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WIP Uzumaki by AlmostElectric - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Garden, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. Garden

    Garden Minister of Magic

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    Title: Uzumaki
    Author: AlmostElectric
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama/Romance with lots of Adventure and a touch of Angst
    Status: WIP (105k+), last updated 03/29/2016
    Fandom: Naruto
    Pairings: Fem!Sasuke/Naruto
    Summary: Uchiha Satsuki, avenger, doesn't love anything, or anyone. Not revenge, not tomatoes, and definitely – definitely! – not Uzumaki Naruto. But when she winds up on a genin team with him, she realises there's more to his smile than teeth and sunshine. Female!Sasuke
    Link: On FFnet and on SB


    First chapter starts off a little shaky, and the fic starts off with some fluff. But it gets dark fast, a couple of chapters in, without venturing into grimdark.

    It's basically female!Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura on a team, and since the story gets darker than canon, the theme of revenge comes up a lot, in between mild (justified) angst, legitimately


    It feels like a canon retreading at first, but it does have substantial differences early on, and they start to compound later on. The writing and characterization are also good enough that I really enjoyed even the parts that were retreading.


    Satsuki, Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi are the heart of this fic, and they all work beautifully together. They feel like real characters, the dialogue is snappy and a joy to read, and the pace is fast.



    The main flaws are the retreading of canon in certain parts (though future updates will hopefully change this) and a couple of plot points that feel forced for the sake of drama. I think the pairing, which I've never seen written well outside of Menace's work, is especially good, and the friendships between the characters is also really authentic. Sakura, especially later on, also becomes an interesting character.

    4.5 ---> 5
     
  2. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Moved into the library based on the thread rating.
     
  3. douter

    douter Fourth Year

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    I wasn't sure if I had read this story or had just read something very similar, it wasn't till about halfway through that I came to conclusion I had read this story.

    I don't mind this fic, it's got good dialogue, the writing kept me glued to the screen and has great characters. There were good emotional scenes that tugged at the old heart strings, but others kinda fell flat.

    This fic does have a very good female Sasuke, she isn't just Sasuke with boobs, she feels like her own character. Which was nice.

    But in the end I didn't really care for the story, it had some different points and great character interaction, but I didn't really like it overall it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2017
  4. I Burn Water

    I Burn Water Seventh Year

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    Would you want to explain why you didn't like it? Just for potential future readers?
     
  5. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Because Uzumaki started out well, but has completely shit the bed in the second half of what exists currently.

    Sasuke in this is great, as mentioned. The one who suffers is Naruto.

    Specifically; and this is a MAJOR spoiler:
    The author all but forcing Naruto to defect for seemingly no fucking reason at all, just to keep in line with his mirror situation fantasy without bothering with such silly things as setup, motivation or characterization.

    Not limited to that, of course, but that is the main reason why Uzumaki went right off my alert list after the latest update.

    I want to give it a 2 for the sake of good fem!Sasuke, but that in itself is not enough.
     
  6. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    After what Menace did to me with his NarutoxFem!Sasuke, like an addict, I turned to this story hoping for my fix to be scratched.

    It's a solid story, easy to read and enjoy, but as Republic has stated above the author has decided to just force the story one way. The character development doesn't really seem to justify it. The premise is solid and good Naruto reading has been scarce as of late. The grammar, pacing, and general structure is pleasing to the eye.

    I'll probably keep reading as I do have an itch to scratch.

    3.5/5
     
  7. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Re-moved into almost recommended based on the thread rating.
     
  8. pbluekan

    pbluekan Auror DLP Supporter

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    4/5. The story is engrossing, well written and a good read so far.

    Grammatically it's fairly flawless. I haven't noticed anything other than a couple of extremely minor errors up to chapter twenty two.

    The characters are wonderfully detailed and crucially, they are different. Satsuki, as Garden said, isn't Sasuke with tits, she's different. Different enough from her canon self that she is the fulcrum of change in the AU. More importantly, however, is that her personality is done well. Naruto is also done well. With the two major changes in the AU realistically changing his character in minor, but apparent ways.

    Where I think the whole story loses a lot of my interest is the author's forceful application of plot. Rep said it first, and I agree. The characters he's got just don't quite fit with what he's trying to do.

    In any case, I hate typing this shit out on my phone but it needs to be said. The scene
    with Ino in Naruto's mind was probably one of my, to date, favorite house of horrors scenes in any fic in any fandom I've yet read. It also outclasses any of the Ino in Naruto's mind scenes I've ever read. It was fucking visceral.
     
  9. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    That's another thing I forgot to mention.

    Ino in Naruto's mind. What the actual fuck? Who the fuck even is Ino? Did we really need to spend so long on a character nobody gives a shit about, doing something no one gives a shit about?

    I'd never outright skipped before in this story, but boy did I skip these parts. Then again, perhaps I am biased. I always hated these sort of 'Mindscape'-y sequences, and viewed then as pointless at best, giant black holes of interest at worst. So I can't speak for how shiny the turd is, in this case.
     
  10. douter

    douter Fourth Year

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    The mindscape scenes were pretty good compared to alot of other stories, that said Ino sort of just appeared in this fic which was weird.

    Now that I have had some more time to digested this story I'm going to have to bump it down to a 3/5, the last half is just pissing me off.
     
  11. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Uzumaki has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 31
    Words: 137,835
    Updated: 2018-10-07 13:06:11 UTC
    Published: 2014-03-03 20:35:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 2 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  12. HPFicFan

    HPFicFan Muggle

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    This is a story that squandered its potential.
    Its starts out with a few minor deviations from canon, each directly affecting Naruto personally in one way or other.

    The character interaction is good throughout the story, its just that the plot and motivations of the characters becomes too contrived.

    While a canon rehash till Part 2 so far (in terms of plot, that is), Uzumaki suffers from the author making her titular character's motivations too contrived. The motivations and characterisation of Naruto become muddled from the Second Stage of the Chunin Exams, where he is the one who gets marked with Orochimaru's cursed seal.

    The author seems to go down the route of including horror for the sake of horror. This is evident when Naruto survives his neck being snapped by Gaara, and transforms into a scorpion like monstrosity. Further, the forced character interactions between Ino and Kurama are as meaningless as they are irritating. Unless the author intends to have Kurama eventually transferred to Ino, I have no idea what the point of the interactions between them is.

    There is a second, and personally speaking, a bigger issue I have with the story. It is that Naruto is weak for the sake of being weak, and the author seems quite insistent upon inflicting all sorts of physical mutilation upon Naruto by former teammates and enemies both (specifically, the Naruto vs Sakura/ Satsuki and the interactions with Orochimaru). In particular, I refer to the scene where Sakura shoves a long needle through Naruto's spine and Satsuki severs his limbs in his 2nd Cursed Seal form.

    Also, Sakura is so talented in medical jutsu that she learns it in a week -by herself, too- to restore Ino's conciousness and impress Tsunade. This is just a minor plot point that irks me, personally, considering that medical techniques are very difficult.

    On the plus side, Satsuki's character is quite well written.

    This earns a 2/5.
     
  13. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Uzumaki has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 32
    Words: 143,094
    Updated: 2018-12-07 03:18:39 UTC
    Published: 2014-03-03 20:35:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 2 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
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