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WIP The Prince Who Was Promised by cxjenious - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Cxjenious, May 30, 2013.

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  1. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    Title: The Prince Who Was Promised (Hp/ASoIaF crossover)
    Author: Cxjenious
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Tragedy
    Status: WiP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: None listed
    Summary: He remembered being Harry Potter. Dreamed of it. He dreams of the Great Other too, a creature of ice and death, with eyes red as blood and an army of cold, dead things. He is only the 2nd son of the King, a 'spare', but that changes when things rather left in the dark come to light, and Westeros is torn asunder by treachery and ambition. Winter is coming... but magic is might.
    Link: FanFiction.Net

    The premise (Celestin's idea) - Harry Potter is reincarnated as Harry Baratheon in Westeros (from A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones). He has his memories, and essentially his personality, but he isn't the same; different life, different experiences, and what have you. He can use magic, but he has no wand (not yet), and I'm of the opinion that most spells can't be done wandlessly, save for a basic few.

    It starts slow; I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure where I would take the story at first, but it picks up well enough. But don't go by my words - I may be somewhat biased. Here's what DLP had to say:

    I've sort of "commandeered" the Song of Ice and Fire thread.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2013
  2. Celestin

    Celestin The Cursed Child

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    Like I said before it's a very good story.

    It takes its time to establish everything, but even after 50k of Harry's early life I don't have a feeling that things should be sped up. Showing situations that shaped him and his early interactions with many characters help integrate him into this world before the real action starts and will add weight to later events.

    That said, I will probably change my mind about that if you slow down with your updates. One chapter per week is a minimum. ;)

    I'm probably biased, but 5/5 from me.
     
  3. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    What I like about this fanfic is instead of using events from canon to guide the story, as a lot of fanfics tend to do, it's using characters from canon to guide the story. We've seen some sides of characters here that you don't usually see in fanfic, but that have a lot of justification from the books. It has a living feel to it that a lot of ASOIF fics (and HP fics!) tend to lack.

    I'm super excited to see Tywin.
     
  4. goldenwolfeye

    goldenwolfeye Seventh Year

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    I really enjoy this story. I wonder how Harry being the rightful heir of the seven kingdoms as well as heir of Casterly Rock is gonna play out when the timeline of the books begin. Joffery doesn't even have the Lannisters to stand behind him when people start calling for Harry to take the throne. And I can't see a reason why Jon and/or Ned wouldn't say something. I'm pretty sure everybody likes Harry better.
     
  5. Hawkin

    Hawkin Chief Warlock

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    I love it. Personally, I will now look upon any other ASOIAF fic based on this one. I think it defines the fandom in its quality and execution. There are minor details that could be worked out a bit better (some spelling stuff, characterization which not everyone agree with, etc.) but otherwise I feel like this fanfiction has a great future.

    The simple premise is also, awesome. What you've done with it is even more.

    Congrats and 5/5 from me for this first arc. I'm anxiously awaiting another update.
     
  6. IdSayWhyNot

    IdSayWhyNot Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Very well done. A few too many adverbs that could be cleaned out, the balance between exposition and description needs some work, but that's just nitpicking. The store is perfectly readable and enjoyable as it is.

    The only thing that gave me pause is Harry's age. I understand he holds himself as an older man, but he's still 9 years old. At 9 most kids can't tell apart dicks from their toes. And while the why of this is adequately explained in the story, I think people give him too much credit. Can anyone honestly imagine Cersei letting her 9-year-old walk the slums on his own?

    An easy fix is making him 11 or 12, still younger than Joffrey but closer to a man than to a foetus. It is a bit more realistic for Harry to have the dialogues he has with the men around him (not to mention being obeyed when he cries for a Gold Cloak's cock) if he is almost of age. As it stands now, the author will have to find a way to justify Harry's involvement in larger affairs, and I can't help thinking the options available to him will be somewhat limited if Harry is so young.

    But who knows? Maybe he has it all figured out and I'll be pleasantly surprised.

    5/5
     
  7. Alive and Free

    Alive and Free Groundskeeper

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    You have to remember that this is essentially the Middle Ages when the concept of a childhood was nonexistent. Kids grew up fast. Cersei letting him travel the slums did give me a bit of pause but from what I remember from the books she only ever really cared about her oldest living child - the one who could give her power.

    Him being obeyed isn't that hard to believe. He's the prince and what he's ordering isn't really against the law. You also have to remember that he has the memories of an adult, that's bound to affect how he talks, acts etc.

    I think his involvement in larger affairs will be resolved fairly easily. If he's going to be Tywin's heir then Tywin will want Harry at his side to see how he leads - I think in the book Sam mentions that his father did that with him and, later, his younger brother. I can see Tywin judging criminal cases and telling Harry to decide a sentence to test his mettle or having him at his side while he leads an army into battle.

    I like how Cersei keeps trying to turn him into a Lannister (telling him he roared like a lion during the judgement scene and trying to put gold flakes in his hair) but Harry keeps reminding her that he's a Baratheon.

    Lastly, love the phrase "Winter is coming ... but magic is might".
     
  8. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    Joffrey is only 10 at this point in the story. The next few chapters will cover a great length of time. I'm using ages from the TV show, after a fashion.
     
  9. Stormey

    Stormey Groundskeeper

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    5/5
    I had no idea about the things its crossed over with, but it was a fun read.
     
  10. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    Tywin strikes me as the type to realize Harry's importance once the rumors of Jeffory's birth circulate. Although the whole Jon scenario is bound to be interesting.

    It makes me wonder how you will handle that as imo Ned Stark is a bastard, but I dont like the majority of the Starks tbh, they always came across as hypocritical characters, although with Ned's whole defence being the "blonde hair" shit, Cersei could always just say that Harry was the only one to take after their father as her defense and it shuts is accusations right down.

    Cersei is interesting too, one minute she seems to love him, then hate him, but I think she will appreciate him a little more now because of having magic, and the whole defending her from a drunk Robert bit.

    Hhis friend who's the daughter of the whore seems like she's worming her way in subetly by using the whole rape thing, maybe not meaning to, but it comes across that way. I like how Tyrion was portrayed as having a dick side aswell, like Lamora said most people have rose tinted glasses when it comes to him.
     
  11. LilC16

    LilC16 Second Year

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    Are you forgetting about the book that shows that all Baratheon children have had black hair? Even if the other parent was a golden-haired Lannister. Granted, they may not even think to look since Harry looks like a Baratheon, and the whole reason they investigated was none of the children looked like him.

    How could you hate Ned Stark? He's one of the only ones in the entire series who I consider by modern standards to be acceptable.

    Also, I don't think Aeryn is trying to worm her way out of anything, except King's Landing. She was raped and wants to get the hell away. What is subtle about that? It's obvious to see Harry feels responsible for it and will do anything he can do to help. It flew through my head at one point that maybe Aeryn and her mom might try to get revenge on Harry for what happened, but I'm not really sure...
     
  12. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    ...Aeryn knows she wouldn't get much further in life than being a whore, it's been mentioned a few times, she was raped yes, and knows Harry probably feels guilty...

    I dislike Ned Stark because I think he's pretty hypocritical at the best of times.
     
  13. Dnar Semaj

    Dnar Semaj Seventh Year

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    How is he hypocritical? Did I miss something? Maybe I ignored it because he's one of the few characters I actually liked.

    Also, I like this story. Solid 4/5. That Tyrion scene bugged me - didn't feel like him. I'm excited for more.
     
  14. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    Loved this story, even with me being someone who doesn't care about asoiaf.

    One thing that stood out: Harry immediately feeling sorry for the murdered girl and her mother. Sure he might think it's barbaric, but to swear revenge on his own family felt off. That paired with the quality in all other aspects makes me think that Harry is under some kind of a spell. Is this the feeling I was supposed to come away with?
     
  15. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    I don't recall him swearing revenge on his family.
     
  16. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    It's the first idea that jumps in his head when he talks to the other ghost. He asks how he can avenge their deaths and he is quite aware that it was his family, or someone acting in their name, that killed them.
     
  17. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    You've read wrong. Elia brings up vengeance.

    Asking how something can be done isn't tantamount to swearing to do it.
     
  18. The Sorting Cat

    The Sorting Cat Second Year

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    Cxjenious already responded before I finished my post, but I was just about to write this: Asking how something could be avenged is not the same as pledging to do it. He's trying to understand the ghost as much as anything - at least that's how I read it.

    Anyway: This story is great.

    I wrote in a review that it feels like it has a really strong underlying conflict to go along with the cool "surface" idea of just Harry hanging out with ASoIaF-characters. In other words, it's balancing the wish-fulfilment aspect while keeping true to the gritty spirit of ASoIaF. It also weeds out some of the things that kept me from loving Martin's writing - most notably, it sticks to the viewpoint of one likeable main character.

    I think I spotted a misplaced apostrophe or two, but there's very little I would complain of. Reading the word 'mayhaps' over and over is a bit jarring, and I think the phrase 'not for the first time' should be used a little more sparingly. It always makes me think of Bilbo and his handkerchiefs.

    Adventure / Tragedy is a really good blend of genres, I wish there were more stories that used it this well.
     
  19. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Chief Warlock DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    I had not seen this earlier. I'll reiterate what I imagine most people are saying, this story is excellent and kudos to everyone involved. I'm looking forward to seeing the beginning of the canon events, if they do unfold in the same way at the same time.

    I'll just add, in particular, I like the way I can be totally sucked into this new harry in ASoFaI story but you really excellently remind me that Harry Potter still existed, he still had his entire life, it's not a total AU. For example, when you threw a single line in to say he used what he could of occlumency to help him clear his mind I became really aware that like the Harry in the story it is a young child and it's old Harry too, and the divorce is very clear and very well done.

    The light touch really gave it that special feel and so 5/5.
     
  20. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    Hmm. I might have to go back an reread the story. Might be that the fight with Robert is throwing me off, as he used that as ammunition during it.
     
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