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Abandoned Through the Grapevine by Master Slytherin - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Taure, Feb 19, 2008.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Title: Through the Grapevine
    Author: Master Slytherin
    Rating: T
    Genre: Time Travel
    Status: WIP
    Pairings: H/G
    Words: 32373
    Chapters: 6
    Published: Feb. 20, 2008
    Updated: April 20, 2008
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: AU. Post-DH. Tricked into falling through the veil, Harry finds himself in an alternate dimension where the First War continues to rage and the people he thought he lost are alive and well, Sirius from his own dimension included. Harry thought killing Voldemort would take a matter of days this time. He was wrong.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083166/1/Through_the_Grapevine
    Link: http://www.siye.co.uk/siye/viewstory.php?sid=127705

    Master Slytherin's newest story, now that he's finished WLB. This is in no way related to WLB; it's an entirely new story.

    While there is only one chapter posted so far, judging by his regular update rate with WLB, I predict this will progress at a nice rate. Already we've got a good feel for the characters, though the main plot has yet to really show its head. MS's writing has gone from strength to strength, and he's fast becoming one of the best writers in terms of style in the fandom. The plot looks like it will be interesting too.

    So we have interesting plot plus good writing. And that equals a good fic.

    The main point of contention in this story will no doubt be the pairing: H/G. To all those doubters, I really do encourage you to give it a try. It's very well written, and a far cry from the cliche H/G soul bond, letters-over-the-summer fic.

    It's obviously too early to rate the story, but if I were to rate this chapter on its own I'd give it a 5/5.


    Checked by Minion, Dec. 9, 2012
    The story is no longer available on ff.net but can be found on siye.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2012
  2. Dark Belra

    Dark Belra Minister of Magic

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    It seems to be well written, it looks as if it is going somewhere, the dialogue is very well written, charecters are made as realistic as can be.

    The story looks promising, I have not read any of the guys other storys, so I can't judge by that, the writing has kept me wanting just a bit more. Ginny is actually well written. I have no problems with this story. I am not going to rate it yet, as it only has one chapter, but all in all, it will probably be very good.
     
  3. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    A very promising start.

    The touch about living in Muggle London to avoid crowds it good, it's something that makes a lot of sense, but I don't believe I've seen it done before.

    Do you plan on making this 100% post-DH canon?
     
  4. JCCS

    JCCS Third Year

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    Good writing, the characters were well-written and the H/G wasn't overwhelming. I especially liked the bit about soccer - nice to have Harry with a normal hobby for once.

    The fight scene was rather original, for a change - I've only seen lumos seen used like that five times or so, and its combination with a shield sounds like something Auror!Harry would do.
     
  5. gummiball

    gummiball Squib

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    Looks Promising. I loved the Harry/Ginny interaction. Finally someone puts a bit of thought in her character.
    I really wonder why those five were sent. From my point of view this was unnecessary. I shall wait and see. Maybe it'll be revealed in the next chapter...

    Also I liked the bit with the apparation point. This are the ideas that make things exciting.

    All in all. Nice work. 5/5 for this chapter.
     
  6. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Hmm. I'll hold off judgement for now. I did like the first chapter though. Until he gets to the alternate universe, I can't be certain. Everything hinges on how MS handles the meetings and interaction.
     
  7. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Granted it's only the first chapter, but he sets the hook well. I'll wait for the next chapter.

    For the moment, a temporary 4.8/5, mainly for the good characterization. I like the villains, for example. It's hard to find intelligent antagonists who actually take some time out of their daily kill-rape-torture-and-brag routine and spend some of it planning their next step.

    The line about "he'll be suspicious by noon" threw me off a little. Intelligent villains are one thing, people that are so sure about themselves and their dastardly fiendish plans are another thing entirely. He could've went a little less all-out to show the readers how cunning the bastards are.
    It's a small complaint though.


    Hoping he updates soon.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2008
  8. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Intriguing start; can't help but feel slightly put out by the fight scene, which didn't make any sense to me. Also the occasional incorrect use of ellipsis drove me up the wall, but I'm just odd like that. I liked the addition of football on the basis that both my favourite teams were mentioned but I didn't really see how it added to the plot or atmosphere, felt like a bit of an ongoing joke with no punch line. Perhaps all will be revealed in later chapters but I won't hold my breath.

    Loved the characterization of Lovejoy and Marsh, but hated their names as they prevented me from being able to draw my own mental visualisation of the pair as the names already have strong connotations elsewhere. I also thought that Lovejoy's far reaching insight into Harry's psyche bodes well for him as a villain, makes him appear to be a threat rather than just a thug.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  9. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Chapter 2 is up.
     
  10. Augurey

    Augurey Backtraced

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    It's not showing up at FF.net.

    EDIT: thank you, Taure.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  11. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    For some reason it's only showing up in my favourites list. It is there though.
     
  12. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

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    Not showing up for me either.

    The first chapter was great. It had great characterizations with just a hint of whats coming and where the rest of the story is heading. The fight scene felt a little different because of Harry's internal monologue but it seemed to work fairly well. If MS can bring the same type of story as he did in What Lies Beneath this is definitely going to be great.

    Edit: Thanks Taure.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  13. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Go to the story reviews page, get to my profile through my review, go to my favourites, and you'll be able to get to chapter two through there.
     
  14. gummiball

    gummiball Squib

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    Great chapter.
    Somehow I'm really fond of those short flashbacks to auror life or academy training.

    Or just click here
     
  15. Marsupial

    Marsupial Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Well, its promising. As a general rule I don't read stories that intruduce multiple original characters at the absolute beginning; I've met far to many MarySue fics that begin that way. I gave this one a chance though, since I've read 'Other Side of Hell' and it was worthwhile.

    Having read through both chapters, I must say having the OCs in the beginning works; the second chapter makes everything a bit more cohesive and starts setting up the plot nicely.

    I'm tempted to downgrade it for giving me the mental image of Ginny in a lacy green bikini, but I don't think I legitimately can since the Harry Ginny interaction was actually tastefully done. I'll call it 5/5 as a very promising start, I look forward to the eventual completion.

    Second chapter shows up on ff.net for me.
     
  16. Dark Belra

    Dark Belra Minister of Magic

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    I read the second chapter and I must say his writing is very well done. He makes it seem like he knows where the story is going. The story has potentiol.

    The one thing that annoys me is that the story seems to be going along similarly to a CSI episode.
     
  17. KlavoHunter

    KlavoHunter Second Year

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    Hey, so long as it's not CSI: Miami, it's all good.


    I'm curious by what the author was implying with the wands, though - labeling wands as "Ministry standard", or "a thug's wand". I thought the wand chose the user, and ended up being unique, generally?
     
  18. Jearom

    Jearom Sixth Year

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    Ideally, yes. We have seen though that some people can't afford new wands (the Weasleys) and some pass them down like family heirlooms (Neville using his father's wand). No one freaks out that they can't get wands after Ollivander goes missing in HBP - just that now they will have to get inferior (incompatible) wands, where as the Death Eaters will have access to the best. This implies that there are other wandmakers out there, possible even resellers.
     
  19. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I think he was referring to the character of the wands.

    "Ministry standard" means a boring wand that isn't particularly powerful or anything special. Like the wizard that it would belong to.

    And a "thug's wand" would be one that has more brute power behind it and little aptitude for the more delicate and complex magics. Again, like the wizard it would belong to.

    You're right - the wand chooses the wizard, which is why wands have a character equivalent to the person that they chose.
     
  20. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    Well thought out and executed, intriguing and leaves you wanting more. I'll give it a 4.3/5
     
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