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WIP The Predestination Paradox by Zsugami Alba

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by akimi, Jan 3, 2018.

  1. akimi

    akimi Muggle

    Joined:
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    Title: The Predestination Paradox
    Author: Zsugami Alba
    Rating: T
    Status: WIP (48k words)
    Library Category: Humor
    Pairing: no pairing yet
    Summary: When Harry finds himself in the time of the founders, he makes a shocking discovery. Meanwhile, in the present, Draco finds himself in desperate need of a bucket list. Rated T for "cheeky" behavior.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11679611/1/The-Predestination-Paradox

    I know the 'Harry is actually Salazar Slytherin' things are mostly horrible, but this one really got me off.
    I'd consider it (no 'one of') the best Humor/Crack fic I've ever read in this fandom

    Personally 4/5 (one just doesn't give 5 to Crack and it's not yet complete)
     
  2. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    High Score:
    4,495
    Generally speaking, when the author's pointless, self-masturbatory dialogue with themselves contends with the actual chapter in page length, you have a problem.

    Do not forget the usual "speech" parseltongue 'thoughts' spiel.

    In contrast, the contrivance of the initial premise, wooden delivery and absolute murder of character voices is expected and bland. Then again, the first half of the thing (which isn't even part of the story) is enough to tell you all you need about it.

    If you thought that this was good OP, take a few months to go through the Library and reflect on your life choices.
     
  3. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Well, nothing in the first three chapters raised a smile. To be fair, the actual writing is decent enough, assuming you think a humour story can be decently written while also not really being funny. I suppose the crack label can handwave Draco's personality, but personally I wouldn't want to read another fifteen chapters of him shrieking. As for Salazar!Harry...again, I suppose you can just say that it's crack, but on the basis of the one scene so far, eh.
     
  4. coolname95

    coolname95 First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2015
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    Location:
    Finland
    I read about the first 10, although I started skipping towards the end. The story seems to have no aim or purpose whatsoever, instead attempting to be humorous. This would be fine if it was actually funny, but it isn't. There's not a single part of this story that raises a smile. In addition, the "author dialogue" at the beginning of each chapter was so terrible that I almost stopped before the first chapter.

    Not worthy of the library or almost recommended or anything else on this forum.
     
  5. Armani

    Armani Second Year

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2015
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    Okay. I understand that you may be 'new' and everything to this forum, but please understand, that this site is about giving people quality fanfiction. This piece of literature (if it can be even be called that), is not quality. It is complete and utter trash. I don't mean this to be harsh to the OP, or the author. It just isn't something, in my humble opinion, deserving of any praise that the OP says, or deserving of a place anywhere on this forum. The author dialogue at the beginning is something that I used to enjoy, when I was maybe twelve and thought that it was funny. But now, it just seems unnecessary and a distraction from the actual story itself. Now, talking about the actual content and plot. The plot is almost nonexistent, the characters flat and one-dimensional, and makes be bored, very quickly.

    I recommend you go and:
     
  6. momo

    momo Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2017
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    Oh come on man. When did you start reading fanfics, a month ago?

    The best fanfic you ever read....what have you read? What are you comparing this too. Because if you think this is the best, I'm afraid to look at the quality of an average fic you manage to finish reading.

    I know others above me have said it but the author talking to himself for a disclaimer...congratulations on this unique idea.

    And why is it that all these authors must tell us that they are using a different form of speech for parseltounge. Is just putting a he hissed at the end of the dialogue not good enough.

    And the dialogue in this story sounds like it was written by a middle schooler who thinks cliched jokes and snarky comments make a story funny.

    Leave, take this story with you, and get some class.