Title: Wish Carefully
Author: Ten Toes
Rating: K
Genre: General
DLP Category: Dark Arts or General Fics
Pairing: Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson
Words: 7,964
Published: June 28, 2008
Status: One Shot

Summary: one-shot told by Lucius Malfoy. What might happen if the Death Eaters got what they wished for…

Link: FF.Nutz

Whoa... I'm not sure what can be said about this without ruining the impact of the fic... All I can say is this is one way the series could have ended well even if it would have been totally OOC for JKR to have done so. Not too sure how heroic this makes Harry out be either, even though it certainly is a brilliant way to do things. I believe it is slightly (as in a pinch of salt, slightly) influenced by Bobmin's Wizards Fall series, anyone whose read that series will see the influence when it shows up.

Delightfully in the way the character inflections come out in the writing style, giving Lucius Malfoy his own "voice" in this fic. Minor quibbles towards the end when there are a few stumbles over the tenses used, but really that's just nitpicking on my part. If this fic isn't DLP.net worthy I'll eat my hat...

--bornagainpenguin



Checked by Minion, March 30, 2013

 

I liked it very much!

Good Lucius characterisation, consistent idea and a smart Potter to top it all!

 

I couldn't get into it. Idea doesn't seem to be used, but it was wasn't satisfying reading that. Seemed...boring. Couldn't read all of it.

 

I actually enjoyed this a little. Sure it had that whole inbreeding makes squibs cliche but it was still entertaining. The irony in particular was delicious. I always love it when people get exactly what they wanted and regret it. The writing was solid and I like the PoV.

3.5/5. Not quite as good as 4 but not as bad as 3.

 

Quite good. The only problem I see with it was how hard it would be for Harry to get his plan to so many of the "light" side without any of the others finding out.

 

The major point that sticks out to me is how it doesn't say anything about people not resisting the move... I know people who won't move from their house for a million dollars just because of 'personal value.' I would imagine the same could be said for quite a few people who have to move in this fic and yet nothing is said about it.

3/5 because I'm removing a point for that lack of realism.

 

It's a haunting one-shot, well for the Voldemort supporters. It had some great characterization for Lucius, like bornagainpenguin said the author gave Lucius a voice. The Harry in this story was pretty smart, as well, eventhough we didn't see him on screen, I still liked him.

The only problem I had with this one-shot was Voldemort's characterization. It had a him as a Crucio throwing around maniac, who didn't see the problems with his society. It just came of as unrealistic.

4/5

 

QFT - It was because of this that I couldn't get into the story. I pictured a rabid dog, who wouldn't have been able to rally a sect of Purebloods to follow him in the first place. Still, the writing was semi-decent, and the plot managed to hold my interest. 3/5

 

I like it, if only as a guilty pleasure kind of fic. The fact is that JKR would never make a Harry as smart as this one seems to be. She was content to stick with an emo-Harry who lived most of his childhood in a cupboard.

For some reason, this has the feeling of a Disobediencewriter style of fic to me, and I like that.

Reading this, I get the feeling that this kind of plan was thought up by Hermione. This kind of revenge stinks of Muggles-trumping-Wizards just by the very concept. And a certain kind of Harry, presented with this option, might just go for it, instead of wasting his 7th year trekking around for the pieces of a Dark Lord's soul like in a certain Book-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

And as for Voldemort? Unless written in a smart way, like jbern did with To Fight the Coming Darkness, Voldemort seems to me the kind of person that can fight the war, but cannot live in peace. having a victorious Dark Lord is no victory at all.

 

Has anyone read " I would rather be a mudblood than a Mudbrain"
Same idea, way different approach.

Google is your friend.

or Not?

 

Well I always figured that (going by JKR's characterizations) something Voldemort did over the years--some ritual or another, the making of the horcruxes or even the resurrection ritual itself perhaps had dimished him from his earlier self.

The sly and ambitious boy who grew into the leader of men we see in the books is at complete odds with the Voldemort of the second war. He simply doesn't fit the earlier pattern. So basically I don't have so many issues with this characterization of Voldemort as some of the rest of you do. Do I prefer a more intelligent, more capable Voldemort? Sure! Do I think canon Voldmort desperately needs to read a copy of the Evil Overlord manual? Well....Yes, yes I do.

Even given this 'flaw' I still think its worthy of the Library just for the portrayl of Lucius Malfoy in a realistic manner with a voice befitting his true nature. It'd be nice to see more writing like this from her in the future...

--bornagainpenguin

 

It was a bit...boring. Less of a story, and more of a plot bunny, explained through Lucius Malfoy's eyes.

Also, there were a few problems with it:

1. Voldemort's characterisation.

2. How completely and easily Harry won.

3. False information regarding inbreeding. It takes several generations to have a noticable effect. Taking away Muggleborns would not lead to a sudden burst in Squibs/lossin fertility, even if you were to say that the Magic gene could be lost through inbreeding (unlikely, since the reason inbreeding is bad is that it causes a loss of genetic variation, and thus you're stuck with what you've got, which in this case includes the magic gene). Pureblooded people had been around for centuries without this "calamity" occurring.

4. Unrealistic in almost every way. The Death Eaters would never have agreed to it, not when they were in the position of having just killed Dumbledore. They have nothing to gain and everything to lose by making an agreement with HP like that. The whole "parle" idea was massively overpowered, as was Harry's ability to predict the future.

5. All the "How stupid we were/Harry's so great and was right all along" stuff. It's like reverse self-rightousness: Lucius Malfoy being rightous on Harry's behalf, even though they were enemies.

2/5

 

I agree it's library material, simply for the characterization and "voice" of Malfoy, that's why I gave it a 4/5.

However, the portrayal of Voldemort is a huge flaw in this story. Is Voldemort a little insane? Probably, but he is not like the idiot he is made out to be in this story. Seriously Voldemort isn't about to get outsmarted by the likes of Lucius or Draco Malfoy.

 

This was a delightful if highly flawed idea. Yes, it's definitely lacking in realism and the scientificky science to back it up. Voldemort is pretty much a caricature of a Dark Lord. And yes, writing about a complete and total loss from the slightly twisted viewpoint of the losers is a nice gimmick to really twist the knife for reader's enjoyment.

My biggest problem was that you get the idea and point, pretty early on. And then we just get more details that anyone with two brain cells to rub together has already extrapolated on their own.

Maybe if we got to hear how distasteful trying to sire heirs with brood mares was, or some further point to the inbreeding reaction we covered in specifics. Instead by the end it felt more like a history book to reference later and less like a snarky personal account.

But that's just nitpicking on a short one-shot with a pretty good and original idea handled well. 4/5

 

Ok. It is completely out of character. It has a lot of plot holes. The science is whacked, but it is magic, remember Taure, magic isn't logical =D

The reverse self-righteous thing bothered me too, but not enough to not get sucked in. It was interesting, and I was drawn into the story. The narrative was very well written.

4/5 - Library material. It's fanfiction. Not all fanfiction has to be canonically possible.

 

Nice, solid story. It's not perfect, and it's not Harry-centric; however, it is library quality. 4 stars.

 

I'd say I agree with just about everything that's been said so far. Well written, with several flaws, but for a oneshot? It's quite above average.

3.5/5
-J