1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Oneshot First Spoke by ServantofTheHall - M - One Shot

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Innomine, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. Innomine

    Innomine Alchemist ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,278
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    High Score:
    4,500
    Title: First Spoke
    Author: ServantofTheHall
    Rating: M.
    Genre: General.
    DLP Category: The Alternate's.
    Pairing: None. (Mild H/G Debatable)
    Words: 6,555
    Published: June 14, 2003

    Status: Listed as WIP, and technically it isn't a one shot. Hasn't been updated in 5 years, works just fine as a one shot. So i'd list it as completed and a one shot.
    Summary: Harry Potter, trying to find a counter to the Killing curse, stumbles on something much more important. (Wheel of Time, first age)
    Link: FF.net

    My Comments: I honestly can't believe that this hasn't been posted in the 'For Review' section. I found it through the boards actually, someone linked it in some thread.

    While this is technically a prelude to a story that was meant to be written, it however looks as if nothing is going to happen, 5 years - no update etc, so I am just posting this here as a 1 shot.

    I have to say that I really enjoyed it, the writing was vastly different to most of what I read in fanfiction, yet sufficiently detailed to be able to picture what was going on. The last two lines however, were amazing.

    5/5 for me.

    First time posting a fic for review, however I am pretty sure I got it right.


    Checked by Minion, February 4, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2013
  2. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    I'd tear into you for posting a very abandoned story for review, but the premise and quality more than justified it. I can't fully capture what I think of it, but it struck me as ideal promotional material for Wheel of Time. I like the sober, but not outright dark tone, despite the whole story being in bold.
     
  3. mikey_revit

    mikey_revit Squib

    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    It was interesting as a one shot. Makes me need to read up on my wot. I would love to see the by play/first person of this story. 4/5
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2008
  4. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    Twas ok. Get rid of the bold and I can read it clearer.
     
  5. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,356
    Location:
    West Coast
    I really enjoyed this one shot. It's the first story I've read that makes me feel as if our Earth could actually be one of the ages in the Wheel of Time.

    I only have two quibbles with this story. The first is as noted above, the bold font. It is distracting. The second is that in a few instances I feel as if the author forgot to type in words. This may be on purpose since this is written like a diary.

    5/5 for me. Great one-shot.
     
  6. Innomine

    Innomine Alchemist ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,278
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    High Score:
    4,500
    I honestly didn't have a problem with it being in bold. *shrugs*
     
  7. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,511
    Location:
    One of the Shires
    High Score:
    9,373
    This makes me want to read WoT. I'm going to have to spend some money :(.

    Still, it was a good fic and it works really well as a one-shot, so I give it a 5/5. The bold was annoying for the first few lines but I'm nothing if not adaptable.
     
  8. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,789
    Location:
    California
    I thought it was pretty good. Despite it being in journal form. 5/5 from me. Spectacular.
     
  9. Jearom

    Jearom Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    180
    Location:
    Ike's Eye
    Simply awesome. I'm going to have to dig out my WoT books and re-read them, lol. I wasn't as bothered by the bold font; of course, I have shitty eye sight and increase the font size when I read fics.

    5/5.
     
  10. Epic Dark Lord

    Epic Dark Lord Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Location:
    At college
    I think the reason it isn't marked as completed is because back in 2003 there wasn't an option to mark your story as completed, and the author either never took the time to mark it as such, or hasn't posted anything since the change.

    Back to the story. Having never read WoT, I was a little confused at the end, but I think I got it. It was a well written grammatically, and with few spelling errors, but the bold print caused my eyes to become unfocused and I nearly clicked the X in annoyance.

    Overall i give it a 4/5
     
  11. Jolersoer

    Jolersoer Third Year

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2007
    Messages:
    102
    Location:
    Bordeaux, France
    A very good read, can definitely be left as a one-shot. Good blending with the WoT timeline.

    4/5 for a good story who could have been better with a sequel.
     
  12. The DarIm

    The DarIm Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    365
    Location:
    In dreams.
    That was pretty good. The WoT part was nicely blended with the Harry Potter part. Like said above, it certainly made me feel as if our Earth can be a part of the ages.

    5/5, as the bold was no problem for me.

    P.S: Ron and Ginny killing were a plus too :D
     
  13. Promios

    Promios Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    120
    Location:
    Sweden
    Very, very good. The atmosphere of the story had me hooked. This is normally not my cup of tea, but I thought it was great. 5/5.
     
  14. Clerith

    Clerith Ahegao Emperor ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    176
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Finland
    High Score:
    1645
    It was ...intresting. Not as awesome as I had expected, but still pretty intriguing. And yes, it does fabulously as a one-shot. An intresting interpretation of WoT. It was a tad cumbersome in the beginning, though. 3.5/5
     
  15. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2006
    Messages:
    420
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, England
    An interesting one-shot. I've never read "Wheel of Time" series and it seems that those are another titles for my "to read" list.

    I don't know how much of WoT is in this story, I'll review it from a point of pure HPworld.
    The concept of gender specific magic as well as two sides/dimensions is an interesting and new, yet familiar one at the same time. The story keeps you in front of the screen and makes you wish for more, that's good.

    All in all, as a one-shot:
    4/5
     
  16. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    A nice little one-shot. I'm surprised at all the WOT crossovers that are bleeding out of the woodwork, but so far I haven't come across a bad one. (Out of...3) 4.5/5 from me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2008
  17. Innomine

    Innomine Alchemist ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,278
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    High Score:
    4,500
    There are a few HP/WoT xovers that are absolutely horrific, I have no idea where to find them, but I remember one involved Harry getting transported to Lews Therins time, becoming a son to LTT and his wife, learning about the one power, then returning the the HPverse and becoming and ABSOLUTE FUCKING PUSSY.

    Ugh. Jesus christ, I tried to read it just because it was an HP/WoT xover, but yeah.
     
  18. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,356
    Location:
    West Coast
    That's actually in the library here. Me finding that fic was what eventually inspired me to give into writing my story.

    I'm just mad that the sequel will never be finished. I read through the HP portion just waiting for them to go to the Third Age, only to have the story end.
     
  19. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    I copied it, pasted it into Microsoft, and then read it. Loved it though it needed just a bit more... detail. 5/5.
     
  20. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,511
    Location:
    One of the Shires
    High Score:
    9,373
    I rediscovered this little gem on my hard drive (I'd downloaded it to get rid of the bold) and it's certainly stood the test of time. Now that I've actually read most of the Wheel of Time series this was a lot more enjoyable than I remember it being, and the journal style of writing really brings across the feeling of discovery the characters were experiencing.

    My tastes in stories have changed quite dramatically from when I made my first review, but this fic still appeals to me on a basic level. The sense of wonder when they realise that the One Power is gender specific, and that HP magic was created from it, came over really well.

    The only part I didn't really enjoy was the idea that Voldemort was using the One Power (or maybe the True Power, I think the black strands Harry severed were described the same way as Ba'alzamon was in the first WoT book), and the battle where Harry killed him and his Death Eaters. That could be because the author only went into it lightly, but I think it's more because the fight was all tell and no show.

    Still, this gets a solid 4/5 from me for good storytelling, an intriguing plot and an excellent merging of the two universes.

    /necroreview
     
Loading...