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WIP The Voyage of the Starship Hedwig by Ynyr - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Rhys, Sep 30, 2011.

  1. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    Title: The Voyage of the Starship Hedwig
    Author: Ynyr
    Rating: T
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    DLP Category: General
    Pairing: Harry/Ginny
    Status: Work in Progress
    Summary: Before her death Sybill Trelawney makes one final prophecy: Harry Potter must leave the Earth, and find a new home for his people around a distant star.
    Link: FFN

    While the writing of this fic is unpolished, it is a gem of awesome originality in field of HP fanfiction that isn't very well explored. It contains Muggle/Wizard warfare, spaceship construction, interspecies politics, and alien races. Looking at a list of topics like those in a Harry Potter fic, you'd think it might be a flaming pile of suck. It somehow manages not to be.

    Anyone worried about the Harry/Ginny may or may not be mollified that the pairing is not very central to the fic, and/or that Ginny is portrayed as a homicidal fanatic. The start is disturbingly similar to a Indy!Harry cliche, but it makes the best it can of this shaky footing and puts most of the cliches it uses to fairly good use. The writing is hardly elegant, but the prose is functional, the content is interesting, and the characters are amusing. Also it's apparently actively and quickly updating.

    To go to far into details of all the bizarre shit that goes on within would spoil too much cool stuff, but I'm giving this a 5/5.
     
  2. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    However original the plot might be, there are serious problems with the writing. The grammar is just bad, and the tone of the writing is very simplistic and child-like. The pacing is also very off - the writer needs to set the scene a lot more.

    Examples of grammatical fail:

    That's the first line. Then we have jumping between tenses:

    Odd word choices:

    Why "so"? How is the second sentence at all a consequence of the first?

    Some basic standard of technical proficiency is a pre-requisite of enjoyment for me. I can't enjoy a badly written story even if has some of the best ideas in the world. For that reason, 2/5.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2011
  3. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    Really? I think it's a 1/5. If you checked out his previous work you might wonder if the writer is only writing about psychopaths or if he is one himself. The characters in his stories have no emotions and feel unnatural and creepy. The plot in his stories has some jumpy mechanical paint by numbers feeling too.

    P.S. The way he writes characters and sees the world reminds me of Partially Kissed Hero and that's not meant as a compliment for the fanboys of that mental excrement.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2011
  4. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    The summary promised an epic, across-the-universe story of wizardkind on its journey to transcend itself, but the writer isn't even close to being good enough. A pity.
     
  5. dlavi

    dlavi First Year

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    It is an...interesting approach.

    It has its negatives-Shoddy Grammar at places,chunky paragraphs,too direct plots and faster escapes and everything happens far too easily.The magical's are able to build and take off with such ease that NASA would have a bad case of envy.Also there is a sort of a blasé approach to certain things that simply does not work.I found myself skipping paragraphs and concentrating on the dialogues to inform me about the story progress.

    In spite of the negatives there was a refreshing take on the 'muggles attack Wizards scene';Because the author does not concentrate too much on it,this is one of the instances where the blasé attitude works.

    I think the author wanted to go for the 'journey is what matters and not the destination route' and its reasonably decent.Nothing to rave over but not too bad.I think perhaps it would be better suited to the Almost Recommended section.

    3.5/5-Avoided a few pitfall's, but fell hard into others something to spend a couple of minutes on.
     
  6. Zennith

    Zennith Pebble Wrestler ~ Prestige ~

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    Are you kidding me? Partially Kissed Hero is seriously amongst the best fics out there when it comes to coherent and fascinating characterization. So, definitely not sure what you're talking about.

    Edit: Silverlasso knows what I'm talkin' bout.

    Also, I'm disappointed by this fic. It seemed actually a cool concept. In practice, not so much.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  7. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Dark Lord

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    I had high hopes for this, having read your intro for it. And I'll admit it is interesting. But all the characters are different from what we know, and the whole plot is mehish. There's a hook, and I do want more, but this is noway the level of awesome it could be.

    2/5, would be a 3 for ideas and all, but it's just too badly written.
     
  8. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

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    Muggle versus wizard fic'.

    Do not want.
     
  9. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I knew the author was familiar to me.

    Wrote the worst >60k Dresden/HP cross... ever. D8
     
  10. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Indeed; I don't know about this fic, but PKH is a masterpiece and probably way beyond the league of anyone here at DLP. It's a shame there aren't more fics of such a caliber.
     
  11. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    To Really think Of pkh as anything but the most Luminescent piece of Literature in the fanfiction community is... it's outside of my grasp - there's really nothing like it. :awesome
     
  12. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    Honestly, I think people tend to misremember how bad PKH actually is. This thread is an example of my apparent tolerance for shoddy literature, but I was unable to even get through the first chapter of PKH without throwing up my hands in disgust.
     
  13. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Rhys. :facepalm
     
  14. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Wait, wtf? You were lying about your feelings for PKH?! ...fuck you with a rusty spoon, Lungs.
     
  15. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    I was referring to this, though I see that isn't clear with all the sarcasm that happened later:

    This story and Old and New World have been compared to Partially Kissed Hero recently, and while neither was a great work of literature both are head and shoulders above that trash.

    EDIT: Also, I really must be off my rocker in terms of the fics I like. I figured if Space Haven picked up a 3, then something somewhat similar but not boring as fuck might average a 4 or so. I should probably just keep my gutter fics to Almost Recommended.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2011
  16. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    Sure, Space Haven is boring and the characters are borderline OC and not interesting at all but she can write characters and not creepy soulless husks.
     
  17. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    Personally I'd rather have a soulless husk of Ginny AKing Lucius in the back than a deep, conflicted Ginny passionate about getting psychiatrists for the poor traumatized civilians. I can see where you're coming from, but I guess I just can't appreciate Esama's characters as much knowing that Harry is doomed to be hedged into being gay/asexual.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2011
  18. Desmir

    Desmir Squib

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    I remember finding the grammar and writing style too bad to really get into the story, it was like i was constantly trying to jump in only to be shoved out by the writing.

    Maybe thats just me but I just wasnt able to enjoy this fic, the writing just didnt draw me in.

    I couldnt get into this at all 1/5
     
  19. fash

    fash Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    WOW.... wow.

    I can usually skip over bad grammar but it was impossible with this story.

    1/5
     
  20. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    This fic is a lot better that ya'll are touting it to be.

    It is by no means a master piece--the opening chapter is terrible--but it could definitely be revised into something good.

    This is a perfect example of a recycling bin fic. It has some great ideas, but it lacks refinement and polish.

    3/5
     
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