1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hey DLP authors, there's a bit less than a month left to wow us with your story about Daphne or Azkaban.

    The Author applies the words to the paper or it gets the hose. Write or die! The more the merrier.

    Click here for more information!
    Dismiss Notice

WIP Worthy of Magic by Sage Ra AU

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Henry Persico, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2011
    Messages:
    342
    Location:
    Argentina
    Title: Worthy of Magic
    Author: Sage Ra
    Rating: M
    Status: Ongoing
    Words: 114739
    Published: March 06, 2016
    Library Category: Horror/Adventure
    Pairing: None so far
    Link: Link
    Summary: Harry Potter is disappointed by the Wizarding World. A society wielding powers beyond imagination and it is wasted on Politics and Games. A psychotic Harry Potter aims to remind the world what it means to be a Wizard and to judge who is Worthy of Magic and who isn't.


    Well… I found this story searching the favorite list of some guy I don’t remember, and by the end of the first chapter I was hooked. The author is the same who wrote “Harry Potter and the Elementals Power”, but this I feel is a little better; he learned a couple of tricks since he finished that story and started this one.
    It’s strange. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s difficult to like, so give it a try.
    We have a lot of clichés, but they’re used well, it doesn’t make you drop the reading, but you’ll recognize them easily. Currently Harry is in the summer after 4th year and the story is near its end, I think.

    Harry is a sociopath in love with the “survival of the fittest” dogma, one he learned with the abuse inflicted by the Dursleys, and by the time he arrives to Hogwarts he’s a very different character. Albus is an important character, so is Lucius, Daphne and Lord Voldemort.
    The world is very AU with some plot points that remind you of his other story, but they’re not the same, it’s the way he writes that gives you that feeling. He uses the magical core cliché, but it was used in a way I’ve never read before so it didn’t bother me much.

    Harry is likeable. He doesn’t speak too much, so we don’t have preaching and he’s immune to manipulation by other characters.
    The plot has a lot of points where you lose your belief in it, has grammatical errors and structure, but overall I give it a 3.5 rounded up to 4 because it has some originality, nice pacing, character development and the author knows where he’s going.

    I hope you can enjoy it.
     
  2. Catman

    Catman DA Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    159
    I'm 5 chapters in, and I'd give it a 3/5. It's not bad, DLP tends to have certain tropes they love to hate and Dursely abuse is one of those, as well as OOC Harry, and this Harry is pretty OOC, unless the story arc is him "recovering" from his insanity, which I would be very interested in reading, as most of these stories tend to be written by somewhat immature "dark" authors that glorify this sort of stuff, and would never aim for a recovery. I do like Dumbledore's characterization, a nice balance of self-assured confidence and cold reason you'd expect from a 100 year old super wizard, while having the humanity to regret what's happened to Harry and want a better future for him. The writing is technically sound, haven't noticed any awkward sentences or grammatical mistakes.

    3/5, subject to change.
     
  3. Baradine

    Baradine Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2012
    Messages:
    226
    Gender:
    Male
    Honestly, I really don't like this story. Harry's a completely and utterly unlikable character. The cliches in this story just keep piling up, and when I skipped from around chapter 20 to the last chapter, there was an OC named Hitomi wielding a fucking katana, attacking Bellatrix.

    However, as far as the technical side of things go, the story is competently written. If the entire premise and thematic execution not shit, this would be an enjoyable read.

    4/5 technically, 1/5 as far as my enjoyment goes. So 2/5 in total. I would only recommend reading this if you're a fan of sociopaths and cliches written in a competent manner.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2016
  4. Deft

    Deft First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    32
    Yeah I'd agree, technically, I've read worse. But this is certainly a story where the characters are extremely simplistic. It's not too long before a pattern appears. The main characters have 2 modes. Daphne is either scared or out for vengeance. Harry is either bloodthirsty/angry or arrogantly superior. There isn't any depth to the story and often times character motivation is thrown out the window.

    Harry will say I really want to kill this person for talking to me, but I can't because Dumbledore will do something. And then the next scene Harry kills someone and Dumbledore does nothing. That's a large chunk of the story.

    I wouldn't waste your time with it. 1/5
     
  5. Shizeon

    Shizeon Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    I can't be the only one that thinks this fic is kind of like any of the fics Darth Marrs writes. Technically sound, good worldbuilding and even a good start but quickly developing into something crazy. Darth Marrs is better at doing it but it does remind me of him.

    2/5 for being technically good
     
  6. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    1,658
    Location:
    Chester, England
    I've seen worse stories, but that really doesn't say much.

    The author has some massive issues with words - it looks like they rewrite sentences, and don't change everything, which looks really lazy, and can make some more difficult to read. Luckily, you can infer from the circumstances.

    Harry getting obsessed with the survival of the fittest feels badly fitted - for some reason, he just is. Daphne has a list for her plan, and it's all high level things - "make friends with these people, get revenge on these people, etc", which is really stupid.

    That said, I did enjoy reading it.

    Honestly, I'm not sure whether to rate a 2 or a 3. Given the flaws, I'm going to have to settle on a 2/5
     
  7. gvak

    gvak Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2016
    Messages:
    9
    High Score:
    0
    hello

    Hello, i just started it and i am currently in chapter 9. I found it a very intresting story with great potential so i will keep reading it. Its allways intresting to see a Harry Potter completely different than Cannon. Espesially when APWBD regrets the day that left him to the Dursleys.
     
  8. Imariel

    Imariel Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Messages:
    1,043
    Location:
    Stockholm
    Who the hell says APWBD?
     
  9. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,691
    I began reading this and found it alright, but then it became increasingly frustrating and overly graphic. The characters are not great and I don't care about a sociopathic Harry that has no arc.
     
  10. The Pro

    The Pro Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2016
    Messages:
    254
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Adrift in the Void
    High Score:
    0
    Someone actually recommended this story? :confused:

    Anyways, I found it lacking. I read it several weeks ago and found it immensely disappointing and the same applies now.

    From a technical standpoint, the story is okay at best. It has good grammar, syntax and general mechanics. That's about the only positive that I can think of at all. Semantics alone are incapable of making a good story.

    There is no real conflict. There is no real plot. There is no real characterization. There is literally nothing that can serve as an engrossing tenet to hook readers.

    The characters are bland. They're not three-dimensional at all and their actions display such. They're more closely related to cardboard cutouts than actual characters given that the author failed to flesh them out fully.

    The prose is bland. There is nothing remotely intriguing about the prose. The author's diction is poor and that's a fault that persists throughout the story. This poor choice of words only makes me want to hit something (read: the author). It honestly reads more like a monotonous report than an actual story. I want to be entertained, not bored to death.

    The gore isn't really a problem to me. I've read worse, thought of worse, written worse and seen worse than what this story has to offer. It's actually pretty tame in my opinion. Then again, that may just be me.

    All in all, mediocre story-telling woven together by a dreary prose makes for a crappy story. My judgment is 1/5, only because I can't rate it 0/5.
     
  11. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Heir DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2011
    Messages:
    2,654
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    I feel like this would be more interesting as a setting without this version of Harry. He's completely unrelatable, completely unlikable, and a chore to read about.
     
  12. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,691
    I think you've hit the nail on the head there, well spotted.
     
  13. FlyingShadows

    FlyingShadows Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    High Score:
    0
    While the grammar, spelling etc. is decent, the characters are 2D and predictable, Harry seems to be rather fixated with the idea of 'the survival of the fittest' for some reason and honestly Harry is a rather unlikeable and bland character. Daphne is once again portrayed as a child who is somehow incredibly mature, intelligent and manipulative.
    So I would rate it 2/5 for having good grammar and spelling as well as the story not wanting me to completely kill myself
     
  14. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,231
    I started reading it when Haze or Halt (they always look the same for me) recommended it on irc.

    I was and still am torn between two and four stars. There are moments I really like the way the author portraits Harry and the people around him, and a few paragraphs later I want to burn the story.

    The quality of the story varies too much to make it really likeable. Most often the author just doesn't manage to really write convincing characters, i.e. in the latest chapter the terrors Rita feels when meeting Harry:



    And why the fuck did he now add ninja wizards to the story?
     
  15. DragonSin

    DragonSin Disappeared

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2016
    Messages:
    21
    Location:
    Old York
    High Score:
    0
    This story is overly complex with little to no reasoning for it, like most of the others said 2/5. The grammar is decent, but the plot is all over the place and Harry is an unlikable person if it was in a first person perspective it'd be easier to buy the sociopath Harry.
     
  16. IdealObserver

    IdealObserver Squib

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    High Score:
    0
    When I first discovered this story I thought it would be a bearable (at least when no higher quality stories were present). However, as the story developed the writing style or characters did not overly improve. As other's have mentioned above, on the technical side of things the story fairs fairly well. However, the content is for the most part lack luster. While I am not against a dark, evil Harry as this story is presenting, I feel like there should be some form of development towards it beyond the abuse (which once again a cliche many strongly dislike). Furthermore, some of the sentences just made me wince, not the structure but just what was said. For example:

    "My Aunt and Uncle are dead if you came looking for them. It felt really good killing them"

    There are other things that bothered me but picking them all out would take to much time. Overall I would give it a 2/5 simply for the fact that that it was written technically well.
     
  17. Drachna

    Drachna First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    27
    Location:
    Ireland
    High Score:
    0
    I found this fic very interesting. I especially enjoyed the portrayal of Harry, even if he is approaching godlike levels of power by the end. I found the travelling monk scene slightly confusing. I was amused by Harry simply ignoring the world for the most part. 3/5
     
  18. 99redbloons

    99redbloons Fourth Year DLP Supporter DLP Bronze Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2016
    Messages:
    131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Portsmouth
    High Score:
    0
    For the first 4/5 parts I was enjoying the story but after Harry turned the UK into a desert wasteland I've become less and less interested, as there no longer seems to be any kind of goal for Harry and all of the other characters have the same goal of trying to survive. This is hard to read now because their doesn't seem to be a resolution in sight.
     
  19. Toujourss Pur

    Toujourss Pur First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2016
    Messages:
    28
    Location:
    Spain
    High Score:
    0
    Its summary got my interest when I first saw it, and the story was rather enjoyable within the first chapters (except for the weird sentences mentioned above) as it included some fairly decent ideas; however it became worse the further I skimmed through it: I have to admit I read that part some months ago, but the idea of surviving in a desert seemed random to me. Plus, I found the characterizations a bit plain, Harry not likeable at all, and Daphne's manipulative levels clearly excessive for those believable of a child.

    The story simply bored me, there was nothing I wanted to keep reading to know about. I'll give it a 2/5 because the writing and the grammar were good.
     
  20. sephirothrr

    sephirothrr Squib

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2016
    Messages:
    9
    High Score:
    0
    Ugh, this story. Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting going in to this. This author is reusing their edgelord Harry character from one of their previous works, and the "Harry is regularly physically abused to the point of death" cliche is really really tired.
    If nothing else, the writing was fine, so I can't justify giving this worse than a 2/5.
     
Loading...