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The Wheel Unbroken by TheAnimaniacDude - Game of Thrones / ASOIAF

Discussion in 'Game of Thrones / ASoIaF' started by Otters, Aug 21, 2019.

  1. Otters

    Otters Fourth Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Title: The Wheel Unbroken
    Author: TheAnimaniacDude
    Fandom: Game of Thrones
    Genre: Peggy Sue
    Wordses: 56,712
    Chapters: 8+
    Status: WiP
    Linker: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003756/chapters/45128014

    Oh hey look I went in a megathread and found some misappropriated library thread posts.

    4/5
     
  2. pbluekan

    pbluekan Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Ok, so I’m caught up with this.

    The author does a lot of things right, here. The characters, technical quality, world building, and even story itself are all pretty on point here. I feel like they’ve done an excellent job laying out the world as we knew it at the end of season 8 and then showing us how it progressed without pages of “Jon did this, then Jon did this, and then Jon fucked every woman ever.”

    Where the whole thing fails and loses a point, is that we’ve basically been shown the end, and it’s kind of underwhelming. The author showed his hand too soon, and it’s made everything feel a little boring as a result. That said, we could be in for a twist and I’m hoping so, because the writing quality is there.

    4/5
     
  3. Garden

    Garden Chief Warlock

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    5/5 so far. A bit wary of any loops that are too heavy on magic, but the author has done a good job showing warging as not a free lunch. Nice little bits of lore strewn around too.
     
  4. Zombie

    Zombie Tegridy Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Two reviews and six votes. You can all do better than this.
     
  5. Damy

    Damy First Year

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    Solid stuff! 4/5. Good writing, though nothing exceptional. But, it is very enjoyable in the way well written peggy sue stories are.

    This was actually my first GoT fic, and I have neither read the books or watched a single episode - so beyond reading the wiki I have no clue if anything is correct. Thus, I'm not sure if the characters are well written in terms of being accurate to their canon selves. I get the feeling though, that this is much more lighthearted than GoT in general - less grimdarkiness.

    I'm going to echo what was said before about the plot, i.e. that some elements were revealed too quickly, but it may not hurt the plot too much depending on what direction the next "life" takes.
     
  6. Barzûl

    Barzûl DA Member DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Enjoyable level of writing, Jon seems like he should be, plot is intriguing.
    As said earlier, the main worry is that the elimination of the main villain seems to happen too quickly. Hopefully, there are more depth to the story planned.

    4/5 so far, with potential for 5/5 if the story maintains its current level.
     
  7. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Minister of Magic DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Imagine my surprise on opening this and finding that I had read it and just had to catch up on the latest chapter.

    Peggy-sue ad nauseam is my particular weakness due to a long-abiding family habit of watching Groundhog Day most christmasses. Regardless of the quality of writing, I'll give it a go. Generally speaking, I think the conceit brings out the best in fanfiction writers. The author's love for their favourite characters can be warped into horrible and unbeatable challenges that they fail against, compared to the usual wank, because the author isn't afraid of having their character lose. Purple days, Shane T's Harry Potter one and, of course, Mother of Learning are all stories that I've enjoyed - and I think it's almost entirely because of this.

    I offer this preamble as a defence because I really like this story. And it's not even that far in yet. There is every possibility that it will turn to shit, but at present, it's completely my jam. However, I am optimistic that it won't. The author from his/her ANs is reading the series scripts and respecting the TV series canon, even while he completely disagrees with their direction (in both senses of the words). He appears to have a deep understanding of the setting - and he appears to have written it without knowing that Purple Days existed, which I take to mean that he is not a fan who is recreating something without much hope of succeeding.

    The story itself:

    It's technically well written, with a good copy-edit.

    The characterisations of the secondary characters to me (a non-book reader) seem on good form. Theon has the easy dickish of his pre-reek years, Stannis is suitably stern and so on and so forth.

    John himself is introspective but suitably action-focussed. It doesn't take too long before we have some of the important details of the time-loop, and a suitably intimidating antagonist. John quickly decides to do something about it, but it's definitely an uphill battle and the knowledge of the peaceful post-defeat of the others time from which he comes keep offering up little nuggets of emotion or loss which are affecting.

    There's some good action, and it's building quickly so that I'm excited to see what comes next. In ASOIAF, there's a lot of opportunity for John to learn some magics, or politick and be involved in Essoss and Westeros shenanigans, all while dealing with white walkers 2.0 and Daenerys and every issue he remembers from his run through canon. In this time-loop format, it's exciting that we don't get to choose, he'll probably do all of it.

    I like it, it's good, so it's a 4/5 for me. It's worth reading, and when the story has progressed a little further it might be better than that, it might become something greater.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2019
  8. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    While the initial villain is pretty dangerous there’s still the whole standard set of Game of Thrones enemies as well as the Others. There’s no shortage of foes for Jon.
     
  9. Barzûl

    Barzûl DA Member DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    That's a good point well made.
    I think my issue was comparing the format to Purple Days, a mistake given the fics' differences.
    My problem with this is still that I don't feel that anything is teased beyond the current (as of chapter 8) villain. I might have missed something, but I feel I should have some sort of rough idea after 60k words.

    I do hope the point of the fic is not simply "defeat the Others or the world is ruined". The similarity with Purple Days (perhaps the most known time loop fic in ASOIAF) would not exactly make the premise more new and exciting.

    Apologies, if this discussion is out of bounds for a review thread.
     
  10. Tempest

    Tempest Third Year

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    I like the premise and the dynamics between characters. I was pleasantly surprised by what the author did with
    Theon. I think I was conditioned to expect Theon to be as idiotic and naive about his place in the world as almost every other fics present him. Not saying they don't have a point, but this fic managed to do something with him I haven't seen yet.

    The conflict between the Three Eyed Raven and Jon is interesting and going on at a great pace. Might be an unpopular opinion here, but I didn't mind the villain reveal being so early. As it is, I doubt he is the main villain anyway, as some of the author's notes implied there will be more conflicts to come in many parts of the world.

    I agree with this. Jon's time in the South showed that other political players can bring conflict into the story organically, which I loved. In fact, I can't wait to see how the author handles those bits, if I'm being honest.

    I'm not going to lie, there were some moments in which I thought Jon was shown to be better just because he's the main character and/or the author's favorite. This didn't lessen my enjoyment of the fic at all, but I think the writing of the parts like people being impressed by Jon's physical strength and magical potential could have been better. It's fine that Jon is better, and there are some things we don't know about Jon's situation that might contribute to his strengths, so there's a foundation for that. I guess such things become more obvious when you like everything else in a scene.

    Again, this was a very minor nitpick, and it could be just me that felt like it for all I know.

    (On another note, I couldn't help but have flashbacks to Harry finding out about Dumbledore's evil ways, shouting out loud and swear vengeance during a particular part of the story.)

    I like what the author is doing with magic. Some things are teased and they seem to be stepping stones for greater stories in the future. It also doesn't seem strange that Jon would be getting involved with the magical elements of the setting, and side characters during these parts are written well.

    I hope Varamyr's interest in Catelyn leads to a mini-storyline, down the line. The potential for interesting dynamics between Jon, Catelyn and Varamyr is there.

    4/5 from me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2019
  11. Otters

    Otters Fourth Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I had actually only read up to chapter 7 before. Now checked out chapter 8, and goddamn, everything that was missing before has snapped into place.

    Going to up my rating to a 5/5
     
  12. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    I'm not going to be so conceited as to drop a review for my own story, but, uh, y'all are fucking great. I wonder if any of your scores have changed since Chapter 10 - I consider it the end of the first arc, and has enough meat on the 'this changes things' bone as to be worth mentioning. I'm glad you generally like it, so far.
     
  13. sildet

    sildet Fourth Year

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    Chapter 13, peak magical bullshit indeed.

    Love this story, BTW. I was glad to see the aforementioned AN at the end of the chapter though, for I was beginning to tire of all powerful god entities. Definitely a 5/5.
     
  14. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I really liked this, 4.5/5

    Only thing that threw me a bit was when Jon killed Coldhands. I know that Coldhands was likely loyal to the Raven, but I don't know how Jon knew that. Seemed to me like the attacked the dude without reason.

    And of course the most recent chapter was... weird/crazy, but that seems to be intended, and I'm okay with that. Willing to trust this author.

    So this is a GREAT take on the Groundhog Day trope. It's a bit different than things I've seen before - and it's also a particular favorite of mine in terms of tropes, so I was all over this.

    This story is somewhat unique among Groundhog Day style stories because Jon went back in time from a future he was happy/satisfied with where the war was 'won.'

    There's two types of stories you usually see with this trope and this isnt' one of them.

    The first is like Mother of Learning, where the main character gets stuck in a timeloop before 'whatever' the big event is happens and they make use of it to grow and learn and eventually deal with said problem.

    The second is the type where the hero goes back in time after the battle/war/whatever was lost so that they can fix it. In this case they usually know what the future holds.

    This story is neither. Maybe things went to shit in a lot of ways for ASoIaF but in the end the Others were defeated. Jon might not have liked how canon went but overall he was satisfied with it. But he gets thrown back in time with no idea what he's supposed to be doing, or preventing, or whatever.

    I like it.

    I also like the variety of ways his first few extra lives go. Gets murdered a bit at first. Has a good reset with Robb being friendly. Wanders to Dragonstone. Wanders to King's Landing. Heads beyond the Wall and learns to Warg. Has a good heart-to-heart with Ned. Kills the Crow and accomplishes his goal except it's very obvious (to both us and slowly down on Jon) that that might not have been the actual goal.

    And then things start to get weird.

    It's very well done. I'm unsure whether it'll end up being a 4 or a 5 for me but for now I'm rounding up to a 5 and trusting the author knows where they're going with this.
     
  15. Meerkats

    Meerkats Auror

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    I really enjoyed it.

    The writing is done well and character voices are consistent which is always a massive positive.

    I had an issue with some of the earlier chapters where I thought some characters believed Jon too easily, but it's not really a huge thing.

    Similarly some of the earlier chapters feel a bit wasted at the moment but I'm sure they were used for foreshadowing so will give the benefit of doubt for now.

    Pretty excited with the direction it's going. 4.5/5 rounded down for now.
     
  16. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    Been reading this for awhile so I felt like dropping a post on it.

    If I am being completely honest, I disliked this story the first time I read it. Back when it only had 3 or 4 chapters. Jon felt like a mouthpiece for the author to vent about the complete piece of shit Season 8 was. Certain comments from Jon about particular gripes from the season really took me out of any sort of immersion and I actually stopped reading it all together until Menace come to me one day, telling me how lit this story was. By this point, there were many more chapters and trusting his word, I forged again through those early chapters I didn't particularly like, even now.

    I'm really glad I did. Once you get beyond that, this story is one of the most enjoyable ones I've read in this fandom. I know a lot of people are more invested in the political landscape of this series, but I am much more interested in the mystical and boy, does this deliver. I honestly can't wait to see where this is going next. There isn't much more I can say, really.

    Thought it was a venting shitpost story but turned out to be pretty damn cool. Great work.
     
  17. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Headmaster

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    This new chapter is really good.
    I’m very excited to see what Drowned!Jon’s next move is. I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on, but i’m definitely in for the ride
     
  18. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Also enjoying the ride - though I admit that the author's AN is encouraging that at some point we may tack back towards the norm.
     
  19. Hawkin

    Hawkin Chief Warlock

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    The early chapters are poor and read like a bad fix-it fic where the author bashes the TV shows. While I'll be the first to admit the last seasons were complete shit, it did give a very ugly tone to the introduction. The best bit was the warg thing; it was well thought out, and the Weeper and other wildling information was actually very interesting to read about. The action scene lack description sometimes, and I'm left wondering who's doing what. I can't really explain my dislike for the whole R'hllor and Cave People chapters, but it was definitely not my cup of tea. Trying to keep the whole mysticism made it even harder to understand what was going on.

    3.5/5, rounded up to 4.
     
  20. TheAnimaniacDude

    TheAnimaniacDude First Year

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    GrimFatherlyCougar-small.gif

    The Continuing Adventures of the Guy Who Can't Die Properly: Ironborn Edition, has once again updated. Malarkey with a baby octopus that is bigger than a warship is included. Lewd tentacle action sold separately, not available in all 50 states, please check your local municipality for legality, TheAnimaniacDude and all subsidiaries are not responsible for any crimes against god and man with said product.