all, and it's a poorly disguised mini-infodump.

    Also, a lot of the word choice feels slightly stilted. Nearly all dialogue is followed with a "he explained", "she responded"; but rarely adverbs, and often with a "she told him", which again ruins the flow. On top of that, there's a lot of repetition within chapters on how everyone says everything, and it was noticeable enough to pull me out a time or two. Otherwise, I didn't notice any real technical issues - spelling and grammar all seem fine, with line breaks and capitals as appropriate. Some minor inconsistencies with pronouns, but I only noticed because I was searching for them.

    There's some repetition in text, which again brought me out of the story. It's a pretty minor thing, considered, but it's also one of the first things a re-read should have pointed out before publishing. Also, the writing reads quite simplistically? More like a YA novel than anything else. Sentences are all a very similar length, and there's little-to-no metaphor or simile, the writing feels quite robotic. I had thought this could be because we're reading from the PoV of a dimwitted character, but the interludes read the same way.

    So far, the cast has been interesting, and varied enough that they don't all start blurring (which often seems to be a problem in online original stuff). They don't all work together for the benefit of the MC all the time, and there's quite a few who actively dislike the MC.

    Definitely a fun read, and worth a shot, but not wonderful. A low 4/5 from me
     
  3. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Within the Garden of Nurgle.
    High Score:
    2,094
    As far as summaries goes, this had me hooked nearly immediately. I saved the link to read later with the expectation that I was going to be wowed. It was a fresh take to see things told from the bad guys PoV and the power plays involved there, but over all it wasn't that great.

    I think the biggest issue with it is the fact that the writing is pretty repetitive. The author shoehorned themselves into telling the same thing over and over because there is only so much exploring you can do from this stand point.

    I'll give them a 3.5/5 for effort. I'm rare to give a half rating, but it doesn't warrant anything higher, and it had enough good things to warrant not giving it an entirely shit rating.

    Worth a shot @CareOtters I just couldn't dig it. I wanted to though.

    A trend I've noticed on things like this is a lot of thread rating but no actual feedback. Can we please, guys, make some fucking effort to give feedback. I want to know why you're rating something so high. Thanks Care and Thaumologist for taking the time to review and to bring it to everyone's attention.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
  4. oakgem217

    oakgem217 First Year

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2014
    Messages:
    31
    I'm in the same boat as zombie. I read a couple chapters, and I really wanted to like this story. But the prose is just so simple and dry, and the worst sin, boring. I got to the scene with the harpy fight, and the "action" just launched me out of the story.
     
  5. Saezots

    Saezots Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2016
    Messages:
    256
    Location:
    Toronto
    High Score:
    0
    Alright, so I rated this when I saw it come up earlier cause I've come across it before and forgotten the name so couldn't find it again. I've been catching up and I both really like it, but am kinda disappointed.

    First of all, the prose is a bit simple and kinda made me feel like the chapters were shorter then they really were. A big nitpick of it is the interlude characters, the very first one felt way too simple even if it was to show the brother being dumber then his sister it seemed out of character. While the other ones were improved it still felt a bit off.
    That leads to the next point about what the merchant interludes have brought up, the worldbuilding of the story. I really do like it but..The world building in the first book felt natural and not just shoehorned it, the second book expanded on it but focusing more on mage stuff and politics. I liked the shift in focus in a way but then it felt like the worldbuilding was being put off to the side later on.

    Probably because of the plot.. I won't go into spoilers but I felt like the plot just got weaker after the second book with the battles just dragging out when that plotline could have been built on slower and had Blacknail return to the roots of fighting creatures an etc. while tension was built up.
    I haven't really caught up fully, only the mid way through 3 so I'll review more in depth later but I still like the stories despite it's faults. It contrasts nicely in comparison to Wandering Inn which drags on with worldbuilding. I'd say it's one of the better web serials despite its prose, and the author is improving I think.

    I'd rate it 3.5/5 right now because I'm not really liking where it's heading where I'm at and it sort of feels like the author forgot what they've foreshadowed earlier. I'll come back an edit later so it could go up or down.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
  6. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Chester, England
    I'm a bit further in than when I previously reviewed, and I'm going to have to downgrade.

    I'm now up to 7-4, and the quality of the writing is grating. It feels like a chore to read. The sentences are dry. The sentences is slightly more complex now, but I just don't want to carry on reading it.

    I stopped reading because I went to bed, and I have started reading other things in that time, rather than going back to this.

    It's still better than a lot of original fiction online, but it's not something I'd rec. Downgraded to 3/5