1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Complete We Sort Too Soon by onoM - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Blaise, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    6,193
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Title: We Sort Too Soon
    Author: onoM
    Rating: M (sexual themes, language and violence)
    Genre: Angst/Humor
    DLP Category: Alternate Universe
    Pairing: James/Lily
    Chapters: 12
    Words: 24,066
    Updated: October 8, 2008
    Published: October 5, 2008

    Status: Complete, 12 chapters
    Summary: No," said Snape, his black eyes on Fleur's and Roger's retreating figures. "I am not such a coward." "No," agreed Dumbledore. "You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon...." Deathly Hallows, pg 680.

    That line was Dumbledore's way of implying that Snape should have been a Gryffindor; onoM decided to explore such a reality.

    I like the way onoM wrote Snape. Without giving too much away, he basically showed that no matter what house he was put in, Snape would still be the talented, creepy, love-sick fuck we all know and hate. I give it a 4/5


    Checked by Minion, January 1, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2013
  2. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    High Score:
    3,065
    You're gonna have to give me something else--Marauders-era fic that's Snape-centric? What kind of redeeming qualities does this have?
     
  3. artenry

    artenry Guest

    It's written cleanly, and the characterization is nicely done - it definitely shows the steady progression in Snape's mindset and character to the same "talented, creepy, love-sick fuck we all know and hate," that I'd expected when I first clicked the link.

    4/5.
     
  4. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    6,193
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    You tell me: read it and vote.
     
  5. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,604
    The writing is good and all but...

    Come on! The chapters are unbearably short. I can see the start and the end of the chapter without scrolling. I'll keep reading, I'll rate later.
     
  6. tywyll fiach

    tywyll fiach First Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2006
    Messages:
    33
    Location:
    New Brunswick
    It has superb characterization and there aren't any grammar mistakes that I had picked up on. Plot-wise, I liked it. 4/5
     
  7. Inquisition

    Inquisition Canadian Ambassador to Japan DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    990
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Camelot
    Just reading the first chapter made me throw up.

    Real DLPers: Should I continue?
     
  8. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    479
    The first chapter really turned me off and the second wasn't any better. The short chapters don't make it any better. I really don't think this is any good unless it changes dramatically afterwards; great characterization or not, it's just not enough to got me to read anymore.
     
  9. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,325
    Location:
    日本福井県若狭町
    It was decent, if sappy. 4/5
     
  10. aikora666

    aikora666 First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    20
    If you can overlook the first chapter its not bad.
     
  11. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    TN
    I read this a while ago, and I loved it. I'm not usually a Snape fan, but I was on his side in this. 4.5/5
     
  12. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    1,023
    Location:
    Paris, France.
    This is typically the kind of read I enjoy. It's a short, well-constructed journey into Snape's mind; the short chapters didn't really bother me, first because the story was complete and second because the plot isn't the main interest here anyway. Snape's portrayal and evolution are.

    Thankfully the author manages not to victimise Snape excessively; his characterisation is consequently stronger and subtler than what I expected. They even manage to use lines such as "One more use before I became obsolete" without sounding melodramatic, which is quite a feat. Snape's obsession with Lily in this is...exactly what it is in canon: his reason for living, the explanation behind his every action.

    Two things bothered me about Snape's characterisation.

    The first is anecdotal: Snape's original wishes -- to be put in Slytherin and have Malfoy, Avery and Co. as friends -- were nothing more than what his parents had planned out for him. The way I see it, Snape was more independent and more power-hungry than that. His father was an abusive Muggle, and I don't think his mother cared much about him; I highly doubt they introduced him to the future Death Eaters or ever gave a damn about what house he was sorted in. I'd rather think this was all his own choice, his own aspirations. It makes the character even more interesting, and his desperate love for Lily even more poignant; in this story, it would have made his sacrifice greater.

    Second, his lucidity towards James Potter.
    He recognises that James loves Lily as much as himself does; I don't think Snape is capable of that. He's a brilliant wizard and he would do anything to keep Lily safe and happy -- yes. He may even go so far as protect James for Lily's sake, as he does here. But I don't think he'd ever consider James as an equal. At the most, he'd call James's interest for Lily an infatuation. He'd never think James would appreciate her as much as she deserves, or love her as much as he does.

    On a related note, although we do know Snape is a great actor, lines like "Finally! I was wondering if you two would ever realize the chemistry you shared" feel really over the top. If I were Lily, it'd make me even more suspicious.

    I also wished the author had included the incident with the werewolf and the Whomping Willow. It reveals another side of Snape's personality that I feel is as important as his obsession for Lily. I'm also a bit annoyed by the fact that James is constantly in Snape's debt in this fic, thus reversing their roles (but that might be the James fangirl talking). This detail aside, James's characterisation is very good.

    Last but not least: the epilogue was a bit of a let-down. I thought it was unrealistic and...almost cheapening, to have Lily react the way she did. Snape was fighting for a lost cause, his quest was sterile and hopeless; that's what makes his character so great. The epilogue puts all this in doubt (although it stays very mild) and takes away from the fic's beauty.

    But overall, it is a very good piece of work. 4/5
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  13. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,604
    I thought this was great, surprisingly. The author managed to make me root for Snape without changing his stalker-y and obsessive way. The beginning and the end are a bit lacking, but not horrible.

    Also, I thought it would be much better if the author dropped the wormtail scene and the Snape-after-Voldemort bit. It's unrealistic. I think it would have been much better if, like in canon, James and Lily didn't choose Sirius and instead chose Snape. Have snape captured and turtored and you get a just as much sad ending that actually makes sense. Snape is portarayed as Lily's avenging gaurdian, he wouldn't leave her unprotected.

    4.5/5
     
  14. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    Snape crawled out of a tar pit of ignominy - the part of about his parents arranging playmates with purebloods is funny. I guess his elevated importance suited the story though.

    Short and to the point - that Snape is so ugly any feelings Lily might have for him is overwhelmed by intrinsic repulsion. 3/5
     
  15. Chaos Demon

    Chaos Demon Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2009
    Messages:
    17
    Location:
    Somewhere that I hope you aren't. Disposing of the
    Amusingly Tragic.
     
  16. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,219
    Location:
    The other side of reality
    I liked the idea, and frankly, I'm happy the author kept this story as short as he did. Mechanics were fine, though I'm never really a huge fan of first person. Severus was done well for the most part (although I would never have considered him conceding as he did to James), and despite everything, I think Lily was one of the better created characters in this story.

    One thing I didn't like as much (and this is personal as much as anything) is Severus' whole-hearted obsession with Lily. Yes, I know it nearly fits canon to a tee, but the man has to have some other ambitions in life. The fact that his 'love' started so early doesn't even seem... well, believable to me. But that's my own beef with the story, and it doesn't take anything away from the quality.

    I liked the premise... hell, it was a decent fic. Then again, I'm slightly biased because I like Severus/Lily stories (I'm writing one, and it's nearly 100,000 words). Wasn't a fan of the epilogue, though, for reasons already indicated above.

    Overall rating... well, I'd give it a 4/5. Personally, for reasons stated above, I'd give it something between a 3 and a 3.5.