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WIP Try to remember By: Faff South Park/Young Justice

Discussion in 'Other Fandoms Review Board' started by DerHesse, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. DerHesse

    DerHesse High Inquisitor

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    Title: Try to remember
    Author: Faff
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: South Park/Young Justice
    Published: Nov 16, 2015
    Updated: Sep 21
    Chapters: 20 - Words: 77,951
    Pairings: -
    Summary: Sixteen year old Kenny McKormick must adapt to his new life in Gotham City, while the same is also true for his eldritch alter ego, Mysterion. But while the agnostic angel of Denver makes his mark on Gotham, the Justice League and hero community at large must adapt to the emergence of this little mystery person who knows far more than he lets on…

    Link: Chapter 1

    It might be necessary, or at the least be helpful, to have watched the Coon episodes of season 14 to read this story.

    It might lack the humor of South Park, but so far I'm really enjoying this. I'm also happy, that this isn't just a Young Justice-rehash given that Msyterion barely interacted with them.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2018
  2. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Could you tell us a bit more about why you like it? Whats the major selling points here? I admit to being a bit wary of engaging with a South Park/ Young Justice cross, especially when it lacks the usual satire that is normal to South Park.
     
  3. CareOtters

    CareOtters Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    So is this basically just an OC Young Justice fic where the OC has the name Kenny? Does he retain the power to wake up the next day after a brutal death?
     
  4. DerHesse

    DerHesse High Inquisitor

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    It lacks the crass humor of South Park, but Kenny is still recognizable as a 16-year-old Kenny.
    He is overly protective regarding his sister, his habits regarding sex shine through and a major point of this story are his reincarnations.
     
  5. CareOtters

    CareOtters Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Alright so I've finished the first chapter and I'm not going to go any further. The writing is juvenile and clunky, lacking any sense of style or grace. I didn't notice any spelling errors, but grammar was erratic with missing words, articles, and key verbs missing, most damningly conjunctions. Modifiers were dangling, dialogue tags were capitalised when they shouldn't be, and the narrative recap was insipid.

    Perhaps someone fond of the Young Justice setting would get something out of this, but I have little interest in DC so reading this is a chore with no reward for me.

    2/5
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2018
  6. pbluekan

    pbluekan Auror DLP Supporter

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    I read a few chapters during my lunch break and I like it, but it certainly isn’t 5 star material.

    The good:

    Kenny is sixteen, but is a recognizable extension from what we know about him from the show. As far as his character from The Coon episodes goes, we have a bitter and determined kid with a strong sense of justice. From other parts of the show, we know he cares about his sister.

    The plot itself is interesting and engaging with lots of secondary threads that flesh out the story as a whole.

    The writing itself is readable. It isn’t anything special, though.

    The bad:

    The prose is annoying and overly wordy. The author also has a terrible head for sentence structure.
    Shit like this is fairly common. He also has a habit of repeating his descriptions in different ways and overusing adjectives.

    There are also more than a few technical issues, especially regarding comma usage and homonyms. Again, it doesn’t make it unreadable.

    I haven’t finished it yet, but preliminary rating is a 3/5. I doubt it will get much higher without improvements in the prose and technical fixes.