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WIP The Unspeakable - Stjernefald - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Snapdragon, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Banned

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Messages:
    290
    Title: The Unspeakable
    Author: Stjernefald
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Horror
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: HP
    Pairings: N/A
    Summary:
    Ten years after the Boy-Who-Lived went into hiding, when the menace of Lord Voldemort, shrouded in secrecy and lies, arises once again, Harry Potter must conquer his unhinged mind and challenge the Dark Lord in a final bout for the world. It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable.
    Link: FFN

    This here is fitting right into DLP's mold. It's gritty and atmospheric. An older Harry who takes no prisoners. If you like JBern kind of action scenes you should like this too. I can't tell that much more as the 3 chapters(30k) are a prologue/setting before the real plot starts I suppose.

    Giving it a rating now with 3 chapters would be premature but if he can keep the quality up I would expect a 4-5/5.
     
  2. AlbusPHolmes

    AlbusPHolmes The Alchemist

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    930
    I speed-read my way through this. I'm not particularly good at reviewing, so I'll just leave a few general comments.

    The prose was terribly overwrought in a lot of parts, so I did end up skimming in some areas. The author is clearly talented but his propensity for purple prose, especially in sections when opting for the simple would be far more effective, bogs down the narrative and inhibits flow. That's the one big complaint I have. Other than that I rather enjoyed it for the most part, especially given that I rarely read outside of DLP these days. He has a good handle on Dumbledore's characterization which is also a gigantic plus in my books. I wasn't too fond of his Harry - it borders on the gritty, world-weary, curse-a-lot Harry who bears little resemblance to canon Harry, and while this can be done well, it's a bit jarring if there's no logical progression to the character shift. To the author's credit he's done a decent job of introducing bits and pieces of Harry's backstory and we're only three chapters in, so I'll hold off on that thought for now.

    As the story stands, it's about a 3.5/5, rounded up to 4, with a good chance of rising even higher.
     
  3. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    480
    Personally, I felt you had a pretty good grasp on Dumbledore.
     
  4. AlbusPHolmes

    AlbusPHolmes The Alchemist

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    930
    Aww, why thank you good sir ;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2015
  5. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    480
    No, the tense was deliberate.

    You see, I don't know if you stillo have what it takes to write a good Albus.
     
  6. AlbusPHolmes

    AlbusPHolmes The Alchemist

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    930
    My, is that a dare?
     
  7. Nerox

    Nerox High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2012
    Messages:
    545
    Also wondering if End Game will ever get some new words.
     
  8. AlbusPHolmes

    AlbusPHolmes The Alchemist

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    930
    It's in the middle of a rewrite actually. Feel free to pm me if you have an inquiries newageofpower

    /end thread derail.
     
  9. Stan

    Stan Order Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2014
    Messages:
    838
    Maybe it's the fact that there already are two decent-but-ultimately-subpar stories like this up for review ATM, but I just can't muster up enough enthusiasm to care for yet another ultra-competent Unspeakable!Harry story. This one is well written, but it has the usual Harry-takes-down-twenty-Death-Eaters-on-his-own-with-Super-training formula with the usual snarky backtalk and moral conflicts. I would have loved something like this a few years back, but now I'm tired just reading this.

    I wish authors would stick to canon characterizations and canon-ish skill levels and try to come up with original plots instead of trying to figure out all the different ways Harry can murder dozens of Death Eaters at the same time.

    3/5 for being well written, with a decent but unoriginal plot.
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2015