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WIP Whiskey Time Travel by Private Jenkins - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by fash, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. fash

    fash Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2007
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Australia
    Title: Whiskey Time Travel
    Author: Private Jenkins
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Humor
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: unknown
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 21,012
    Updated: May 23, 2015
    Published: May 7, 2015
    Status: WIP
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11233445/1/Whiskey-Time-Travel
    Summary:
    When Unspeakable Harry Potter wakes up in 1976, he determines he's either A: In the past. Or B: In a mental hospital. At least the firewhiskey still tastes the same. Waiting tables at the Three Broomsticks, drunken death eater bar fights, annoying an attractive but pushy auror, and avoiding his mother's crush on him is just another day in the life of Harry Potter, 1976


    Came across this after someone recommended it in a search thread. Was surprised by how much I enjoyed it and was rather annoyed that there wasn't more out already.

    Mind you this was at 2am, so who knows! Give it a shot!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2015
  2. LoyalFenian

    LoyalFenian Fourth Year

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    Ireland
  3. Radmar

    Radmar Disappeared

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    It's too early to rate. I like the content, but I don't like Harry, because he doesn't use magic. If he uses magic at all, it's always little things. He looks like ninja or jedi more than a wizard. I won't rate, but it wouldn't be more than 3/5.
     
  4. KGB

    KGB Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2011
    Messages:
    731
    I think it's worth noting that Harry is some sort of super secret Unspeakable agent. It's something that ruins stories for me.

    I find it hard getting past the whole "If there are secret unspeakable agents what the hell were they doing when Voldemort was about?" And this story hasn't done a good job explaining it.
     
  5. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

    Joined:
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    High Score:
    2,058
    I normally hate time-travel fics, but I have to admit, this one captured my attention. The voice is a little immature, IMO, but it doesn't break immersion.

    The writing is all right, but the author needs a beta to fix some problems. Nevertheless, the overall storytelling is better than a lot of things I've read lately.

    Right now, considering I'd give storytelling four stars, but the voice itself and technically aspects three stars, I'll rank it a three. But I'm two chapters in, and depending on how the story progresses, that rating will probably change one way or another.
    KGB I hear what you're saying, but being that the focus is Harry in the 70s, I guess, for me, there's no need to explain in. It's just one of those fridge-logic things I allow the author to take.
     
  6. Ferdiad

    Ferdiad Auror

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    I haven't read the story yet but is he going with the Unspeakable=Elite Magical Police version of them? It really only works when they're less like soldiers and more like scientists.
     
  7. Rayndeon

    Rayndeon Professor

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
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    460
    It's a secret.

    Anyway, like Ferdiad said, I think Unspeakables are more like uber magical scientists, than uber magical spies/assassins/special forces/etc.
     
  8. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    I don't mind the secretive Unspeakable Agent cliches that much, I do dislike it when everyone is exaggeratedly awestruck by Harry's agent status, where does that awe come from, what happened to the secrecy? Usually that kind of thing comes across as the author's ham-fisted attempt to make Harry seem more 'awesome'.

    Also from reading the first chapter Harry seems more like a Brawler than a Wizard, not exactly what I enjoy when it comes to Harry Potter fan fiction.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2015
  9. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I disliked this. Harry is some sort of super sekrit special forces Unspeakable, and now he's the joint-Head of House Potter and possibly the Blacks as well. His love interests are Amelia Bones and Bellatrix Black.

    I'm sick and tired of everyone standing around, gawping wide-eyed at Harry and his identification tattoo. Oh, and calling Harry "a soldier" all of the time is grating. Last time I checked, Wizards don't have soldiers.

    Blah blah blah. Soldier this. Soldier that. Being a skilled fighter or warrior shouldn't equate to being a soldier.

    So cooooool overblown and trite.

    "internal comms"? How very muggle. Wouldn't wizards refer to this communication charm by the spell's name? This whole fic lacks a sense of being set in the wizarding world.

    The fight scenes were alright. I enjoyed Harry and Bellatrix's mini-adventure into Hogwarts. It wasn't overdone.
     
  10. Atomicwalrus

    Atomicwalrus Fourth Year

    Joined:
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    There hasn't been a quality timee travel story for a while, I liked it.
     
  11. basabbath

    basabbath Second Year

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    Jul 29, 2013
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    Agreed, this is by far the best story I've seen with Harry in the first war since I don't even want to think about how long.
     
  12. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Slug Club Member

    Joined:
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    There was a similar one where he and Rosmerta become business partners and during an extension of the Three Broomsticks with the help of some old grumpy Hogsmead resident they find some old goblin base. Both also break into Hogwarts. Can't recall the name but it had a nice quirky charm.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2015
  13. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

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    In the Zone
    You're talking about that one

    ^Seems abandoned, but it was decent iirc.
     
  14. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Slug Club Member

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    Yes, that's the one.
     
  15. M.L.

    M.L. Seventh Year

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    Beyond the Pale
    It was fine, I liked Harry's fighting style, but i wish he had a bit more trouble fighting them. The way it reads now nothing can touch Harry. The author keeps on talking about how the wizarding world is overstating his accomplishments but that feels forced, like the author was realizing how op Harry was.
     
  16. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Order Member

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    It's... okay. I'm definitely gonna keep reading it, but it seems like more of a 'decent timewaster' than 'story that's amazing'. A lot of weirdly constructed sentences, minor grammar issues, etc- stuff that could easily be corrected with a beta, and are fairly minor (but still quite annoying).

    I didn't have much issue with the whole 'secret agent' thing the author has going, I was more annoyed at how over the top Voldemort was (especially because the author specifically mentioned that he was going for the opposite).

    3/5, because it's decent.
     
  17. Invictus

    Invictus Heir

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    It’s a decent time waster, it seems to me that the author wanted to write a old cop/Rambo (non crazy), and decided to use the HP universe just because it was there.

    The magical elements matter little in the end, and none of the characters are IC very much.
     
  18. invinoveri

    invinoveri Second Year

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    Immediately stopped reading after HP called the killing curse an 'AK'.
     
  19. joshuafaramir

    joshuafaramir Unspeakable

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    3/5. Not Library worthy but can pass as Almost Rec. The guy is a marine? I think I've read from his profile so his Harry is gonna be a soldier.

    Definitely feels like a muggle!Harry (but with wizard powers).
     
  20. Hugo

    Hugo Second Year

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    Location:
    Canada
    I definitely feel the super cop elements in this Harry. Magic takes a backseat to good old police work. 3.5/5 for being a decent time waster.
     
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