Title: The Unraveling
Author: Catsy
Rating: Fiction M
Genre: Drama/Adventure
Status: Complete
Fandom: Sword Art Online/ソードアート・オンライン
Pairings: Canon, it's a husband-and-wife team from the start
Summary: The first month of SAO as told from the perspective of a husband-and-wife team, Kadyn and Camilla. First-person OC viewpoint with some appearances by canon characters: primarily Diabel, Agil and Kirito; minor roles for Argo, Kibaou and others not explicitly named in the story. Rated M for adult language, violence and some mature themes.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8535574/1/The-Unraveling

I really enjoyed this piece. The writing is competent, and the author pumped out its 60K+ words in virtually no time flat. She's got two other stories from SAO out now as well, one finished and another in progress.

I like the husband-and-wife team dynamic, and the author clearly knows what they're talking about with regards to Japan.

The characterization is also good, and I'm actually glad that contact with the original characters of SAO was kept to a minimum. It lets the author play in the first month of SAO and flesh out the first floor in a way that just wasn't done in the series. It should be kept in mind that the vast majority of the deaths in SAO occured in the first month, before they beat the first floor boss.

I personally give it a five out of five, as hardly anything in it detracted from the fic, in my own opinion.

 

Well-written, if somewhat saccharine. Solid 4/5.

 

Really liked it. Definitely well written, the characters were likable and relatable to a degree, it captured the atmosphere of the game and while they were competent, they weren't overpowered. Canon characters they interact with was very competently handled and yeah, overall a very charming and interesting story.

Definitely going to check out the sequel. 5/5

 

Quite excellent. I blitzed through it this afternoon and greatly enjoyed myself doing it. Very well done characters in a character piece fic. You really do get a better sense of how the main leads were seen by the rank and file normals of SAO.
It went in with the goal of telling a story about a battle couple, and it fully acheived its goal.
5/5

 

Wow, totally am not feeling the same thing you guys are.

Forced my way to chapter 10, then dropped it.

The writing isn't horrible, but the storyline, the characters, the interactions and the narrative are just so...dull. The only thing it really has going for it is that it's the first SAO fic I've read that isn't full of glaring spelling/grammatical errors.

2.5/5

 

It's good, and very faithful to the theme of the original works. That is a plus, when written with good grammar and even when there's a lack of impressive and complex plot, the events that happen do tie themselves in a good way.
Also, it is more of an impression of the first month of SAO and that's done well.

It's a bit cheap that their first

Spoiler

kill didn't die.

4/5

 

Thanks for reccing this, Rin. We've chatted at length elsewhere about the story and your comments on it, so I won't rehash that here.

Could I ask you to elaborate on this a bit? I'll be the very first to admit that my writing offers plenty of room for improvement, but "dull" doesn't really tell me anything useful other than that you didn't like it.

I'm afraid I don't understand what's cheap about it--that was dictated by canon game mechanics.

Spoiler

They "killed" Reznor right before the bell rung, and real death wasn't a consequence of character death until after Kayaba summoned everyone to the plaza and gave them his "tutorial". From the LN:

『But I ask of you all to understand that «Sword Art Online» is no longer a simple game. It is a second reality. From now on, any form of revival in the game will no longer work. The moment your HP reaches 0, your avatar will be gone forever. And at the same time... your brain will be destroyed by the Nerve Gear.』

I don't have access to the original text; perhaps Rin would know exactly which Japanese phrase was used for "[f]rom now on" and whether or not that should affect the meaning I took from the passage. I'd assumed it was something like 今から or この時点から.

Any further feedback would be quite welcome. Thanks again!

Edit: I just went and listened to the relevant episode of the anime; Kayaba said 今後.

Spoiler

Assuming that the dialogue is the same as in the LN, that would support my assumptions about when the "death" part of the "death game" began.

(Of course, that means I need to go back and make a very, very minor narrative tweak...)

 

A sequel "The Red Valkyrie" is up for those interested.