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WIP Turning of the Times by thenoacat

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Taure, Feb 3, 2019.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title: Turning of the Times
    Author: thenoacat
    Rating: Not rated
    Genre: Time travel
    Status: In-Progress (415,301 words)
    Library Category: General
    Pairings: None
    Summary: After looking into Snape's pensieve, Harry makes up his mind to take charge of his actions—but before he can, he is sent back in time to 1975. He must find his own way back to the future without upsetting the time line, but the Dark Lord is on the rise, and Harry's never been good at keeping his head down.

    Canon Divergent after "Snape's Worst Memory" in OotP.

    Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10413771/chapters/22996143

    This is one of those "how is it not in the Library already?" fics.

    Fair warning: I'm only on chapter 11 of this fic, which currently runs to 32 chapters and will run to 36 when complete. Nonetheless it's easy to see that it belongs in the DLP Library. (Yes, Library, not Almost Recommended).

    Let's get the preliminaries out of the way: the story is well written from a technical standpoint, with good spelling, grammar, formatting and error detection. A few typos slip in here and there but nothing to worry about. More than that, the author actually writes well for a fanfic author, i.e. they actually occasionally deploy the English language in a clever and inventive turn of phrase. Dialogue feels natural, with the characters actually having their own voices, and the scene and chapter structure is logical and well paced.

    Now let's consider the actual content.

    The story starts in OotP, as the summary says, and it moderately accurately captures the canonical feel of that period. The characters are all well-characterised (both in terms of canonical and in terms of written in a way that fleshes out their personalities). Harry is as irritatingly moody as he was in OotP, which could potentially irritate some readers, but don't worry, by the end of chapter 1 he's been flung into the past.

    The conceit of the fic is that once in the past, Harry has to stay out of events as much as possible so as to avoid breaking time (an instruction received from Dumbledore). Further, Harry will have to be the one to explore his own means of returning to the future, because if Dumbledore were to spend time on that project, it would mean he was abandoning other projects and thus time would be changed. This "Harry has to figure it out for himself" approach is the vehicle by which Harry is forced to develop intellectually and magically, and it works quite well.

    My main reservation about this trick is that the fic seems to have dumbed Harry down significantly from his canon starting point, so as to "fix" that lack of knowledge/intelligence by having Harry acquire academic skills during the progress of the fic. In one way that's good - it's a nice character development arc, and the fact that Harry develops a greater intellect is satisfying.

    But it does feel unnecessary to have dumbed him down quite so much for the starting point. Canon Harry, after all, has already spent five years by this point performing research, solving mysteries, doing his homework, and generally passing his classes with good grades. So it's a bit unbelievable that there is a scene where Dumbledore literally has to explain to Harry the concept of taking notes. It's almost Harry-bashing, especially on the emotional intelligence side of things, with Harry taking an absurd amount of time to drop the delusion that he will find a solution in the space of a few days or weeks. It's a common theme in the early parts of the fic that Harry asserts what must be the case on the basis of what he wants rather than facing reality, which is not at all one of his canon traits. But fortunately, this side of Harry's character drops away as he develops intellectually.

    Harry's intellectual and magical development is the main draw of the fic so far, but there are a couple of other interesting elements, in particular his increasing involvement in matters relating to the Death Eaters and the results of his continued attempts to remain neutral so as to avoid affecting the timeline.

    Also interesting has been Harry's increasingly complex relationship with Dumbledore. Dumbledore has deliberately kept himself ignorant of the future and refuses to allow Harry to tell him his identity or any other crucial information. So he has no particular favour towards Harry, unlike his older self, and at times this results in Harry seeing how little regard Dumbledore has for his opinion. I hope that in the future of the fic there will be a scene where Dumbledore realises just how important Harry is to the war against Voldemort and there's something of a reckoning where he has to put his relationship with Harry on a different footing.

    The magical world that is fleshed out is okay but fairly standard fanon stuff, with Wizengamot Lords and marriage contracts both getting mentions (though thankfully the fic so far has not dwelt on either). The fic doesn't capture much of the whimsy and charm of the canon wizarding world.

    The fic has two main downsides so far.

    The first is that Harry has gained a disability which renders him useless in any kind of confrontation. Essentially he has gained the ability to sense magic, but it's so overwhelming that in any kind of magically intense scenario he's basically rendered useless. In the long run, one suspects that the author will have Harry learn to develop this into a considerable advantage, but as matters stand he's a bit self-pitying and pathetic.

    This feeds back into how the author has decreased Harry's emotional maturity and resilience compared to his canon self. In canon, when faced with a disability Harry confronts it head on and works tirelessly to remedy his problem (e.g. sensitivity to Dementors resulting in mastering the Patronus Charm). But in this fic, Harry's response is denial, self-pity, and wallowing in his own inability. It takes an external influence to essentially force him to start thinking about how to turn the ability to his advantage (just as it took an external influence to force Harry to start putting effort into his studies or to start taking occlumency seriously). It is a common theme of the fic that Harry develops in satisfying ways for unsatisfying reasons. He is rarely the impetus for his own development.

    The second is the magic system, which heavily leans towards the "raw power" side of things, to the extent that wizards like Voldemort and Dumbledore feel more like Sauron-type beings than HP wizards. Think Saving Connor. An unfortunate side effect of this is that even though this Harry ends up taking his magical studies much more seriously than canon, he's also a lot less competent relative to Voldemort than canon. This Voldemort could squash Harry like a bug with a single look, which sits uneasily with the fact that GoF Harry was able to go toe-to-toe with Voldemort for at least a few spells.

    The magic system also has all sorts of mildly irritating elements. Muggle ideas (e.g. physics, chemistry) are given an unfortunate relevance to magic, though it's blessedly a minor part of the fic (indeed with Harry at one point expressing the view that science cannot go all the way to explaining magic, thank god). The system of performing magic is also annoyingly divorced from actual knowledge and understanding of magic, with it being explicitly noted at one point that you don't need to understand magical theory in order to perform magic (so why do they learn it, and why are academically accomplished wizards also the most powerful?). But like I say, these are minor annoyances, as the fic does not dwell on them overly much.

    Overall rating: 4/5
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
  2. Lindsey

    Lindsey Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    It is easily a 4/5 for me, probably closer to 4.5/5 with that .5 going towards two certain plot points I have a weakness for (time travel and Harry/Voldemort (non slash) interactions.

    Here was my review to the author. It does contain some spoilers:

    I recently found your fic on /r/hpfanfiction and ended up finishing it in a day. As it has been a LONG time since a fic has captured my interest like this, I figured I owed you a decent review of the good, bad, and everything in-between.

    First off, thank you for writing a time-travelling story that does not focus on romance. It is so refreshing to see this done compared the piles upon piles of pairing time travel stories out there. This is just character building and plot, which is something more people need to do.

    Now onto the review!

    THE GOOD
    Your unique take on magic. I rarely see Runes done well, yet here you’ve made it a viable system that works well. You also have a unique take on the Dark Arts I have never seen before. Finally, magemetry. Most authors would turn this into an unbelievable power with no downsides. I love that this is more of a curse to Harry, and I see him growing to hate it more and more as it is the reason Voldemort wants him and the cause of a lot of his problems.

    Foreshadowing. You present an idea, that is always slowly built upon. Runes for time travel, magemetry to help recreate time-turners, Voldemorts magic, etc, etc. If I am correct, the shine in the RoR and Pandora’s sight will also play a huge role in unlocking the magic of time travel and allowing Harry to rediscover it. It also sounds like Harry won’t be able to return to his time (which I actually prefer) and it was Harry who sent the letter to younger Harry to go back in time (and thus completing the time turner loop). It will also give Harry a decade to improve in skills after Voldemort’s defeat.

    Characters. Good OC characters with flaws. I love Lucius father, Pandora, Hector and more. You make them believable. Even Voldemort at times can make you like him a bit. And yay, no bashing!

    Writing. You write well enough to capture interest and make you feel for the characters. There are moments you have very vivid scenes that stick with you as well. For some reason, I really like this right here:

    ‘What, Harry thought, if I could be a spy?

    Now, as much as Harry had grown in the past year, he hadn’t really put much thought to the idea of spying, being much more concerned with matters such as time travel and the potential destruction of the universe as he knew it. And he was, of course, a sixteen year old, and prone to romanticization and over-simplification, which he sometimes noticed and occasionally even corrected. So when he thought ‘spy’, he didn’t quite think the whole of it through—at least, not at that moment, with pressure on him from his sarcastic acquaintance and this strangely charming newcomer. He didn’t think of danger or double-sided vilification or the high likelihood of becoming a martyr. ‘​

    THE OKAY
    Harry’s character progression. Harry’s changes make sense at the beginning, with trying not to change the past by acting as if he was not there. I love that Harry gets involved with the Snape calling Lily a mudblood scene as it affected him so badly and from there things spiral. However, the progression of Harry’s character in the 6th year becomes… problematic. While I understand why Harry might be influenced to see Voldemort in this time period, his reaction to the rally and everything happening is flawed. It doesn’t feel like he hates Voldemort at this time. I feel like a lot of his personality shifts should have happened after locking away his memories, because he is leaving behind huge parts of him. Harry needed to have a more drastic personality shift after hiding the Hogwarts years compared to everything that had happened before.

    Voldemort’s letters. While I have a feeling that the horcrux is the reason Voldemort is so obsessed with Harry (without him realizing it of course), it quite disbelief that Voldemort would write a letter to a 16-year-old kid at Hogwarts (and a risk). Add in the fact that Voldemort ends up at Hogwarts to get to know Harry more, is also very disbelievable. I would have suggested having Voldemort find out about the magemetry before he blackmails Harry into being his TA. Alas, not a huge issue. We already know we are going to have to suspend our disbelief that Dumbledore would not have realized who Tim was by now. Lol.

    THE PROBLEMATIC
    1) You could probably cut 100,000 words from this fic, and maintain the same plot. You have a slight problem with overwriting, and having your characters overthink, even though it is the same thoughts. Up until the 6th year it was great, and then your story became bloated. Don’t forget Order of the Phoenix, the longest book of the series, was about 250,000 words. Your 6th year will be over 400,000 alone, and I can’t say that much happens. Not compared to what happens in the OOTP AND HBP.. which is what your fic length will end up being. This hasn’t been a huge issue because your writing is decent, but I suggest in the future to seriously cut down on scenes and only include the ones you need, even if it means cutting some scenes you like. It makes the story flow better. A lot of this could be accomplished with a beta, which leads me to.

    2) You should probably get a beta. Your grammar and writing are decent, but you have had some consistency errors through the fic. Harry discovers Snape is a halfblood twice. At one point Harry’s father is a muggle, the next a muggleborn. Little things like that. They can also tell you if a scene needs to be cut or explained better, such as describing some aspects of runes.
     
  3. wox2d

    wox2d Fifth Year

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    Disclaimer: I'm on chapter 15. So my review reflects my knowledge up to that point.

    I have to agree with Taure and Lindsey--where this fic really shines is in its characterization. You've got multiple characters, including OCs and might-as-well-be OCs (the past versions of Canon characters) who have flaws, who I actually enjoy reading about, and who I'm invested in.

    Something else I like, though with a caveat, is Harry's progression from his canon self into a scholar. I am invested in him becoming more studious, learning about time travel and Runes and languages, finding out about his ability to sense magic...and I want to see the end result. The author has done a smart thing if they're going where I think they're going: Harry unable to actually get back to his own time. I think Lindsey is dead on the money that Harry will have to live out the 20 years and close his own loop. And this is all good. It gives Harry the time he actually needs to actually develop and become more of a match for Voldemort, rather than reading a few books over a Magical Summer.

    Now, the caveat: Harry is so passive. Sure, he'll do his due diligence. He'll learn the spells, transcribe the runes, do the research, but he has to be pushed along. Characters in this fic seem like they're dragging Harry down the paths of magical discovery; I want him to be dragging them! Other characters in this fic love magic, Harry, despite his studying and research, still doesn't. I wish he did.

    And Taure's right. This Harry is absurdly stupid at times. For a fic that is careful to avoid common Canon bashing tropes, Harry sure gets the short end of the stick here. From Dumbledore having to explain to him the concept of notes(!) to scenes like this:

    "...well, your magic is expanding to allow for you to become more than just yourself.”

    “I’m… becoming… what?”

    Severus shrugged. His nonchalance was rather alarming, considering that he was explaining how their using legilimency was apparently literally dehumanizing them. “Most people only have one mind. When you’re using legilimency, you’re probably opening up your mind to encompass the subject’s—my mind, and existing as both of us at once.”

    “You think you’re making sense,” Harry observed. “But I haven’t got a clue what you’re saying. I’m becoming you?”

    I mean how the hell is Harry not following what Severus is saying here? He can't be that dumb, can he? Well, he is. It's frustrating. How can he not follow basic concepts in this scene and yet create powerful enchanted items in another? There are several scenes all across this fic where a character will spell something out to Harry so plainly and he still just can't grasp wtf they're saying.

    I just want Harry to get some god damn agency here. The idea of him traveling to the past, and using that time to become stronger is intriguing. The fact that he seems so passive puts me off.

    While the fic treats the core magical subjects with mundanity, I do appreciate it expanding on Runes and the Dark Arts. I like the concept that Dark magic requires sacrifice, and that many Dark spells seek to change the Self, but Dark Magic not inherently evil.

    And yes, the story needs to be cut down. The author mentioned in some notes how they were going to stop editing it as stringently for spelling and grammar. Maybe if they had a tighter story they wouldn't have lost the motivation!

    And yes, Voldemort's obsession with Harrigan seems OOC, unless there is some other explanation (horcrux-induced obsession, as Lindsey posits, could make sense here). As it is, Voldemort's a busy guy and it's weird he's focusing on Harry this much.

    Despite all this, it does still have me invested. Between the characters and my curiosity about Harry's arc, I will continue to read. I can only hope he takes a more proactive outlook.

    So what's the rating? It's not a 5/5, clearly, but I truly think the characters in this fic help push it past its faults up to a 4/5. I enjoyed them that much. Now, as I read on, I might get more and more annoyed by the things I don't like about this fic. It's certainly long enough. We'll see where it goes.

    Not everyone's cup of tea, but it was mine.
     
  4. KGB

    KGB Death Eater

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    It was going so fine, I didn't even mind the dumbing down of Harry as it came across more like him being frantic and confused about his situation than anything else.

    But than Harry just had to go and defend Snape from James and Sirius. Especially in this fic, where he has denied himself so much in the name of secrecy and not changing the future. And than he jumps out to defend the shitstain?

    It's not like the fic had been whitewashing Snape up until this point. So the outburst felt like a "Bullying is bad. M'kay" virtue signaling on the authors part than anything arising from the context of the story.
     
  5. Longsword

    Longsword Slug Club Member

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    Does this fic at least show the nastiness between Snape and the Marauders ? Snape might have been blameless in the memory, but there is nothing to suggest that he was ever some simple victim.
     
  6. Lindsey

    Lindsey Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Yes and no.
    You see it at the beginning but most the fic happens 6th year where James and Co are maturing. Its mostly Sirius being a complete dick, but Snape does give as well as he takes. Harry doesn't spend that much time with Snape so there is a lot happening behind the scenes.

    I actually understand why Harry helped Snape. The fic starts a day after 'Snape's worst memory.' In Canon it affects Harry enough to break into umbridge's office days later and confronts Sirius and Remus about it. And he is still angry and feels bad for Snape after the confrontation.

    It would be hard to stand behind and watch your dad be an utter twat to someone for no reason (and in this case they really didn't have a reason).
     
  7. DeathShade

    DeathShade Third Year

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    I gave up on this fic around chapter 30 and I was mostly skimming by the end.
    It has a lot of positive points, as raised by others in the thread, but Harrys characterization slowly but surely killed my interest. While I understand the reasoning, I feel like he is too damn passive. Then when he later in the story does something with an actual impact, it's just so stupid and careless, that he him self has a hard time understanding why he did it. After having fucked up majorly, he goes right back to being passive and going with the flow (while trying to solve his problem by being bratty and passive aggresive), which just digs him deeper and deeper into the hole.
    I enjoy a Harry Potter that's brave, selfless and stubborn (to a point). Harry in this story is just meek most of the time.

    I give it 2,5/5 rounded up to 3/5.
     
  8. wox2d

    wox2d Fifth Year

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    Not another full-on review but just some updated thoughts:

    Having now read everything that's been posted (so far), I am coming down more on the side of "Harry's character is extremely annoying." While I can still enjoy the writing and the dialog and interactions with Harry and other characters, Harry himself is becoming more and more frustrating to read.

    I really think getting this fic back to the future--by whatever means--would inject some new life into it but I have a feeling we're still going to be into the past for a long time. And again, maybe the frustrating parts of Harry's character would be less frustrating if the fic was cut down.
     
  9. Vira

    Vira Death Eater

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    I read this fic in one day from literally six in the morning to eleven at night, not including work.

    The beginning was good. I liked Harry turning into a scholar, and all the slice-of-life events of his first year in the past. I don’t mind he had to be taught what notes were, they signified he was at the bottom of his skill tree, and he has since rose up well. I like his relationships with most of the other characters. It doesn’t go best friends forever, but Harry doesn’t want that and is avoiding it. No romance! Excellent, thank you. I like the runes magic too. Clearly a lot of thought has been place into it. I don’t mind the magic sensing. It’s somewhat interesting and it does have some benefits.

    There’s some mistakes. Harry learning Snape has a muggle father happened twice, as someone else pointed out. At one weird moment, the fic switches to another POV for a single paragraph. Why did that happen? I dunno.

    Harry’s character is… Well, it’s there. He makes very, very bad decisions at some points. I don’t know what other result he was expecting. This can be fine, but Harry’s character doesn’t really change. He now overworks instead of underworks, and is doing his best to remain neutral in all situations, but there’s something off. Maybe it’s because he’s passive and his canon personality is not really there. He has no more charm, curiosity, or sense of adventure. He has one goal, and if something else comes up, maybe he’ll schedule it in if he has time. He’s not fun.

    Oh also, the letter that Harry got in chapter one, that seemed to be the trigger to send him into the past, was that ever brought up again? It got shown to Dumbledore in chapter two/three and after he was like “the fuck is this?” I don’t think Harry looked into it again. Even if it’s just a blank paper now, what type of paper was it? Where did this type of paper come from? What can cause words to disappear like that? Explore, dammit!

    Let’s move onto this fic: part two.

    Fic turns when Voldemort takes over the story, and I want off Mr. Voldemort’s Wild Ride.

    I usually love platonic Harry/Voldemort interactions, but Voldemort has twisted the story around himself so much, I’m just blah at this point. This is due to various issues.

    I will give the fic points for making Voldemort as awful as he’s talked about. Yup, that’s a grade-A asshole. However, I feel like I’ve basically seen everything of Voldemort. No hidden depths, nothing new to learn, just there he is, a character who has been stuck in the same place for too long. He’s boring now. Go away, Voldemort. Go on vacation.

    Since Voldemort showed up, he and Harry’s relationship is basically unchanged. Maybe the circumstances surrounding it has changed, but the way they treat each other has remained static. Harry is willful, questioning, and rude, and Voldemort is psychopathic, intelligent, and vaguely mentor-y when he remembers. The only change is Harry sometimes holds his tongue. And I can’t see any other place their relationship can go, since Harry is so opposed to Voldemort despite having to work for him due to dumbass decisions. And I believe the Voldemort here is incapable of changing and growing as a person, so unless something major happens, this relationship is overcooked.

    This static relationship and the gross, unrepentant torture shit Voldemort drags Harry into makes me tired by just typing it. It’s a drag, I don’t want to read any more of it. Harry is incapable of getting himself out of it, the other characters can’t or won’t, Dumbledore is Dumbledore so who the fuck knows, and Voldemort won’t stop himself.

    I don’t even know why Voldemort’s at the school. He doesn't need to recruit in person, and I don't think he has been. Or at least, this isn’t shown or talked about aside from Voldemort stating these (and Harry) are the reason he’s here. The fic would be better served if the penpals idea went on for much longer, and this teaching side-gig happened in the summer or something so there’s a clear endpoint I can look forward to.

    This problem hangs over the fic so badly, I am 100% certain for the sake of my sanity Harry will ditch the 70s to go back to his own time. This story has about four chapters left, so the second story can happen in the 90s and conclude everything. It makes sense! Then everyone who knew him in the 70s can react to Harrigan being Harry Potter all along. It’d make the Harry / Voldemort relationship much more interesting.

    Like, Harry can’t stay in the 70s. Sure, realistic, but you know what else is realistic? Me not wanting to die by exhaustion. Which this fic will do if he stays. I don’t wanna read Harry Potter the unwilling death eater until Voldemort eats it five years later. Please. Don’t.

    I don’t know what to rate this. I really enjoyed the first half but the second dragged so much. It really is too long. I’d maybe skim updates? Ugh, I’m kind of disappointed.

    3.5/5.
     
  10. wox2d

    wox2d Fifth Year

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    The letter went blank after its spell took effect. He showed it to Dumbledore and it was just a normal sheet of paper. There wasn't even any lingering traces of magic on it. He couldn't look into it because it was blank.
     
  11. Vira

    Vira Death Eater

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    Even if there were no traces, Harry observed it doing weird shit. The paper was doing something, or something was on the paper. Even if nothing came of it, I would have liked to see Harry act on these observations and try to figure out what caused the letters to disappear. Or try to put his memory into a pensieve to see if he can observe more details he missed the first time around (can't remember if this is how pensieves work). Or at least what sort of paper it was, like a CSI-thing. How old was the paper, what type of paper was it? Did it come from 90s, or maybe could it have been decades old? There has to be a spell that tells you how old a piece of paper is.

    There could be clues here, and unless I missed something (maybe I missed it was accidentally destroyed, which is possible), I'm frustrated this piece of evidence was just discarded like it was nothing when Harry was trying so hard at everything else.
     
  12. valrie

    valrie First Year

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    I just read up until chapter 12 and I'm really thinking about dropping this fic for the sole reason that absolutely nothing Harry does make any sense...
    1. He wants to return to his own time. Why? He is a teenager with no chance against a Death Eater or LV. If he stays, he can learn magic etc., find out how LV is immortal (why has he not even thought about figuring that out now that he has all the time in the world) and prepare for 20 years for the coming war.
    2. He doesn't go to dinner in the Great Hall because he gets dizzy and can't focus but he goes to a party where a lot of powerful wizards and Voldemort are because he can't say no to two guys, one of which he has never talked to before. (But he doesn't want to make friends because he's afraid of changing things...)
    3. He insults LV in the letter when everything, I mean seriously everything, that he knows about Voldemort is that he hates that and won't take it from some nobody teenager. What the hell would he do if Voldemort decides during the summer to punish him for his insolence and crucio him into insanity? Absolutely nothing because that is all that Harry can do.
    4. Why would he think that inventing time travel is something that a student can do? If it were easy it would have been done before because time travel is super OP. It is obvious (barring some weird and unrealistic plot twist) that Harry will have to spend years in this time.
    5. Why does he think it's a good idea to ask Snape to test his occlumency instead of, you know, Dumbledore who is an actual expert in the mind arts and can both be trusted more and give him better ideas for improvement.

    Tbh I like the rest of the fic. Marauders, Lily, Snape, Regulus, Dumbledore, Hector and Pandora are all well-written but Harry just acts so stupid and it's obvious that his actions do not come from a logical or emotional reaction but rather to drive the plot to where the author wants him to go.
     
  13. wox2d

    wox2d Fifth Year

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    Dumbledore said that the paper was completely ordinary. I think in this case we can take Dumbledore's word as Word of God. With the other tangents this fic goes on, I honestly wouldn't want time devoted to CSI analysis of the paper.

    Plus my theory is that Harry sends it to himself anyway. So maybe because I have that in the back of my head I'm less curious :)
     
  14. Faun

    Faun Second Year

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    It's one of the best Harry goes to 70s fanfic. The way Harry has vey limited impact in the 70s makes the story more compelling than a Harry changing the past fic. Everything he does is redundant, but Harry's character keeps improving which will only come in play when he gets back to 1996.
    In the third year, Harry and Hermione are able to do only that which is already done, so if Harry isn't able to find a way to timetravle into the future, but rather finds a way to send himself 20 years in the past and does that, the story stays internally consistent. When the story reaches the date, the older Harry takes over, gets his memories back along with all the baggage of what he has done.
     
  15. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    This is interesting. I'm writing part of this review as I go because I didn't want to forget things...

    Maybe it's explained later in a way that gels, but the way Albus seems to think that Harry can just avoid making changes to the timeline is grating. Just his presence and proximity to things should catalyze something. I hope the author at least handwaves this later with something about how time will attempt to repeat barring intentional tempering etc.

    I'm also surprised that Harry isn't saying fuck getting back - he can save everyone from LV right now, or at least try, even if it means he never goes home. Instead Harry seems to think his only option is to get back and deal with LV in the future.

    I like this set up but need a hair more reasoning to keep suspension of disbelief.

    Will keep reading. Writing is high quality. Surprised it's not in the library already. Guess AO3 hid it for a while.
     
  16. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Banned

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    After the "(slash) red signs" in the first chapter by the author and reading all the "weird" aspects of this story you list here made me not wanting to even try, *at all*. Some elements mentioned would annoy me extremely.
     
  17. soczab

    soczab First Year

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    I agree with Ched essentially. I had fun reading this story (I came across it a while back) but I felt I had to suspend my disbelief in a few parts to make it work. The items folks have said, and also his reactions to Voldie, stance on the war, etc. The 'foundation' logic of his decisions is sort of just hand-waved into existence, and doesn't connect to canon harry much. But, if you can accept that premise, the story is entertaining with unique concepts.
     
  18. Lindsey

    Lindsey Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Apparently, the author is aware of their flaws.

    They posted an update looking for beta's in order to 'trim the fat' off of each chapter, and help with characterization. They are planning on doing a rework of the fic while they outline the second book. I don't know if anyone is interested in being a beta reader, but I am going to shoot an email to the author and suggest that they post at DLP WiP for feedback.

    The authors writing and creativity is something to be admired. This fic has an amazing amount of potential if it can be cut down and Harry's characterization tweaked a bit. If anyone is interested in beta reading, contact me, and perhaps we can work together on trying to make this better.
     
  19. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    So I finished reading what's posted of this story. It's definitely 4/5 for me, but has the potential to be 5/5 if the author both nails the ending and trims a bit of the fat.

    My concerns from earlier hold up. When Harry first arrives in the past the impression I had from Dumbledore was "don't tell me about the future! I shouldn't know!" and yet later in the story that seems to have strongly shifted towards implying that it was more "Don't tell me for your own good!" and now Dumbledore would like to have information. That whole thing is weird, to me. How Dumbledore does or doesn't treat Harry about the whole thing - did he actually take that memory muffling potion or whatever, or was that only if Harry managed to leave? That area of the plot could use some streamlining to make it gel, but it's doable.

    Harry's attempt to get Voldemort to stop recruiting at Hogwart's... didn't make any sense to me. But let's back up first.

    Harry deciding to go the Death Eater rally that set all of this in motion? Makes perfect sense and gels perfectly with his canon character. Yes, he shouldn't have gone... but this is Harry Potter we're talking about. I can totally see Harry deciding to say "fuck it" to consequences and then take a big risk so he can get some information he wants. That's canon!Harry without doubt.

    Harry getting suckered into signing a contract with a geas attached when Quora showed up? I can see it. I'd like to see Harry try a little harder to avoid that, but the fact that he eventually had little choice but to sign it? Yeah, he was out-matched and he'd put himself into that situation.

    But Harry approaching Voldemort with a contract idea to get him to stop recruiting? Does NOT gel with me. Because (1) Harry is still trying to not change huge things, even though he's starting to believe it wouldn't matter, and (2) he had to know it wouldn't work because while Harry isn't stupid he's nowhere near Voldemort's level and he has no one in his corner on this, not to mention (3) Harry has no way of knowing if that Dark Mark will follow him back through time or leave some sort of permanent mark on him.

    Harry approached Voldemort about that. Just doesn't work for me. Harry getting suckered into things he wants to avoid or taking risks to get information or save someone I can see... but something about this just made me cringe and think it neither made sense nor was in character.

    I didn't feel that the story was too bloated at first, but once Quora arrived at Hogwarts is when I started to feel it. It's noticable.

    Quora is awesome. And yes I'm going to refer to him as Quora even though we - and Harry - know he's LV. So much clever shit in this story.

    This is a great story. The best "Harry goes back to the 70s" story that I've ever read, hands down. It's well worth a read.

    The above complaints are... the types of complaints you only have about a story that's already good enough that you begin to expect more from it.

    But we're at Chapter 32ish of 35-36 if I recall right, and things don't seem to be winding down. Whether or not this story ever manages to bump to 5/5 is going to depend on the ending and how all this plays out I think.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2019
  20. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    @Ched, could you please put spoiler tags in your post? I don't mind, but others might.

    Still in the early parts of this story, and I'm super excited. It's been a long time, I miss the old days when I hadn't read most of the library.

    I'll review properly once I'm done reading the whole thing. So far, I really liked the house elf, Hani. Strange name though, even for a house elf.
     
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