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WIP Wheels Within Wheels by Bfd1235813 - M

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Sesc, Sep 1, 2018.

  1. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Title: Wheels Within Wheels
    Author: Bfd1235813
    Rating: M
    Genre: Fantasy/Romance
    Status: WIP
    Wordcount: 60k + 100k + 100k
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Harry/Daphne, Draco/Astoria
    Summary: Wheels Within Wheels is the story of Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass, who were promised to one another by their parents in the dark days of the First Wizarding War. As they explore their new, sometimes overwhelming mutual feelings, they also discover heretofore unknown facts, and facets, about their parents, close associates, and themselves.
    Link: (Part 1) Harry and Daphne : : (Part 2) Kendra and Lily : : (Part 3) Iolanthe


    Three parts, but really one story. TL;DR: Slice-of-life, epic larger-than-life romance, and a little mystery side-plot.

    Additionally, the correct usage of a marriage contract (that is, it's neither a contract, nor about marriage, and you could write the same story without it). The story's intent being what it is, there's no drama at all. Daphne sometimes suffers from the Ginny-Slap-And-Kiss-Syndrome, but it's mostly manageable, and Harry is evenly matched.

    One nice point is that it's a slice of magical life. Complete with some genuinely good, original little ideas that make it magical, like the common owling system (Have no owl? Hold the letter into the sky, an owl drops by, you pay, it delivers.)

    The best part to me, though, is that the author is mature enough to write two mature adults (idealised, but that's beside the point as that is the point). Additionally, it's an author of my degree of detail-obsession. They either have an incredible range of knowledge, really done their research, or a brilliant talent for appearing like either. In terms of writing, all three is equally fine, and I love the result, with an overflowing abundance of details from gardening, to Ford Model Ts, to Victorian etiquette, to geographic features, to history, to endless lists of food. I know more than I knew before reading the story.


    So, a story for whom? What keeps you engaged is partly the Auror stuff, and the fact that something could happen. But you have to be in it for the romance/daily life/pureblood society angle; the mystery alone won't be enough (and anyway, it's resolved at the end of part two). The closest match is probably Ell Roche and her novel-sized work, but it's hugely less melodramatic. It's all one giant ball of fluffy cotton-candy, with chapters with titles like "Draco and Astoria Are Official" or "The Wizards Get Out of the Way and Learn Something About the Fairies" which is pretty much what happens.

    But then again it always has small little observations that make me smile:
    so even those chapters are a pleasant read.

    Perhaps in small doses -- I spent some time every evening reading a few chapters and was in a warm fuzzy happy place. As such, 4/5.


    (Also, I never realised how much I like the name Iolanthe. In my mind, Albus Severus is now a girl named Iolanthe.)
     
  2. Microwave

    Microwave Fourth Year

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    Okay, first of all, Harry has a fucking dojo.

    Just what?
     
  3. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    I don't know, I found that bit awesome :). Goes back to what Sesc said about detail in world-building - loved the crowing rooster for the same reason.

    Could've done without calling it dojo, though.
     
  4. Sir Snuffy

    Sir Snuffy Third Year DLP Supporter

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    (I have not read the full thing to the end, as I have stopped mid-way at about Ch12)

    First off, the writing is pretty solid, barring the occasional odd bit of description of what the character is doing in the middle of dialogue - "Then we'll 'see what the girls are up to' (quote signs with fingers), and we'll all say our good-byes and thank-you so much." I believe that the author has written some great imagery and that he/she can write action scenes reasonably well.

    I like the air of mystery at the beginning and the first encounter you get with Greengrass, even though that particular scene may have included the overused 'Harry finds out he has all these moneys and marriage contracts to all these hot girls from the goblins' trope.

    Daphne is presented as this possible femme-fatale and a tough nut that Harry will eventually have to crack. I know that this version of Daphne was also used in a lot of different fics, but I have always enjoyed this version of Daphne and so I was quite happy to read on.

    Unfortunately though, the longer the fic goes on the more I dread 'soul-bonds' and things similar to it - and I was not disappointed. The characters quickly became enamored with each other after one conversation, Harry instantly thinking about how he is suddenly extremely attached to this woman he has never seen before and Daphne being, well, a tsundere (can't really think of a better word) for two chapters before completely melting into Lord Potter's arms. The whole Greengrass family meetup chapter was a mess in my opinion, just not really making sense.

    I say this as I'm judging this as more of a serious fic, rather than a more... casual fluff piece. If I read this expecting the latter, I'd say yeah, I guess it fits the bill quite nicely.

    Overall, I'm torn whether or not this is library material or guilty pleasure. As I have an inkling that this fic may be taking itself more light-heartedly, I'll give this a 3/5. If it's to be treated as something to be actually read seriously then no, a 2/5.

    + Pretty solid writing
    - Meh romance plot from what I could see
     
  5. vlad

    vlad Groundskeeper Prestige

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    Harry Potter and the I'll have the garden salad and a mineral water, thank you.

    No. APPALLED that this is being compared Elle!!!

    Daphne is a nag. She is pleasant enough but when the mask slips - and it does, repeatedly - she is the sort of woman that will have Harry eating an Avada in 25 years because he has forgotten what meat tastes like.

    The time travel subplot is janky af.

    Everyone's a secret muggle fan.

    Harry is literally portrayed as a combo of gay bff and a leetle boy who needs mothering.

    The prose is good and the initial veneer is excellent, I got about halfway through. Then I had no time to read for 48 hours and my brain caught up. Wtf was I doing!?!?

    2/5 for technical skills. Doesn't belong here though. It's ekcentricitymuse's story but without her brilliant Romilda.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2018
  6. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    I'm not sure you correctly remember Of Power and Prestige (though to be strictly correct, it was co-authored with Excentrykemuse, so I'll give you half a point).

    Where did you get the Muggle fan from, though? If anything it was more wizard-y than your average take on both Harry and his intended -- from little details, like e.g. making a point about not wanting electricity, to the entire subplot of reconciling with Walburga and restoring the name of the Blacks as a proper wizarding family.

    @Sir Snuffy: The fast development of the relationship is a thing, but you might as well treat that as the premise and go from there. In the second part, there is an explanation, if you want one -- it's left open-ended, and I kinda liked that. Harry and Daphne, in this story, are perfectly suited (which is also why there is no drama); it's an idealisation of both characters and their relationship -- in other words, this typical kind of escapist romance novel.

    Which is where the comparison with Of Power and Prestige comes in, because it's the same basic genre.
     
  7. vlad

    vlad Groundskeeper Prestige

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    I will take ALL THE POINTS re: Elle, tyvm.

    Fuuuug making me go back through this story ;_;

    The dojo. Harry wearing sweats around the house. The whole Blaise sideplot. A good chunk of the time travel (which ties back to Blaise, granted). Harry wearing a track suit. Oh yeah - AND DAPHNE EARNING TWO MUGGLE DOCTORATES.

    I'm sure if I really comb through my memory will be further justified. I'm sure there are references to pop culture that are out of place. 10/10, would never doubt Vlad's intuition ever again!
     
  8. Sir Snuffy

    Sir Snuffy Third Year DLP Supporter

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    Ahh that may be where we have different preferences of how romance is presented in a fic. Personally, the actual build up to the relationship is my cake, whereas the bit after where they get together and do stuff together is the icing.

    I personally dislike how fast their relationship progress, but to each their own :p
     
    e1
  9. Spanks

    Spanks Minister of Magic

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    Also, one of those doctorates is in medicine. I don’t get how people can read Harry Potter and not realize:

    1) wizards know more about and are capable of healing the human body than muggles could ever imagine. Muggle medicine to a wizard would be like how we view blood letting today.

    2) Witches and wizards are practically immune from mundane injuries so Blaise getting a “bum leg” from the muggle army that St Mungo’s can’t heal is 100% nonsense.

    Also, I feel that the authors didn’t do a good job portraying Harry. Every time he talked it reminded me of a politician who tried too hard to speak diplomatically.
     
  10. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    That they are, however doesn't mean you need a mundane education for it.
    They use magic, further did you consider the requirements to become a medical student ? just the mathematical ones ?


    I dropped the fic on the 5th or 6th chapter, it is boring.

    After Daphne impolite letter to Harry, and Harry later starts to fantasize about her in #12.
    If you need a pretty girl in #12 you don't need Daphne for it.
    Unless there is some a throwback element to James and Lily relationship.

    Further the Gringotts things was poor , especially when he learns about everything a decade later.

    Furthermore if the author broke with canon-epiloge of Harry/Ginny why he kept him as head Auror ?
    Someone like Harry after his first shitty 18 years, I would expect him to travel the world, spend time with his godson (who isn't mention in the first chapters I read nor Andromeda)
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2018 at 3:49 AM