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WIP The many Deaths of Harry Potter by ShayneT - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Peter North, Mar 10, 2017.

  1. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

    Jul 10, 2013
    New Hampshire
    Title:The many Deaths of Harry Potter

    Author: ShayneT

    Rating: T

    Genre: Adventure

    Status: Complete

    Library Category: General

    Pairings: none so far

    Summary: In a world with a pragmatic, intelligent Voldemort, Harry discovers that he has the power to live, die and repeat until he gets it right.

    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12388283/1/The-many-Deaths-of-Harry-Potter

    Snapdragon Posted the link to this fic in Almost Recommended. The summary isn't much but it basically explains the story in a nutshell.

    This fic starts just before Harry's first year, but he keeps getting killed before he gets to Hogwarts and has to start over,and of course gets more and more wary of the Wizarding World.

    The chapters are on on the shorter side and there are a few grammar hiccoughs along the way, but they aren't enough to completely derail you. I realize that this idea could get old real quick but so fare I've found it to be a fun read. I'd sat it's worth three stars for now, but I have hope that the author will improve in time.

    Updated post to COMPLETE from WIP -Ched
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2018
  2. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

    Oct 14, 2007
    Dún na ngall
    High Score:
    It's definitely not terrible. There's awkward phrasing a few times but that could be ironed out. First chapter in and my impression is that he could have handled it better. Have him run across a random scumbag wizard who recognises the Boy who Lived and thinks bringing him to a former Death Eater might earn him a few galleons.

    As it is it's too coincidental and too much of a stretch to believe McNair was in on the whole Quirrelmort thing. Also, Voldemort is way over the top.

    I'll rate after I finish it but first impression is that this guy could use Work by Author.
  3. Donimo

    Donimo Groundskeeper

    Jul 4, 2015
    The concept is good, the execution sucks. Harry's birthday is changed, for no reason. Harry changes in ways that don't make sense. He dies and is reborn, but is surprised by magic. Dumbledore is going to be a Greater Good idiot. All of this on a fic that isn't well written.

  4. Jarizok

    Jarizok Professor

    Sep 22, 2015
    Posted this in the other thread:

    So I read what there is so far, and while it's not bad per se, it's also not that good.

    The plot is obviously heavily Wastelands inspired with the repeated dying and all, but starting with young Harry. The 1st death was interesting enough, but by now Harry's died at the end of half the chapters...

    The universe is different and all, but people going out of their way to kill Harry this much
    Show Spoiler
    just seems too out there to make it work properly for an 11 yo Harry on his own. I foresee about 76 deaths in the near future.

    2/5 for me.
  5. deyas

    deyas Seventh Year

    May 4, 2009
    Farmington, New Mexico
    It's a solidly readable story, and not much more. Somebody earlier stated that they thought it was inspired by Wastelands, but to me it reads more to me like it was inspired by Edge of Tomorrow. The characterizations are pretty solid, on the whole, with fairly canon-compliant Dursley's, and a Harry with a fairly believable character arc thus far. It certainly could have been executed a touch better, in particular the earlier chapters, but with Harry now in Hogwarts, the author seems to have found their stride.

    Honestly, with only 30k words and daily updates, I don't think there's much more to be said at this point. 3/5, with the definite potential of reaching 4/5, if the author keeps up with the current upswing in quality.

    Edit: Actually, I just noticed that the author uses live, die, and repeat in the description. So yeah, definitely inspired by Edge of Tomorrow. That being the case, this could be a fairly fun ride into the realm of Super!Harry.
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2017
  6. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

    Jun 16, 2012
    This story is unashamedly what it is, and I can respect that. There are a few grammar hiccups, and there is a chance that paranoid!Harry could get grating, but I certainly prefer it over no sense of self preservation!Harry, that is the usual archetype in these fics. I like that despite it being a well worn trope, I can't easily see where this fic is headed. 4/5.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2017
  7. deyas

    deyas Seventh Year

    May 4, 2009
    Farmington, New Mexico
    Well stated, but I'd like to elaborate a bit more: the author, despite the trope he's using being more than enough excuse, isn't afraid for Harry's decisions leading to lasting consequences. Moreover, he's so far done a pretty solid job of portraying Harry's ascent in skill in a reasonably metered fashion; he's not a god, or a genius, just someone who has the benefit of hindsight (foresight?), and the will to follow through with that knowledge.

    Now, as I already stated, it's fairly inevitable that the final chapters will end with Super!Harry, but if the ride to get there continues to be as interesting as it is currently, I'm pretty okay with that.

    And even better, he's managing it while posting an update every day. We're already at 70k words, and it's only been four weeks since it was posted.
  8. Deft

    Deft First Year

    Jan 20, 2015
    Actually the part I like most about the story is how believable it is. Despite the AUness of the Death Eaters being resurgent early on, the Slytherin children his age are not attempting murder (many fics just assume ANY 11 year old can murder at the drop of a hat), Harry's main threats are the oldest students at Hogwarts and any hostile staff.

    This could have been easily ruined by the author having Harry die 30+ times to random attacks in the hallways but he generally keeps the deaths fairly reasonable, they often teach Harry important lessons.

    I would say a flaw that annoys me in this story is some repetition issues. He reads like 3 separate books about disguises, I think the first was enough to get the point across. The other I remember off the top of my head is the excessive number of times Harry tells Hermione and Neville that it isn't safe to talk to him. There are a couple other examples of this for sure.

    4/5, I'd give it a 3.5 and round it up because of the update rate.
  9. Dn18

    Dn18 Second Year

    Dec 31, 2014
    Read through this in one go and I found it quite enjoyable. I think most of it quite realistic (certainly more so then the original books) and all of Harry's actions make sense from his point of view. It is one of the more interesting ways to both give Harry an advantage while not just dumping powers on him as well as motivating him to get better.

    The dieing/waking up is not overdone and death isn't taken for granted as Harry is traumatized each time and want to avoid it at all costs. Overall a solid story that I look forward to more of.

  10. Effulgent Dawn

    Effulgent Dawn First Year

    Oct 15, 2015
    High Score:
    This story seems to do a better job with the death-reset concept than others I've read, and as others have mentioned, is more believable. So far power creep has been manageable, but we'll have to see in the future.

    Right now, 4/5.
  11. KGB

    KGB Order Member

    Jan 18, 2011
    This fic suffers from a rarely seen problem of these time loop fics: It kills of Harry just when the plotline gets interesting and than the setup for the next one drags the pacing to a halt.

    It's surprisingly far more annoying than the more common letting loops last way too long.

    And there is also the common problem of it feeling like nothing gets accomplished due to the loops.

    Still 4/5 as this is one of the only HP fics I've been able to stand in a good while now.
  12. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

    Jul 10, 2013
    New Hampshire
    This is officially one of the best fan fiction renditions of Harry in Lockheart's pixie lesson:

    "I was planning to try this out on the Gryffindors first," Lockhart said. "But since Harry here has such a reputation, I thought we'd try it here instead."

    He pulled the cloth off the cage and Harry was already going to his wand.

    The other Slytherins were glaring at him, even as Lockhart seemed shell shocked. There was Cornish pixie blood splattered over all of them, with Harry splattered with the most blood.

    "You should have said we weren't supposed to kill them," Harry said. "They came right at me."
  13. illya_

    illya_ First Year

    Mar 13, 2015
    I share KGB's sentiment regarding nothing getting accomplished because of the loops and if I would purely rate it based on whats been written so far then it would be a 3/5.

    However in the long run I think it will help the fic.
    The dull fact that Harry have to repeat months with limited gain shows his situation.
    His minor experience, skill repertoire and proficiency limits his actions in crisis.
    His restricted knowledge of magic, teachers, classmates and other 'resources' caps his ability to grow.

    Everything will snowball. With everything new he learns, the more possibilities opens up.
    If one route kills him then it wont be mostly repetition any longer, he will have the tools to choose a vastly new path.

    Well... at least I can hope.

    So 4/5 because of faith.

    (Seems I derailed my thoughts up there, what I meant to say was something along the lines of 'if it wasn't a little dull in the beginning then it would probably show harry as overpowered, which Harry wont have time to become yet')

    Edit: 3/5 because of other issues.
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2017
  14. Saezots

    Saezots Seventh Year

    Aug 2, 2016
    High Score:
    Wow, the latest chapter got cold.

    I've been following this a while and it's long enough now to rate.

    Yeah, I agree with the others it isn't the best but it's well above the usual time-waster. Honestly, I rate it higher then the Red Knight but not anywhere on the level of the truly great fics.


    There are grammar mistakes, and I wish they'd change the title but it's gotten to the point that even if it goes downhill it's still decent, and a good length. I like the pacing -not the death thing- but how the chapters are long but not long enough that it's obvious they're just filler words and there also isn't any blatantly annoying tropes, though
    I don't like how the latest chapter escalated, he has died but unless I'm mistaken he went from lashing out at his bullies (i.e. Jordan) to killing unless they got away? I mean he did get away with murdering Quirrel, so I guess he's now going to be even more vicious. I think I'd honestly have preferred even more paranoid!Harry that doesn't give away skills at duelling club and alive Creevey then mini-Voldemort Harry. I mean having him casually ask Neville about speaking to snakes smacks of parallel Riddle-Dumbledore convo. I mean as a muggle raised I don't think he'd automatically think that. (Tom thought he was superior to Muggles, which brings me to disliking his thoughts about the Dursley's, I mean emotionally shouldn't he at least be more resentful?)
    I like that having the prophecy out to the public, has made Harry a lot more proficient then Canon Harry (though he'd be dead) while also not having super trained up (Ministry/MoM dog) Chosen one.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2017
  15. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

    Jan 17, 2011
    Among the Moose
    I've gotten into this fic, and while it's amusing, I am surprised at the number of 4/5ths. As well, as far as I can tell, no one has brought up the fic's biggest problem. I won't go into the thing about the loops, or characterization or any of that. My problem has more to do with the narrative itself.

    It has a really serious problem with Telling, Not Showing. Very few scenes in the entire damn fic actually manage to use Shot, rather than Tell. Every chapter essentially reads like a list of actions, telling us this, This and This happened, and Harry felt This Way about it.

    So...amusing premise, fairly engaging, but narrative problems make me give a 2.5/5
  16. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

    Nov 12, 2014
    The ending in the last chapter was overdone and rushed at the same time. Chapter 36 in general wasn't this fic's strongest point, even though I appreciated what the author tried to do. But I'm not even sure this fic has a "strongest point".

    And that's my problem with it. You can't really get into it, not only are the plots superficial - which they must be, because otherwise this would become yet another word-count-behemoth - but the writing is as well. Probellum summed it up pretty decently.

    That's not to say it isn't as competently executed as this kind of story can be if you don't want to write 30k about every plot. Doesn't change the fact that there is almost nothing in this story that feels in any way like it's alive.
  17. Rehio

    Rehio Heir DLP Supporter

    Jan 1, 2007
    New Mexico
    The idea behind the ending of the latest chapter was fantastic, I think. Like hot damn, that would have been absolutely amazing to read if it had been just a bit.. written better? But it's not like his writing is horrible or anything, it just seems like it's lacking in certain ways.

    Hope the author improves and keeps writing, cause I don't mind their ideas at all.
  18. dhulli

    dhulli The Reborn

    Nov 10, 2013
    Some issues with the writing aside, the plot is engaging and the update rate is absolutely fantastic (like a chapter a day). 4/5 but bumped to a 5/5 just for the update rate.
  19. Researcher

    Researcher Second Year

    Oct 25, 2015
    High Score:
    Lots of telling, not much showing. The story have lots to gain by fleshing out and showing the reader that's happening instead of telling them.

    2.5 or 3 of 5.
  20. Hiraelle

    Hiraelle Third Year

    Apr 12, 2015
    I think that the (very) fast updates are both a good and a bad thing in it.

    A good thing because having a new chapter every day is neat.

    A bad thing because the author could stand to work on their chapters more. There's a lot of telling instead of showing, typos.... I have the impression that the author writes each chapter in one go and I'm not even sure if they re-read it (though it looks like they have an idea of where they're going at least? They probably made an outline for the fic).
    I also don't understand why Harry went after Sirius. He didn't want to get involved with dangerous stuff, and then all of a sudden he decided to go after him? I feel like I have missed something

    I continue to read it because hey fast updates, so I don't have time to lose interest, but I don't see myself going back and re-reading it at any point in the future.

    A more competent Voldemort and more competent Death Eaters, and even a harsher world it seems (see : the Dementors in 3rd year) are good, but the writing does not give the idea justice.

    Not that bad, and not that good. 3/5