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WIP Traveler by The Straight Elf - T - Pokemon

Discussion in 'Games' started by MonkeyEpoxy, Apr 14, 2013.

  1. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Alchemist

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    Title: Traveler
    Author: The Straight Elf
    Rating: T
    Status: WIP, 12 Chapters, 250K words. Updates very frequently considering chapter length. Has been up for about 8 months.
    Summary: Ash Ketchum has been determined to become the best since he was a toddler. He has his eyes set on a charmander, but a twist of fate led him to the humble Nidoran. Note: Mix between anime and the games.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8466693/1/Traveler

    I think this is definitely one of the top-tier Pokemon fics around today, not that that says a whole hell of a lot. It's a healthy mix of the anime and the games, though I'd say most plot points follow the games more. It starts off fairly slow, but when it takes off, it takes off hard. This is one of those stories where the author makes Ash a competent protagonist, and the author manages to convey a sense of malice when it comes to Team Rocket, which is not very common.

    The writing is very good, especially later in the tale, and there are very few noticeable grammatical foibles. As far as the tone of the world goes, it is "darker" than the anime, but nowhere near a story like The Sun Soul. The pokemon Ash catches in this tale tend to be a bit different than in most stories. No Dragonite or Garchomp or Tyranitar for Ash the rookie trainer in this story. A heavy emphasis is placed on the act of training in this story, which is something I enjoy, but the author tends to dump a lot of information on the results of the training, which some could see as tedious.

    It's not as good as The Game of Champions, but it's solidly on a ledge below it.

    4.5 rounded down, 4/5

    And woops, fucked up. I forgot that I could use the dropdown menu to tag it a WIP rather than putting it in the title.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2015
  2. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

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    Solid, but not spectacular. Best way I can describe it is to say it is trying to do for Ash and the anime what Lamora did for Red and the manga. Interesting enough to read, but has the drawbacks of a story based on the games. You won't see characters talking about pokemon levels, but moves and attacks are something that are actively taught to pokemon by their fellows and their trainer, and then called out mid battle.

    That said, it isn't shit. Author has a decent grasp of language and grammar, and the chapters are monsters, the last one coming in at around 35k. I enjoyed it, and would recommend it as something to pass the time with. I'll give it a solid 4/5, bumped up from 3/5 for the dearth of other decent fics in the fandom.
     
  3. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I have to agree, the writing... starts off a little bland, but it definitely gets better as the story goes on.

    By the end, it actually got really really interesting. I haven't read the latest chapter yet, but I am just about to.
     
  4. zUzaque

    zUzaque Seventh Year

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    The first chapter wasn't the best, but it picked up nicely from there. It really brought me back to when I first played Pokemon.

    The only reason it took me so long to read is because I had to pick up my old game and start playing.

    My only real gripe is some inconsistencies int he story.

    For example, when
    Ash's mom says that she has been hanging out with his Pokemon and the Oak Corral, then needs to be introduced to his Machoke

    There were a few other ones, but these are just minor gripes, not real problems.

    The last 2 chapters also have a few more spelling errors, could use a good beta.

    All in all, good story, solid 4/5
     
  5. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Dat chapter length. o.o

    I've only read chapter 1, but if I had to rate now, 3/5. Writing's pretty bland, but people say it picks up, so I won't rate the thread until I've read more.
     
  6. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    Read it, loved it. I like that it's not as dark as Sun Soul, but didn't pussyfoot around fights and shit. I love how strong Ash is, even though it is a little unbelievable. The story doesn't stay too long in one particular place too, which is nice.

    The author really isn't shy about evolutions. Though two evolutions mid battle? First one, fine, second one... it's been done.

    I'm a bit curious about the two OC's in the beginning though. It seems strange that the author would add them in, only to basically forget about them after St. Anne's. I guess they weren't really doing much for the story, they were pretty boring, to be honest. I'm assuming why the author let them go so suddenly -- I just wish Ash would have at least tried to get in touch with them instead of shrugging their loss off after he found out that they were safe.

    5/5 for me. The story has stayed interesting until now, has good grammar and dialogue, and it's not all sunshine and rainbows (though Ash does sometimes win when he shouldn't). This Ash is also a lot more bearable than what I remember anime Ash being. Lot stronger, too.
     
  7. 0jordinio0

    0jordinio0 Seventh Year

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    It's a good fic overall. I'm in regular contact with Straight Elf myself, and have already pointed out to him that really the only thing holding his fic back from being a top-notch fic is that he needs to pace out his writing a bit more, and give us more input from the trainers.

    Although, I suppose the more experienced Ash gets the more input he will have, and therefore input and help his Pokemon win matches all the sooner instead of just sitting back and letting them do all the work and just throw attack after attack at their opponents continuously.

    All in all, I rate this fic as a solid 4/5. It's a great fic with great potential, but still needs a bit of work.

    Honestly, I think the fic is much better than my own fic that I'm focusing on - 'Working Sinnoh With Skill' - I think I rushed into the romance to fast on it and alot of people seem to believe Ash is way to overpowered. Thankfully that will be rectified soon, because in the next few chapters I will be entering the first action packed arc of the story which will include appearances from Team Galactic, Elite Four Member Aaron, Sinnoh Champion Cynthia, a battle between Cynthia's Garchomp and Ash's Charizard and then a cataclysmic battle between two legendaries that will push the boundaries of space and time.

    I should probably put it up for review, see if I can get any decent advice on how to improve it - although, I'm not quite sure how to do that I've not been much of an active member on this site.

    Anyway, to conclude this post. Traveler by ~The Straight Elf is definitely worth reading.
     
  8. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Alchemist

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    A bit of a spoiler those thowe havne't gottne there yet

    really kicks off when the major team rocket arc starts up, and launches into orbit when Ash teams up with Lance and Steven.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
  9. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Alchemist

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    The super shallow part of me just digs that two of his badass pokemon are
    Nidoking and a badass Kingdra and man I'm hoping for a Magmortar
     
  10. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Nidoking is a beast though. He was one of the original badasses. >_>
     
  11. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    Was about to post this, then saw the thread. >.>

    Been reading it time he updates since about chapter 2. It's a brilliant fic, I like some of the unique things he has done like:

    Getting rid of Golduck where most authors wouldve had Golduck become "good" so to speak, rather than using an interesting approach. Liked how he's managed to become pretty solid buddies with Steven and Lance. And the rocket fights are always amazing. The recent tag team tournament was pretty badass aswell

    Its a serious fic but not overly serious and really great

    5/5
     
  12. Agnostics Puppet

    Agnostics Puppet Professor

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    I think Oz put it best: The writing is bland at best and painful to read at worst. The overall story isn't bad but it just isnt enough to catch my interest.

    2/5
     
  13. A Lightning

    A Lightning Slug Club Member

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    I really liked this story. The writing wasn't the best, especially at the beginning, but it could have been far worse. This fic really shines in the unique plot.

    4.5/5 rounded down for the low quality in the beginning chapters.
     
  14. Frantically Boosted

    Frantically Boosted Boosted

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    I'm curious as to where you drew that conclusion, considering 90% of your post was about your own fic.
     
  15. 0jordinio0

    0jordinio0 Seventh Year

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    Hardly, at most about 45%. And it was really just me trailing off by mistake, people tend to do that sometimes. I had never posted a thread on this site before so I had no idea about the rules etc on it.

    I honestly don't understand what you meant for the most part, unless you were trying for some sort of failed sarcasm. 'how' did I come to the conclusion that it was a good fic? By reading it, I thought that would be pretty obvious....
     
  16. Starwind

    Starwind Headmaster

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    Shameless plug is shameless.

    Anyone who wants to read a serious Pokemon fic with Ash not being a total idiot and getting different Pokemon than the norm would enjoy the fic.
     
  17. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I've been following and reviewing this for quite a while. Starts a little bland, but once Ash ditches his traveling companions and really strikes out on his own, it gets very enjoyable. A full team of original, powerful Pokemon, long ass chapters, realistic world, realistic characters... lately, it's been so good that every morning I wake up, I hope that I have a new chapter of Traveler to read.

    Easily 4/5, though it takes a while to get going.
     
  18. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Minister of Magic

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    Updated in the last day or so, although alerts aren't going out.

    And this is a huge update.

    45K.

    More things happen, and we have another evolution.

    I can't add much that hasn't already been said, but 5/5
     
  19. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    Ended on a huge cliffhanger though. :(
     
  20. NTD

    NTD High Inquisitor

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    Oh fuck that cliffhanger!

    It probably would have been better to remain ignorant of the update until the next chapter came out.