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[WIP] The Star Empire by RahXephon - M/NC-17

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Pasta Sentient, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    Location:
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    Title: The Star Empire
    Author: RahXephon
    Rating: M / NC-17
    Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
    DLP Category: Dark Arts/Time Travel
    Pairing: Possible serious Harry/OC...Also a Rapist Harry

    FF.net Stats:
    Status: Work in Progress
    Chapters: 65
    Words: 382,420
    Updated: September 4, 2013
    Published: October 24, 2012


    Summary: A reviled Harry Potter was imprisoned and exiled into space. Many centuries later, he wakes up to a solar system devoid of magic, but infested with crime, piracy and corruption. He adjusts to this violent era like a fish to water. Dark!Harry, AU, OCs.

    Reposted on ff.net October 2012 with almost identical content. though scenes violating ff.net's rules are removed. Apparently the author intends to continue the story.
    Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8637910/1/The-Star-Empire-The-Succession-of-Magic



    Review: Personally I think this fic deserves a solid 4/5 so far. The very fact that it is original and does not go the route of a crossover makes it very unique in my eyes. RahXephon's Dark Harry is a tad unbelievable at times; I would have liked a better explanation of Harry's descent into evil, but overall RahXephon meshes this Harry into a new Universe quite well. The Universe is what makes this story so unique. It is a futuristic setting but not a crossover. The OC's seem to be given some thought and I can see a good bit of character development approaching in future chapters. All in all, a good solid fic that I will be watching with interest...


    Checked by Minion, January 19, 2014
    Former older versions of the story have been taken down. If someone knows where to find an older copy of the story, please inform the library staff.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2014
  2. iLost

    iLost Minister of Magic

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    The writing seemed decent, but there was a bit too much exposition at the start. To be honest I lost interest in it. So no rating.
     
  3. Randeemy

    Randeemy Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Sounds horrendous.

    Also a world devoid of magic seems rather pointless when magic is the biggest attraction of Harry Potter.
     
  4. Tenages

    Tenages Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    The writing is simple and formulaic. The author constantly gets idioms and and such wrong, but seeing as English is his second language that's understandable to a degree. It is irritating, however, just how often it happens. In the first chapter there's far too much tell and almost no show, although that improves later. The author also severely overuses passive voice.

    The plot's ludicrous and doesn't seem all that well sketched out. It would work far better as a crackfic than the serious work the author seems to be going for.

    Objectively it's terrible. Normally I would rage on this fic. Despite all that for some reason it entertains me and I find it far more enjoyable than most of the stuff out there. I'm enjoying Harry in such a different setting kicking ass. Guilty pleasure I guess.

    Recycle Bin worthy I think but definitely no more.

    EDIT: I think the reason I like it so much is that it's very different to most of the stuff out there. The author takes it far from the traditional boundaries of Hogwarts. That takes guts and some originality and it enhances what would otherwise be a weak fic.

    3/5
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2011
  5. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    Magic is still in the story...however Harry is the only Wizard left that we know of.
     
  6. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    Seems like a worse version of Browncoat, of course without it being a crossover. Perhaps its a bit unfair to compare it like that.
     
  7. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I stopped reading partway through chapter 2. Severely in need of a beta who is fluent in English.
     
  8. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    I couldn't get into the flow of reading Browncoat, but this is very easily readable, despite the errors. Enjoyable. 4/5.
     
  9. Greener

    Greener Sixth Year

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    I like the premise behind the story - basic 'world vs Harry', but it's all after the fact (and what precisely happened after is still a mystery). I hope that the author doesn't write himself into a corner (and have to make it over-the-top to compensate) with the limits that he's placed on Harry's power, but I am glad that he's not falling into the superpower!harry trap.' And the realism he bring to the SF aspect is very appreciated.

    You can see that his characters each have own motivations and background, and while some of their details can be plainly written (stated rather than revealed), he's trying to flesh out his primary ones.

    It's an enjoyable read, not a favourite, but one that I'll read whenever he comes out with a new chapter. 3/5
     
  10. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    Extremely enjoyable and well balanced. As most fan fiction stories this one would greatly benefit from a decent editor, but nonetheless not only is the basic premise sound but the execution goes well beyond average.

    Harry is limited in his power and has to rely on others, which introduces several different characters. Humanity has advanced and developed in 1000 years, but has only colonized the Solar System, which brings me back to really old SCIENCE fiction stories.

    All things considered, a very satisfying read that promises nice space opera candy for all of us.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2011
  11. calutron

    calutron Unspeakable

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    This isn't a half-bad story, strongly recommended for scifi nuts, it also comes with a fast update rate. (4/5)
     
  12. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Awful. Just awful. And yet I've read all 10 of the posted chapters, and I for one HATE space opera stories. I've never read a SW novel and I hated most every star trek episode I ever suffered through.

    It's the guiltiest of guilty pleasures, and I'll read more if it doesn't take too long to update and/or finish. Plus I want to see Harry fuck Claris. There, I said it.
     
  13. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    We all do.
     
  14. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    I was pleasantly surprised by this. Sure there are the rampant errors, but the nifty job the author's done of world building makes up for it to me. This fic also has a concrete goal for Harry, which is something these sandbox experiences tend to lack and something that'll pay off as the story moves on.

    This fic reminds me of Hotpoint's stuff more than anything else, where you know it's just popcorn but you can't stop eating it. 4/5
     
  15. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    This barely qualifies as harry Potter. Its A character with only a vague resemblance to Harry in appearance and having magic. To be completely honest, this wouldn't be a terrible story if it was posed as ORIGINAL fiction, vs Fan fiction.

    That said, its a terrible terrible story. Bad characters, bad ideas, bad execution, thousands of thousands of troupes... But I can't look away.

    -5/5 to the tenth power of ten million.
     
  16. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    I wouldn't say its the one of the worst stories I have read, nor would I say its one of the best. However, for being somewhat original I have to give the points to what would've been an average story.

    I have to admit there are some parts of the story that make want to cringe, or at the very least scratch my head and wonder what the hell is going on. Otherwise it's a decent fanfic.

    Ditto! :facepalm
     
  17. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I gotta say, I tend to look at a story where it says "rapist main character" and just have absolutely no desire to read it. :/
     
  18. aaltwal

    aaltwal Auror

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    Unless it was written by Vash.
     
  19. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Nope, still haven't read Vash's rape fics.
     
  20. Rynonis

    Rynonis Sixth Year

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    And when I saw the world described I thought for sure Firefly! But nay it was not to be. I will just have to content myself with reading Browncoat. At least there is one good one...
     
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