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To Save a SoulFragment by fullsailnate - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Manatheron, Dec 28, 2006.

?

What to do with the Unreviewed thread?

Poll closed Mar 4, 2007.
  1. Move it

    35.7%
  2. Bin It

    57.1%
  3. Who Cares

    28.6%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    New story from fullsailnate,

    Category: Harry Potter
    Title: To Save a SoulFragment
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Supernatural
    Rating: Fiction Rated: T
    Summary: After the events in the Department of Mysteries, Voldemort abducts
    Harry toward the end of the summer. The results are not what he anticipates.
    CHALLENGE AT THE END OF CHAPTER ONE!

    URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3307413/1/

    -------------

    Crappy summery, Interesting Idea for 'The Power the Dark Lord knows not'. Sucks that the Author is proposing to make it a 'Round Robin' Continuation, and I'm asking for help getting him to leave it as a one-shot.
     
  2. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Messages:
    1,777
    Location:
    Inside YOUR closet. Go check.
    NOt great. Harry's too smug.

    3/5
     
  3. Rain

    Rain Pirate Navigator of the 7 Seas

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    597
    Location:
    Adirondack Park, NY
    I liked it, and wish the author was continuing it (well, on their own). The writing wasn't the best and the idea was a tad rushed, but it was interesting and that gets more points from me than anything. 3.5/5
     
  4. Kalistar

    Kalistar First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2006
    Messages:
    32
    Location:
    Seattle Area
    Someone else wrote a similar story. It have been Madness Personified, I can't remember but basically Harry is sentenced to the kiss by the Ministry and end's up absorbing the Dementor's power instead. Neither story really appealed to me, there's something about the concept that just bugs me.

    I guess I would give this a 3/5.
     
  5. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    952
    Location:
    West Central Florida USA
    3.5/5 I would have liked to see more from this idea, but alas... Dementor Harry has potential as a plot device but we never see it.

    Harry glided silently down the corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and wizardry sulking to himself. He only came back to the school to avoid revealing himself to the Order too soon but lately he was questioning if it were really worth it. If the wizarding world came to discover their golden boy was now a dark creature he would lose his feeding ground.

    So many tender and delicious souls surrounded him every day just full of happiness and joy. It's a good thing no one realised that lately *everyone* had been having nightmares when they slept. In the dark of the night Harry could let his powers free just a little bit and absorb all that positive thought and no one knew why they felt so run down. Lately however there was less happiness flowing to him every night. What started out as a gluttonous feast every night had dwindled to a two meals and a light snack. It was enough to sustain himself, but sometimes he just felt a little greedy.

    Harry heard someone coming towards the next intersection and was happy to find Susan Bones walking along with her pack over one shoulder. He greeted her kindly and she returned it in kind.

    "Hey Harry, how have you been? I haven't seen you around lately and you never come to meals anymore."

    "I've been busy." He told her.

    She nodded sympathetically. "You look paler than usual, maybe you should cut back a bit and take more time to yourself."

    "It's just that I haven't had as much to eat as I'd like lately, I'll be fine." Harry moved a little closer and bent to whisper in her ear. "I think you're right, I should do something fun."

    She grinned mischeviously, "Well then O' partner in crime, what should we do?"

    He gazed at her with hunger and passion in his eyes. "I think a kiss may be just what I need to get back to my old self."

    "Is that so?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him and twisted her body a bit. "Well now Mr. Potter, did you have any ideas about who?"

    "One person's as good as another really." Before she could move, Harry wrapped his strong arms around Susan and kept her from moving as he leaned down to kiss her. With a soft moan, her soul left her body and Harry licked his lips in satisfaction. Susan Bones' lifeless corpse fell to the ground and Harry smiled as he was flooded with energy. "She was right, I feel so much better now.
     
  6. Eleanor

    Eleanor Squib

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2006
    Messages:
    14
    Location:
    Australia, Sydney
    It was quite good. It had an interesting idea but it's rushed and unexplained. It would probably better for the author to leave it as an one-shot or write more him/herself. 3.5/5
     
  7. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,052
    Location:
    Purdue University, Indiana
    It wasn't bad, I guess. But leaving it as a oneshot isn't what I'd go for...it could lead to a good story, I guess, if an author were inclined towards writing out the Horcrux hunt in epic detail.

    As of now, seeing it as a challenge, it'd give it a 4/5 for a good way of actually making Harry a Dementor, that too, a Dementor Lord (I'll assume that they're more powerful).

    I'd like to see some weakness, though...like this new human element making it impossible for the creature to actually perform the kiss on anyone, and for extremely vibrant parties causing some amount of physical pain/nausea. Maybe have the aura be something that can be used when wanted only, but have a set limit on it...like it can only be held up for about 30 minutes before it needs 12 hours to regenerate, or something.

    Makes Harry more human, makes the Dementor less powerful...leads to a story that isn't a Super!Harry going around and eating souls, torturing people and accomplishing massive tasks with the least effort imaginable.
     
  8. japanese_jew

    japanese_jew High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    598
    The impression that I got was that the dementor simply absorbed Harry's ideas and thoughts. It's not even really Harry OR the Dementor anymore, but, ah, the "Best of Both Worlds".
     
  9. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    I dunno if I'd say 'Best' Persay, but certainly Part of both... Like an Ensouled dementer or somthing.
     
  10. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2005
    Messages:
    1,157
    Location:
    London, England
    You've missed out the DLP section.
     
  11. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    OK, I"ve been wondering what you meant since you posted it, but today I'm letting my courisity get the better of me... What on earth does this comment mean? And why hasn't this story been either moved or trashed?
     
  12. Kincaid

    Kincaid Guest

    It just Might, just might have something to do with the posting format displayed in the stickies like so:

    Title: [Story title]
    Author: [Author]
    Rating: [Fanfiction rating, ie. T] (Optional: [Movie rating, ie: PG-13])
    Genre: [Genre]
    DLP Category: [Library category]
    Pairing: [Pairing, list SLASH if slash...required.]
    Status: [Complete or Work in Progress]
    Summary: [Summary, list any extras required]
    Link: [Links here, either DLP forum link to Work by Author category and/or Fanfction/Portkey/AFF/PC, etc.]

    In this Sticky: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=101

    Just Might....Not sure
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2007
  13. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,279
    Location:
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    This is kind of interesting, I didn't read it first time it was up here because it was a round robin. Rather a bad idea. It will be fun to see where it goes.