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Abandoned Veneficus by Surarrin - T+

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Jon, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Title: Veneficus
    Author: Surarrin
    Rating: T+
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    Pairing: Harry/Daphne
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 15,468
    Updated: January 1, 2007
    Published: October 31, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Following the wake of Dumbledore's death the days when Harry Potter could say he felt at ease were over, what was left was nothing but uncertainty. With that as motivation he threw the everything to the wind, in order to be certain about one thing.

    Link: Chapter One

    Finally begun the Rewrite for Bad Luck. Six months over-due.

    Opinions, please.



    Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2013
  2. Bungler

    Bungler Guest

    I think this was a great start, much better then the other one.

    It will be interesting to see how much is going change when you catch up with the first story.

    Hope you keep the good work up =)
     
  3. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    I've already told you what I think, Jonny Boy, so no need to point out what I dont like and did like again. Good work.
     
  4. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Very good. I liked the personality Luna had. Daphne was pretty good as well.

    4/5 now, reserve right to change later
     
  5. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

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    I liked it. Only part I didn't like was Harry leaving Daphne when Ron and Hermione came in. 4/5
     
  6. ZanyMuggle

    ZanyMuggle Third Year

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    I agree, but that little plot action did its job: it left us the readers wanting more.

    I like this 'naive princess' Daphne. I can't wait for more. 5/5
     
  7. Moloch

    Moloch Groundskeeper

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    o_O

    I didn't understand why a SLytherin is so trusting considering the resembalances between herself and Malfoy Jr.
     
  8. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    The same reason she acted the way she did. Learn to review you nub. <_< I have 9 reviews and 7 c2's, that isn't cool man. Not cool at all.
     
  9. Moloch

    Moloch Groundskeeper

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    o_O

    Either I've been Ip Banned, Firefox is being a bitch or Fanfic's down. >_>
     
  10. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Some people were having problems with getting onto ff.net, so don't worry about it, and since i realise I sounded vague in my last post, i'll explain.

    What made Draco dislike Harry? That's all you need to ask yourself.
     
  11. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    Harry turned down his friendship. And because Harry Potter is a bigger name than his own. ;)

    Yeah, I couldnt get on FFN either. It was just being a slut. Now its cool.
     
  12. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    An interesting start, I must say. Characterizations are probably the best part so far, but to be honest - there's not enough to give a real review. At this point, it's written well, and has some intriguing plot ideas, but that's about all I can say so far. Logically follows? Sure. Good writing structure. Yeah. Okay, so the real review I have is positive - as I am quite curious to read what comes next. When that happens, I'll throw out a more complete review.

    Tentative rating: 4/5

    -J
     
  13. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    I need to write 6000 words in a single day to get the next chapter out by the deadline. <_<;. Anyone wana make a bet? I bet I can do it. :D
     
  14. Banta

    Banta The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    You and your stories are made of win and good, therefore I do not want to even bother with that bet as I know that you can surpase it in less than 24 hours.
     
  15. Thalarian

    Thalarian Seventh Year

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    I like it so far. Characters seem pretty spot on, and no visable bashing (Unless I missed something). The plot seems like it could go somewhere, so long as you don't start forcing it to go faster.

    Will edit the review as more becomes available.

    4/5 ATM
     
  16. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    Hm. Jon, you forgot to put 'Suggested DLP Catagory' in your post. I need to know where to place it.
     
  17. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Updated.

    And... Lemme think about it, i'll tell you before the night ends.
     
  18. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    nice chapters, the writing seemed even better than the last chapter.

    Only one error that I noticed.Its in the fanfiction review, as most of my other comments.

    4/5, because some of the dialogue seemed a little wierd in the first chapter.
     
  19. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    My review from ff.net:

    I forgot to say a few things on there though.

    1. Sectumsempra is one word, not two ("Sectum Sempra")

    2. I loved the little bit with Dudley at the end of chapter 2, that kind of stuff makes or breaks a fic.

    3. Daphne is by far the best character in this...make sure to have loads more of her (as I'm sure you will).
     
  20. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

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    I liked the latest chapter, Jonny, I thought it was pretty damn good. I'll give it a 4/5, and I'll echo Taure's words: MORE DAPHNE, MOFO! :p
     
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