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WIP Unfinished Business by Extrinsical - T - Fate/stay Night

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Dark Syaoran, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

    Jun 4, 2005
    Title: Unfinished Business
    Author: Extrinsical
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Fate/stay Night
    Pairings: Shirou/Rin
    Summary: One day, Shinji approaches them on the roof of Homurahara Academy. Post UBW, game verse.

    Link: FFN

    Only two chapters so far. Post UBW route as the summary suggests, true end. Shirou/Rin pairing is pretty rare compared to the other two, so this stood out rather nicely for me. The story seems to be heading toward Rin attempting to reconcile with Sakura as the main plot.

    Mostly just a nice little light read so far, though with Sakura's past, I'm sure the drama will be sufficiently filled with angst. Not an action story as far as I can see and it isn't listed, so don't expect fights and magecraft and all that stuff.

    Have fun.
  2. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Sep 22, 2006
    Bumped to gain attention:

    I really was sure people would jump at this story.

    Please read and review and rate this story. I'll leave it in here until Feb. 15.
  3. joshuafaramir

    joshuafaramir Unspeakable

    Jun 19, 2013
    I'd give it 4/5 for now. It really is still too short to be reviewed properly but based on the current work, the quality seems good enough.

    There are no glaring mistakes grammar-wise nor there are any of that irritating cliches about Shirou and over-tsundereness of Rin that's prevalent in a lot of F/SN fics. The characters feels fleshed out as it should since he's only focusing on Rin and Shirou.
    Their character feels like it matured just enough to be different from pre-HGW but believable in a sense that they are war veterans now.

    Not much angst but it's fairly easy to predict where the story is going since it deals with the aftermath of the Matou household and how they dealt with Sakura.

    All in all, this is a relationship fic, one that focuses on character development and dialogue. A little bit of mystery here and there makes it into an interesting read that will probably catch your attention depending on what mood you're in.
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2015
  4. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

    Feb 13, 2008
    Gave it a read. Enjoyable so far and something I've always wanted done (Post UBW or Fate route which actually deals with Sakura's predicament in the aftermath). It has that almost VN style writing style which kind of works here and is pulled off well.

    But at 12,000 words, too short to rate.
  5. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

    Aug 22, 2007
    It's too short to rate.
    Also, the tense is all wrong.
    As much as I like present tense stories...

    "He actually wasn't planning to until he knows for sure" is not good style - the author is clearly trying to use present tense, but he frequently throws past tense into the same sentence and it reads awful.
  6. CareOtters

    CareOtters Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Jun 8, 2010
    This is really poorly written. The sentences are abrasively short - not as a stylistic choice, but seemingly more because the author doesn't have the attention span to finish a thought, or is trying to write like a light novel, or some nonsense like that. Combined with the utter disregard for consistent tenses mentioned above, it destroys the syntax of the text.

    Not for me. Perhaps people who enjoy this style more would be less critical.

    I will say one thing in its favour - not all of the character interactions are anime-autism levels of socially retarded. Half of them seem to be, on purpose, but when the author isn't trying too hard with cringey faux shyness there's an unusual sincerity to the relationships here, when compared to the typical dross in this genre.

    There's very little plot progression. It's not enjoyable to read. There are only 20,000 words here.

    I'd only suggest reading this if this particular scenario is something you're keenly interested in and can't find elsewhere.

  7. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

    Apr 28, 2007
    Within the Garden of Nurgle.
    High Score:
    Going through this, because it was bumped recently. I've had decent luck with some Fate fics before and its a pretty common crossover type that I've seen. Overall, I wasn't too impressed with it.

    It was last updated in 2015, and its not been marked as complete. As other people have said, its too short, but if I had to judge on whats there, there's not enough of a hook to keep me engaged.

    Since its fallen to 3 stars, I'm moving this back to For Review so that it can get some more attention. It was maybe popular when it first hit the forums back in 2015, but now I'm not sure that's the case. It seems the pairing fits a niche part of the fandom (I'm not familiar with the universe enough to know if this is true still or not) and like CareOtters said, it wasn't enjoyable to read at all.

    The brief sentence structure, formatting and word/tense choice. I'd rate this at a 1/5.

    Only if you're really into the fandom would you appreciate this I think.

    Fics going to sit in Reivew for another week to get some attention. After that its being moved to wherever its new home might be.