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[Abandoned] Traitorous by Flamata - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palt, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Palt

    Palt Squib

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    Title: Traitorous,
    Author: Flamata
    Rating: T
    Category: Adventure/General
    DLP Category: Dark Arts
    Pairing: Harry/Dapne Greengrass (looks like)
    Words: 79,995
    Updated: September 22, 2008
    Published: June 3, 2007
    Status: Abandoned
    PostOP, includes HBP. Dark!Harry. In his sixth year at Hogwarts Harry Potter suddenly disappears. He reappears months later almost unrecognizable,a Death Eater and apprentice to the Dark Lord himself. But Harry is not content to remain a servant for long.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3572996/1/
    In the DLP Archives: Link, Link
    Alternate: Link

    A very promising beginning to what will most definitely be a "dark Harry" story. The best part of this fanfic is that Harry's descent into darkness actually makes sense. He doesn't just wake up in the morning, throwing cruciatus curses at everything he sees. There is a progression in his disillusionment with the 'light side'. Try it - I highly recommend it, if for no other reason that there seems to be a high probability of Harry/Daphne hotness....

    I've probably broken at least 15 posting rules in this post alone, but am confident that all you 'gentle' DLP-ers will kindly correct me.


    Edit by Minion, Dec. 15, 2012
    Apparently the author took all his / her stories down. If you know where to find another copy of teh story, please inform the library staff.

    Checked by Dark Syaoran, June 8, 2014
    Alternate link for download added.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2012
  2. Spacks

    Spacks Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Nope, you did good.
     
  3. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Except that the title should be without ", a Harry Potter fanfic" part :)

    I'll read it later and post a comment... maybe.
     
  4. Xanatos

    Xanatos Professor

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    Except for the title, a very decent story, the only problem is Harry might become a pussy dependant on Daphne.

    4.5/5 so far
     
  5. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Its actual name is just "Traitorous". The "A Harry Potter fanfic" is just something that FF.Net now tags onto the title of every Harry Potter fic (and presumably it adds the respective tags to other fandoms too).

    Anyway, it's a nice start. As you probably guessed from Turncoat, I quite like the possibilites involved with Harry joining Voldemort. It's a bit slow going though, and the cliched "only shades of grey" magic theory is a bit tedious now.
     
  6. Palt

    Palt Squib

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    I bow to my learned elders, and thank them for not kicking my a**. At least my error was not posting crap (I hope).

    Taure: The slow going bit is actually what appeals to me. Many fanfics has Harry going dark either without any reason or because of a stupid one. Here you see why he turns and why that makes sense. As for the cliche, I agree. But is there really a wholly original story out there right now? If so tell me - I really want to read it.
     
  7. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Its rather cliched in the Order/Dumbledore and Harry interaction. That bothered me more than the pace of the story ever did.

    3/5
     
  8. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    Its not great but its not bad. One of the first dark Harry fics Ive read in a while. Atleast its not SMILING Harry one day and DIE BITCH DIE Harry the next. He gradually falls, or its not really much a fall if one thinks about it. Its not that far of a stretch to imagine Harry going dark.

    3.5/5
     
  9. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    Honey, you can say whatever the fuck you want*. Please spare us the *s.

    *unless you're wrong, in which case shut it.
     
  10. 007_rock

    007_rock DA Member

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    Dark Harry fics rule!!!!!! And the pairing is my favourite as I am thinking of writing a Harry/Daphne fic myself. Good till now, though as said already pace is a bit low. Yeah its makes sense and all but I do tend to get impatient...
    Anyway 4.5/5
     
  11. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

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    Read this a few days ago, it's pretty good.

    DE!Harry ftw.
     
  12. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

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    Hmm.. it was, ok. It does contain many of the cliche insightful moments that many fics introduce to justify the use of Dark magic, as well as to sway the residents close minded fool that Rowling created to the dark. I still enjoyed reading it, i felt it contained some...depth? but the bonus points lay with the fact that its Harry/Daph.

    3.5/5 that'll hopefully go up as Harry's character develops into a wonderful dark persona.
     
  13. yojorocks

    yojorocks Seventh Year

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    From my experience, most dark-but-wellmeaning!Harry fics are pretty crappy as a rule of thumb, but I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of depth in this story. While not perfect, it balances inner monologue with dialogue and action fairly well; yes, it is a touch cliché, but is more than bearable, even enjoyable.

    Good find; 4/5
     
  14. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    I liked it, every action of Harrys was explained.

    It strangly reminded me of Potter Resistance.

    I hope to see more of it soon. 4.5/5 for now.
     
  15. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

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    it WAS nice. i mean at the beginning but dumbledore is portrayed too OOC. i mean he is not that wrong. and Voldemort portrayed in a new light. he really kills half-bloods, mrtyle as an example. so harry's justification of Voldi's actions is not that accurate. i am also surprised how harry couldn't make out the old man is actually Voldemort. 2/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2007
  16. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I started to read it then just kind of skimmed through. It was a little . . . meh for me. Maybe in a few days I'll come back and actually read some more of it.

    Will edit later.
     
  17. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    New chapter was released, it's quite good, but I have two objections:

    1. Harry needs to think for himself more. He's just gone from accepting everything Dumbledore says to accepting everything Daphne says. She told him that Dumbledore stole his inheritance from Sirius, and he just believes her, no questions asked. Before he bases the whole direction of his life on things like this, he really should check the facts first, to make sure Daphne just isn't lieing to him.

    2. The obsession with Dark magic, and the over exageration of its strength to the utter dismissal of all other magic by Harry. Yes, Dark magic is cool, bvut it has its place within a complete magical repatoire. Harry should still focus on the staples of magic - transfiguration and charms - and then augament them with Dark Arts, rather than simply learn Dark spells. After all (and I'm beating a dead horse here) in the DOM duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort, which Dumbledore won, he used one explicitly offensive spell, and the rest was all transfiguration and charms.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2007
  18. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

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    I just finished reading the new chapter and was going to post a review, but I see that Taure has already said everything I wanted to.

    I completely agree with him.
     
  19. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

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    me too. Taure is right.
     
  20. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    Me three. I don't like Dumbledore stealing from Harry - maybe he craves glory and such, but I doubt he is short on money and would steal from Harry, risking alienating his only weapon from Lord Voldemort. He has a rest of wizarding world to steal from in this case.

    Also Harry is a bit slow - hadn't figured that he is speaking to Voldemort with such clues.

    Dumbledore portrayed in too strong negative light. Story would leave much more powerful impression, if author liked Dumbledore, and not turned him in some glory hound. ("Turncoat" by Taure) But with this Dumbledore what Harry doing is not a betraying - Dumbledore betrayed him first. Same problem with Voldemort - he is too wise, too informed, and has no flaws at this moment.

    It seems as author need to pacify her consciousness about 'betraying' - indeed, with irritating friends, who are 'abandoned' him in their budding romance, glory-seeking, stealing, incompetent Dumbledore on one side, and beautiful Daphne Greengrass with omniscient Voldemort, backed by powerful Dark Magic on the other side - it doesn't leave a feeling of a strong betrayal to me.

    On the other hand if Harry would create a Horcrux in the future this will be definitely interesting. We often see 'Dark' Harry as using and limiting himself to 'powerful', and 'dark' spells only. True Dark Harry would venture much deeper - to the true Dark magic - like tranformations, Horcruxes, rituals with human sacrifices and such.

    I hope that Dark Magic in this story is not merely a more powerful and repressed form of magic and that Harry wouldn't ignore other powerful subjects as Taure said earlier.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2007