1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

WIP The Jumper Chronicles by HermioneGirl96 - K+ (Harry Potter/ Sherlock Holmes xover)

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Harry_J_Potter, Jun 8, 2014.

  1. Harry_J_Potter

    Harry_J_Potter Second Year

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    73
    Title:The Jumper Chronicles
    Author: HermioneGirl96
    Rating: 4/5
    Genre: General
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: General
    Pairings: None
    Summary: After the first war, Remus realizes his chances of working in the wizarding world are slim, and his wand just reminds him of how James, Lily, and Peter died. To escape this world of pain, Remus attends med school, posing as a Muggle and going by his middle name: John. A story of the missing 12 years of Remus's life . . . in which he became John Watson. Guys, seriously, it all fits.
    Link: FanFiction.Net

    First Crossover Done right I believe. Even though it's Remus centric, it's get's the characters correct, and in sync with canon up to 3rd year so far.

    Problem sometimes is Fic likes to jump ahead of itself sometimes but still a great story.

    It's great to see that this fic doesn't have any mentioning of slash.

    I'm rating it 4/5 for keeping canon characters, great characterization, and nice plot

    Edit: 3/5 after rereading on fresh mind
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2014
  2. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,379
    Location:
    The South
    I cringed a bit at the overdone "my wand just reminds me how they died" bit, as it wasn't his wand, and his wand is a part of him, etc. It'd be like looking a kitchen knife and realizing that your friends died when someone stabbed them with a Bowie knife -- perhaps traumatizing, but it'd be silly to jump from there to "I'm not going to use it again." I'd have liked it better if he just slowly stopped using it after going to the Muggle world, b/c he was worried about being seen with it, then eventually realized he wasn't using it at all anymore. But whatever, that's a nitpick.

    Er hem. It's readable. There's a lot of exposition, and the author is going out of their way to make sure that Remus can "fit" into the BBC Sherlock's shoes flawlessly.

    Makes me think that in later chapters it's going to follow Sherlock BBC canon too closely, however. If the only difference is going to be that we get internal monologue from Remus during John's parts of canon, then that's not going to hold me there. I found myself skimming once we met up with the first episode, and barely read the meeting with Sherlock at all.

    Apart from the internal dialogue I saw and wasn't overly interested in, it appeared to play out almost exactly like in the show. Same for the next chapter or two, only we get some attention-seeking internal dialogue from Remus:

    "I—I'm not—I'm just saying it's fine. It's all fine." Please say it back. Please say it back. Please say I could be a werewolf and you wouldn't hate me for it.

    ^The spoken part is a quote from the show. I'm not sure I like the addition of the italicized part, especially as these two have just met. Remus just seems... needy, or whiny, or something.

    I stopped reading after Chapter 8.

    TL;DR -- The author goes to a lot of trouble to make Lupin fit into Watson's shoes flawlessly, but then continues to simply follow canon BBC Sherlock while interspersing lots of internal dialogue from a whiny/needy Lupin.

    My opinion only, of course. It might improve later, once Harry Potter is old enough for school and the timelines (possibly) meet back up, but I don't think I'll get that far.
    2/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2014
  3. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    965
    Location:
    Among the Moose
    Honestly, I'd prefer the other story kind of like this, where Watson is a Master of Death!Harry who used a ritual to escape his life as Harry Potter. And that fic still had parts that made it cringe worthy. But at least it seemed like it would have some divergence in the future.

    This is just...well, monologue without any divergence. Which can actually be done well, with some character study fics, but this..this is just dry and like Ched I ended up skimming most of the time.

    1.5 rounded up for 2/5
     
  4. Eyron

    Eyron Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2013
    Messages:
    290
    Gender:
    Male
    Is there actually a fic like that? trying to find it =P
     
  5. Harry_J_Potter

    Harry_J_Potter Second Year

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    73
    Internal monologue: Picky bastards...

    You're totaly right. Read it late at night, looked good. Now I'll say it's low 3/5
     
  6. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    965
    Location:
    Among the Moose
    The Doctor The Desert and Death, by M. Corrigibile. It's not great, or even good, but it's better than this wasted an hour or so.
     
  7. Eyron

    Eyron Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2013
    Messages:
    290
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for this!
     
  8. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,742
    I'm still a bit jumpy around other people with blades from a very minor stabbing in high school from some fuckwit that though it would be funny to pretend to stab me and fucked up the 'pretend' part, and that was going on fifteen years ago now. Pretty easy to scale that up to swearing off blades altogether after a vicious stabbing war. Trauma ain't sensible.
     
  9. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,379
    Location:
    The South
    Fair enough, and a good point regarding trauma. My knife analogy was not a good one.

    But presumably you didn't spend the entirety of your youth (11-17) carrying a knife around and using it dozens of times a day for everything from fixing your hair to doing schoolwork.
     
Loading...